Let us discuss and highlight the red flags to look out for and avoid when choosing someone we want to date or spend the rest of our lives with....
Can you share with us the red flags that you saw but ignored and went ahead to marry this person? What are the consequences that you suffered?
You dated this person despite the red flags that you saw and half way into the relationship, you could not take it anymore and ended it...Please share these red flags and what this person did.........
It is better to run out of a relationship than out of a marriage...
Lets gist!
My dear single ladies please look out for a man with conscience. Love is not enough because judging by what that boy with big voice and small brain did to his youthful wife, conscience matters.
ReplyDeleteDisrespectful
DeleteEmotionally unavailable
Lacks principles
Doesn’t believe the idea of family
Lacks conscience
Kind hearted
Financially responsible
He must also love you
You see how I put all these before love abi …
Push up (original)
If you are looking for someone to date, you should always date that flashy guy that knows how to make your vajayjay wet too easily. On the other hand, if you are looking for a LONG-LASTING marriage, I hate to tell you the truth, that flashy guy that knows how to make you very wet is a DOUBLE RED FLAG. Ladies, marry the boring guy. Men, marry the boring women.. Marriage is a long, long journey. We(married and divorced men) endorse this message..
DeleteMy partner get A1 for emotional unavailability, I have learned to live with it, it's tiring though considering he is my first Man, 16 years married
Delete100%
DeleteSemi boastfulness( it always ends up as all out boasting and ishorrible)
DeleteUsing style to criticize people
Always knowing everything
Never you marry a chronic liar.
ReplyDeleteSocial media addiction
ReplyDelete(she won't change on her own), that's the younger sister of a fake life.
Materialism; the only time she is happy is when you give her money or meet her demands. You as a person don't make her happy.
Moody/anger; blamed on her "hormones." Every woman is not angry or moody and every woman has same hormones that make them women!
Her friends; if they are weird, she is weird. Full stop!
🤐
Talkativeness; tatafo
Only Jesus can change a person.
The hormone part has a lil bit of ignorance attached every woman has the same hormones at different level with some completely absent until stimulated so yes hormones can be a factor.
Delete@17:56
DeletePlease work on your anger instead of blaming hormones for it. We all have hormones. If you kill someone while angry, that "higher level hormones" thing sill not fly with the judge; will it?
You obviously don't understand women. Hormones can be a serious factor. Go and ask professionals if you doubt it, and stop imposing what you think is correct and isn't on people. Hormones aside, people are different with different backgrounds, experiences, behaviors, temperaments etc. That is why when you people generalise unnecessarily you get it wrong.
DeleteI had this ex that was super obsessed with me,The straw that broke the camel's back was when we were leaving one eatery like that,We were by the car when I remembered I forgot my clutch behind,Something I never do,I told him and he said he will wait for me by the car...Guys,I didn't know this man was trailing me quietly.Maybe he thought I might exchange numbers with one guy because he were obviously staring while we were there.I found out and it was too creepy for me to handle so I japa o
ReplyDeleteSome how I would not blame him.. not because you aren’t trust worthy and as a matter of fact of course no one is, but because things like what he suspected truly happen. Very common and the ladies who do such don’t come with a notification on their foreheads.
DeleteHe suspects because that is exactly what he does. You did well to japa. Some men can never take what they dish out.
DeleteSo how far now have you gotten another guy?
DeleteMommy's boys
ReplyDeleteOgbanje vibe
ReplyDeleteDon't have PVC
Don't know anything about politics
Hate who wants to be a millionaire but like BBN
No work
Mother in-law hater
Aeon wife not cook... Etc
Hahahahhaa you crack my ribs with these 3 points
DeleteDon't have PVC
Don't know anything about politics (I cant deal. At least be able to have a say in issues generally especially on this happening around you.)
Hate who wants to be a millionaire but like BBN
You see that ogbanje vibe, how many of them no get am? You and woman go dey peacefully, she go just turn 360 begin behave like person wey motor jam. The moment I notice it, I dey change am for them. You can't come and frustrate me just like that. You'll get double of that. They even call it "mood swing".
Deleteim a woman but this made me roar in laughter ..na real ogbanje vibes
DeleteThe ogbanje vibe na inbuilt for most women.they can go from -0 to 100 degrees in 2 seconds.They know how to intentionally frustrate their husband for no reason so you gotta be ready to deal with it permanently.
Delete😂😂😂😂 can't stop laughing @ ogbanje vibes
DeleteThis one is describing his wife or future wife. Don't ask me how I know.
DeleteThe cure to ogbanje vibe is not money o.those women will frustrate you..just run
Delete1) That woman that is looking for a man who will take her for who she is when it comes to her bad character(mood swings especially),rather than work on herself;avoid her if you value your peace;there are men like her too so they would suit each other..
ReplyDeleteThese set are never going to change but would rather you die in that marriage understanding her instead of making a conscious effort to change for good..
2) You see that man that has no regard for women especially the females around him;avoid him..
He won’t change and it’s only a matter of time and you would get your own share of disrespect and humiliation,publicly!
3) You see the ones that double date for any reason? Then call it “Not putting all eggs in one basket”?
Run for your life!! Only a matter of time in marriage..
An old woman doesn’t age when it comes to a music she is good at.
4) Egocentric,Emotionally unavailable,Emotionally Unintelligent,Rude and Condescending;these are the worst to have as a partner;run if you value yourself,rather single than a forever full of regret.
There are more,but these are few..
In all look for a man or woman with a kind Heart;there would be emotions once or twice but a kind human will help you live happily;don’t take their kindness for granted either so always reciprocate and appreciate..#Cheers
@MARTINS
👍👍👍👍👍👍
DeleteThe first day he introduced me to his siblings.. They told me’’ you will not find it funny if our brother one day complained to us that you are not taking good care of him, we will fight you oo’’. Any small quarrel, he will call his people.
ReplyDeleteSecond one is ...one month to our trad, I used another number and called my husband to be. He thought she is one of his side chicks , started talking rubbish, how he missed her boob and pussy. When he find out, he changed it that the lady is owning him, so he wants to lure her to collect his money back. He cheated non stop.
I wished I walked away, but no. I was desperate to be Mrs.
The Mrs even lasted for one year only. Now am back to miss.
Wow so sorry. It's always best to walk away before marriage
DeleteI hope many out there who think being called a Mrs is a trophy will learn from this. One you see a red flag, quickly take a walk and ave yourself all the stress of crying and nagging.
DeleteDon't be too hard on yourself, life happened and life goes on
DeleteIf his mummy is always telling him what to do .. Just dust your slippers and run. There is a difference between having a beautiful relationship with his mum and having a mum who still treats him like a baby and dictate how he should live..
ReplyDeleteRun away from men who cant keep a secret or always talks about his relationship with his mum of friends at every opportunity. These ones dont have a say and will ruin you.
DeleteWhen I met my husband I was so happy he’s not the type that keeps friends, his family doesn’t tell him what to do. He does what he likes without seeking for advice from his family nor friends. I was so happy that I have met a real man not some simp lol
DeleteNow when we have misunderstanding, I carry my cross because I can only report him to Jesus 😭😭😭
Are you me @Fan Emmanuel
DeleteNo one to report to as he doesn't listen to anyone 😭😭😭😭. Everything has its disadvantage.
Let us cry together Fan Emmanuel 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
DeleteMen run away from daddy's girl oo . how does it sound like.
Delete@Fan, j almost fell into that trap.
DeleteMy husband is sooo independent minded. His family doesn’t even have so much access to him.
Omoh, I found or rather God led me to an older couple that acts as our mentors then he has a best friend with good head on his shoulders who he listens to.
That has been my saving grace.
When the going gets too tough, I involve them and he listens.
In fact we did counselling with the older couple and are continuing counselling with them.
I’m also thankful that we can hold each other accountable to a certain extent .
Ladies marry a man who has at least one person that he respects.
Two is better.
But at least one.
Also make sure he listens to you and is open to being accountable.
Love is not enough.
Mma Nwachukwu.
Mma Nwachukwu, I love reading your comments on marriage, always so genuine and relatable.
DeleteMen that insult women at will, flee from them, u will not be an exception.
ReplyDeleteWomen that don't want to work but be full time housewives, if u know ur finances cannot support such lifestyle, flee from such women. Poverty/lack of money is one of the leading causes of DV
Very true Joy.
DeleteHe will insult you at any little misunderstanding
Same goes with women that insult others at will.
DeleteEveryone has a bit of red flag. If you want someone to love you with your flaws, be ready to do the same.
ReplyDeleteTrue but make sure the red flag is something you can put up with. Red flags differs too. Also, what might me a red flag to you might not be to me.
DeleteLook out for a man who doesn'tmake solid decisions without being influenced by his family.
ReplyDeleteIf he is a serial cheat , marriage won't change him no matter how he begs.
A man who doesn't fear God and has no morals,is a disaster. It's only a matter of time he will show you his true colors.
Look out for men who blame others but themselves for their bad decisions/habits.
My experiences and I would give anything to take back the hands of time. I don't deserve what I married and I still regret it till today. My joy are my children. Thank God I have moved on.
My husband dey try sha, even me ,I can't marry myself, the man come love me like craze, 15 years, love still dey shack am with all my bad attitude, if he's at work,he calls almost every 10 mins,atimes I go off phone, I no fit dey answer call as if I be receptionist, the man na husband of the century,hardly get angry with me despite my toxic mouth, me sef don tire for me,
ReplyDeleteI hope for your sake you make good efforts to be a good wife to him amd drop your bad attitude.
DeleteEveryone has a breaking point you know?
I wory for your daughter(s) if you have because she/they will imitate you thinking all men are like their Dad. So always pray that they marry men 100 times better than your husband.
DeleteSize of gbola with skills is key biko... which one be make e enter and person no go feel am.
ReplyDeleteApart from this what else do you care about?
DeleteAny man that cries alot in a relationship, as in any little argument with the lady, he cries and plays the victim, it is a red flag. That type of man will show you 441 in marriage. A man that pretends that you are perfect, it is him that is imperfect .Run
ReplyDeleteWhat of women that cry a lot?
DeleteI cry so easily eh🤣🤣🤣🤣
Chai
Mma Nwachukwu
You are so on point!
DeleteI think it is better to marry a man that fears God and have good morals. We both decided we are not going to be intimate bcus I was a virgin only for him to rape me without even using protection. I cursed him and I went to the hospital for HIV test and pregnancy test which came out negative. I broke the relationship with immediate effect. Relationship wey never reach one month but I blindly entered the relationship bcus my pastor said he is the one 4 me and I thought I have reached my Shiloh.
ReplyDeleteWow. So sorry you experienced such.
DeleteE-hugs
I’m really sorry love
DeleteI am so sad about that horrible experience. I pray that God heals you completely and grants you justice.
DeleteA vast swathe of the women available move around with a very horrible character and blame it on hormones and all when they are called to be accountable. Very annoying character traits. Every gesture is geared towards "obtaining" a man.
ReplyDeleteLike someone said up there, they're only "happy" when they collect your money. You're so useless to them if you don't give them money.
Laziness and lack of ambition seem to be their default setting. Any intellectual activity is herculean to them. You sit with them to talk and you leave drained all round. You're saying "A" and she's practically seeing "Z".
Whenever I read women saying it is easier for men to get married, I just laugh. Except you just want to pick any type of woman and keep under your roof, getting a wife now is more difficult than making money. Many men are single not because they want to be, but because of what's available in the pool they have to pick from. Standards keep dropping in this country. You meet a seemingly "innocent" chic, you get closer and discover she's a full blown (coded) woman of easy virtue. You meet another one who is genuinely decent, you discover she is intellectually barren.
How in God's name am I expected to make such a person a life partner? Your spouse should be your closest friend. The last person you're with before going to bed and the first person you wake up to. If we aren't on same wavelength, how are we expected to cohabit peacefully and happily too? If I'm no more, who will manage my investments and other activities if I go marry olodo?
Your parents will just call you and be harassing you without minding the fact things aren't the way they used to be during their time. Naso they go dey worry you morning and night leaving you frustrated. Na this Nigerian girls wey I dey see everyday I go carry keep for house? Mbanu.
I go now use my hand buy problems for myself. Mba
In life most times people tend to attract their type. Check yourself too to be sure all those qualities you mentioned up in there are not also inherent in you.
DeleteGod bless you Yvonne. Olodo marry olodo. Mr intellectually upright how far?
DeleteI understand what you’re saying
DeletePeople pls broaden your knowledge base
Read about some basic things
You sound like a horrible specie of manhood.
DeleteFollower/ believer of christ Jesus.
ReplyDeleteLook for how he/she handles the difficult situation.
Dont ignore the little things.
Intelligence, wisdom,
Check their mental health/ mind
E plenty o, but no human is perfect. So if you can tolerate 7o% of a human being , i think you are good to go.. my opinion
ReplyDeleteI saw mine but thought I would cope. I am still coping.
ReplyDeleteNagging! He would complain about everything and nag for hours. He would talk and talk and talk during our dating days. I ignored.
Then he was always bitter about his parent's divorce. It affected him and his siblings as his dad did not allow his mum to go with the kids, his dad was violent and was always beating his mum so the woman ran. This made the kids to be passed from one grandma to one aunt to one uncle. They did not attend higher institution or learn a skill. It was after they had grown, in their late twenties that they started training themselves. So he was always angry with his parents. Now, if he misbehaves, no one to report to as he doesn't attend church and doesn't regard any of his parents or relative. He likes bringing people down but he is as poor as a church rat. Nothing anyone does is good enough, he is always the one that knows how to do it right. He is always right.
Another thing is ladies, ladies pls if your man does not have any proffessional skill or University degree or any other solid means to earn a living, and care for the family, don't marry even if you as a woman and is doing well.
We women, some of us don't get to retain our well paying job or business after marriage and childbirth due to so many factors. We don't get to build that career. Only a few do. Pregnancy and kids may make you lose that job or close that business, not every woman has it smooth while pregnant. You may have to relocate and join your man after marriage, etc. So the man should have a solid means of generating income too. My own man was doing little things here and there, I was working and earning well, I brought about 70% of the marriage expenses. Today, I no longer work in a company due to pregnancy and kids stress. He is still partially jobless, I do little things to help out. Frustration made his nagging generate to cussing. I pray he doesn't hit me one day cos that one will end the situationship finally.
I can totally relate to this. Apart from the divorce part, I would have said you’re talking about my husband. My issue is that he has no tertiary education and no special skills but acts like he’s above certain jobs. I have a masters and working in a multi national with 7 figure salary. I’ve just been lucky that pregnancy and child birth has not set me back career-wise. I could have done better but I went for the good heart. Now I’m not even sure a heart exists because how can you be okay seeing your woman slave away while you sit expecting to be serve like a king every single day?
Delete@17:31, thank God you earn in 7 figures.
DeleteGood heart is good oh, but marrying someone who isn’t hard working or is comfortable being spoon fed is a no no.
I don't think any hard-working man will be without a skill or degree at a certain age and will be interested in marriage. Relatives of mine from royal and noble families started primary school after their teenage years and deferred marriage in the olden days despite great pressure just to set a better legacy for their children. This is even after dinner if them had escaped to learn a trade. They still saw the value of education and self improvement.
DeleteNo matter the family hardship, this guy would have found himself in some form of apprenticeship and from there, establish a business or fund his education. A man not maniacally committed to improving his financial strength or professional standing but ready to marry a woman he can't house or feed and produce children he can't care for is a massive red flag. That's an armchair disaster.
@17:31 still find ground to thank God if his heart is good enough not to use your money carry other women.
DeleteAvoid stringy men and community dick, it will only end in premium tears if you don't avoid them
ReplyDeleteA man who does not have a job but is comfortable with not looking for one and still will not lift a finger at home to help the woman who is the breadwinner. My husband lost his job during Covid and till date has not made any effort to get a job. Acting all high maintenance as if certain jobs are beneath him. I pay the rent, buy groceries, cook, clean, wash, iron, take care of the children, pay fees and still go to work everyday. He just sits and watches tv or play games and spends recklessly. I’m thoroughly fed up. Not sure I can take this any longer.
ReplyDeleteThis one na serious gbege
DeleteCovid of two years ago???
And you’ve been handling everything in the marriage/family.
My sister sit down and ask your husband to get a job within 3 months.
That you need some support. No matter how small.
If he doesn’t get a job after three months, start doing 1 0 0 or 0 1 0 meal structure with him.
Back this up with prayer
Mma Nwachukwu
Was he always like this
DeleteI ask because many of our men are depressed and just stay home doing nothing
Start looking out for signs of depression if he wasn’t always lazy. Also sometimes people just need a break
Anon , you sound like an enabler or just an entitled man. He needs a break - for over two years! And the woman who has been toiling nonstop doesn’t. I don’t even have words for you.
Delete@ anon 18:16, adults do not have the luxury of taking such long breaks. Let me ask you, if this man was still single who would he pass his financial responsibilities to settle for him? Please let everyone be reasonable and considerate.
DeleteIf someone suddenly changes, then look a little deeper
DeleteYes if my man has worked for ten years and loses his job, I’ll consider the possibility of depression. He can stay home and rest and gather himself
I’m not saying for two years
But we don’t know if it had been two years
Please avoid people who aren't kind to others, it doesn't matter how they treat you now, their real self is how they treat others. A kind spouse will always put your feelings into consideration before taking any action
ReplyDelete👌
DeleteThis makes so much sense.
DeletePls avoid anyone who does not have any skill or a good job that's a bad start up for ladies ooo.
ReplyDeleteIs both ways oo
DeleteCompromise,selflessness,communication,drive to be better.
ReplyDeleteLook out for his mental health, his mindset, if he’s abusive and a liar. Never settle for a lazy and a jobless man, a man that is unkind and unappreciative. An ingrate with no good morals. Run for your dear life if you jam these fellows.
ReplyDeleteNever settle for a Jobless man or a man that sees every job as beneath his status even though he only has schl cert and no skill
ReplyDeleteWe both met in Uni, he was 2 yrs ahead of me and we met in his final year. And that less than one year was a honeymoon phase, he kept saying he will come back & marry me.
ReplyDeleteWe were in a distance relationship so to say, shortly after he engaged me and came with his people to do intro, I had an invite from a commercial bank to write aptitude test and the venue was in the City he lived. After the test, he didn't agree to release to go back home, said he has told my folks already that I'm with him.
While there with him, his bestie's wife put to birth and they called to share the good news with us. Then he said I should go help them out before the wife turns his friend to cook and nwaboy in the name of she just had a baby. I obliged him without thinking twice cos the bestie's wife was like a sister to me, we were close. But that was the red flag and I didnt even know.
Fast forward to our wedding and having my first child, he brought his entire family to come help me out, he didn't touch anything , didn't do anything to help. As at baby number 2, only MIL came and she is aged, I saw myself cooking same day I returned from hospital after childbirth. I washed baby's clothes, ironed them, etc husband doesn't help...3rd child FIL was in hospital and MIL couldn't come. Lost my mum shortly after my wedding and my other siblings live far away and didn't come as per I have experience. I begged him to help me with chores, he'd tell me to go look for house help. He never helped. I began to resent him. He takes care of the house 100% and tells me that where he comes from a woman's salary is for her and her family but when I mention any need of my family, he immediately gives me to send to them. He is very generous, gentle, loving and faithful...but you see house chores, he will never do. Now I carry all the load of house chores alone.
Ingrate
DeleteMadam is no big deal na. In so far as he does his 100 percent.
DeletePlease keep pushing it will end soon. Once you kids gets to 7,8,9 they will start helping and all that will go away. Just keeping praying for him to have money to settle the financial things
DeleteAh ah, but he has said you should get a house help na, you also said he's generous. I don't see what the problem is o
DeleteYou are actually being ungrateful and unreasonable.
DeleteA generous husband that asked you to get a help has made it clear to your that you should get all the help thah you need and he’s going to pay.
So why exactly are you complaining?
Bring someone to come by 8 and leave by 5. Let the person do all the work, from beginning to end.
Also hire a cook. If you don’t want to hire a cook, visit pricepally.com and buy foodstuff online if you’re in Lagos or Abuja.
If not, make arrangements to have foodstuff sent to you in the easiest way possible.
Find someone to come once a week to help you cook in bulk.
For crying out loud, your husband told you not to bring your salary to the table and he also helps your family.
Nawa oh.
Madam re arrange sharp sharp.
Don’t use outside measurement to Measure your husband.
Be grateful for what he does. And work around it.
Use his money well well to make your life easier.
Mma Nwachukwu.
You are truly ungrateful. He is rich and provided money for anything you need. Why not hire capable hands to do the chores?
DeleteMy own horseband is broke, I bring money for upkeep and take care of all house chores and I work too. I can't afford to pay for the chores, I would have done so. A broke and proud man is a disaster.
Abeg you don’t have any problem, someone is providing everything including for your family and you are still complaining.. get a house help you don’t want, and I’m sure you want us to bash him
DeleteYou people blaming her fail to see he may not be meeting her emotional and love needs. Money is important, but if a person's emotional needs are not met, something would be lacking in the relationship that can ultimately crash the relationship if care is not taken. I suspect her love language is acts of service. Also, in marriage there has to be compromises from time to time for it to flow well. He doesn't have to turn into a houseboy but doing a little around the house and showing appreciation for the work his wife puts in would go a long way. Kudos to him for being a good provider but, like I said relationships go beyond specified roles and involves compromise on both sides.
DeleteThank you 12:20
DeleteIt’s not everything you can get help for
Many people don’t let the help touch or bathe the children to avoid long stories. She’s also working too so that means even with help, she’ll be doing all personal things that have to do with the kids while he sits back and drops money. What about cooking? Helps can be untidy in their cooking or poison food so you may choose to that yourself even if you can afford to pay. She also was taking care of his parents when sick. It’s a lot
Learn to listen to your wife