Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OPEN LIE
A "friend" whom we are both job hunting made up a fake job + salary + position (I think to make me jealous that she had gotten a job before me) .
She outed herself mistakenly while we were having a conversation and revealed that she was still searching for jobs.
How would you handle this situation? I have decided not to confront her lie but to be careful of her now that I know what she can do but still... Why lie like that?
Long story: she told me she got a job at XY company. I was happy for her, she said it came with a free bus ride, and she was employed as a team leader. I was happy for her and Googled the company to see if they had any other vacancies but Google said the company didn't exist.
I just figured I spelt it wrong and wished her all the best and moved forward. She had been messaging me almost every 3 days to ask how far and if I've gotten something, and I thought she was a good friend and just being concerned.
Now I'm not so sure what her motives are. She messaged again yesterday to ask if I got something and then revealed that she was indoors all the time and desperately needed something. I asked her about her team leader position but she ignored the question . But just why? Doesn't make any sense to me. BVs what do you think?
Does telling lies makes someone a bad friend? It shows their insecurities and fear, especially lies like this and makes one assume everything they have said is a lie....
If it was me that someone lied to like this i will confront her by messaging since she does not want to respond verbally... she may end up lying again as a response but it still does not make her a bad person...
She may be dealing with a lot or even depressed.... Show her some love after you ask her please....
Continue asking her about her job and why she had to lie
ReplyDeleteNo need being angry with her. Poor her. Let her be and if you find an opportunity for her, don't hesitate. It's her insecurity. Until she comes to know there's no competition between you. And there are people who never get over it and never trust any relationship enough to be sincere about the things happening in their lives. They will always feel their reality is inferior than is expected of them.
DeleteIf you can't tolerate her, you move on. For me, by the time I am clean with you and tell you the not so perfect things happening to me, you will relax, at least with me knowing I will never judge you.
Please block that person and move on. If she can lie about this one, she'll surely lie about other things in the future.
DeleteBE CAREFUL WITH HER!!!
Please listen to 19:18. Block her immediately. Jealousy can KILL. That kind of frenemy can consume you if she finds out you got a job before her.
DeleteI know her type.
Be very very careful.
Hmmmm. I see a habitual liar not just as a bad person, but as a very bad person injurious to my health. Once I discover, I can never be close to you again. E get why.
DeleteOne day she will steal and lie that you both were in it together. That time, jail will be added to joblessness.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteI agree with you because she has no reason to lie and is not as you got a job and she is feeling intimated by it. She is not a good friend.
DeleteVery bad and evil friend!!! Stay away from her ooo!
DeleteDon’t jump to conclusions
ReplyDeleteAsk her if you’d like
It’s possible the offer was rescinded
My dear, forgive her. I even lied to my friend that I have gotten a job at Abuja,.. Just to keep her monitoring spirit on hold.
ReplyDeleteLOL. You dont need to lie on issues like that.
DeleteMonitoring spirit on hold??? How???
DeleteThis lie was unnecessary and makes you begin to question her integrity in other things. For me, I will keep a distance depending on how serious I took the friendship. If I trusted you as a friend then the trust is definitely broken.
ReplyDeleteIt's possible someone promised her a job on "a silver plater" with certain conditions. She fulfilled her part but oga hit and run. Don't be too quick to condemn her, yes thread cautiously but be civil.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stella, people that lie that are very insecure, they have low self esteem. They lie to appear powerful and important. They need help,since you have known either you let her know you don't find that act of hers funny or totally ignore that aspect of her
ReplyDeleteI hate liars.
ReplyDeleteI hate lies especially unnecessary ones. It's really hard to trust someone who lies for absolutely no reason. You will never be able to figure out why she lied, even the liars do not know why they lie. If she should even give you an answer it may be another lie, so why even seek for an answer.
ReplyDeleteIf this person has other qualities you like and you feel like keeping them on as your friend just limit your sharing of anything personal about your life or close family.
You can ask her why she lied to you
ReplyDeleteI totally understand this poster. I do not lie to elevate myself above others so I am always weary of people that lie like that. To what end really? I’d advise u to be cautious around such person tho. I personally would not end the friendship based on just that but I won’t let my guard down around such person.
ReplyDeleteI am highly doubtful that she would even be happy for u if u eventually get a job before her
*wary
DeleteMeanwhile, that's a lie...
We all lie once in a while to cover shame,however some women just enter competition with themselves,She really wants to win you by getting a job first which resulted to her lying lol.
ReplyDeleteI'd say,don't ask her anything and face your job hunting,also don't think too much about it,she isn't a bad person neither.Moreover,when you finally get your own REAL job,you will have lil or no time for friendship.
She is acting in faith. I tell you sooner than you can imagine. She will get her dream job. Your congratulations are in order for her. Don't get angry, All is well.
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteZa, Which type of yeye faith. Lying to elevate yourself is not faith abeg. If it is by faith, say it is by faith.
DeletePoster if I am you. I will give her some distance. I don't know what she wanted to achieve by living to you.
As you wait for the big Job, you can look for children to be a lesson teacher to, if you can for the meantime. All the best in your Job hunt.
Country hard o,
ReplyDeleteJust forgive her. To be broke can make someone misyarn.
She is competitive, don't cut her off but thread cautiously where she is, she wants to outshine you at all costs. If it were me, I will cut her off cos anyone that came around me with that attitude ended up going diabolic against me. For now, I'll advise you stop giving her updates on your job search, just be nice but distant.
ReplyDeleteHere is the comment I was looking for. You saved me from typing. Poster, peruse this comment carefully and take the advice.
DeleteDon't quick to condemn her as a liar. Probably, she was 90% sure, she will get the job and something went wrong. Although, she may have been counting her eggs before they hatched. She can come clean with her friend.
ReplyDeleteI was surprised to enter chronicles and see my post lol, I thought Stella had forgotten about it.
ReplyDeleteLike BVs have advised, I have decided to just keep my distance from her. we were both in the same shoes and I don't know why she'd want to one-up me, especially because I thought we were becoming good friends, even though we started off because we had one just thing in common: job hunting.
I have also discovered she lies about the silliest thinhs: she lied that she was from the abroad when she had never even stepped foot there, she lied about her background, in fact I'm too old sef to even be dissecting people's childish stories, who cares about all of that stuff. I'm the last person anyone would want to show off to, because I simply don't care and I'm very down-to-earth.
Anyway, thanks you all for your comments. I have forgotten about her and I'm minding my business. We move!
Good decision, people like that will never change especially my gender who will always lie to form big girls.
DeleteYou call a liar your friend ,block that monitoring liar and move on......Josaria
ReplyDeleteIf you give a person like this connect to where you eventually get a job she’ll forge a document and incriminate you.
ReplyDeleteThe best way to chase her away is to send her a message infact several messages begging her to please connect you to that her XY company.
To me that’s pride why can’t she just come clean, even if she does now it doesn’t matter anymore. Pride makes some people lie, and if they’ve mastered the act of lying, the next is picking up stuffs that don’t belong to them the rest is history... na only God know if the certificate wey she dey carry up and down na her own
Avoid her, no need to stress yourself over nothing. She is not just an important person to be around. She has more lies to fish out to you and little thing she will envy you.
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine once lied to me about buying one refrigerator for over 200k. We went to Shoprite and she was asking about it, following week she told me she hit it already.
I was very happy for her and was telling her she need to wash it for me. I don’t have such kind of refrigerator in my house but why will she lie to me of such? One day I was at her location and decided to surprise her, I got to the house and she stepped out to get something.
I remembered of the refrigerator she told me about and I wanted to see how beautiful it will be in her apartment. People of God I couldn’t find anything, I went to the kitchen, bedroom, toilet to search for it but saw nothing.
From that day anything she tells me I do not take it serious. I didn’t confront her, I stopped telling her things about myself. I stopped visiting her, we chat once in a while, since January we haven’t sat down to gist cos I don’t want more lies.
Friendship from a distance is sure good for such a person.
Poster, it's ok. My candid advice to not take it to heart. There are more serious issues in life.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have come to realise that it's like sacrilege and unforgivable to you most likely bcos of the distinction of your social classes and backgrounds (you came from). You have probably never seen suffering before. People who come from that divide of the social class, know it's not a big deal and find it very acceptable among themselves. Infact it's a norm to them. They play it between themselves like ping-pong. It is survival.
What you have just complained about happens in some families sef. And it doesn't mean they love themselves less. But it's just how they grew up.
Whereas some children never knew and still don't know what competition means. Ask Cuppy or Baddest. The first time Davido had to compete for anything in his life was competing with Wizzy and maybe Burna. And we can all see how badly he's doing at it. You can see how it doesn't come naturally to him to be jealous or envious of somebody. Despite which, he still remains the entertainer with the best heart cos all he knew growing up was love and sharing since they always lived in abundance.
A lot of people have now switched social classes from being poor when they were kids to being rich as adults now, yet they can't give or share. It's just not them, they can't be blamed.
Likewise your friend dear. She feels she has the need to do what she's doing and who are we to judge her for doing what makes her happy? Remember, the first instinct in life, is SURVIVAL...............
I used to be like you, or rather was always finding myself in your shoes until I asked myself why.
ReplyDeleteI'm not from a rich family but we've been comfortable. Even up till now, I have never known what it means to lack or compete for survival. At least not in financial terms. God only can be thanked. Though I have challenges that money alone may not solve. But I'm always happy and contented. And this causes envy.
But I realized I was usually making friends with people who were and couldn't help feeling inferior to me. So I usually am surrounded by people who think I'm lucky, fortunate and even worse, boastful and oppressive for sharing my luck and fortune stories with them.
So rule number one, is to learn to stop sharing too much about your fortune stories unless these are people who are superior to you in virtually every area of life.
I still haven't changed my class cos unfortunately, I myself have long standing self esteem problems. I do suffer from inferiority complex a lot. But I have learnt not judge people in your friend's shoes. Infact I salute them for being more courageous than I am. I wouldn't dare make friends with anybody doing better than I am. Shame, right?
Let me try and analyse why you need to look beyond this. In that lower social class, the first lesson they learnt growing up is survival. So something as trivial as lying to cover up their shame is not a big deal. Some of these people, their parents told such lies openly too and they grew up with that.
If you don't want friends that envy you, and therefore have to lie to cover up their inferiority complex, then upgrade your self and change the circle you mingle with. Been unemployed is not enough justification. Roll with people doing better than and stop oppressing (usually unconsciously) people you're doing better than. You may think you're on the same financial or social standing with your friend, but you have no idea. LoL! Been both unemployed doesn't mean you're on the same scale. Hers could be worse. She may be the type that her mother lives in the village and ties wrapper below her chest. Fetches water from the stream etc.. Hence, why she feels the need to .............,.
.......................
ReplyDeleteBabe, nobody doing better than you will (have need to) tell lies to make themselves feel at par with you. I know some close minded people will come for me on that just to attack me. Una talk and reply, no be today .
I have an aunt that for instance, if you say somebody died, she may have claimed she once died too before realizing what she said. Lol! Alll bcos, she has programmed her mind that nobody can oppress her. What you claim you have done, she always has need to claim she has done better. And I promise you, she has nothing. So emprty and shallow. The loss is hers though. These days , I just let her act and say whatever she feels like and God knows I'm indifferent. I even wow and awww at her claims and lies if that's what makes her happy. I have no need to compete with her. Infact, I feel for her most times cos if she knew what I'm actually worth, she'll beg to be helped.
What's my conclusion? You have no right to judge anybody. Change and replace them if you're not ok with their behavior or attitude. Love and friendship should be unconditional.
Poster, some people don't like you or some things you do too.
FORGIVE MY TYPOS, INCOHERENCE AND LONG READ