Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED BEFORE THE WORST HAPPENS
Stella please post this as chronicle.
My kid sister got married to this Anambra guy that is based in the US just immediately she finished from Nursing school. We tried our best to stop her from going far in marriage as she was the last child of the family, but you all know how last borns can be.
This year will make it three years they have been married but the quarrels and fights are too much, to think that she just joined him. This guy cheats, beats her even while she was pregnant.
Now, my sister is tired, in fact everyone wants her to end the marriage, my father is late. I forgot to mention that while my sister was sorting papers to join the husband, her mother in-law and the last born son of their family were also sorting papers too and all of them landed there, even the father in-law has joined too.
My sister and her husband have not lived as couple for two months straight.
Please help us with information that she can use to get her rights as a married woman that has a baby in US, because this people are trying to trick my sister to come home to Nigeria so they can dump her here because they know that the law favours her more over there.
Please, help us. I'm so sorry for the long notes, it's just to explain better for proper understanding.
She has a baby that is not up to three months and even gave birth with C's, you can imagine. She's not even up to 26, please ,help us before they kill her and frame stories. Thank you.
* He beats her in a Country where the law works and he can go to jail?
Please if you live in the US and know how the law works there, please drop a comment o how this can be solved....
All this family interference in Marriages should stop already!!!
Family from hell
ReplyDeleteMay your sister receive the help that she need.
Individualism leads to narcissism, a narcissistic person has no empathy and so won't make a good spouse. Naija girls, please understand this about Nigerian men who live in (and have imbibed the culture of) North America. Know this and know peace.
Delete1921 what are you saying
DeleteThere’s nothing wrong with men abroad
She should get a lawyer, she will get her greencard through VAWA. Now is the time for her to make silent moves, less of talking and more of recording that's going on in the house. Record record record.
DeleteAnother domestic violence story.
ReplyDeleteShe should involve the authorities and obtain a restraining order.
May God help all the parties involved, amen 🙏
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday, people of God.
Thank you Stella for posting.I appreciate alot.
ReplyDeleteIt is so wrong and silly for a man to beat his wife.
ReplyDeleteI live in the states and this man is courting trouble if the girl calls the cops. But one thing I know also is that the Nigerian women in the US abuse that calling the cops on their husbands. Most of them lack respect for their husbands and that with a lot of arrogance.
More so, most Nigerian men in the States are lecherous, with a lot of baggage when it comes to marrying for papers.
Please tell your sister to be careful. She can calm down and file for her citizenship and work on her marriage to with respect. If she made up her mind to divorce him, there could still be mutual respect.
How can there be peace when all they do is marry him once he is abroad. Do they ask questions. She wants her to divorce the wife that helped him get his papers? It is possible that your sister does not even have a green card. Ask her and you will be shocked.
ReplyDeleteWhen people want to have their cake and eat it.
DeleteLet her come back to Nigeria na. Must she stay in the USA.
She saw 40 plus man and went and married to pepper her imaginary enemies.
What is wrong in the man bringing his family. If the guy was your brother will you have issues with your mom and dad going to his house.
If he “brought” her to the us, he’s not married to anyone else
DeleteIt’s not possible with the immigration search
16:07 pls where did you see 40 plus and what’s wrong with that age
DeleteShe should file for VAWA.she will get her papers and won’t need the mofoka.she needs to contact a lawyer that will help her.the govt will give her a therapist and other benefits.she came from Nigeria to join him so that makes it easier for her to file VAWA.if she needs anymore insights,I can give.
ReplyDeleteExactly what I was going to type….VAWA is the best option for her right now, let her get a good lawyer, she can go on Instagram and type vawa lawyers and a list will come out… Chidolue, olaleye, they are very good, olaleye is very approachable and sensitive, Moumita is also good. Also, vawa is very confidential, the spouse won’t know about it and her letters will be delivered to her lawyers address.
DeleteGet evidence of domestic violence and file for VAWA, she will get her green card before sunset.
DeleteTrue. It’s her best bet to leave the man and get her papers. The next question is whether she has money for a lawyer or even a bank account for posters family to send money to her to hire one. If anyone knows free organizations that can offer free legal aid for women suffering domestic violence, please she the info.
DeletePoster also needs to be sure her sister is ready to leave. some men will start professing love again and the women will fall yakata and find themselves dumped in 9ja. If she doesn’t have evidence of past DV, ask her to call the police the next time he beats her. Police will show up and that will act as evidence for her VAWA application.
A lot of men that come from US to 9ja to marry nurses want a cash cow. My cousin is one but the good thing is that she does not mind the long hours as long as she is making money. She was the one that bought their first house, first brand new car, etc.
I know someone whose husband collects her full pay cheque and gives her $50 pocket money. Yes, fifty dollars. Would remind her of how he brought her to ‘United States of America’ all the way from ‘her village in 9ja’ anytime she tries to ask for more money.
To file for vawa you've to present evident of domestic violence before it will fly.
DeleteGuessmeey
Well, she can always file for a divorce. Rush in, rush out. He probably married her because of her nursing degree.. Nothing to do with love or likeness.
ReplyDeleteAnd what has Anambra got to do with all these?
Didn't your sister know where he was from before she agreed to marry the US based Anambra man?
Na d nursing degree from Naija you think she go use take work for US? She gat to get US nursing degree to work in the US.
Delete20:22 no need to go back to nursing school but you have to do exams
DeleteThis is easy
ReplyDeleteShe has already married him so they must have started green card processing. She should just move out of the house or manage the house for now, finish the processing and file for divorce. That’s the easiest way
Second option: if they haven’t filed yet or the husbabnd stops the process then filed a lawyer to file under the VAWA and continue from there
If you’d like to speak with an attorney, you can search for olaleye law firm online or Facebook or look for another one online. They usually offer free consultations
Your sister studied nursing so finding a job to sustain herself shouldn’t be a problem
Just a note, except for the fact that he’s beating your sister, I want your sister to understand that having many people descend on a house at the same time is usually a very stressful time for the hosts in America. After a couple years those things tend to work themselves out as people start finding jobs and heading to their own places. No need to form permanent enemies over temporary situations
Some Families are just plain wicked!
ReplyDeleteEven if the man is wicked, atleast the Family should be good, and be able to make better decision.
Obviously the guy got his wicked traits from his family.
How old is your sis? She should wake up and take her destiny into her own hands. Report the physical and emotional abuse to the right authority. She lives in a working system.
Lets sha remember, every of our action today is a seed, and in due time, we will all reap what we have sown! Will the mother-in-law pray for her own daughter to go through that? Send her to Nigeria as per ‘unused property’ abi
Your sister need to talk to people over there, or walk to a police station. The police and social workers will take it up from there.
Never jump into conclusion on a one-sided story. Always put the caveat "If this story is true". How many times have we reached a conclusion on a one sided story only to discover that the story was distorted when we hear the other side. Let's exercise some restraint when making comments.
DeleteShe shouldn’t end the marriage yet o.she should just leave and file for VAWA.she should leave his house,file a restraining order and file for VAWA.you will divorce him later but not just yet cos you need to get her papers first.
ReplyDeleteYour sister was looking at traveling abroad the reason she settled for this in marriage. She saw the sign and still went ahead to join him in US. My gender no dey hear word at all, your sister is in the abroad and that man still beat her.
ReplyDeleteWhy hasn’t she look for solutions before she gave birth than now but I know she cannot be thrown out of US just like that especially now that her baby is still little.
Someone should help her with useful information to use and deal with her husband with his family. Most abroad guys abuse women don’t know why
How would she have seen the signs
DeleteYou think he was beating her in Nigeria during his visits?
By the time he files anc you get to America you’re stuck.
And so what if she wanted to marry someone abroad? What is wrong with wanting a better life for yourself and accepting your future spouse with his flaws? How was she to know the man never planned to be a husband to her? You are making it seem as though people who marry poor men in Nigeria are not also domestic violence victims. She's still in a better position because the law will come to her aid.
DeleteHmmm,I can't still wrap my head on why some men beat up their wife,does it make them feel they're in control or what..
ReplyDeleteOr do they have low self esteem..
Zero esteem and a destructive spirit
DeleteSome are possessed. Some are damaged from their childhood.
DeleteWhen you tell them they don't listen always wanting to rush into marriage after hearing abroad. You don't even know this person at all just because of abroad you go into it without God guidance and direction. It is well let her come back and start allover again that is not a marriage to me she is still young and can always go back.
ReplyDeleteShe may have loved him too
DeleteThis sounds like a very simple matter to me.
ReplyDeleteShe has her papers already. She also has a profession that’s in demand. Therefore, she can move out on her own or with friends and simply file for divorce. Shikena 👏.
Is your sister already a citizen,or still a green card holder which of the state are they living? Because if your sister is still a green card holder they are trying to get are sent back to Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteDo you have relatives in US ?
You can’t send a green card holder back
DeleteGreen card takes about two years
She doesn’t have it yet
This very tricky. I would say she ends the marriage and comes back to start her life afresh. But me self, I no go wan come back to Naija.
ReplyDeleteIm not an authority when it comes to US laws, but can she call the police privately when next he beats her and let them know she does not want to continue with the marriage due to threat to life and possibly declare asylum?
So via that method, she gets to stay back.
Before she does this, let her go to a police station and make enquiries. This is based on the assumption that she does not have papers.
If she does, let her just leave and go and report him and no need to declare asylum.
Does she work? She's a nurse, has she gotten a job? Because she needs to have a source of income if she's going to start life afresh.
Also, with the gun laws in US, she should be careful before the man gets a gun and chases her down.
Omo, this is tricky oh.
Also ask her to bid her time and be very careful with the man so she can make the appropriate plans on how to leave and start life afresh.
I wish her the best.
Mma Nwachukwu
Never go back to Nigeria unless you want to
DeleteAs long as you stay on American soil, we can find a way to keep you here
Once you go back, you’ll remember why you left
Leave if you want but don’t let anyone push you
The way most abroad guy hustle for nurse as wife ehn, I over heard one saying ,if he can get a nurse as a wife,bring her over, then he won't need to work hard again o. I was shocked that day, nurses are their milk cow. He may not marry her cos he loved her,he probably married her cos she's a nurse
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately this is true for some
Delete16:00 - lmao how much do nurses in the US make that you all make a big fuss about sef?
DeleteDo women not marry men for their statuses? Why should women be allowed to marry men for their status and men are not allowed to do the same?
There is no man (Nigerian) who will bring a wife into the US (because she is a nurse) and then decide not to work again. This is just a fallacy that you all use to console yourself that men are opportunistic in marriage matters.
In marriage, what do men even benefit? Nothing. SEx, he can get outside. Children (he can get from baby mamas"). Give me one thing that a man benefit from marriage?
Most men who look for women who are nurses are just men who are tired of funding the lifestyle of women and prefer to date someone who has a qualification that can be used to have a 2 income household. And what is wrong with that?
Omo no be small ooo, these guys go to Facebook to check out girls studying nursing in Nigeria then 💣 boom marriage. A nursing student told me this and I thought "na lie" until she sent me photos of more than 5 weddings of coursemates married to these usa guys. Even guys wey dey abroad dey hustle too.
DeleteI watched a Filipino movie once where it was said abroad men were looking for nurses because of their high income potential, especially men with low incomes. Because doctors won't look their way they preyed on nurses to get access to a good life.
DeleteThe thing is nurses can easilly apply even single under the professional class and get a work visa. There are so many agencies hiring foreign nurses since many retired during the pandemic. A nurse does not need to marry anyone to get access abroad. Some of the hospitals are paying crazy bonuses, if you are single and energetic you will go far.
So there is no need for marriage, but it is beneficial to marry someone who has qualification to have a two income household. You are definitely opportunistic. It was on this blog I read of a similar story. The wife was taken abroad and made to study nursing. When she graduated the husband stopped working and collected her salary every time. He was also maltreating her. I think what opened her eyes was when she got wind of what the man was using the money for back in Nigeria, I can't remember exactly. She then took some measures to safeguard her pay and I think she was working on a way to leave the marriage. I have also come across many men who say they will like to marry nurses. Should someone's profession be the criteria for marriage? I don't think so for both men and women. But that is just me.
DeleteAnon 18:38, you’re a learner. Enter Houston come see bunch of matured Nigerian men with nurses as wives wasting away. Very lazy and useless. There’s where they call Pakistan, see them drinking away there life there. You go think day na one street for owerre. And their wives working out their asses. So much stress and pressure on them. Godforbid my daughter no go study that nursing of a course. Female nurses attract leaches and irresponsible men, I don’t know why.
DeleteAnon 18:36 You obviously have no clue.
DeleteMy sister is a nurse in Houston, Texas and she earns well..they marry nurses because they want a wife who earns well. Sadly some of the men want to control the woman and her money too...foolish idiots, because the women now understand the system and refuse they claim she does not have respect for her husband...dem dey crase. The average woman will love and respect a man who treats her right..
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis is what they do. They carry the evil they mete out to their wives in Nigeria to a country that has beneficial laws for women and then when such women make use of that law to get away from their abuse, they start advising their fellow wicked men not to take their wives abroad because they will throw them out of their homes. Rubbish.
ReplyDeletePoster, read and read. Tell ur sister to also use Google to find out how the law can help her. She should also ask around and visit all those human rights organisation for more info. I absolutely hate wicked men!
Wickedness disguised as culture
DeleteOh chim!
ReplyDeleteWhat a man...
Poster abeg find your way before you end up dead.
Let your sister speak for her self, I am definitely sure she knows more than what you have come to ask but because she is not ready to leave the marriage she will claim ignorance while hoping he change.
ReplyDeleteSometimes they don’t know
DeleteIt takes a while to really understand a new place
Seek for advice
A lady left a marriage almost 7 years ago. The guy was bad but not unbearable
If she knew then what she knows now, she would have stayed to at least get a green card
No one even mentioned that to her then
I support you Anon. As big sister be mindful of how you go about it. Are you sure her brain is fully reset to avoid my sister asked me to leave my marriage story. If possible get other family members involved.
DeleteI will advise you to ask your sister what she wants and that'll guide your next line of action. Don't just tell her to leave her husband, hear her out first.
@ Felicity... that's what happened to me. We lastborn are stubborn. Married to my ex, l was not submissive, from one quarrel to another. My people supported me to leave the marriage, mumu me agreed and left. Now all of them has left me to my fate. And I keep blaming them for telling me to leave instead of finding peace and giving me advise that marriage is not a bed of roses. Had I know, would have calmed down and get established before making a move Tell your sister to be submissive, get a job before thinking of divorce..
DeleteListen, you left your marriage for being a tyrant at home, not every woman is a tyrant. Now you have humbled. I am happy you are wiser.
DeleteBut please be sure not to advise a woman who is getting beaten by a man to be submissive. You think getting kicked down, raped, and your head rammed into a wall feels nice. A woman doesn't need to do anything to an abuser for him to beat her up. She could just be breathing and watching a comedy special and laughing, her laughter irritates him it starts. She may not have put enough salt in the food or he feels the food is not hot enough and it starts. He may call her and he feels she did not come fast enough and he starts beating her. The beaten women is already broken and submissive, walking on eggshells and he will still beat her to a pulp. Your experience is your own. The world is full of submissive women because the vast majority of cultures breeds submission into women. Most women do not tend to be quarrelsome though, that is a character issue that is an individual problem stemming from the need to control or feelings of knowing it all and always being right. I am sure you twisted tales of your home life to paint a negative picture of you husband to win your family's support. Manipulative behaviour never ends well. Please be kinder in your next marriage. When divine love anchors a marriage there is no desire to cause harm. Let divine love guide you.
God bless you 22:35
DeletePoster if you’re reading pls file for VAWA.it’s called violence against women act.you will not be married to that man anymore and will get your papers without stress.All you need is proof of his abuse.if you have texts where he has threatened you or pictures of body injuries,you’re good to go.
ReplyDeleteVAWA is not a sure thing
DeleteBest is to stay calm and get your papers
It is a sure thing if you have evidence of abuse.very very sure thing sef
DeleteOver sure sef
DeleteAnonymous 19:43 you mean she should stay calm and be beaten to death? Let her call the police , get a restraining order , file vawa and move on with her life.No man who loves a woman will lay a finger on her.The man is a beast.
DeleteGuess your sister did not date this man. Seriously there is nothing wrong in a man asking his dad or siblings to come stay for a while I said a while because nothing last forever. Tell your sister to be careful in this her quest. Most does not end well. Let her calm down and sort herself out.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Did you notice how she carefully paint her sister as the victim without stating exactly what she did wrong too?
DeleteI do not support gender violence. But your sister is NOT a saint in this matter either. I can just tell from your story that neither she nor you are in support of the man bringing his family over to the US.
Lol 18:41 how do you know sister is not a saint
DeleteWhat side do you want to hear to justify the beatings
Nothing is wrong with bringing his family to the US. But the truth is that this could put a strain on a very young marriage. I think it is advisable for a young couple to get to know themselves better and bond first, before others (both relatives and none relatives) start living with them. Of course there are circumstances that may not support this ideal.
Delete#Saynotodesmosticeviolence
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm
ReplyDeletePls let her seek legal.advise and not be in a haste
ReplyDeletePlease tell her to file for Violence Against Women Act aka VAWA, she can get a pro bono lawyer and also make sure she has all the evidence of the abuse.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to go to the police station to obtain a police report as well.
Let her focus on God! What is a 26 years old rushing into marriage for? The man’s family is not going to be there forever ,and moreover they are your sister’s family now.Please mind your business, and pray for her! No one is eating her up, let her respect the man took her away from suffer-head in Nigeria. That man is under pressure, every one of them is dependent on him right now , he needs his wife’s love and help, until he can discharge his family!!! She needs to help him and not add to his stress.
ReplyDeleteI am going to say what I think and you may not like it.
ReplyDeleteI think that your sister should humble herself and stay in her marriage. Humble herself and respect her in-laws. Good things in life do not come on a platter of gold.