SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Please I want to share this with you and fellow bvs, I need advice, I can't sleep.
Hubby lost his job last year January. Since then, he has been doing little things while searching for something better. I teach in a private school and sell little things on the side.
Stella, I earn 25k as a teacher, our total income for one month plus my side hustles and hubby's own is not up to 100k. Yes you read right! We have two children.
We struggle to feed, pay school fees and we had to beg for house rent from friends and relatives last month. I shared all of the above so you would know how to advise me.
To the main issue.
There is this friend and old classmate of mine who works in Lagos island. She told me last week that her boss needs a nanny and she asked if I am interested. She knows my struggles and sometimes helps me financially.
She told me the last nanny they had left after working with them for several years and relocated out of the country with their help and her salary was 150k plus free accommodation and feeding and other freebies. My friend also earns a good six figure salary.
According to her, her boss said as long as the nanny knows what she is employed for, he doesn't mind if she brings her children to live with her in the boys quarters. Their house is in Banana island Lagos.
The job offer was juicy to me as I thought I can do do it for a few months and save money to expand my business instead of this low pay teaching job. I told her to allow me discuss with hubby and get back. We live in another city.
I discussed with him, he did not even allow me to finish before saying NO.
I managed to tell him all the good things attached to the job, he said I cannot take his children to go live with a stranger. Ok, let me take them to my mum or his mum's place in another city while I work and gather money for a few months and expand my business, he still said NO, we should keep managing, God will bless us soon.
I called his mum, sister and my own mum and his best friend to talk to him, he is still adamant. They all supported my going to work there. Hubby got angry that I called them and said I should consider the marriage over if I go to live and work there. I then asked him if I should tell my friend to talk to her boss to let him come live there with me and the kids so that we would not be separated since he doesn't have any stable job here, he can continue his hustling there. He said No, that life there would be expensive and we won't be able to cope.
Let me add that my friend told me that if I'm there, me or my husband may get to work in her company if there is a vacancy that we fit into since I would be close to her boss, hubby would be employed if any vacancy opens even if it is driving job.
I am so sad and confused. I love my home and wouldn't want it to break but we need an upgrade financially and this man is not ready to cooperate. Pls bvs that live in banana island, are there no domestic workers living and doing well there? No small scale school or government school close to the place so that my kids can attend? is hubby right to reject it? what should I do? should I reject it for my marriage sake?
if yes, I need to give my friend a reply this week so that they can employ someone else. I need a genuine reply to reject the offer with, something that won't piss her off as she has been a very supportive friend.
Thank you..
Thank you..
*If t was me I will leave that man and go and hustle.. Them no take poverty swear for anybody... how else will there be break through if one is not willing to take risks? When he sees things are good for you, he will look for you.... You want to sit inside marriage with poverty? it frustrates.
My advice? Take the Job, he should sit down somewhere with his threats, some of you give these men enabling environment to misbehave like this....
Dear Poster, Do not Shut the Door of Opportunity.
ReplyDeleteAs it is, You are even the one Carrying Your Family.
Guess your husband fells threatened that you would make so much money and Probably forget him.
It's a though one.
Hmmmmm
But if the Tables were turned he wouldn't hesitate to leave you and the kids.
May God Guide your thoughts
Dearest Poster, if you miss this opportunity you will forever be angry and hate your hubby. Please go and resume now!. I am telling you this from experience o. Dont miss the golden opportunity o. Me I don talk my own.
DeleteHe would not hesitate at all if he were the one, kmt!!
DeleteThe decision lies with you, you have to put your foot down a beg.
Good job ,na so wife godey service oga on the top it is called women supporting women.
DeleteShe said her husband is doing little things to earn money not like he sits around and Allow her carry the load of the family. Why are you women like this?
DeleteThey ha e not given her appointment letter which states 150k salary or any other thing, her friend is the one that told her how much the last person that worked for years earned. Is 150k salary in Lagos island even worth sacrificing one's marriage for? Will that money liberate them from poverty?Work that is not even guaranteed.
The truth is that it takes men a longer time to come to terms with adjusting to a new status.
DeleteThis is what I was trying to explain yesterday. Most men do not want to reduce their level and would believe they can get better rather than being referred to as a mare driver while a woman doesn’t mind adding whatever level of business to strive for better.
I won’t advice you to just leave him because he is not a bad man, he hasn’t just come to terms with his reality.
Just continue obeying and massaging his ego so he will feel he is still in charge, also tell him your salary has been slashed so he will know how bad things in your state has become for you.
If you try everything possible and he doesn’t change his mind, aunty seek for better, who knows, your prosperity may be tied to changing your state of residence.
Push up (original)
My husband over everything o. If he's a good man. But listen finances for me is no 1, then other things comes after I'm financially able to maintain myself and others.
DeleteWell it was here that someone said they can marry somebody with 35k abi 45k salary?
DeleteEhen, so you ladies had better keep shut and just advise to keep managing. After all that is what you lot said in that post, 'keep managing until God blesses' her. And na Nigerian poor people dey select 'blessing' pass.
Obeying???? She is not a dog!!!!! What is wrong with you lot!! So he’s unemployed and would rather shamelessly beg to pay rent instead of going with his wife to hustle for more money. Pride and ego in lieu of doing what it takes to provide for the family! He does “little things” on the side but it’s obviously not enough.
DeletePoster, take your kids and go hustle. Keep pushing and grab every opportunity that comes around. Your selfish husband is lazy and has the nerve to be a peacock too. Your friend gave you an opportunity but you want to turn it down and continue begging???? Y’all tweaking!
All I know is, if I take my time to find an opportunity for you to make your own money and you turn it down. Please, please and please do not be so stupid as to ever come again to beg me for money. Because you may not survive what I will tell you.
DeletePlease dear poster,
ReplyDeleteI beg you take that job for the seek of you and your kids.
Take your kids to your mom or mom Inlaw enroll them in school. Currently you can't afford Banana Island school fees.
Apply wisdom. Both family and the job are important and you won't have to choose. Agree with him, then tell him you cant even base all your decision on the testimony of your friend and you will like to go check the place out for one month. He will agree with you once you present it in a way that looks like you are not even that excited about it. A woman like me will find a way to make my husband be the one to suggest it and it becomes his idea while i will be the one "innocently" agreeing with him. Its just that by now, due to you sending people to him, he probably has built a wall to resist you But don't worry. Use his mumu button. Don't challenge him, you wont win. Make him see that you are both a team and you suggest to try the place for a month and you bet it is not as wonderful as your friend is painting it. You need to work the idea into him softly and sweetly.
DeleteMy dearest, 150k and those other incentives mentioned is not enough to loose your peace and family over. So you MUST find a way to get this man's support. If you resume that job and your home front is not in order, your employer, who needs you to look after his home will see through you and it will not go well. To excel in this kind of job, you must exude joy, love, pleasant personality, calmness and stability. If your marriage is in jeopardy, you will be so disturbed you cant focus, ask divorcees, It is not easy. It is worth praying over. You need both. You can't choose.
I concur. Both are important and so you need wisdom and God's guidance
DeleteKindly listen to your husband. He has his reasons. If the marriage is important to you, you will listen to him and instead look for jobs close by. Good luck ma'am.
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time commenting on this awesome and interactive blog. This job and the opportunities from this family could be your ticket out of your current financial woes. I totally agree with Stella's comment. You need to do what is best for you and your children.
ReplyDeleteGood to see a new ID.
DeleteYour husband is letting ego cloud his judgement. I can't tell you to leave him for the job. What if they sack you within 3 months? What if the oga there worry you and sack you if you decline? Coz you can never tell what's gonna happen . Again, it might just be a blessing. Risk takers crash or soar.
ReplyDeleteThis situation is very complicated. The husband has ego and won't let you go.. You shouldn't have involved outsider because nothing will make him agree again..
DeleteThe more reason why married women are fucking yahoo boys bcos of money.
DeleteWhat if the said horseband dumps her after HE gets a more 'befitting ' job. He's just a stumbling block.
DeleteAny man who should prefer to beg han grab a legitimate opportunity is a shut door in your path.
Will the lady stay there forever?
If the children stays with the grandmother and she plans to work there for 6 months, won't she save at least 6 months of begging and have something to show for her existence?
I detest people who want to flex muscles without sense.
The truth is that I can't afford schools around banana for your kids, if ur husband says u shouldn't go don't go, 150k if not enough to break your home for Biko.
ReplyDeleteU can't afford***
DeleteAll I see here is your husband's ego, frustrating and fears at play. He is scared you may start earning way more than him and start misbehaving.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not being 💯 percent rational at all.
If I were in your shoe I will take the job and still try to make my marriage work. If he makes it too difficult, I will give him space to work through his issues while keeping myself accessible to him.
As for the kids, you should go with them.
Go with the kids to Banana island?Na you go pay their school fees?🤣
DeleteFrustration*
DeleteDon't you have Mallams and workers in Banana Island? Don't their kids go to state school? Is there no state primary school in Ikoyi/Obalende/VI?
DeleteYour husband is egotistical and stubborn. Una no date ni. Ladies shine your eyes o. Those little things you ignore. Hmmm
ReplyDeletePoster just keep entreating him. I won’t advise you to leave your home.
Let us reason well for once. The husband knows what he is saying. The house is in Banana island, do you know cost of school fees and other things like medicals, clothes, provisions , etc there? Or is it the boss that will provide all that for her and her kids? What will 150k salary in Banana island do in this hard times?
DeleteNumber two, what if the boss wants to date her and she refuses and he sacks her after one or two months? Is it worth relocating for?
Egotistical?
DeleteYou forgot to add
Narcissistic,
toxic
deadbeat,
manipulative
Gaslighting
Violent
Hahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa! Internet children of anger.
When the woman lose her marriage for peanuts, you will all roll out your
internet grammer that some of you do not know the meanings.
18:19
DeleteThose words actually describe perfectly some people
Those words exist for a reason
Generalizing thrash doesn't make it gold
There’s an option to keep the kids in care of their grandma on either side and be sending funds from this new gig. There’s also an option for the man to be a driver too and live with the woman in the quarters. So it’s ego-friendly to harass other people working via being parasitic beggars?? The ibex can’t even provide and has the nuts to stipulate policies to his wife who obviously has more balls than he ever would!
DeleteTell them to take their time and choose their life partners, but they won’t citing age et societal pressure
@22:47
DeleteDid you just call this man that lost his job and working hard an ibex; a wild goat? Wow, and it has come to that?
You are so confident in you formula, keeping the kids with grand parents, so if they become prostitutes or armed robbers
or drug addicts, that is what 150k that has not been promised is worth? Wow, people can really be overconfident in ignorance.
Real big ibex. The same people who call this money peanuts, if the ask you to support this woman with 5k, you will stand there scratching your buttocks. It's the sheer entitled audacity for some of you. Someone who has zero to nothing ego is still selecting type of income. L to the Mao. Hunger never wire una na. Na because you see who to beg.
DeleteStella, I love your advice there
ReplyDeleteReject this offer.
ReplyDeleteAll you can see now is the money, not the expenditures and the strings attached. The bait in a hook is meant to catch the fish and not to feed it.
We ladies are so gullible and it was not a coincidence that Satan saw Eve a veritable person to lure and not Adam.
This job will cost you your marriage and you know it.
The job is not worth her marriage. Imagine she is not even in the same city. They will not live in Lagos mainland o or ordinary part of island but the expensive banana island.
DeleteMarriage untop poverty! Poster I would advise that you leave your kids with your mum or mum inlaw,then go and start the job to see how it goes before you can make a final decision. Discuss this option with your husband and hopefully he is OK with it.
DeleteThis kind of opportunity, If you don't try it out,you might end up living in regrets and resenting your husband especially if your finances remains the same. Goodwick.
@16:18
DeleteSo 150k (not even signed or promised yet, and in VI) is your definition of "marriage on top of riches?" A man lost his job and looking for another and you vilify him in this way? And you all will wear white and chant "for better for worse, for riches or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part?"
Wow! How cheap, gullible and fickle some ladies are
That money won't solve the problem permanently.. Let it go and maintain your marriage. You have been surviving all these years.
DeleteI agree with you 15:19, dear poster, pls listen to your husband, all that gliters are not gold don't lose your marriage becos of the job you are not sure of the ending, if it's a perfect job God would make it work without any problem. Respect your husband's opinion a better offer will come. Good luck.
Delete16:26 thank you. 150k that they have not told her is her Salary. They said the last nanny who worked for years was collecting that amount. She doesn't know how many years she worked before the pay reached that amount (if true). She doesn't know if the last nanny was doing other "services" to oga to be collecting that amount because to be frank, I have never heard of a nanny in anywhere in Nigeria collecting up to100k
DeleteYou already stated it, you will lose your marriage which you love so dearly. Don't go
ReplyDeleteIf it sounds too good to be true, it isn't true. Which nanny job pays that amount and relocates one? Supposing you go and find out that it involves "servicing the man?" It will be too late. Marriage gone?
ReplyDeleteMy sentiments.
Delete@Blackey
DeleteIt is not only that, she may even be pregnant at the time she realizes herself.
Anyway, good to know that you are now thinking with your brain, that wasn't your sentiments up there.
Hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Stella you said it all
ReplyDeleteThere is an adage "You can't be wretched and a demon at the same time" Your husband might be one.
Poster abeg pack out with your children and go start your God given work.
Family is everything,Some families too can be a hindrance.
He has too much pride that's why he has refused to succumb and live in another man's house.
Should incase you reject this beautiful job offer,Please I've got someone that might want to gladly leave everything behind and do the job.
Even of your husband doesn't come back,Move on abeg.
Be wise.
She should abandon her marriage for a nanny job that she has not even seen what it entails? Did you read anywhere she said her husband is bad? Some of you sef
Deleteibu ogbenye, buru amusu? lol Witchcraft in penury.
DeleteI tire ooo!
Delete15:41 where did I write the husband is bad??
DeleteIt's a saying,no be me talk am.
Marriage that will still shake if she grudgingly declines the offer. Think ahead for once
Hmmm.Don't listen to a man that's not bringing anything extra o.I am very sure you know that you have two kids right? Do what you have to do o
ReplyDeleteStella Kork's
ReplyDeleteMarriage is sacred and should not be sacrificed for money. If the man is not abusive or a cheat and is a loving man, why should she abandon him because of common nanny job in Lagos? We don't even know if all what her friend said is true, what if they want to use her for rituals considering all what is going on now in the country, and she is not living in Lagos according to what she wrote up there.
Poster, keep striving, God will come through for you soon. Tell your friend that you received a prophesy to not travel out of your city from now till December. That calamity looms.
Thanks dear
DeleteAnother angle
DeleteNobody wey no like better things. I advise you go hustle but make sure it's worth it and pls do not let this bring quarrel between you and your husband, remember say na condition make crayfish bend. You're blessed.
ReplyDeleteHe can't provide for the family yet won't let you get a better job?
ReplyDeleteTake ur kids and leave when he's not around,go give those kids a good and better life,if he wants to see them,he can visit.
Madam..we all needs to be very careful when dishing out words..what if she gets there and noticed she didn't get wat she was expecting.
DeleteWhat will she do
You will pay their school fees in banana island abi? Or you think 150k can pay one child's school fees there
DeleteYour hubby lost his job or they sacked him? tell the truth and be free. Keep suffering and begging as suffer no dey tire you. Set awon I"must die a Mrs in poverty and misery"
ReplyDeleteI can't deal mehn!
Lmao @scamper for giveaways 🤣🤣🤣 you know this!
DeleteHmmmm..this is so dicey..
ReplyDeleteMy sister,I ave never seen a nanny that pays that much but sincerely, you need to be very careful.
Some of these nanny jobs are just bad n dangerous
I think you should tell your husband to give you three months to work for the new employer. So you can analyze if the job is too good to be true or any hiding agenda that comes with the job. And it will also help you understand if it will benefit your home. I don’t think you should throw your marriage away because of the job. What if things don’t work out with the job?
ReplyDeleteSolid advice. But very unlikely that the man will accept it now unless she use all her guile and wisdom.
DeleteSee Hehnnn, I live In Lagos, while I am not so Sure about the N150k Salary ,It will be a Disservice to yourself if You turn down this Offer
ReplyDelete1)There is no Joy in Poverty.
2)Marriage will not take You to Heaven.
3)There are Bills to pay and Love will not Pay it
Yes,
DeleteThere is joy in being single and an old maid
There is joy in being childless
There is joy in a job whose remuneration has not been defined just what "a friend said?"
"I will rather be a gatekeeper in the Lord's house than dwell in the tents of the wicked"
search this out and educate yourself.
15:36 you are contradicting yourself 🤣🤣 you are not sure of the 150k salary yet you want her to abandon her home and go for it?
DeletePoster I'm with stella on this one. Na ego go kee your husband. How can a man be comfortable in poverty and asking family and friends for money all the time for upkeep and house rent. Poster pls put yourself and that of your children's welfare 1st. Go and hustle, if marriage wan scatter, make e scatter period. Thank God so many people are in support of your decision including both families.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not like they are comfortable in poverty they can’t just accept their new status, but a woman will go as low as becoming a help or selling akara on the road just to put food on their tables.
DeleteMen find it hard to adjust from a comfortable life to poverty… that’s why most of them resort to drinking
Push up (original)
where is this man's wife though...I mean where is his family? please ask the right questions about this person, I know you are eager to start doing something better but please if you can, check well, and if everything seems right then baby girl go and hustle for your future and your kids. I am not discouraging you from taking the job, I am just saying be sure this is not the more you look the less you see kinda job.
ReplyDeleteTrue. Your friend may not be telling the whole truth or she may not know the real deal behind the job. Find out about his family. Many things are happening in the country
DeleteBiko madam borrow yourself Sense, they say opportunity comes but once, better go for that job who teaching epp?
ReplyDeleteIf you dont want the job I can come and take over as per house boy 🤪
Nigeria economy had made it that we don't have choice so far as money is coming in, if I can get a job like tobpass time, I don't mind relocating .
For the years you have been in the marriage what happened? Now you have gotten a job of 150k,which from there other doors would ope , take it or leave your husband is dragging you down ✌️✌️
This one is very tough,what if u risk ur marriage and when u get there what u see are not what u expected what will you do ..
ReplyDeleteI can understand her you feel dear poster.
ReplyDeleteI have discovered that prayer changes things. If it the will of God for you to go live with this family, Ask God to confirm it through the willingness of your husband.
Don't rush out to do what your husband doesn't agree with you about.
You know how to get him to mellow down... Use that power God gave you. Don't nag him or push him.
Also know that the family is looking for a Nanny that will stay for some time. This is not a few months Job. No body wants to change Nannies over and over again.
Enemy of progress! I have a friend that left her family to travel to Dubai to hustle because she got a warehouse job there. Husband didn't block her oh. Now she is returning with something tangible with plans to relocate them all to another country if everything works out. They are all better for it today.
ReplyDeleteThen u will see one man that is not bringing shishi to the table and still won't let his wife assist then tomorrow they will say Nigerian women are lazy and jobless and bring nothing to the table 🙄
Poster, agree not to take the job if he will make sure he provides for the needs of the family
Not 'bringing shishi" or he lost his job, which is it?
DeleteSo if your husband loses his job, this is what you will do, abandon him to be a nanny in a stranger's house?
Even when the remuneration isn't defined yet?
So, it goes to say that a lot of ladies who are married at the moment are there just because of their husband's income?
Joy you said Dubai, you also said warehouse job. That one is better than Lagos nanny job
Delete16:34, I'm amazed at some comments. A jobless man is as good as dead to an average Nigerian woman. See them aggressively running the man down because he lost his job and not like he is sitting at home doing nothing.
DeleteThank God, all of you are gradually revealing yourselves. The husband is not lazy but hustling like every responsible man will do. Yet he is being portrayed as lazy and irresponsible man that doesn't want his wife to make progress. Your friend is bringing "something tangible" with plans to relocate. You women NEVER tell yourselves the truth - pretentious lots. I am sure your friend will NEVER give full details on "what" she is doing or what she did in Dubai to bring the something tangible. I bet most of you don't know that the poverty in Nigeria and greed of most women (married and single) have made them throw their morals to the dogs - in corporate offices, govt offices, entrepreneurship, etc - just to survive and meet family obligations, cos things are rough for the men/original breadwinners of the house. Same applies to the men - homosexuality, ritual killings, robbery, etc. Please, allow this responsible man to control and manage his home, the best way he deems fit. I come in peace.
Delete@17:55
DeleteThe author of the piece Stella used in yesterday's couch convo said it all. The comment of that Bv's husband corroborated it.
Now we know the reason of the "My husband sweet. My husband is the best" some female bvs chant here.
If his motivation is control and serve the idol of ego, the man is a colossal failure
DeleteIt is nonsense if he isn't applying any wisdom
Me sha, I will not disrupt my marriage because of 150k sha. I don't see you complaining about your hubby being a bad husband or a lazy man so if I were you, if he doesn't agree after much pleas, well, I'll let the work go. Marriage is not a do or die affair but it's very sacred. Continue hustling, breakthrough must come. Shebi this one came? Another one that you both will be agree with will come too.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you...
DeleteYou are a blessed lady! I respect you. I am a man and your breed are rare.
DeleteLet the offer GO.. Your husband thinks it a let down on his part allowing you be a nanny to fend for the family.. I am sure if you get a job he is more comfortable with he will let you go..
ReplyDeletePlease be patient, continue to manage and when God blesses you both he will forever appreciate you respected his wishes.
Something similar happened to me. The offer was when our first child was bearly a year. I listened to my husband and stayed back. Few days after my son turned 1 I gotten a better offer. My husband asked me to take the offer and after a while he left his job and joined us against snide remarks from some family members about him leaving his job and "following woman". We are at a very much better place right now and I thank God we took that step. Be patient, God will open the doors soon.
If it gets too hard reach out to Stella with your details and I will assist you whoever I can.
Anty Caro
Wow. Aunty Caro God will keep blessing you. Poster, pray to God to open doors that will not bring discord in your marriage for you. May God come through for you soonest. Amen.
DeleteMadam, do you see people of God wanting to assist you? Anyone that wants to help you should give you more money to inject into your business so that your family income will become more stable. Anyone telling you to leave your husband and kids for peanuts? Mmm, let me comment my reserve.
Delete❤❤❤❤
DeleteA man that see his wife working to earn decent living as let down is nothing but an egocentric lazy man and he is practising witchcraft and the bible told us suffer not a witch to live, poster pls ignore his threat make sure you know the remuneration a d check whether is ok, there're public schs everywhere which most of the domestic staffs and lower income earners send their kids ,pls inquire about all these take your children and start work after your investigation, poverty and marriage don't mix,is just a matter of time you guys will still quarrel if theirs no money for a longer period, he is selecting work but not ashamed to beg for his house rent, is even better you vacate the house so he can get a smaller apartment that you guys won't beg to pay again. You have ask him to join you and he said no so what else will you do to prove your sincerity, absolutely nothing, ignore him he will come around with time since all his family supported you, he can't stand alone nah
DeleteForemost, this man may not start you on 150k, since the last lady worked for years and was earning just that
ReplyDeletesecondly, that money may not be able to pay your kid's school fees.
YOur mother and MIL will begin to demand more money from you, seeing that you have reported to them what you aren't earning yet.
then, your marriage will scatter, kids lacking the care they need and going into evil.
Why not be patient and keep your marriage and beautiful home, are they worth this vanity?
Wise comment
DeleteListen to your husband. This whole arrangement doesn’t sit right with my spirit. Yes you need money but let’s learn to draw boundaries on what we find ourselves doing to make money.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know I’m the last person to cape for or support any man and his reasoning, I tend to look out for women first but please this arrangement isn’t it at all.
16:16 . Love your comment . My concern are the kids she want to leave for mother/inlaws to take care of . Madam stay with your family , that job is not worth it biko !!!
DeleteI wish all these advices are what they will do if they face the same situation but for me go and go and go ,keep your children with your parent and if there father want them so be it,women have giving men so much power over them that they now think they are gods
ReplyDeleteI truly feel for you that your partner is not in support of you taking a job that could potentially help the family. As painful as it is, I don’t think you should take the job of your husband is not in support. I'll advise you pray for God's will to be done and keep an open mind
ReplyDeleteAll of you telling her to abandon her marriage becos of Lagos nanny job that she doesn't know what it entails yet, clap for yourselves. So if it was in London or UK that the job is, what will you tell her to do? I see some wise comments up there. poster, sieve the comments and let God guide you to take the right decision
ReplyDeleteI'd say tell him you want to try it out for one month, it will also enable you see if you can cope with the working conditions. And if you like it, you continue begging him for extra months. Who knows, you might even get connections that will land him a good job
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I don't know your religious inclination but I will speak to you as a christian. There is something called the will of God.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to you is that you take a fast of 24 hours drinking only water and ask God, Lord what is your perfect will for me concerning this job offer. Show me clearly and give me your wisdom to handle this situation for my good and that of my family. May the Lord direct your path as you seek Him.
God bless you.
On the flip side, what if this is God wanting her to have access to the rich man who will offer her husband a job through her?
ReplyDeleteMost persons today got job openings via referals.
Who says after a month or a week she can't put in a word to the man for her husband?
Lol, I am paid to create "what if" analysis on my job, so I think for a living.
But hey this is life, and life could be cruel , you never can tell what it holds if you are too careful. Fortune favours the brave, just like curiosity kills the rat.
Dear poster, count the cost and decide for yourself.
If it is God, then she should pray and hear from God. Is God dumb, does he not speak? If she loses her marriage, all of you will be so glad to read her chronicles and it will just be eh yah, men are scum, wicked, egocentric, narcissistic, gaslight, I am already reading it up there.
DeleteOga Mark ,tell yourself the truth. Would you allow your wife to be a live in nanny to a single father? You guys should put yourselves in her husband's shoes for crying out loud!
DeleteAnon 18:46, no I won't. That's why I said it's the posters choice. Remember I made the decision open with fortune favours the brave and curiosity kills the rat. The decision lies on her to choose 150k over her hubby or her hubby over 150k. In this situation, whether we like it or not, the poster will make her choice no matter what pendulum public opinion swings to.
DeleteLook before you leap. This so called job was not offered to you directly, you just heard about it from a friend, you don't even know the conditions or what it entails, you have not even discussed with your friends boss to know what this job is all about. Why don't you get more details or ask your friend to connect you with her boss to know exactly what you are getting into. Please be careful and look before you leap. So many strange things are happening.
ReplyDeleteObey him.
ReplyDeletePoster my bestie is in your shoes, she has used all her salaries to collect loans to settle bills upon bills, now she earns just 5k a month because of loans she is paying, the husband doesn’t contribute much at all.
ReplyDeleteOur friend in USA promised to assist her in relocating via study route but she would need to come alone first and settle before bringing family.
Her husband refused and she has begged and begged Oga no gree o, he said he prefers it if he goes to EGYPT to marry sugar mummy who will sponsor him, this guy doesn’t even have a international passport o, he has since been threatening her with divorce. Madam don’t ever let marriage draw you back in life o, marriage is suppose to progress you not retrogress you. If you take that offer with your kids absolutely nothing will happen, he is afraid you will be bigger than him which he doesn’t want, madam the ball is in your court o no man should have the power to hold down your life be it husband family or friends pls
Curvy C
Your friend's own is very different and more promising than Lagos nanny job. Don't even compare
DeleteSo you definition of "progress" is 150k unpromised, not even offered?
DeleteSo if any lady shows up and tells you that there is 150k in lokoja, you vanish from your husband and kids?
Odiegwu, ihe nne n' amu these days.
What if this your friend wants to trick you out of your marriage to marry your husband.150k for nanny job sounds too good to be true,or your friend want to use you for something,be careful a lot is going on in the country right now.tell God to convince your husband to allow you go for the job if He approves of it.dont worry about what to tell your friend,if she's a good friend like you said she will understand when you tell her your husband refused.her reaction will even tell you if the offer is genuine or not
ReplyDeleteI tell you, the whole arrangement does not sit right wit me. 150k for a nanny in Lagos? Not at all
DeleteN150K for a live in Nanny job in Banana Island is not too good to be true.
DeleteBut any person taking such job must be ready to work like a bull.
Truth be told, it is not a job for a lazy person or a woman with two young children of her own.
The only advantage for the poster is her experience as a mother, which may not be much considering the expected difference of exposure between her and the children of the prospective employer.
These may be some of the reasons the husband is objecting to the job.
Madam, I will not advise you to go and become a housekeeper to a man who doesn't live with his family. If your hubby has been providing before he lost his job, don't bruise his ego. Calm down, the value of your home is not NGN150k. Except you're already tired of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteDarling that man is your husband, he isn't your husband only when it's convenient. If you weren't going to regard his opinion, you shouldn't have asked him. You've asked, he bluntly refused. I really don't see how you can do things your way and not cause avoidable drama in your home.
ReplyDeleteI know 150k seems large compared with your combined income but have you "counted the cost"? Is that amount worth destabilizing your home? Do you even know what the working conditions will be like? Sweetheart, please analyse this from all corners. It appears your children are still young, have you considered what it would be like for them not to have their mother around? Grannies can be amazing but nothing trumps a mother's love and care for her children. Are you sure you will be given the opportunity to travel back and forth to visit your family? A lot of things go awry when mum is not around. Suddenly, 150k is beginning to look ridiculous for all you have at stake.
I know financial hardship is one of the reasons marriages breakdown but I see this as a rough patch. You guys have managed to survive so far, the reason this is coming up is because of this job offer. Let this offer go because it comes at a price too high to pay. I know some mothers who turned down juicy offers because they didn't want to be away from their families. Being pragmatic may leave you with a ton of regrets. You have to respect your husband regardless of his financial challenges, it's not like you married a lazy lout, life happened. Who knows what tomorrow may bring? Hubby may get a very good job, who knows?
Tell your friend that you aren't comfortable leaving your kids just yet. If she is a friend, she shouldn't be offended. Hang in there, honey, it's usually the darkest before dawn.
P.S
Never discuss such matters with your extended family on both sides. Such discussions should be between man and wife.
e-hugs and kisses.
Thank you Rona, sometimes devil tempt us with things that didn't worth it.
DeleteI remembered when my husband told me to resign from my work to have time to take good care of our son that was very sick. I refused. Truly the boy needed total care instead of putting him in day care.
My baby later died, and that caused serious problem between l and hubby.
The same job l refused to resign from, was layed off four months later.
I couldn't stop blaming myself
Well said.
DeleteThank you Ronalda, first of all that 150K looks big but for a family living on the Island it is chicken change. Then you want to destroy your home for that. Also how sure are you about the pay? I have rich friends that live on the Island and the highest I have ever heard they paid a Naija maid was maybe 80 K and those were the ones hired through a professional agency or Filipinos they bring as Nannies. I am really surprised and disappointed at most of the commenters insulting the husband, he lost his job and is hustling to provide not like he is a lazy leech sponging off his wife. Why won’t Ceasar and Dante keep making comments about women when most you keep proving them right?
Delete@19:24, I'm very sorry for your loss. However, stop blaming yourself for it, and shame on anyone who blames you for it. There's no guarantee that he would have lived if you had quit your job.
DeleteWhat's 150k (not if sure you will be paid such amount)compared to the sanctity of your marriage. How are you sure your children will be well taken care of by your motherinlaw. Since your husband is not lazy and trying his best, pls listen to him.
ReplyDeleteYesterday, it was a woman wanting to abandon her husband for a "lover" and stealing the man's kid in the process.
ReplyDeleteToday, it is a woman wanting to abandon her husband and kids for a phantom 150k?
Which one will we read tomorrow?
What kind of ladies are in marriages in Nigeria these days?
Yesterday's was a woman planning to cheat on her husband because of inadequate marital sex while she continues to enjoy all of her husband's bountiful financial care and willingness to listen to her in the marriage.
DeleteThat "relocation" can be human trafficking for prostitution, haven't we read plenty here?
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Ronalda, your choice of words is always encouraging
ReplyDeleteDon't go abeg.
ReplyDeleteNa beg I dey beg u.
You want to abandon your marriage for 150k nanny job in Lagos? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteTry am naw. First, 150k nanny job is too good to be true. Second, cost of living in Lagos is very high, not to talk of moving to the island. You won't even see a good school of 150k per term for your children sef. Third, Lagos employers are very unpredictable. You can get fired for no good reason. Your boss may try to sexually harass you. Not to talk of the temptations it may bring when you and your husband are separated for a while because you're going to work.
My advise is that you and your husband continue to manage what you have and pray for something better. God will not give you a job that would destroy a good marriage (if that is what you have).
BVs should also be careful of how they insult husbands on this page. The man I not a deadbeat man. He lost his job and is not sitting down doing nothing. Haba! You all are proving Ceaser and Dante right about their assessment of women.
You see? Yesterday on that post about not calling a wife good until you lose your job, a lot of you were criticising the OP, calling him all sorts. But from the comments it is clear that that poster is correct. A lot of you are asking her to ignore her husband and go for the job. The reason for the disrespect is because he is now jobless abi?
ReplyDeleteMadam, listen to your husband. From what you wrote up there, he is not idle. He’s hustling like a real man would do.
ReplyDeleteBe patient and keep praying for things to get better.
Just forget about the nanny job, I’m sure it entails a whole lot you don’t even know.
Sluttychic.
Some blog visitors are very wise and sweet.God bless the wise women here. Poster don't go.
ReplyDeleteMadam you said your husband is doing something and looking for a better job, why can’t you listen to your husband and submit to him? You’re acting like an unmarried woman who can take any job, just know you’ll regret disobeying your husband. All that glitters is not gold.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I know you’re so desperate right now but I want you to relax and think. That Job is too good to be true in Nigeria. Your new boss might take advantage of the fact that you desperately need money and sleep with you. You don’t know what your friend most have told them. Trust no one. Listen to your husband, he is the priest, head and the father of your home. He is not even a lazy man. Appreciate his efforts and wait on God’s blessings. The offer is so shiny and juicy but be careful.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEverything Poster narrated about the job is hearsay.
ReplyDeleteNo details of the children she would look after - How many. Any challenge.
No details whether she is to be Nanny strictly speaking or Nanny in the general sense - House keeper, market goer, cook, cleaner, laundry woman, etc.
No agreement on the salary to be earned - Employer(s) can say I did not tell your friend so or let us start at a lower grade until...
No details on how her own children will be schooled - whether in employer(s) children school or the nearest school in Obalende area, how the children will go to and fro school.
Has the employer(s) agreed that she bring her husband along to live with her
The boys quarter. Does it have is own entrance or accessed only by employer(s) gate which they can rightly ordered locked at anytime for their own good/security and thereby restrict Mr. Husband's movement.
Has Poster seen the prospective employer(s) to use her feminine intuition to judge and sense if she can work and live with the employer(s)
The promise to give her husband work is just that. Or is it going to be part of the Nanny contract?
So many questions.
Poster, just know that what ever decision you take will resonate in your marriage.
Please there is nothing wrong with a spouse having an opinion on what kind of job their partners can do, except we are not talking about marriage as it should be.I married my wife 11 years ago when I was earning over 400k while her take home was barely 70k as a contract staff.To the glory of God,we have multiplied physically, financially and otherwise.Yet,'nothing' has changed about us! At that time,I honestly could have been with some other person if I think money was the primary reason for the marriage.Our women must be careful not to mislead the many young men and women reading this blog that money trumps love and genuine companionship.
ReplyDeleteLet the job go, a better offer will come that you both will agree and be on the same page with each other.As far as ur husband is not lazy, laying idle,sleeping,waking and eating and doing nothing,he is still trying to make ends meet it’s just things are difficult everywhere for now.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to relocating you should also think about the welfare of ur kids, cos 150k is not worth all the drama. What if u get there and the terms and conditions for the job do not favor you.
A better offer will come that u might probably travel with ur kids and husband or he will be back to his position as the main provider and man of the house.
Be patient,listen to your husband and keep praying,a better offer will come,this is not the best life has to offer you.
Poster, pls do not go ahead. Something just doesn’t sit right. Listen to your husband. A better offer is coming for both of you soon! You will come back for this comment.
ReplyDeleteMadam go ooo , don't listen to these people telling you otherwise, I reject alot of good opportunities cos of marriage, today marriage I no get again opportunities lost, marriage and poverty don't mix, it's just a matter of Time another set of wahala cos of lack of money will start
ReplyDelete