Hmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
PRAYERS NEEDED FOR A SETTLED LIFE
Good day jeweluchi and bvs,
I just want to say my mind because it depressing, I dont know where I have gotten it wrong, I'm going about 32 no serious relationship and the funny thing is that people don't believe I am not in any relationship because of my body type and my dressing.
Some of my female friends don't believe.
I work every hard with little savings I'm always happy on the outside but sometimes I'm down on the inside, the people coming close are people i can feed which I don't want because doing that in my family now is hard...don't know if I did something wrong that always make me attract the wrong people, the ones I trust and love only want s#x they won't spend on me but want s#x which I normally refuse ,then the communication stops, at times I think of giving them s#x to make them stay but my heart can't take it, i have had suitors that like me but when things start been serious they will mute me without any reason.
I dont have friends, all are married and engaged. I have prayed and I still hope and believe in God this is my year ,I always read Isaiah 49 vs 14_1 which gives me strength please put me in your prayers
Why put so much pressure on yourself like this? Let me give you a tip.. Why dont you just enjoy your life and take each day as it comes? There is no guarantee that the Marriage you seek will give you fulfilment or happiness....
Be happy and dont worry and things will fall into place. Why dont you have friends? They all muted you because they are married or engaged or you feel inferior and muted them? Sometimes we are the problem but we blame others...
Enjoy your life Babe...
Smile after reading my red pen
Stella have said it all, .poster you need to start by taking it easy on your self, you sound too hard on your self. And also be prayerful.
ReplyDeleteStella please when are you going to do friendship post for us, most people are friendless , some their married friends has left them, while some are married but no friend,please kindly consider this.God bless you.
Read a book called The rules. You can't go wrong in dating with that book
DeleteI pray you meet the right man that will give you the beautiful life you desire.
ReplyDeleteYou mentioned your dressing; could it be portraying you in a wrong way? Is it possible to change your dressing and make new supporting friends.
Best wishes to you!
Poster, I feel for you. It is hard to be lonely in a crowd. I would like to be your friend if you don't mind. I am a married woman and heterosexual.I just feel like supporting you emotionally and spiritually. I am not a pastor but a sinner who is looking unto God for mercy. We all have burdens but we are vessels God uses to ease those burdens. If it is okay with you, reply and let stella know and I will give my contacts to her.
DeleteSo once any of your friends get married or engaged you stop being their friend?
DeleteI have been there, done that and it is only very natural that you be anxious to settle down. You are at the perfect age to make good decisions and recognise what you need in a man to be truely fulfilled.
Let me recommend DDK's Prayer Pavilion. Article 5 there is "I AM MARRIED". It is wonderful. You can binge on it and other articles on it that suits you and declare them over and over and over again. You will feel all your anxiety melt away and you will be filled with confidence. Don't also forget " the secret" which will help you attract the exactly kind man you want and help you develop the right attitude to keep him.
Heard so much about this secret. Tried downing it but the one I saw was for a fee. Me need free one
DeleteZaram, you can download it free at z-lib, there is video one on YouTube. I downloaded the text but didn't have time to read it all. I just went to YouTube and got it. It's one hour plus...
DeleteI5:34 One can be VERY lonely in a crowd.
DeleteVery lonely.
You have a lot to learn.
When you stop using been in place of being probably things will change for you for better
DeleteI prefer the hard copy jareh. Any book shop or Christian book shop.
DeletePoster,A good marriage will come when you least expect it.
ReplyDeleteYour worries are valid,Some people want to marry on time and there's absolutely nothing wrong about it.
Prayer is the key to all things,Tell God how you want your life to be with FAITH and watch him do wonders for you.
But for the mean time,Like Stella said,Be happy and live your life to the fullest.
Settle ur spirt husband fast.
ReplyDeletePlease stop this. Nobody has a spirit husband without knowing it and we read nothing like that in this chronicle
DeleteShe might not have a spirit husband but there might be something spiritual not wanting her to marry...go for a deliverance then after that just wait on God and enjoy your single state till your answer comes....a lot is happening and sometimes people just live under certain oppression for years till God open their spiritual eyes to the real problem..
DeleteHmmmm.. My heart prays for you for this intelligent advice you just gave Stella..Dear poster, enjoy your life please!
ReplyDeleteIf you find someone you're compatible with, it would generally lead to s*x because you're as attracted to him as he is to you. It could lead to marriage but just enjoy the relationship. No s*x before marriage doesn't guarantee that he'll marry you.
ReplyDeleteEverybody must not follow the bandwagon,I've seen Christians that abstained from sex even though they were so much attracted to each other...Infact I do it too.
DeleteWe've see no sex before marriage and sex before marriage work. There is no one way that works.
DeleteI understand. I was just emphasizing that if she's abstaining from sex because she expects him to marry her then it wouldn't work. Of course, I don't knock people's religious beliefs. If she's abstain because of religion, then she should hold on to it. I'm not religious so just saying it as I see it.
DeleteWhenever I read my gender say "I have prayed..."
ReplyDeleteI always remind them that Jesus taught that we ought "always to pray and not to
give up..." Luke 18.
Prayer (and fasting) is a believers way of life. That is why in Matthew six, he said
"when you pray...when you fast...when you give...' it is a continuous thing.
Do not relent. Go to God in prayers, fasting, giving to the less privileged... and do what
God reveals to you.
Exactly. Thanks dear
DeleteThank you...some people are not even born again but think a one minute prayer when you are in troublemwill solve the problem....even Jesus said some problems will not go except through prayer and fasting..some problems will not go till you attack it from the root cause. Because you can be praying and that door will still be opened for them to operate. The alter servicing your problem might even be under your roof and you are feeding it everyday...
DeleteI am 35 single, comfortable and searching as well. But there is no way I will spend on a woman without having sex with her. Otherwise I will feel used in the relationship. That is why those men are leaving when you expect them to spend on you without sex to offer. So if you are willing to enter a financeless and sexless relationship drop your contact and let's see how it goes. In any case enjoy your life. You are still young and don't give in to pressure.
ReplyDeleteWhat If she does not require spending
DeleteWhat if she has providers on the family front and they have given her all she ever wanted materially would this still make you feel inadequate and you still demand for sex,?
Not everyone needs money
Thank you for this comment cos I will use it to illustrate something. Dear poster and my young Christian women, pls note that this is the koko in the world today. Nothing goes for nothing. The carnal man can never date you/spend on you without asking for sex in return. So if you want a godly relationship, pls seek a godly man. Dont give sex to him, but also do not collect anything from him. Simple. Make your own money and take care of yourself before or during the relationship. You cannot serve God and mammon, cos God dignifies labour.
Delete"....the ones I trust and love only want s#x they won't spend on me but want s#x which I normally refuse ,then the communication stops, at times I think of giving them s#x to make them stay but my..."
ReplyDeleteWhen you write or talk, some of us only listen to what you are not saying. That's always where the truth is. "Spending on me" is all most of you know. You probably have been meeting men who get irritated by that. I am one of them. If I meet you and find out you're nothing but a greedy and entitled fellow, I figure it out no matter how subtle it is. I ghost you immediately. Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of simps around who see nothing in this, you probably haven't been 'lucky' to meet them.
Alot of you move around feeling yourselves in your earlier years. You forget you'll get old. At the approach of dawn, you come here to disturb us with stories while portraying yourself as the innocent one. Many of you frolick with married men until you get to 30 before acquiring sense. The truth is, 90-95% of the women reading this have dated a married man. You can curse all you want, but you know deep down it's the truth. The married men are our friends, colleagues and business partners. When we sit out after work or at business meetings, they come with you. You sit there like a fool and also eat free food like a fool forgetting you're eating away your marital years.
One fool failed to study yours sincerely very well and was reporting a married friend to me. She said he was cheating on her! The audacity! She watched my face change. I haven't seen her again. She will never forget all I told her. The mumu didn't know I resented her the first day I saw her doing 'lovey-lovey' with the guy. The fact she was from my place got me madder.
Don't get me wrong, runz girls also marry. But alot of you aren't that lucky. You've wasted your youth on married men. Many of you even do full dating with married men for years! You date a married man as if he was single. Just because they are funding your vanities. E pass phone, clothes, hair, those nonsense long nails and maybe vacation? Shame no dey catch una sef? Can't you work and achieve these things?
Later you'll want one guyman to marry you and keep at home. Let me tell you something, many guys are single because the average girl they see has fucked her life away. The older she is, the more likely her penile mileage. If I see a genuine virgin today with proper education, believe me I'll pour out money on her and marry her. These are the type of women who deserve to be "worshipped". These are the type of women people like me walk around the China walls for.
Hard to swallow but it is true. However, this might not have been this poster's case, focus on the subject please. You ended up not proffering solution, instead, ended the note on yourself.. Which I think is thoughtless cause this isn't about you.
DeletePoster, take Stella's Advice.
Iya Nimi
Bitter soul
DeleteYour comment is not suited for this post. You are projecting your experiences on poster. She never mentioned dating a married man but see how you carried your life experiences to pour on her and all women. Nawa...
DeleteYou your self are you a virgin? That virgin you seek will do you the more you look the less you see! Why don’t you advise this lady based on her issue instead of generalizing all ladies as one because of your awful experiences, just imagine the kind of friends you hang out with, I am 100% sure you are also into runs girls because it is said “show me your friends and I will tell you whom you are” please have sense not every lady above 30yrs is unmarried because she played away or was dating a married man, by now you should know life happens if you really have brain up there. Can you imagine saying every man who is poor above 40yrs played out his youth or spent all his money on women! Not every man will make it even at 40 because life happens no matter how hard working you are. I pity every female in your family
DeleteI am a virgin and well educated too. But nothing in this life would compel me to accept a man like you. That would be an undeserving punishment.
DeleteDear Ceaser, everything you wrote there is not true. Do you hear me? You aren’t saying anything. Now a question for you’d truly Omniknowest, what happens to the woman who never and doesn’t fall Into the vile you just spewed? What opinion do you have of her? Please learn to be open minded when you spew your so called “I know someone it happened to” story. You must really have so much dislike even to the women in your family hence the reason for the bitterness towards the female folks. Every woman on the surface of the earth is not what you paint them to be. The hate and bile on your comments na be felt from miles away. Instead of channeling so much negativity towards people who did you no wrong, I will suggest you turn it I to a thing of positivity and be very impactful to everyone around you. You will be a better and recognized fellow.
DeletePS; stop hailing yourself in anonymous mode, it’s very distasteful and tacky. Good morning Sir.
If you like quote the Bible from beginning to the end, if you are Igbo and you don't settle your spirit husband, ndi uto or those that demand settllement, if you like fine pass Bianca Ojukwu, nothing for you. Look for a true Ezenwanyi or Dibia and do the needful.
ReplyDeleteJesus!!!! Never knew people still believe this. Why Jesus die?
DeleteThank u oh.
DeleteEven if shes non igbo as far as u have spirit husband n u dnt settle dem..den wahalur o.poster beg dem first to give u way den come back and do d main settlement web u have d cash but make sure to keep to ur promise if not dis one wen u dey complain dey write chronicle u go see shege.meet a GOOD ezewanyi or dibia like my fellow anon said.
DeletePoster please do not listen to this. Do not give the devil a foothold in your life. Hold unto the word. Ignore them all...
DeleteThis one is busy looking for who to spend on her. Nigerian women listen, relationships are not poverty alleviation programs.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, please know that a lot of people this days are USERS. Even when you find men who are willing to split the bill with you, majority gradually starts coming up with excuses and leave you to pay the bills. By the comments here, you can obviously see that. Despite they are claiming you are looking for who will spend on you, they are actually the ones who will use you and leave you outside to hang dry.
DeletePlease learn to make yourself happy. Take yourself out to lunch n dinner. Join those tourism groups, just strictly for fun. Don’t get desperate for friendship to anyone (both genders). It can be smelt. Go to cinemas. Go to malls. Go to parks. Go to beaches. Start loving yourself first, before you know it, you will see people trying to get your attention just to squeeze in. Your happiness isn’t dependent on anyone. First give yourself treats, then take it from there.
If only God will open our eyes to see what he has in stock for us all these worry no.go dey. He said NON shall lack his mate. It is a command that must be fulfilled. If ants can get their mate. How much more a beautiful image of God like you. If you are female and wish to get married definitely you MUST marry one day. That is how my friend wanted to kill herself because of marriage when she was single now she no dey allow me rest due to marriage wahala. Yours will not be like that
ReplyDeleteBe happy inside out. You can't give what you don't have. You desperately need marriage while you don't love yourself. How can you be always down because you are not yet married?. Babe love yourself with reckless abandon despite all your mistakes and you will unconciouslly spread love. As per dressing. This days na married women dey expose body pass single ladies. Na only wedding ring dey show say them don marry. Spend on clothing's. Be intentional about how you dress.
You are specially made. None is like you amongst God's creation. God handpicked you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Congratulations in advance
I love you zaram and i am not the poster.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, it’s all in your hands. The truth is prayer is important but so is our decisions. You can’t stay home and be a loner then complain about your lonely life.
ReplyDeleteYou must go out. You must socialize. The fact that your friends are married doesn’t stop you from being friends with them. In fact, they are you best option for find a man. They can match you with their husbands friends. Join an active group in church. Ushers, choir etc.
Get a job in a big organization.
Always look your best. And, Let’s face it, you’ll have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your Prince Charming, so if you go out with one and he doesn’t fit, he’s a broke ass, a gigolo etc please move on DONT settle and don’t dwell on another failed relationship. Instead, thank God for the insight and move along.
Pray, fast and give alms but also do your part. Prince Charming will not walk into your compound and knock on your door. That only happens in the movies. Make it a point to always go out. The more you go out the better your chances of meeting a potential partner.
What is it with women and marriage sef? Marriage wey na you dey go suffer. You don't have money, you're looking for man. Do you want to move from frying pan to fire?
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I've never envied married women. Single life sweet abeg.
Apologise to those enjoying their marriage
You see this life ehn! The ones that want us we don't want for whatever reason then the ones we want don't want us or we run away from because of the conditions they give -in this poster's case they are wanting sex- so what's the way forward? Poster, it is either you keep waiting for what you want to come your way or you settle for the one you don't want and wants you.
ReplyDeleteOur society puts so much emphasis on marriage. It doesn't matter how, as long as you're Mrs. Some are leaving others are entering. Most people don't even want make the effort, all that matters is a wrong on their finger and I do. I guess it has something to do with legitimising sex. Anyways, I digress.
ReplyDeleteBabe begin to develop yourself first. It's possible that you appear desperate everytime you start a relationship or you're too tense. Start by improving yourself first. Once done all kinds will flock your way
Girl enjoy yourself,dress well,not necessarily exposing your body,go out to parties,like marriages, birthday parties,join groups like usher and choir in church,look for a job in a good environment were there are eligible single men,behave well,remove anxiousness from your dictionary and above all tell it to God and all will be well by God's grace....... Josaria
ReplyDeleteI feel for you poster just be you and the right person will come without hassle
ReplyDeletePoster do not stress yourself or think much about your status, enjoy life to the fullest. Keep your trust in God, never compare yourself with others cos your time will surely come.
ReplyDeleteYou are sleeping among the dead that is why you keep asking yourself that question. Wake up to reality. Check your ship, check those that you keep as company.
It’s well
Oh! Dear you're not only the person on this boat, you just described me here. I will be 32 before December, not in a relationship, just alone after I broke up last 4years, I feel it's the nature of my job 800:AM to 8:00 PM from Monday to Saturday. I am taking everything to God in prayer.
ReplyDelete8am to 8pm on from Monday to Saturday for a lady… hmmm. When will you have time to pamper yourself!???? It’s well
DeleteChai so so complain.May God come through for you.Let me use myself as an example to you to tell you that it's never too late ok
ReplyDeleteI'm 37yrs old going to 38yrs,I dated someone for good 10yrs with marriage proposal but after everything I got dissapointed but I don't complain .Many people see me as 30yrs old lady,not knowing im heading to 40 yrs now.I recently got my visa for masters and will be getting married soon.
What I'm saying is that you should concentrate on your growth first,good man will find you.Dont lose hope
It is well. This thing called marriage is all about God's grace. Me that has been forming good girl when my mates were following men up and down is 35 this year, yet no serious relationship not to talk of marriage.
ReplyDeleteIt’s well dear. Please hang in there
DeleteDear young ones, I adjure you by the living God to flee sexual immorality, flee fornication, even if it comes at a cost. If you love the Lord, you have to be able to sacrifice your own carnal desires and accept delayed gratification for your soul. Let nothing matter more than this, let no sacrifice be too big. Know ye that any man who spends on you wants something in return, mostly sex. So if you serve God and really desire to live in virginity or celibacy until marriage, pls do not collect anything from your dates/relationships. Do the following:
ReplyDelete1. If a man asks you out, he can pay on first date since he asked you out. Afterwards, pls split all bills. Or he pays this week, you pay next week cos splitting bills can be unromantic..
2. Let him know that you desire a celibate relationship and thus you can't accept any gifts until engagement.
3. If at all you accept gifts, let it be simple things you can afford as well. And if he gives, give him too for balance and to avoid any expectations
4. As much as possible avoid spending the night in the same house. If you must, do not sleep on the same bed, you will be tempted. Avoid pornography, french kissing and all near situations of sin. Resist the devil and he will flee from you
5. Also be spiritually alert. Know that so many early Christians were martyred cos they gave their lives for the gospel. So if living for God costs you marriage, so let it be. As the world becomes more carnal, Christians will suffer. Lot suffered by being the only Christ in sodom and Gomorrah. So I don't think you are necessarily attracting wrong people. I just think as the world gets more carnal, there will be many wrong people. Its also our fault as Christians for not spreading the gospel with our lives...
6. Christians are promised life in full (but we are not promised the world, infact the world is not our home. Everything in the world is set up to fight against the Christian). Our fullness of life is in Christ and not anything the world offers..
7. And pls develop yourself while waiting for a spouse. Pursue a career and make legit money. It will be useful to you and your family and also for the poor around you. God dignifies labour, so go to work..and the earth will yield fruits for you. Pls do not be consumed by your desire for a spouse
8. Be anxious for NOTHING. Just pray and relax
Beautiful spirit filled advice. Thank you
DeleteI’m in my 50s, grew up in Naija but I’m just realizing our deep sick obsession with weddings, marriages, perverted religion.
ReplyDeleteI’m married but I recently realized this obsession. It’s depicted in almost all Nollywood movies, every comment, write-up, etc unless it’s about politics or news. Ms Poster, your situation is not unique but at 32 your age mates in Nigeria & across the world are busy getting more education, certifications, career progression, traveling the world to get experiences (not first class zaddy funded or shopping trips) but experiences that add value. Live your best life, marriage will happen if & when it is the plan of God for you. My take on the marriage obsession in Nigeria is :
1. Most “close families” in Nigeria are NOT close, true love & friendships are lacking in families, relationships are ATM transactions. Sisters go to lunch & travel together here. Same with girlfriends etc. Could the boarding house at 10/11 years or the mercantile “marriage as a career option due to lack of economic opportunities” culture be responsible?
2. Most get togethers in Nigeria are wedding & marriage Owanbes with ostentatious displays. This creates the desire for the ceremony not the institution. Weddings here aren’t in your face. A 500-guest wedding is not common & is considered big! Wedding jamborees now cost around N100m & take days in Nigeria! Stop looking at “the boisterous wind” of married friends & live your life. Jesus only attended ONE wedding ceremony, Peter was the ONLY married Apostle we read about, there is NO marriage in heaven. If he wanted us to live, breath, sleep marriage it would be all over the New Testament. Mary & Martha were sisters of Lazarus. They were truly close friends. Jesus was their family friend as he told his disciples “our friend Lazarus is sick…”
Can we start seeing our siblings, family, class mates, as real friends instead of “waka pass” or ATM? That way we build real friendships like Mary, Martha, Lazarus who understood this & were able to make outside friendships with Jesus & the disciples that wasn’t marriage or anything like that? Notice Jesus called brothers as disciples. They were friends hanging out together when he called them.
3. You are too young at 32 for all the pressure you are putting on yourself. This is 2022, eggs can be frozen, surrogacy, adoption etc are available. Yes it’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd, find the right crowd. The right church with young people, the right professional groups, STOP🛑expecting a man to spend on you. I don’t get this stupid mercantile mentality.
I know getting good jobs is hard but many lack contentment. I never took a dime from any man. I wasn’t rich, it just didn’t feel right until I was about to marry to put any pressure on another human being like me. I also had good education & a good job. Stop this ATM mentality in relationships in Naija. It ruins things. Many folks are SO entitled it’s disgusting. Nobody (apart from the corrupt government officials & their looter contractors) owes you anything! Including the man who you agree to date , you do not owe him sex as well. Get to really know each other. Sex is the last step.
4. Find something to do, get certifications, learn new skills, look good & decent, get busy volunteering. Take the focus off yourself.
Desperation vibes are a turn-off & if your married friends throw it in your face or put you down, find singles & professional groups of friends. Not every friend is in our lives forever. Some have completed their assignment in our lives we don’t have to hold on to them.