Hmmmm...
Hello Stella,
please I need urgent advice because I have never been this confused in my life.
I have been married for almost 5years now with a son.
Before I got married, my husband chased me for so long till I gave in. One of the major reasons why I gave in was his zeal and his drive. He was so focused and very optimistic. I can be a pessimist sometimes, so I needed someone that you would push me when I feel like all hope is lost.
Shortly after we married, I noticed my husband's zeal was just dying, wasn't behaving like the person I married and stopped listening to me. He is a good man no doubt, hardly disturbs me, but he just became laid back. Stopped his project that is 75% complete and said he wanted to invest in other businesses.
I told him that those businesses wouldn't pay and he should focus on his project as it would yield fruit, but he didn't listen. At some point he told me he can't kill himself for me, anyhow we see ourselves, we would manage. Stella, he had no passion to do anything.
It took us almost 4 years for our baby to arrive, I thought this would give him the drive to pick up again, and he was acting like he was working towards it. All of a sudden, he was laid back again.
He recently sold off one of his properties and said he would like to invest in something else, I was against it, but he assured me it was for the best. He blew the money again under 3 months and I'm short of words. He didn't even give me a dime out of the money for my personal upkeep, just for maintenance of the house. I wanted to start looking for a job, but he insisted that he doesn't want any help in the house. So I'm in the house doing a little buying and selling.
Why I am writing this now is that, he has resorted to sort of gambling in disguise, loosing so much money in the process. I later found out that, that was how majority of the money disappeared.
Recently, he asked that I borrow him part of the money I have left with me and I refused because I knew it was for this gambling thing. He made such a fuss of it and he just borrowed money from these loan sharks. I've been beside myself since. He has invested it in the gambling thing again, saying he would make it big.
His sister that lives with us, told his mum, the mum said it's someone that tied him up somewhere and I need to be prayerful so that he is released.
I don't know how to go about this issue. I'm so disappointed and afraid for the future. We have a baby to take care of. He is even saying if anyone wants to buy the property he was already developing, he would gladly sell it and start from the beginning. Please can you or any of the BV's advice me on how to tackle this issue? I'm someone people come to for advice, but it has gotten to my own turn and I have become too confused.
Abeg nobody tied him up anywhere, he is a serial gambler and probably hid it well from you, its also probably where he got all the money to start any project....Gambling is like drinking, once they become addicted, it takes the Grace of God...
All i can advice you to do is to make sure you save, hide all clues leading him finding out and hope for the best.....
Let me read what others have to say...
He needs prayers. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteHis sister that lives with us, told his mum, the mum said it's someone that tied him up somewhere and I need to be prayerful so that he is released."
Delete"He needs prayers", said someone up there.
Praying for what exactly? Praying for someone who doesnt think he has a problem?
I said praying for what exactly, released from what exactly? What did he even have that someone wants to 'tie' him. Tied up like ajumbaise abi?
Why can't he pray for himself, head of home is it by who carry penis?
I don't have time for silly, vacuous, empty religious soporifics: aunty you are married to a lazy, directionless gambler.
If you are not careful, you will start eating from dustbins.
Gambling, like porn, is an ADDICTION, it DESTROYS.
Once the account is empty, they will start selling clothes, phones, cutlery, anything just to get money. The really deep gamblers, will do ANYTHING, to get money.
Anybody that is telling you to go to church to yadi yada yugu is wasting your time, they will just take your money and multiply the problems you are fighting.
This is why I insist that women should have their own multiple streams of incomes.
Anything can happen.
Make sure that you have this. Make sure you escalate to his parents, make sure he cannot transfer money from your account via USSD etc, ensure that
Is it just me, or do women conveniently say that their son or husband is tied up somewhere spiritually, thereby absolving them from taking responsibilities of their actions. The lack of accountability is terrible. jEEEZ. Hold him responsible. Nobody tied him anywhere. This is so appalling.
ReplyDeleteNa only man dem dey tie somewhere. Mtchewww
DeleteImagine the concrete rubbish. That I'd the number 1 excuse enabled by women. Ehn they tied him up, ehnn they did juju on him. Na only men dem dey tie up????? Allow these niggahs to take responsibility for once and behave like adults instead of enabling, stupid, reckless, deviant behaviour simply because you are afraid to accept the reality staring in your face.
DeleteGambling....Tete.......nkan buruku( bad thing to venture into)
ReplyDeleteMy sister, continue praying for him and advice him with love but don't stop saving up money ooo incase you need anything and be careful and don't make the money u are saving known to him ooo cuz if anything happens, na u and ur son go face am oooo..
Once someone starts gambling, it takes the special grace of God for the person to be saved.
ReplyDeleteAddiction is bad.
As much as I’m not against prayers, change will only come if he is ready to change.
ReplyDeleteGambling is a (serious) bad habit. It will only take God and self determination to stop it. Like Stella said, save money, get a job, take care of yourself and your baby. I know it won’t be easy but try and not bother about it so much.
God answers prayers. Please don’t stop praying for him. The lord will see you through. Amen.
All the property he's selling, he's the one that hustled for it I guess without your single effort.
ReplyDeleteI'm not happy he's selling it tho.
All the stress u gave this man before u agreed to date/marry him only for u to agree and become house wife to dictate how he invest his money!!! What did u bring to the table¿??
Let me nor lie to u, the man had to hide so many of his flaws jus to get u by all means Bcos u were proving very impossible and difficult.
I thinks u should go get something doing so u ca hold urself down. Don't wait till he reaches rock bottom cos at these rate, he will and u may not be able to handle to shame it will bring u ...
What do you mean how she dictates his money? They’re married!!! Married!!! Not dating or a single man relationship so why the hell wont she have a say about it??? Some of you folks are not ready to be married for real.
DeleteOga, you read all that and this is what you can say to advise her? What is wrong with a woman being sure about her choices? Wetin concern wetin she bring to the table to the fact that her Husband is a chronic gambler? Na wa for you. All you did here was blame and shame the victim.
DeleteAK47 How is she the victim???
DeleteIt is only when it has to do with money you people ask nonsense questions about what anybody brings to the table. As you are poor now, so you agree you have absolutely nothing to offer anybody ba? That you are totally useless ba? Na you talk am o!
DeleteSixfeeta did we read the same chronicle? or did you manufacture yours from one side of your brain 🧠🤔. E be like say you too na great Gambler , make you change your lifestyle for good.
DeleteMummy Anthony, your comment threw me off my chair. So funny
DeleteLooks like a spiritual matter to me.
ReplyDeleteOnly God can safe him. I pray he not addicted to gambling already because it's a terrible vice.
ReplyDeleteSave*
DeletePoster in all you wrote,You didn't tell us what your hubby did for a living before the issue,You only said he had a project.
ReplyDeleteHe should go look for a job and start afresh,There is no shame in it.
Also pray,There is nothing God can't do.
My dear, start hiding money from him. Save, save and Invest. Always tell him you are broke so he won't be able to borrow money from you. The truth is that men like him hardly change so start being selfish and start planning your future alone.
ReplyDeleteHe has always being a gambler, probably he usually wins big from gambling.My advice would be to save ,save and save.You don't have to tell him about your investment or finances because of the future,so he wouldn't cajole you one-day into releasing them for gambling.
ReplyDeletePut him in your prayers and if possible,he should meet with a financial expert and a life coach.
Your husbands zeal didnt die, he only acted ascript to get you. Please just hustle to take care of yourself and child. You see that assignment the mum gave u to fast n pray, na she need am pass.
ReplyDeleteBoth of them needs to pray.
DeleteThe mother praying for her son while the wife praying for her husband.
Dear poster,if he's not listening to you nor his mother then do as his mother said; pray. How do some people hide their true color amazes me just for them to marry whom they want and then boom! show who they really are.
ReplyDeleteGambling is a spirit, the more he gambles, the more he's addicted. I don't know if he has anyone he listens to, pls tell the person if he has plus he needs prayers to be able to overcome this spirit. Also take to Stella's advice begin to safe for raining days
ReplyDeleteNobody tied him up. It has been his attitude but you didn't take notice because like you said he's very optimistic and probably a smooth talker but once he feels like he has achieved a little, a gives up entirely and moves into other things. He probably suffered from ADHD as child and got no therapy. He probably also have friends that are encouraging his attitude. Get a job. Don't listen to him. Find a job for yourself or establish yourself in business. If he says he doesn't want help, hire a nanny that will come and go. If he refuses that too let him take over at least 75% of the chores. If you continue like this, you will have regrets 20yrs down the line and that your son might resent you in future not to mention you resenting yourself.
ReplyDeleteFinally, tie your legs. That your son is enough for now. Stabilize your finances first
lol at tie your leg.
DeleteIs there nobody your husband listens to??
ReplyDeleteHe needs help ASAP. Gambling is a EVIL HABIT.
Engage in the place of prayers too.
Try to ask him to lend you money. You have to start saving for the family
First of all, that man has always been like that, no drive or prospect, he only played your game and show you exactly what you wanted to see. He chased you for a long-time and knew what you wanted in a man, and made himself look that way. There is no magic here, nothing happened to him, you married a gambler. Nobody changes just like that after marriage, not even years but immediately? He played you!
ReplyDeleteNow, you will either learn to live with it or change it, all depend on you. You need to work for yourself and child, as long as he takes care of the house, you keep your money for your child, because you will need it to pay his school fees and care for yourself, it will reach a point where he will have nothing to sell, and you will be the bread winner. Embrace yourself and prepare your mind...
poster what his other said is not correct but just to use it and confuse you. She is supporting her son from what he is doing. I will say you should save enough oh, concentrate on your child, use all your money to do good business and make more money so that someday when he is not ready to do be useful you move oh.
ReplyDeleteGamblers never change oh, they remain the same, they keep trying till they become broke. That spirit of gambling is only God that can deliver them from it. Your man has been doing it before you guys got married just that he ran out of luck.
No need for you to advice him oh, just face front and keep praying for him. Your own money you should keep it intact and do not allow him to see it. Make sure you always complain of not having money so that he will not come to you for money.
Poster I'm so sorry but it seems your husband didn't just started gambling today,it's has been in his blood...he only hide it from you cos he knew you won't want to marry him! It will take the grace of God to stop and be determined as well
ReplyDeleteAside gambling doesn't he work?? He can look for job while he tends to his projects too now... nobody has any hand in what he's going through but himself cos gambling is addictive,so tell your Mom in-law and sis inlaw's to join you in praying for him
Poster my advice for u is to pray pray and pray, listen correct the anomaly u have in ur marriage with prayers, even if u advice him from morning till night, he will not change. And pls try and look for work, it's very important
ReplyDeletePoster i am so angry with you right now. Your husband is busy gammbling away money and STILL tells you not to look for work and you fold yourself uo like mat and listen to him hmmmmm. See you see hunger! My dear get up and look for work and take care of your child. Leave him to continue gambling he is an adult and he should be held accountable for his actions. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILD! DON'T GIVE OR LOAN HIM ANY MONEY! I AM SHOUTING OOOO. Naijabet don ruin families ooo. My dear poster BE WISE OOO. This is not time for prayers this is the time to use your common sense! No be everything be prayers ooo.
ReplyDelete1. Poster was your husband ever into Yahoo? Where did he get his capital...
ReplyDelete2. Does any of your husband's family has any form of addiction? Drugs, alcohol, womanising etc.?
This problem needs to be tackled from the root. Find the root and tackle it from there in prayer and in counselling.
Poster take it from someone that have been there. That man will never change. He has always been like that you weren't living with him before marriage so there's no way you would have noticed. The exact thing happened to me , now I'm a single mother caring a lone for my three kids. Another thing please only get the number of kids you can care for. Before you know it he will tell you you are nagging too much for always telling him the truth
ReplyDeleteYou can't win with an adult that has been set in his ways but keep praying if you can because you might just be in for a long ride. it is never easy with a man like this ooo.
Exactly, I've been there as well, they never change. He'll only keep trying to cover his gambling ways with lies and then more lies. I'm currently single cos I couldn't take it anymore
DeleteGambling or not start saving ASAP for your baby o save o madam I repeat no borrow an anything just save oooo
ReplyDeleteThey will soon say na u tie am
ReplyDeletePoster take it from someone that have been there. That man will never change. He has always been like that you weren't living with him before marriage so there's no way you would have noticed. The exact thing happened to me , now I'm a single mother caring a lone for my three kids. Another thing please only get the number of kids you can care for. Before you know it he will tell you you are nagging too much for always telling him the truth
ReplyDeleteYou can't win with an adult that has been set in his ways but keep praying if you can because you might just be in for a long ride. it is never easy with a man like this ooo.
Poster pray for him, hid your money very well from him pretend like you are broke and most importantly DO NOT HAVE ANOTHER BABY NOW.
ReplyDeletePoster, I’m just wondering how you were unemployed for 4 years before you had your son or did he tell you not to work too before giving birth? Your complaints are lazy. Get up and go fend for yourself and your son cos soon you’ll become the breadwinner. Your husband don hang booth. Sorry, enjoyment housewife from gambling loot, no more enjoyment for you.
ReplyDeleteI don’t think he’s a chronic gambler
ReplyDeleteI think he ran into tough times and he’s looking for an easy way out. Just protect your money from him
They tied him according to his mum.who are the they?giving excuses for baf behavior
ReplyDeletePoster, while praying for him to change,please get a job(maybe one that gives you time to take care of your son as well) because gambling is a spirit,if your husband is not willing to change there is little or nothing you can do about it
ReplyDeleteGambling?.. Hope it's not bet9ja cause that shit is addictive..
ReplyDeleteI pray he overcomes it.
Poster apply sense, start saving your own money and keep it secret,
ReplyDeleteIncrease your prayer life.
Look for something doing.
have ceased from arguing with people that ALL problems should be tackled from the spiritual before engaging physical measures. It's like telling a child in kindergarten that there are various methods of solving algebraic equations; and then going ahead to list them: factorization, almighty formula, etc. The child can even burst out crying. Why? Because his level of reasoning is not up to.
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with prayer? What do you lose when you pray? What is wrong if you pray alongside your efforts to solve problems. Why do people get angry and fight when prayer is mentioned? I'll tell you why. Satan doesn't want you getting any solution!
His family even told you that the problem is spiritual, but here you are writing chronicle for solution without asking the One who created your husband. Let me tell you hoha. Nothing anybody, anywhere will tell you to do will work without involving prayer because this case of gambling is 100% spiritual. Start talking, infact, nagging from now till the kingdom comes. You go talk tire.
The spirit of gambling recently descended on Africa, Nigeria especially, in the guise of football betting, lotto, etc. wrecking individual lives, homes, great dreams and aspirations. These gamblers don't like it but the willpower to stop isn't there because, there's something stronger than their willpower controlling them. You find (like your husband was) the greatest optimists among gamblers. Guess where their optimism comes from? Satan! He keeps whispering to them that they can make 1 Milla from 500 naira. No be ment? Does it sound ordinary? Don't you think all the people involved have relatives who have talked until their tongues are sticking out? Have they changed? Whosai! It even gets worse.
I know a woman whose husband is in his early 60s. His career is, guess? Football betting! Hehehe. He wakes up every morning, eats the food prepared by his wife (from her earnings as a bursar at her place of work) and rushes to his office. Guess where his office is? Betting house! Omo, everybody don talk tire. It has been like this for eight years.
Recently, I asked her to do somethings amongst which is fasting and praying. After a while, she reached out to me with excitement that the husband (a graduate of Elect elect) is among a few people applying for a contract to bring electricity to a rural area. Also, that, it looks like he will win it based on the fact that he is more educated than the others especially in the line of business involved. He is making efforts he never made in the past! Why didn't he do this before now?
Madam,
1. Start praying for your husband. Specifically, ask the spirit of gambling to pack his luggage and leave him. Take a fast. Do this until everything is settled.
2. Sow a seed to completely break the hand of the devil in his life, telling the devil never to return again.
3. Get a job. Please make your own money, save and invest.
4. Relax your mind and be patient with God. He will complete it in due time.
God bless you.
On point Jechix, God Almighty bless you
DeleteOn point!
DeleteShe should also try and find out when he started gambling, maybe this could lead her to finding the cause (if any).
LMAOOOO. Nigerian women and their beasts of burden mentality.
DeleteGod to the power of forbid a trillion times.
Gambling is bad......here in my area we have many of them,if millions is made today you will see them throwing party inviting everyone,in less than few days you will be surprised seeing them selling either refrigerator or generator.
ReplyDeleteSeriously madam pray for your hubby with all your heart, indeed gambling is a spirit that he has been tied to.
Poster enter correct prayers for your husband.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I'm wary of guys who consistently or over pursue you even when you've told them you're not feeling them. They pursue you to a point of guilt. Cos everyone will be like haba he loves you naa, give him a chance. They usually have the best words, attitude but may all be a sham until they get what they want. Excessive interest may not mean good character and may not mean they'll never hurt you. Life sef. Nawa
ReplyDeleteHe needs deliverance.
ReplyDeleteGambling is addictive, it will only takes the grace of God for your husband to stop it.
ReplyDeleteMay God strengthen you in using wisdom to solve this problem.
Beware of men who chase women for a long time and refuse to take no for an answer.
ReplyDeleteSome of them are in reality not good men and the women who gave up and ended up with them did so because (if they are honest with themselves) they were heartbroken by their exes and wanted to prove a point or there was no other option and had gotten desperate.
We are joke with spiritual issues.. Poster it is a spiritual issue. It happened to me tooo after my marriage ended. Millions will just go like that and I will not be able to explain what I did with the money.
ReplyDeleteI had to start serious prayers
Were you gambling??? That is the focus here.
Delete@Poster. Your husband has not always been a gambler from beginning. Disregard all those comments saying he pretended while he was chasing you.
ReplyDeleteYou have to think back closely to when he started losing interest in running his projects or stopped being interested in things. I think he suffered depression somewhere along the line and gambling eventually became his fall back. People always think men are rock solid and strong. They forget men are also human.
What you need to do is take charge of the situation by sitting him down and have a heart to heart conversation. Let him know that you know he is struggling and that you are there to support him.
Try to pull him out of his shell to share his worries with you. You will see he will say what is troubling him and that is where you start to find and build a solution together.
I wish your family all the best in this difficult time.
Y.
Gbam. Sweet comment anon 20:28. We women need to learn how to show empathy and check on our men because they’re also human. I also have a feeling he might be depressed.
DeleteYes. I’m surprised that it took so long in the comment for someone to mention depression. It’s most probable that this is what happened
DeleteI like this point of view. Indeed depression goes on unnoticed in Nigeria because we do not believe in taking care of our mental health.
DeleteYour husband is a captive to his folly. I don't know your religious identity but if you are able to, take a fast and pray that the yoke of gambling and folly be broken in his life.
ReplyDeletePractically don't allow him have access to your savings. May the Lord come through for you
Chaii, same thing that almost lost my friend his marriage if not for Grace and prayers.
ReplyDelete