CONFUSED
Good Day Stella
Abeg make you and bvs help me on this one.
So my hubby is the first son in the family but has 5 older sisters, then after him is another sister, before two other men.(very large family)
It's about this my hubby's younger sister o. Let me call her Aunty B. Aunty B is so down to earth, loving woman and she also happens to be my hubby's favorite sibling, my hubby told me so, so i got to love her naturally too, she too was fond of me.
Aunty B is married with 7 kids, all below 11yrs, as in they're all little kids and she and her husband have been struggling to cater for them in the village. My husband has been of great help too even when he was single, not only to her but his other siblings. Her kids so love me ehn chai, that when I first settled in after my Trad wedding, in the village, these children(and the kids of the other sisters) came to knock on my door, and they each prayed for me, I was moved to tears that day.
During the lockdown period, my hubby made huge profits in his business even while just at home . So we agreed to help one of his siblings and we chose Aunty B.
During the lockdown period, my hubby made huge profits in his business even while just at home . So we agreed to help one of his siblings and we chose Aunty B.
She and her husband used to run a store where they sell drinks and food but they weren't doing anything anymore so my hubby sponsored the building of their own store in the village market and everything they need to start up this business again. We were happy we were able to uplift them a bit. (my hubby said at least it was better than sending money to them every month).
Aunty B and her hubby were doing well, or so we thought but i don't know how the business collapsed, don't really know what happened.it even got to a point that she called me to help her with cash. My hubby wasn't happy when he heard it cos i told him, he was angry and said how can he spend so much on them and they couldn't work hard to keep their business thriving; so i wasn't able to help her. Since then my hubby has refused to send anything to her , she mostly speaks with only me on the phone occasionally. Note here that we are not rich, we are still hustling financially (I have a stressful 9-5 job and hubby is a businessman), but whenever we receive something extraordinary from God, we make sure someone around us is blessed too.
During last year Christmas period, we travelled home and ofcourse i bonded with the kids, I made sure they all got gifts and all kinds of goodies to eat all through the festive season, and they ofcourse helped me a lot especially with my one year old baby, my pikin learnt how to walk very well , with them around..
Hubby and I planned that we would take Aunty B's eldest daughter with us (she's just 10 but very hardworking , as the eldest of many siblings) but we needed to wait for her to finish primary school later this year, as she was in the grad. class, and the little girl was so excited to hear that.
Now the issue is, Firstly, we have halted that plan because we've been going through some financial challenges just like every family does and school fees for a child over here is not a beans something, cos it must be a private school close to our home, public school is not even an option cos it's nothing to write home about and even faraway.
Secondly, Aunty B has given birth to another baby just recently and hubby had to send some financial help to her. I called her to congratulate her but she didn't seem excited, I just did my best to cheer her up and all, I sha understand her struggles.
Stella last Sunday o, I was on the bed trying to rest my tired self when one number called me , I picked, a tiny voice said 'Hello aunty... It's me (name withheld - it was Aunty B's daughter), first i asked her where her mother is, she said "my mummy is not around", "So whose phone is this?, She said it's her mummy's friend's.
The next thing I heard is why I'm writing this long chronicle o.
She said '' Aunty pls i want to tell you that next Sunday (that is this coming sunday) is my graduation, and i don't have a dress to wear, pls buy me a dress for my graduation, I was supposed to follow them for last Sunday but my mummy did not do fast", aunty pls buy me a dress.
Hmmm I was speechless..
Hubby was there when she called and he was like, so this is what aunty B is now teaching her small daughter to do. For me I really want to help cos I know most of us can relate, when we were younger and we wanted our uncle or so so aunty to buy one thing for us and they did or didn't. memories are created.
The issue is I've not mentioned it to my hubby again if i should go ahead and this girl has been on my mind all week, and she said it's this Sunday. How to even go about it sef i don't know, we live very far away from the village. Is it to send money to her mum or what. What if my hubby says No. Are you sure her mum was not even the one that urged her to make that call. Just confused ...
*Aunty B is definitely the one that dialed your number for her daughter to call and beg you, the reason might be fake, it might be the money is needed for something else..... If your hubby will say No, then quickly give and do tell him that you already gave...
I think you should halt plans to take the little girl to Lagos ooooo. they will use it to milk you and probably be instructing her on what to do...
help if you want!
Why is Aunty B and her husband still giving birth for the love of God. It’s like they are so comfortable being dependent on you people.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing is that ur husband has done his best and if he chooses not to do anymore, he’s very much not in the wrong.
I also believe u should buy the dress for her daughter if u want to but pls do it with the consent of ur husband even if u have to beg tirelessly for him to agree
Buy the dress for her,but don't take her yet. Aunty B should go on family planning and stop reproducing like rabbit kilode she be Elon Musk?
DeleteI was also annoyed with this aunty B and her husband. Now 8 kids all under 12 and hoping to take care of them with what exactly
DeleteMy sister God will help me and you
ReplyDeleteWhen you want to drop some of these kids cause of their parents behavior, you keep taking of the happy innocent kid
Pls pls send her the money. She wants to go on Sunday and time is going. I’m sure the money is not plenty
Her mother may not have sent her to ask you. The one wen dey my hand no senior dis girl and she dey call on her own to ask for gift
Of course her mom sent her. how did she get the number?how come the mom's friend allowed a 10years old girl use her phone without knowing what the call was about and referring it to her mom. The mom obviously set all this is up !
DeleteStella mama, you be character. Where you see Lagos? You should buy her the dress if you can afford it. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteJust let her know you will get her a very beautiful dress but won't be able to get it over to her b4 Sunday. Send her a dress when you are able. Make sure it is beautiful enough to satisfy your inner joy. And if it is possible to get it to her b4 Sunday, please do your best.
DeleteIt is a seed.
Don't send money.
If you can, buy the dress and waybill it. When I read where she put to bed again, but is it to the 8 child or that made it 7 children? Just curious 🤨
ReplyDeleteThe 8th child.
DeleteAunty B is following the footsteps of her parents. She still has one or two more childbirths before she stops.
DeleteHelp from afar biko
ReplyDeleteYou see this one take your tongue count your teeth. DO NOT carry that child rather help from afar. E get why
ReplyDeleteHelp her if you want to but i can't actually say for a fact that what she said is the whole truth there is to know.
ReplyDeleteStella has said it all.
ReplyDeleteThey don't have money and they are still breeding babies? That Aunty B and her husband are lifetime liabilities. They will always be poor.
ReplyDeleteSince the little girl is your husband's niece, maybe you should take her away from that environment and give her a chance at a better future.
Don’t take her oh
DeleteIf you can afford the dress, pls help them, your husband should also advice his sister to stop birthing children for now. 8 children with the harsh economy with no source of lively hood is wickedness.
ReplyDeleteIf there's any shop in their town that sells cloths, contact them, pay and let them deliver it but tell n beg your husband. Problem no dey finish n tell them that things are not like that again, so that their daughter won't be waiting for you.
DeleteBirthing kids for now ke? So she’ll resume when? She should stop completely and go for family planning!!! Selfish and wicked set of parents! I’m so upset on behalf of the kids ðŸ˜
DeleteMadam poster,if you can pls buy the dress and send it to the lil girl...you and your hubby are so kind but Aunty doesn't want to learn ...how can she get pregnant again when no tangible source of income to cater for them? Na wah oh
ReplyDeleteI know a couple who depends solely on their inlaw's money...the man lazy around doing nothing so is the wife, they wait till the wife siblings in abroad sends them money for everything,I mean everything...they have grown kids in the uni,the last child is in senior class oh ..I saw the woman recently pregnant and expecting baby number 6 😱😱😱 unbelievable
If you want to buy it,buy it.You don't really need the consent of your hub to buy it or bless anybody you feel like blessing.
ReplyDeleteDepends on how they run their finances
DeleteSome couples both must agree before they give money
She needs to tell her hubby. Pls poster beg your hubby to let you buy the dress and send to her. Buy a nice dress and send it through all these interstate transport driver and tell her mum,dad or someone else in the village to go pick it up for her
DeletePoster you better listen to your husband and stop assisting his sister.
ReplyDeleteDon't start what you can't finish.
Supporting her financially is like encouraging her indirectly to give birth to more children.
Dey no dey solve family problem finish.
Since you have promised her that, Give it to her but make sure next time any of them ask for assistant, tell them that you don't have.
I agree
DeleteAh ah!! What manner of irresponsibility is this bikonu? Shame no dey catch some people o.
I agree. If they couldn't keep the business your husband setup for them, just let them figure it out. I understand your husband's frustration. The business was him teaching them how to fish instead of giving them fish but they obviously mismanaged it and still went on the have another baby. Focus on setting aside money for your kid's education. They will survive. Last last, they can farm for their food if they are not already doing that. Once I give someone money to setup a business, that's it. I don't expect to be paid back and also don't expect the person to continue to ask me for money/buy them stuff.
Delete8 children, all under 11 years and no better income? Haaa..... I'm speechless
ReplyDeleteDon't send money for the dress oo. Buy and waybill it.
Tell her to stop giving birth... Jeez, 7 ain't enough?
ReplyDeleteWill she agree? My mum once advised my cousin, whose story is very similar, to go for family planning and her response to my mum was that "the free gift that God has blessed her with is what people (obviously referring to my mum) are advising her to stop". We laughed when my mum, who was obviously in shock, narrated the story.
DeletePoster it seems the incessant reproduction from your sis inlaw is from ignorance,Please educate her about family planning since you two are close.
ReplyDeleteChildren are not easy to raise,alot of funds needed,no matter how economical the parents are..
Those dozen of children are sapping them of all their money and they need to stop jeez!
Give her the money for the dress even if you have to hide it from your hubby.
Please be careful how you give that advice before it goes south. Na person wey no get sabi read meanings into everything.
DeleteBetter obey your husband. When they want to settle, you will be the grass the stand upon.
ReplyDeleteThey are drawing you close because money dey your hand. Lolll. You never see anything. Start refusing them and see how they will fling you like tissue soaked with snot.
You had better face front and plan your child and family's future. Before playing messiah in somebody's life procreating like a rat.
@Anon, iI couldn' agree more
DeletePoster you better perish that thought of bringing the girl to come stay with you. You can be helping them from afar. That was how my sister was doing good woman good woman mother Theresa and brought one of her husband's relative to come stay with her she said the girl they are suffering in their family and she wants to try and help.
ReplyDeleteBefore bringing the girl to come stay with them her husband warned her ooo say this people nah my family but don't go too close because I know how my people behave I don't want to have any issues with them so you too try to love and help them from afar but she no hear word.
Now the thing don hook her for throat good wey she dey try do don dey turn to bad for their eyes. Their demands are insatiable.
When it comes to helping family members especially to come stay with you one needs to be very careful. My aunt that did it up till this day she haven't recovered. She warned her husband don't bring this boy ooo just help him from a distance but he refused to listen and he payed for it with his life. August next month will make it six years that he died
Another baby keh in this condition? Help with the cloth if you can. Me that just have 2 and our financial situation is very messy. I'm already thinking of going for family planning sef
ReplyDeleteAunty whatever is a wicked shameless leech. Imagine birthing 8 children no income. Wickedness is an understatement.pls leave that child alone. Stop sending money. Imagine birthing inside poverty every year
ReplyDeleteHow can a couple be this broke and still be making babies! Shame no Dey catch some people to dey beg everytime?
ReplyDeleteSomeone has to call aunty B and talk to her,how does she and her husband intend to take care of 8kids with no income,no business nothing at all?
They will start training those children to be begging and depending on others for their survival.8 kids in this harsh economy is wickedness to the kids too. You and your hubby should reduce your assistance to them,let them struggle a bit and set their priorities aright,when they are ready for a change in their situation you will know. For now they are too relaxed cos they know they will always find help
Give her please but give it to the mother and tell the mother that things are not easy here anymore you had to loan it from a friend because you don’t want her to go without something beautiful. She’s ten years old in 6-8 years she’ll become a woman these are the memories we all carry along in our lives of one Aunty or uncle that made us feel special while growing up. Please call them tell the mother to give her the phone tell her you’ll make sure she wears a beautiful dress that you’ll look for the money and get back to her soon before the day. The mother will scold her and act like she doesn’t know but just smile and say it’s ok. But make sure both mother and daughter knows when you send in the money. Always let them know you don’t have immediate money send a fee days later
ReplyDeleteNa una sabi. I can’t even marry a man with more than 2 younger ones except they are well to do. It’s not me una go use responsibility and burden kill
ReplyDeleteChileke!
Deletesend aunty B money to buy the cloth but do not take her daughter with you, you can help her from far but do not draw her closer to avoid story that touch cos that her daughter will be eyes to her mother who will be feeding her mum with information of you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteThere is a family like that they depend on their brother and was birthing like this ,the brother warned the sister he was like if you give birth after this one just know that you re shameless, do you even consider your health ,do you even remember old age for you to be agile and age, he warned the sis he said of you mistakenly try it I will arrest your husband for trying to kill you for us ,the woman jeje go do FP.
ReplyDeletePoster don't take her if you take her she will so rip you off and this one she is giving you attitude hold your ear, as the daughter don dey call you , of she is in your house she will be in constant touch with the mum , your marriage go be see finish ,some family members no good to take their wards like this esp if they re dependent on you, make you no say we no warn you na marry they marry you o , some pple know their siblings more than you no go do amara ,ifeoma and keep yourself be wise.
You can buy the dress and lock up , my neighbor said one of her anties child said when the husband sister wants to collect something from them she will instruct the child to be crying on phone brother I'm sick , this and that imagine some pple no get shame .
Be wise use your teeth
Hmm dont bring the girl ooo. Just be paying her fees in a good school in their area. Pay direct to the school.
ReplyDeleteFor the dress send some money. Tell them things are tough for your enemy...they are not paying your enemies salary. Never let people know you have money
help them this time , you can send it direct to the mother please dont waybill any dress fir the little girl, just the money because thats what the mother needs. After this last help,face your front and leave them for their brother . Thank you Ma
ReplyDeleteNext line of action is to buddle aunty B and her husband to hospital for strong family planning that ll last for a very long time.
Lord may we not be liabilities to others
ReplyDeletePoster do not allow low IQ crafty people open shop on your head
Don't be stupid
You have your own life to live and your own children to train
A word is enough for the wise
Dear poster, in my family, we have always helped each other, even when my parents were under financial strain, we always had relatives from both sides of the family. I will never advice you not to help them. Help them if you can and if you have the means to. If you don’t, then you have to take care of your own family first.
ReplyDeleteFor the dress, to me, it is not of the utmost importance. From your story, food is their basic need right now and the dress is secondary.
Taking the girl to live with you will help the family a whole lot. But, do not bank on the fact that the little girl’s mindset will be transformed - at 10, it hardly ever does. I am speaking from experience and the heartache my mother is dealing with right now. I am just saying this to manage your expectation in 10-20 years time. A child of 5 or 6 will be easier for you train and change their mindset, are you ready to handle a small child like that? You will be training that child as yours, teaching them as your own.
You need to advice Aunty B to go for family planning. She may not be thinking straight. Better now so that she won’t add another child. If possible sponsor this for her. If possible.
If you are going to take any of their children, you will have to make it clear to them, that they cannot call you to help financially. Taking their child is all the financial help you will be giving them, because of the cost to take care of that child. This way, they will not be calling incessantly for help. This is also what my parents did.
It’s the breeding by Aunty B that really really annoys me ! Why ? Such irresponsible, reckless behavior! Look at the ages of the kids , ah .
ReplyDeleteAnd yea she asked her daughter to call you , na format .
I also wanted to add that there is nothing wrong with helping people. Even when you are the mumu, and the person is in real need: help.
ReplyDeleteNever think that when you help, you will run dry. On the contrary, God will replenish your pocket. In the bible: Proverbs 19:17 “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”
At the end of the day, God is the source of wealth. You never know tomorrow. Change is a constant thing in life. That child/soul you train may be your saviour tomorrow. Even when they are not, you have done your part, in your own little way.