So, if you think you married a good woman, you should wait until you don't have a job, become unemployed, or suffer financial difficulties, before you can say so with any level of confidence. Anything before that is just mere words.
For whatever reason, women having financial power over a man just doesn't work well. It is a powder keg waiting to explode.
For whatever reason, women having financial power over a man just doesn't work well. It is a powder keg waiting to explode.
If you live in their house, they will change the locks, ask for their keys, and tell you to get out one day. If you share their car, they will find a way to use it to disrespect you sooner or later. If you buy a car for them, they will refuse to let you use it, when you don't have one.
If they pay ANY bills, they will never fail to remind you at any given opportunity. If you don't pay any bills, they will tell you men who don't pay bills don't deserve s#x.
If they do 10% whilst you do 90%, they will trivialize your 90%, beat you over the head with their 10%, and say what else are you supposed to do as a man.
Everywhere you look and anyway you cut it, disrespect simply becomes the normative order of the day.
Everything mentioned here and more is what I have witnessed with my own eyes. A lot of men are suffering in their marriages today just because things aren't going well for them.
I have seen grown men weep like children due to the wickedness they experienced from their spouses after they lost their jobs, became unemployed, or suffered financial difficulty.
These were the same wives these men provided and did everything for, when the going was good.
So men, if you can avoid it, don't live in a woman's house for ANY reason. Don't share their car if you can help it. Don't ask them for money for ANY reason. Don't tie yourself into business dealings with them for ANY reason.
If you can, don't even accept any offer to share the bills. It will be brought up and used to beat you over the head at some point in the future. If your woman wants to spend any money in the household, let it STRICTLY be on her own volition.
Basically, if you are able to shoulder 100% of the financial responsibilities in the house WITHOUT killing yourself, do so. But remember, being a man is largely a thankless job. Understand that whatever you do, it will never enough, and whatever you don't do will be used to judge you.
Hence, this is not meant to win you any plaudits or accolades. It is merely to help you avoid or limit disrespect.
And if you lose your job or become unemployed, PLEASE don't stay in the house all day, even if you are looking for a job. You will eventually be seen as a nuisance and treated as an irritant. Find somewhere to go every morning and come back in the evening. If you have nowhere to go, go and sit in your car or any public place.
Of course, not all women are like this, but they are the EXCEPTIONS and not the norm. Again, wait until you go through these issues before you start talking about your "good" or submissive wife.
Of course, not all women are like this, but they are the EXCEPTIONS and not the norm. Again, wait until you go through these issues before you start talking about your "good" or submissive wife.
And if you disagree with this as a woman, also wait till your husband is out of a job or has suffered financial difficulties at least for a year without you giving him any disrespect, then you can also start talking.
This is nothing but the truth.
This is nothing but the truth.
by K.B.𝗗𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘀 | 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗣𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿™ ©𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮
Chauvinistic 🙄
ReplyDeleteI don’t know about this but I noticed when men get into a fix or lose their jobs, most get comfortable or would lack motivation to get something else, once they try in one or two places and it doesn’t work out, they give up, they also hardly contribute in the house chores leaving everything for the “working” wife which actually breeds disrespect.
DeleteDo you expect a woman who works to come home and do more work then at night do another work? Oshey.
When women don’t have anything they try to get something no matter how small, we have women in Nigeria doing all sorts of businesses just to add up (my WhatsApp status is with different kind of sellers) and these are women with day jobs.
Once most men have a stream of income they relax, while a woman will do more to raise money.
What about me that dindo any of this when he was broker than a churchrat he became super rich through my prayer and connection only to dump me for a slay queen bbl butt. Abeggi
ReplyDeleteSo far the man is not lazy and he's making efforts to get a job, then we are good to go.
ReplyDeleteNa u know the yeye woman wey u marry 🙄
ReplyDeleteI scrolled down to see if someone here wrote this, I swear to God I plan dash am money. Nothing has ever been more true. From the beginning to the end of this write-up. I don't take even a gift from a woman no matter how close we are except you're my sister or mother. Everything a woman gives you is stored somewhere inside her head to be deployed as a mocking tool tomorrow. Forget the shit they'll come here to say about the type of women you meet. All women are guilty of this. All of them. No exceptions!
ReplyDeleteOnly a foolish or naive man lives in a woman's house. Surely and most certainly, she will definitely use it to humiliate you. It's either you become her house boy or she kicks you out without prior warning. And they do it meanly. Young man, don't take money from a woman. Don't ever allow her pay school fees. Make sure you foot the house bills. All of them. If it ever happens she has to spend one way or the other, reimburse her and make it clear you're doing so. Transfer it to her account and state why you're doing so clearly. I pity men wey never sabi women. We can see how they're being kicked out of the house.
The truth is the average woman detests you deeply as a man. They're just with you for what they can get. You can see the advice most of them proffered to the woman who wanted to hint a man on his wife's plans to run away with his kids along with another man. Some were praying for a car to "jam" her on her way to tell the man! This platform has alot of evil spirits. God forbid!
Young man, there's a solution to all I wrote. For your total peace of mind, don't get married. If fuck hungry you, find one, no attachments, and do your thing. The choice is yours. But if you must marry or have a serious relationship, take nothing from her. Nothing! Even birthday gifts.
Maybe you are a hardworking man who has dignity as a man, but I can tell you that most men these days are lazy and enjoy collecting from women. So why won't they get disrespected by women.
DeleteLol@ evil spirits. Waiting for MM and BD comment
DeleteGod bless you Ceaser for this piece. When I saw the comments in that Chronicle, I was greatly disturbed.
DeleteDear Kings, don't every lose your crown in the name of love.
Absolutely true what you wrote above Ceaser.
DeleteA good example recently: A secondary school mate (lady) who I have not spoken to in 15 years reached out to me on facebook asking me for some money to help pay for her shop.She gave the usual Covid destroyed my business so I am building back story.
As per - old time sake of being classmates (never romantically involved and not interested at all if you wonder) - I asked how much.
God has blessed me so much recently that I was willing to give her £200 (N140k) for asking me. But the sense in me just said - give £50 (N37k) and see how she reacts and then send the other £150 few days later if she was appreciative.
I sent £50 (35k) this lady did not even dignify me with a "I got the money" or "thank you" for two weeks. I then called her out on her stupidity and she started lying that she called me and it didn't go through. I didn't even bother discussing with her. I simply blocked her.
Funny enough that same week - I sent a male friend same £70 and dude rang me....thanked me....thanked me again....that I became overlly embarrased at the numerous "thank yous".
Women generally don't appreciate men or what men give. They feel extremely entitled to mens money. And yes i know there are exceptions to the rule but this is a general experience.
No matter how hardworking,self righteous,submissive and sweet a wife is,She will feel bad as SOME POINT if her husband can't/doesn't provide majorly for the house as the man,hence the outburst.
ReplyDeleteYou know that feeling of suppressing emotions for a long while but it uncontrollably burst open one time and goes kitikata
There are DIFFERENT roles in marriage and it should be adhered and taken sacred.
Husbands,you've failed if you don't do your manly duties.
Quit the pity party and go hustle!
Do we know what jjcskillz did that made Funke throw him out??
But ofcourse,blame it on the woman.
Na them.
DeleteExcept the man is broke from beginning and is lazy and unwilling to find work I can never disrespect a former provider never
Delete14:14 Even as a former provider,pls respectfully get busy no matter how small.
DeleteI will only be an enabler if I let you relax and do nothing.
Imagine my future hubby idle for a year..I rebuke!
I hope you realise men suffer this things too. When we read chronicles here, majority comes from women who are not bring something tangible or meaningful to their marital tables. Ceaser spoke well, same goes for Dante and Miss Ess, and the writer was realistic enough. The other issue is that men are naturally less resilient than women, hence why when they try their hands on a few things and if it doesn't work they give up. But a woman would persist.
DeleteFor both sexes to appreciate each other better, they need to have interchanged a good measure of their roles in the family and understand that non is easier. Every man that makes effort to put food on the table for family and care of the home is a superhero that job is not easy. It's like a woman carrying pregnancy and giving birth - while this is a sprint, being the head is a marathon.
Thanks to the writer, many of us will disagree but what a practical submission.
Krytiq Ambi - claiming that there are different roles in marriage. I hope you will not change your mouth when a man who provides state that it is the role of a woman to cook in the house - do the dishes - take care of the children etc.
DeleteI hope you won't form feminism when it comes to that.
17.19
DeleteNo mind am..
Same women always shouting here that women should domesticate their sons as there are no gender roles..
Always speaking from both sides.. honestly, na God know why e make man head of house.. na man fit make clear practical decision, only very few women can, they're only loyal to their emotions, so their decision at a particular time has to do with how they feel
I'm stlii trying to understand what's going on here. I'm very married and I've been a provider as a single mother before marriage. Getting married has not changed me one bit, I and hubby still provide for our home together, I'm a very resilient person and I push my husband to the limit, I don't let him relax because it might cause frictions between us. Initially, he didn't like it but today he thanks me everyday for not giving up on him. We are gradually understanding that it's important to always aim higher and never relax over little success but strife to be the best.
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ReplyDeleteHmmmmm no be lie sha. It can be draining on the woman especially if the man is not making effort to find something doing
ReplyDeleteIf he can remember all you all went through together and still leave you. Not always in this case you wrote. Thing is do what works for you. Not everyone will remember how you all started and still stay with you
ReplyDeleteBeen on both these tables. Lived in Nigeria, wife didn't work, she only has a diploma and I had a pretty good job as a manager in a fairly good company with all the pecks. At that time, anyone listening to her will think I am the best thing in existence after since sliced bread. She even sent a message to this platform about how good a man I was. In my mind, I also had the best woman there was, I often said to people that mine was a model marriage. Now I just laugh at my own foolishness! We decided to move to the abroad. I gave up my career, became a student and unable to work (by agreement). She couldn't be the student because she didn't have the needed qualification at the time. She became solely responsible for the family finance for some years, till I finished as a student and got a job. Even now, we share the bills because it isn't possible yet for me to do it all alone. She has said enough for me to understand she wants to return to not being financially committed to the family (i.e. keep all her money), even if this means I spend every dim I earn. Attitude nko? I actually became medicated for anxiety and depression because of her wahala! Now my eyes have opened and I cannot unsee what I have seen. A woman is only as good to you as what you can pay for! Bare in mind, I am a very domestic kinda guy o and able to keep a home, raise my kids (all of which I currently do, but never enough for my wife unless I am doing it the way she wants to micro manage me to do it - she is incredibly controlling). Once I thought of myself as a good man giving all I had for my family, increasingly these days I feel I've just been a simp, a mugu! It hurts!!! Wetin women want sef, it definitely doen't sound like it's a good man. Even when she knows what she is doing isn't nice, it is almost as if she can't help herself!
ReplyDeleteI felt the sadness in this post. So sorry about this.
DeleteNothing much to say, except there are good and bad people. People have their virtues and vices. Just keep up with your hustle, should be better in time.
Mystic
When you were in Nigeria who was in charge of the home?
DeleteWho was doing all the domestic work and making sure the family is run smoothly?
Who was breast feeding and doing assignments?
Who was there when kids were sick and all?
Who was keeping side chics?
What most Nigerian men provide is just money while still cheating because they have told Nigerian women “as long as he provides and doesn’t beat you, he is a good man”
Now you are abroad, not really contributing yet she’s still in charge of the family while working and you think she wont get tired (some of you still even cheat on-top of your brokeness)
If you claim when roles were reversed you saw hell, I ask you, were they reversed the same way? Did you stay home and run every errand your wife was running? Did you do all her duty same way she does yours?
If you say you helped then you all need to check the kind of women y’all date or marry.
Most women bark when it’s all on their heads. (Provision, house chores, running the home, etc)
If Nigerian men will tell themselves the truth… you will see the problem.
This is why I preach partnership with mutual respect and mutual provision. (It mustn’t be equal )
But when most couples come together with a plan as a partnership… not one dictating to the other or just providing and not caring to help out… then you will enjoy a blissful home
Push up (original)
So sorry about this.The truth is they are good and bad women everywhere but most men find the really good ones boring and unattractive and easily fall for the pretenders and bad ones.
DeleteSo sorry for what you are going through. My brother’s gf was his dependent when he went back to school. She worked while he was studying. He finished, got a job and they got married. She is studying now and he is gladly footing all bills. God bless her for us.
DeleteMy point is, for every story like yours, there are plenty more where the reverse was the case.
Dude - I was in exactly same shoes as you. Infact i would have sworn I wrote this.
DeleteHere's what I did - I told my wife categorically that she is free to divorce me if she is not willing to split bills 50/50.
We now split bills, child care everything 50/50. I was not born to come to this world to serve a woman and the only reward i will get is lack lustre sex.
You need to stand firm. Tell her - we are in the abroad. Write down your expense list. Share bills 50/50. Commit how much you both save 50/50 and share childcare 50/50. For the bit you can't do - then pay money out of pocket for extra child care.
Don't let a woman use abroad to use feminism against you all in the name of love.
I will NEVER carry the 100% burden of the house and still help with chores, childcare etc while you keep 100% of your own money. WOn't happen - will NEVER happen.
And yes - i do love my wife. But this stance was because of her attitude. And na like that e go dey dey. Right now - she has more respect for me.
Push up👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿. Well said. As a man if you have lost your job for a YEAR you need to adjust to your situation! Dont expect things to be the same way as before!. If you cannot contribute financially then take some pressure off your wife on the home front!. Lose the ego!
DeletePush up are you ok?? Would you ask this questions if it were a woman who wrote that? Why are some of you women like this on this blog. Ceasar is very right when he said a lot of evil spirits are on this blog!!
DeleteDid this man’s wife call to tell you dor sure that he had side chics and was hardly there for the kids while they were in Nigeria? Hell he even said she has wrote on here sometime ago to sing his praises so why are you still looking for the tiniest way to make this man look bad? Someone you don’t even know!! What kind of human beings are some of you???
‘Even when she knows what she is doing isn't nice, it is almost as if she can't help herself’. This is so so so so true.
DeleteWait o.. push up? Are you the said wife? Why are you accusing this man of things you aren’t even sure of?
DeleteWhat is this naw? Honestly I’m scared of some of you people on here.
18:07
DeleteMaybe indeed she is the wife. Remember he said his wife is a Bv.
Anon 17:26 your wife is trying! I would have divorced you. You sound stupid! Yet you speak of respect.
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ReplyDeleteGuy, you are too much, your submission is spot on.
DeleteAs you are writing epistles, I sha hope you realize that a woman who staunchly believes that only the man should be financially responsible for the family no matter the economic situation of the country, a woman that believes in deeply entrenched traditional gender roles is the opposite of a feminist. A real feminist. Not the Twitter type. So ma dia, manage what you bred.
DeleteMy husband and I are one. And all the responsibilities inherent in marriage belong to us. What he can’t do, I will gladly do it. With respect and dignity. What I can’t do, he does it. With respect and dignity.
I need cold zobo.
Na wa o
Delete16.27
DeleteAunty feminism is a fallacy.
If war is declared, can you fight? In divorce, would you support the sharing of the kids between both parents if they're underage? How many women have you seen in road and rail construction? When you were in the dating poll, were you approaching guys and paying or splitting payment on dates?
Non gender roles/gender equality only exist on the internet, in real life there are gender roles..
Park well
Bull.Sir. Pure. Bull.
ReplyDeleteMy husband sold his car . I have an official and personal car and He drives my personal car. Noone lords it over him, i rarely drive my car. What are you on about?
Quote:For whatever reason, women having financial power over a man just doesn't work well....this sentence ..MR Davies in your own word the higher earner is the one that has more financial power?
Your main grouse is your woman shouldn't earn more than you do, you have your ego to deal with Sir..I grew up in a household where my father earned more but over time the dynamics were reversed and they live quite well.
She bought landed property and built houses and my father still is the head of the home. So sir why would you choose to project your experiences with the female folk in your life as the standard situation?
14:18
DeleteDid you notice your case is unique and your background also? Read again the comments from female Bvs on this convo.
Anonymous 14:18. Didn't you read where the OP said that there are rare exceptions? Does life revolve around you only? The write up is based on general trend so don't personalize it
ReplyDeleteGeneral trend? Continent ? City? Location of the trend? What are the basis of your conclusion on this general trend dear sir?
DeleteThese articles are laughable. Civil servants in this country will tell you for free that they have many female colleagues who are breadwinners in their family and yet living comfortably with their husbands. Social media and elaborate conspiracy theories!
Delete16.21..
DeleteThis part of the write up is for you:
"If they do 10% whilst you do 90%, they will trivialize your 90%, beat you over the head with their 10%, and say what else are you supposed to do as a man.
Everywhere you look and anyway you cut it, disrespect simply becomes the normative order of the day."
Using the 10 percent exception to overshadow the 90 percent reality. The other day I was saying here how one girl was saying with her long mouth that almost all men live in their wives house in Nigeria but women are keeping it secret, just because JJC lived in Funke's house.. na this Una sharp mouth dey make men avoid Una or even collecting anything from Una too
When the bible says you people should look up to God who gives a partner, you people will say you have what you desire…now you are here crying fowl. A prudent wife is from the Lord. You can’t give that which is holy to dogs. A lot of men are looking for good women hmmm are you good yourself?
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that most of us women run our mouths too much but as a man, be sensitive and know how to manage any situation you are in, the same way a woman won't expect you to do all household chores except the few you choose to do, don't expect a woman to foot all bills in the house and still be happy with you. Let's stop acting like there aren't many men who are parasites in this generation.
ReplyDeleteThe author writes about women who contribute just 10% or less and are disrespectful or quarrelous because of that. They exist.
DeleteJust what am passing through now ,may the good Lord see me through in Jesus name
ReplyDeleteNo gender has exclusivity on goodness or badness. As a woman, wait till you marry a ne'er-do-well who leaves you to shoulder all responsibilities. P.S. I am not talking about a responsible man going through a rough patch but an unrepentant 'boy' looking for a lifelong caretaker/nanny/ATM.
ReplyDeleteNa you really sabi dem, I dated one and turned to a full time insult machine yet he refused to go, feeding off women was deeply ingrained in his DNA, na me run leave my house to escape that relationship.
DeleteAll these men talking won't like such to happen to their sisters or daughters oh, as someone said up there, always be sensitive in managing situations knowing that women aren't cut out to be full time providers, if work no dey, leave the house and find small hustle, also help out more in house chores.
You carried ur legs to marry a very controlling woman. Now you are disturbing us because she is doing what she knows how to do. If we check well now, you may have used & dumped nice women who were not up to your standard because of tribe, looks, boring personalities as you guys like to call it, etc. This is what many of you do. We have lived long enough to see how most of you use generous, kindhearted people who are scarce in number and think all women are that nice. Until u marry the demons you attract. Make una carry una cross. If it's too much, leave! But as a true simp, you have not the balls. Na only for gentle women side una dey get power
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for this
DeleteYou said nothing but the truth
Not always true as presented by you. Falling into the hands of a bad spouse is not always retribution. Some spouses are just selfish or tied to some phony ideas.
DeleteHusband's are to unconditionally love their wives and wives are to unconditionally respect their husbands regardless of any situation. Marriage itself is a selfless service to serve one another.
ReplyDeleteBest to remain in this country where this mindset prevails...the world has since moved on!
ReplyDeleteNot true. Even in yonder countries some spouses seek divorce on bad change in financial status of their partners. Selfish people are in all land.
DeleteI always find posts like these interesting because they forget that human beings, regardless of gender, are capable of doing anything. Unfortunately, the writer is under the delusion that only women do these things and when they do, it is not normal. But it is normal for men to lord it over wives. It is normal for men to remind women of all they have done for them when things go wrong. It is normal for men to keep a tally of the amount of money they spend on women/wives/girlfriend. Who hasn't heard a man say after all I have done for you when the woman does not do what is expected. I guess that's what these things boil down to. Expectations. Insert a few drops of culture and religion and bad behavior is acceptable for one gender and unacceptable for the other (abi na others sef?). The sooner people learn that all humans are capable of evil, the better. Plus, women who do the "good" things are not rare or the exception. They are the ones we don't talk about because they are the perceived norm. The ones we talk about, the "bad" ones, are the exception and not the majority. Bad news makes a louder sound and that is why it is remembered. Good news, on the other hand, rarely makes it. So, we think it doesn't exist or is rare. May God help us all.
ReplyDeleteI tire! As if men have not been using their financial power to control the women at home
DeleteMy Anons know what's up jare, I even heard a self acclaimed relationship therapist saying a wife shouldn't bother about what is happening outside asper side chicks but should only focus on if the man is carrying out his responsibilities at home. If that isn't using money to lord it over your wife, I wonder what is.
DeleteWomen get frustrated when they do everything in the home, that's a fact, the same way, men won't do all household chores, if you are unemployed, don't be comfortable, go and hustle as a man and pick up more household chores to ease the burden on your wife. Shikena!!!
Thank you anon14:18, I am a woman! The women that married into my family from wretched homes, all seeking greener pastures;come see wetin them take my brothers eyes see . My brothers on here please be wise. Our men abroad don’t even marry them anymore! I myself come fear marriage sef because of Nigerian wicked sis in-laws to be. We are in the end times, according to Paul, if you can stay on your own, stay on your own. Person wey person nor know before go carry problems from nowhere come meet person because of marriage! Not just women, it’s vice versa. People did not know that May Edochie was married to a mad man, until only him carry the madness come display outside.
ReplyDeleteMarry those who are already abroad instead of importing wives, but no, your brothers want the ones they can control.
Delete