Doctor Freaks Journal - "Football Age"

Are you planning to alter your age? Please pause and read this short piece first.

So many years ago, I had the privilege of undergoing my one-year mandatory youth service programme in a multinational company in Port Harcourt. Being a graduate of Humanities, I was naturally attached to the Human Resources Department, Welfare, Services and Industrial Relations Units. The experience garnered was mind boggling. Of particular relevance was that of falsification of ages by two employees.

The practice in the company under reference was that since the mandatory retirement age for all was 55 years and every member of staff was mandated to retire on his 55th birthday, everyone's retirement date was determinable and determined from day one. Two years before the retirement date, an employee gets a notice of retirement date (NRD) and from that moment he or she is expected to start winding up. A year before retirement, we were expected to send the staff his second notice of retirement date. I sent out NRDs to some employees over a period of time but interestingly, two "young" men fired back alleging error on my part and insisted that the notices sent out were premature. 

Interestingly, we had an internal quality control mechanism in place which was not known to many. Even though the systems (IT/computer) contained the details of every employee but when it had to do with retirement, we relied strictly on the hard copies which were readily accessible at the File Room. From the respective records (hard copies) of the two petitioners, they were 54 years old, but in the computer, they were much younger as they had succeeded in altering 1943 to 1948 by fraudulent means.


However, I was able to readily access their original application letters, resumes and photocopies of their birth certificates.


My Head of Department was a no-nonsense fellow.

 The Unit (Industrial Relations) constituted a panel of inquiry and both employees got invited. The long and the short of it, they later faced a disciplinary committee and they were both found guilty and indicted. 

The judgment was rather unfortunate. They were summarily dismissed. They forfeited their gratuities and pension. They only got paid three months' pay in lieu of notice and that was how they ended their careers in an inglorious manner.

 What a wasted life