Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE OTHER WOMAN
Hello Stella!.
Please I have an issue bothering me which I will like to share if you can kindly post.
I’ll be getting married in the next two months , my Fiancé is a very hardworking and caring man although there’s no perfect relationship so there are bad sides of him too but they are things I can cope with. But the most pressing issue that I can’t cope or handle is the issue of this lady that has been a bone on the neck of my relationship since DAY ONE.
My Fiancé works in his Uncle’s company, when we started dating I noticed there’s this lady who calls him 24/7, like her call comes in first thing in the morning and last thing in the night and they also talk all day on phone, at first I wasn’t bothered until I noticed if his friends comes around too there’s nothing they discuss about apart from this lady’s issue, even between the two of us whenever we are home talking ,he will make sure our discussion still ended up on the lady.
I became curious and I asked him who the lady is and he told me she’s a colleague at work who’s been working with them for a long time, and I said ok.
I’m a business woman so I traveled to buy my goods and while I was away my fiancé called me one day when he was at work and said he’s on conference call and wants me to talk to the lady.
I greeted the lady and she said she’s heard a lot about me and I said nice to meet her , after the call I called my fiancé back asked the essence of that call, he told me he did that so my mind can be at peace that nothing is between him and the lady and I said okay.
He then sent me the lady’s contact that he wants me to be friends with the lady I said ok, I saved her number and started chatting her on watsapp, but I noticed she was very cold towards me and hardly respond to my messages or respond two days after and she didn’t even save my number.
When I came back from my trip I told my guy and even showed him our chat and how the lady doesn’t reply or act cold towards me then he said he’s sure it’s because of work and I was like but if you message her she replies you immediately.
So I decided to do some digging, one day when he slept I went to the chat between him and the lady from early 2021 and I found out he had asked the girl out before in fact he really disturbed her for a very long time but the lady said no , and told him in the chat that his level is low to her and that the girls he will marry are still in secondary school she really rubbished him but still he continued disturbing her until he met me, From the chat when he met me he sent my picture to the lady and told her he just met me asking her if he can marry me and the lady said yes he can marry me and from the date of the chat that was when he came and proposed to me.
When I saw that chat I cried that night because I asked him very well when the lady was giving me cold attitude if they’ve ever dated or even asked her out before and he said no.
I kept quiet I didn’t confront him, until two weeks ago he told me the lady said she wants to come and visit him before he gets married, that was when I got angry and confronted him about what I saw on his phone, I also sent voice note to his cousin whom they are very close and whose father owns the company where my guy works , I explained everything to him and I told him it’s because I’m sure he will know the lady too since they all work in the same company, he called me immediately and begged me that he doesn’t know my guy even asked the lady out. He talked to my guy and he begged me.
Why I’m sending this now is because few days ago I received the worst insult of my life, my guy told me he wants the lady to be part of my bridesmaid. Please how and where is that done? Someone you lied to me about until I found out myself, someone who’s very cold towards me and up till now the lady has never even chatted me or say hello to me before and I’ve stopped chatting her since she doesn’t reply, so there’s no form of relationship between us whatsoever!.
How can this lady be dancing behind me on my wedding day knowing what transpired between her and my guy, so she’s going to be in all my wedding photos that I will hang in my house?.
I asked him why he so much wants this lady to be part of our life and marriage, what is it about this lady that he can’t let go ? He couldn’t answer.
I got angry and fought him verbally though no insults, I also reported to our pastor in the church and he promised to see us after service on Sunday that it’s not done anywhere!. Even though he has apologized but my mind is still not settled cause they still talk and see everyday since they work together and in the same company.
*She cannot be part of your bridal team, NO WAY!!!
Please find out what is actually going on cos she seems to be the one controlling the relationship and she gave him the go ahead to marry you, this prolly means she might also end your Marriage anytime that she wants to please, look well before you enter this kind of Marriage..
Marrying a man that does not have his own mind is the worst thing that can happen to any woman oh......
This man is NOT YOURS.
ReplyDeleteJejely extricate yourself NOW before it of TOO LATE.
I have said my own.
But you will remember my comment.
Dear poster
DeleteYou better wash you hands off this relationship before this same lady would be deciding what school your kids will attend
The lady friend zoned him but isn’t ready to let him fully go because he became her errand boy. She’s definitely enjoying some privileges.
Your boyfriend is not a serious human being and would continue to seek her opinion cus of where he placed her in his heart, he also sees her as more exposed and probably well traveled.
You definitely haven’t found a husband
Push up (original)
Their love for one another is deep, but he doesnt meet the girl's spec, you how some girls are, maybe rich or pretending to be. I would advise you use another strategy, ignore them, move on with your marriage, give your husband peace, try to attract him back to yourself no matter how difficult it is, with time he will forget her and focus on you, time does wonders, the girl will move on, since he has apologize and the girl wont be on your trail, she will understand that you have a firm hold, she doesnt call all the shots here. I am glad you have his family's listening and your Pastor's too, you are in safe hands. Just behave she doesnt exist. Do a different thing to get a different results. Dont let her upset you again.
DeleteAwww...I don't envy you. You see this issue; it will never go away except a miracle happens. He is in her 'friend-zone", if you know what I mean. A go-to person where one easily gets a quick emotional fix or a get-away-zone where you insure a huge part of your emotion so not to depend or attached too much to your real person. The advantage of this is that your "main piece" will have very limited power over you and will ALWAYAS walk on egg shells, bend over backward to please you. He is playing a very unhealthy mind game with you and very soon you will appear like a very deranged, crazy, insecure mad woman. It will affect you so bad you will begin to loose your esteem and nag.
DeleteMy suggestion: "Anything you feed, grows. Anything you starve, dies". You can choose to totally purge your mind off her and whatever you saw while snooping and make sincere peace with the idea of her. Not letting topics to do with her feed off your energy and turn you green with jealousy and insecurity. Yes, you can do it and it works. Like, you may not reach out to her but if she does, you wrap her all in genuine love. Reason for this advice is, my dear, you can easily feed a monster with your insecurities and make irreparable mistakes.
Take this advice ONLY if you have done your checks and balances and this guy has ticked at least 85%off your choice list. If he was lacking in other major aspects and you were managing, this singular item carries like 25% of the scores already o. So be sure. If you were managing his other bad qualities please don't accept this in addition.
Poster, you are marrying to become a second wife.
DeleteI really feel bad for you because this lady has a strong hold on your ex and it’s not ending anytime soon.
How are you even still in this relationship?
How?
Let them be and wait for your own man.
This woman would scatter your home
I sha know you would go ahead with the marriage.
I wish you good luck
Mma Nwachukwu
Thank you Anonymous 15:04. This lady is already the 3rd person in this relationship. Pls tell him to choose who he really wants.. He can't have both of you. And you don't want her in your relationship. See babe, that guy's does not belong to you. At this rate she will know when he is sleeping with you. Or even ask permission. What the heck. End this relationship already. A broken engagement is better than a broken marriage.
DeleteDear poster, I don't know why you are still hellbent on entering this dead on arrival marriage. That guy is obviously in love with that lady and will cheat on you shamelessly with her should she agree. Woo na you know abeg. Marriage isn't a trophy o
DeleteMadam Sapphire Your comments about marriage sometimes can be so frustrating. This is a straightforward situation. It’s so obvious This guy is in love with the other woman!! I mean he sees her every day at work, 8 hours or more a day, five days a week. That’s not healthy for their young relationship at allll. Poster needs to leave this relationship period! No IFs and Buts. Poster end this relationship else you’ll send more chronicles.
DeleteOnly try fighting for a marriage when you are in the marriage not when you haven’t.
DeleteDon’t fight for a man who won’t pick you if he really had options
Stop it
You are second place in this mama life, please let them be
Don’t enter a marriage and start writing chronicles and people will ask you if you saw the signs… meanwhile God is slapping you with different signs.
The siger are already there. If you can accommodate her as your Co wife or mistress or whatever your guy calls her,then go ahead and marry him. Otherwise walk away from a life of pain and misery. Because from your write up,you would always come 2nd.
DeleteAre you sure you still want to marry this guy?
DeleteTales of two Adults that doesn't know what they want from each other.
ReplyDeleteListen and listen good madam, your husband to be is so much into that Lady that he's using to pepper her just to get her attention....i will advise you to make hay while the Sunshine now to avoid bombarding SDK with Future chronicles.
Your man is a man that doesn't know his left from his right and you are into him maybe because his well to do right? Please Leave him now, because you can never buy peace of mind in the market.
Drops pen 🖊️🖊️
The funny thing is that the girl no send their papa pepper 🤣🤣
DeleteShe has the guy at her every whim, he will keep running around for her even when married.
Push up (original)
Poster see you walking with your eyes wide open into a polygamous marriage, shebi you don't want to tell yourself the truth and move on from this man abi? Nor worry, body go tell you when you enter r that union fully.
DeleteYou can see the handwriting fully on a projector skin, shinning like a neon light but have chosen to ignore, just dust your Microsoft word app because you're about to start sending chronicles upon chronicles.
Please don't enter this kind of problem . When he's rich enough to afford her ,he will go for hers and you will hear "but I have also been in his life "
DeleteAllow me to perch here, try to hold any plans for the wedding if possible postpone it to get what you want. Unless everything is clearly stated and agreed on don’t go ahead with the wedding. It’s disaster waiting to happen
DeleteYou must not marry him abeg,what nonsense.
ReplyDeletePoster, I dey beg you cos u sound like a nice person. Summon any strength you have and LEAVE this relationship!! You see this thing that men do? Once they love a particular woman who treats them like crap, they will remain there!! I have seen it too many times and I can tell you it's common. He is deeply and crazily in love with this woman and WILL DUMP YOU AT THE SLIGHTEST WHIM WHEN SHE FINALLY GIVES HIM THE GREEN LIGHT!
DeleteThis is how they are o. I've seen it with friends who treat some men who adore them like crap and those men linger like their lives depend on it. The men will enter other relationships o but I promise u they dump those other women FAST when their objects of desire come for them! It is sad but it is reality.
Dont do this to yourself because u will regret marrying this man. He is a fool like many of them who crave the people who treat them badly. But it is quite common; they just never admit it. I could give u real life stories but here isnt sufficient. PACK UR KAYA AND GO OOOOO
The foundation of this union is faulty. In your heart, you will always feel bad that he chose to marry you not out of his own firm decision but based on the affirmation of his crush. My own two cent is call off the wedding. You are not his choice , he does not love you.
ReplyDeleteHe’s obsessed with that lady. The day she gives him yellow light, your marriage is over. I have someone like that on my case. I didn’t marry him cos I noticed he was obsessed with me. I try to avoid him everywhere. So that he can move on. That girl I stupid for giving him green light. And he is an idiot as well
ReplyDeleteOh boy!!!!!!!! this matter tie gele... Your guy is obsessed with this lady and she will be in your face all through your marriage until she gets married too... You need to fix a meeting with that lady since your guy is not ready to talk. woman to woman talk cos i am very sure your guy tells her EVERYTHING HAPPENING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
ReplyDeleteYou are the other woman
ReplyDeleteSimple and short
DeleteHe does not even rate her at all
She is. The senselessness and boldness from the guy is appalling.
DeleteI don’t know what these two are doing, but be sure to not be a part of it.
Soon, he’ll tell you she is homeless and would love to stay with you guys for sometime. Before you know, she is on a 9 months journey.
Don’t go through with it.
Sluttychic.
Exactly! She's the other woman.
DeleteI mean!! This is clear to everybody, even you the poster but we know you will still go on with that marriage, so good luck second wife. That woman won't leave your fiance until she finally falls in love with someone else.
DeleteHe is still very much obsessed with that lady especially since she didn't agree to date him.He still wants to have that lady either by hook or by crook,Most men can't deal with bruised ego.
ReplyDeleteIt's damn to early for your guy to start making you feel so insecure.
You have to tell him to disassociate himself from that lady if he still wants both of you to work.
Men are too tricky,It's either You or her..He should make his choice period.
It’ll even be hard to dissociate from her because they work together. He sees her literally everyday. She needs to end this relationship and start with someone new honestly. But we know she’ll still go ahead based on how emotional she is smh.
DeleteBewitched! That is what has happened to your guy.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't even know what marriage is.
Look, the day the lady asks him to divorce you, he will do that and even kick you out.
It is either you fight (spiritually, in Christ, fasting and prayers), or you call off the wedding.
Fight what? Who?
DeleteShe should call it off ozigbo ozigbo
No be everything be jazz and witchcraft abeg.
DeleteSome things na koro koro open eye person dey take enter am.
This is not the kind of man you waste time and energy fighting for.
DeletePoster, you must call off this wedding! It will be the hardest thing you do, but you must call it off. Give it some time until you know where you stand
By now, her bride price had been paid, she is already married.
Delete18:49 nope nope nope she’s not yet married. She should return her bride price. Also no legal marriage binding documents. She’s free as a bird
DeleteBewitched ko, bewitched ni. Poster nobody bewitched your fiance oh, don't waste your prayers, the bible itself says wisdom is the principal thing, and it is also profitable to direct, therefore, use your God given brain.
Delete@19:33
DeleteBirds are not free, they are caught in traps and hunters shoot them down. When a girl's bride price is paid, you should be talking about divorce.
He just wants to earn yoûr trust so that when they start gbenshing under your nose, you would not be suspicious.
ReplyDeleteAnik
🤣🤣🤣
DeleteU nailed it.
DeleteMy dear,this man is not for you.A man that asked you out because his crush feels it's ok to go ahead and even have the guts to tell you to chat her up,as if that's not enough,she will be on your train.No respect from your fiance to you,will he accept all of these from you,hell no!
ReplyDeleteThis lady practically calls the shot btw you and your guy and you still want to go ahead with the plans? Anyways, whatever rocks your boat Miss cause from the look of things, you don't sound as if you will be willing to call the wedding off so i wish you the best in whatever decision you eventually make.
ReplyDeleteGbam.
DeleteYour man is in love with that lady and will NOT let her go. She will control your marriage. Please , don't let pressure to answer Mrs push you into a marriage where you will develop wrinkle early and start prayer and fasting over man, when you have not fasted over your life or sibling. I feel for you sha coz it seems you will go ahead and marry him. I wish you goodluck because you will need it.
ReplyDeleteThe wife (joined by Satan) is this dictating woman
ReplyDeleteThe wife coming in, is you.
The only way to dislodge the other one is through prayer and fasting or nothing.
This girl is in control of your husband wholesomely. And such control has a sexual connotation.
Sentiments aside
She will start prayer and fasting for a man that she has not married, a man obsessed with another woman,God forbid, after marriage and they encounter challenges she will move to the mountain to concentrate on meeting God face to face , poster call off the wedding, don't let your Pastor talk you into going on with the wedding,watch your fiance and his lady friend for a while, they might end up together.
DeleteInstead of her to enjoy marriage, she will be fighting off another woman with prayer and fasting. Mouth no dey pain Una? Prayer warriors. Enjoy marriage, not kabashing and looking lean with stress.
Delete@Nedi Glamour
DeleteE no tire you? Fasting for a man she is not married to?! For what?!!! Don’t try that nonsense poster, is he the last man on earth? What is so good about him? Someone that does not love you, someone that disrespects you to this length? I have not seen this kind of disrespect before.
@Blackey
DeleteShe wrote the chronicle because she wants to be married to this man, so?
He does not love you , he wants her , call off the wedding for your own peace of mind. Your own man will come.
ReplyDeleteSister,it's better you cancel the wedding now to avoid future cries.something like this happened to me but in my case she was my friend,she introduced me to her husband's friend.At some point she had total control of my relationship,that I begin to wonder,if she will leave her own hubby and start dating my ex.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't back out now,I hope it won't get to a point where she will be asking personal questions and your hubby will be downloading steadily.God help women oooo
He's in love with the lady. Facts! You on the other hand, is the available one.
ReplyDeleteYou better gbawa door. If not, you go cry/complain tire.
Let it go, the lady already told him no. I have guys that I have said no to that are still close friends. She can never date him cos she didn’t when he was single and searching but don’t put her on your bridal train, she isn’t your friend. If he likes he should give her suit like Kemi Lala .
ReplyDeleteProblem is she said no but he goes to her to approve things in his life
DeletePlease don't make the mistake of marrying this man even if he reassures you that he has severed ties with her. She's clearly the woman he LOVES but she can't settle with him even though she has feelings for him. She will frustrate you and you will wish both of you never met because he's only settling for you. Please Don't Do This!
ReplyDeleteSee hennn, I'm going to advise you like it's my sister I'm talking to.
ReplyDeleteOpen your eyes before you marry this man. I know you're seeing it as you've gone too far to turn back, you still can, I'm sorry to say, except he gives you a big reason not to doubt him about this lady and her involvement in your union (even at that, you still need to be very sure that he won't go back on his word), don't marry him so you won't write another chronicle.
It's said that one should not be quick to divorce a spouse but at this point, you still have the power to decide your future. A man that can't stand and make a decision by himself without someone else influencing it shouldn't be getting married not to talk of a strange woman being in control. My sister, please think this through. He's apologizing now when you find out about the things he lied about, what if he does not care anymore when you become his fully? It is well.
Hian, for Cynthia to type more than 1 line issay serious something.
DeleteMy dear sister u never see husband o,this man that does not have a mind of his own,the lady is solely in control of him and ur relationship and she will play the piper to the tunes that best suites her.You can still cancel the wedding and let him marry her or better still leave them both alone to continue whatever they have going on to avoid many more chronicles and depression.
ReplyDeleteUnless she is ready to let ur man go his way and find her own life,she is the architect and biggest shareholder in this ur relationship.
Many times in life u have to push ur emotions and sentiments aside to face reality,tell urself the harsh truth u will fight this lady till u have no strength left in u to fight.Leave now while u can.
The writing on the wall is clear, he is not for you. His heart belongs to another...
ReplyDeleteI mean, what's the point of snooping when you can't use what you've found to make a decision that will better your life?
ReplyDeleteGbam 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
DeleteI'm just scared for her. She won't enjoy that marriage.
DeleteHonestly
DeleteMy dear poster,that man is not for you,please take a walk before you start having sleepless night in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteHi Poster,
ReplyDeleteI like how you write, Kudos. You seem to have a nice and calm personality. I also like how you got the information you needed and didn't react till 2 weeks, taking time to ruminate. Emotionally balanced 👍👍.
Now to the matter at hand. Think about it calmly... It is not too late to get go. You don't want this kind of drama and heartache in your marriage, I can assure you. God opened your eyes and mind to these facts at this time for a reason.
Call off the relationship. No quarrel, no bickering. Just inform him that you don't want to go on with the relationship FULLSTOP.
Your real husband who will cherish you and every word from your mouth as well as honour you will come. Imagine the insult upon injury. Inukwa bridesmaid 🤷♀️, in other words he is getting married to her in his mind on YOUR wedding day, all his eyes and attention will just be on her..🤦♂️🤦♂️.
Please walk away biko, your man is around the corner you have not met him yet. Hugs and kisses from here.
Ahhh this is so true oo. Poster please I take God beg you, end it. We need a stable family hence a more stable environment with emotionally healthy kids in the society. Imagine bringing kids into this type of situation?? Please don’t go ahead with this marriage.
DeleteI agree with Wendixx' submission absolutely. Because of his obsession of his crush, in his mind he is getting married to his crush that's why he wants her to be your bridesmaid.
DeleteYou need to be certain that he is in love with you and not his crush.
As a man, if a lady tells me I'm below her class or not good for her I have no reason being close to her or nurturing any emotion - all the love I have for her would die a natural death.
I suggest you have a heart-to-heart talk with him or call off the wedding.
What I don't get is you are sending this chronicle because YOU know deep within this relationship is not going to work. My question is why are you still in the relationship? God has shown you the signs but you still stayed to what end? The relationship should have ended when you snooped but no you continued to accumulate more heartbreak. Exactly how much of this will you endure when you get married? Imagine passing through this kind of torture during courtship of how many years do you really want to carryover this mental torture for another 5-10 years? Can you honestly cope? It might seem that the years you put into the relationship will be wasted but in all honesty you will realize that ending this relationship will be the best for your future. The marriage hasn't begun and oga madam has began causing havoc. Expect more in the marriage. The red flags you have collected in this relationship haff do. It's time to walk away with your dignity intact. Nobody including pastor should not influence this decision because a time will come the pastor go tire to settle issues.
DeleteNa you be second wife. So you open your eyes wide and want to enter into a marriage when you know your fiance is openly in love with another woman? Tomorrow now you will say someone wants to snatch your husband.
ReplyDeletePoster he dey do me like I should send you E slap. I guess that guy is doing well financially that’s why youve been taking the rubbish Abi na you mumu yourself because I can’t imagine can’t you smell the coffee? Hmnnnnn you are even trying to make friend with the witch some girls are somehow sha and you are still planning to marry this kind man because your pastor don stamp am Abi stay there dey ask questions and when he eventually marry you the lady will be the one to be controlling your home and you will come be disturbing us with chronicle you better japa or else
ReplyDeleteIf she loved him and he wasn’t giving her face I would happily say fight for your man
ReplyDeleteBut where do you start here where he loves her and chases her
She too may have started liking him now that he can get a wife
Some women don’t like the men crushing on them till the guy gets someone else
I’m really sorry
The lady is the love of his life. When the desired is not available, the available becomes the chosen one. He is only with you because she doesn't want him. The day she will give him small greenlight, he will abandim you.
ReplyDeleteEveryone here is saying the same thing, but will you listen?
This is a case of marrying who is available because who he is obsessed/inlove with is not available.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest red flag/red blanket ever.
Obsession is a VERY VERY dangerous thing. To the obsessor, the obsessee and the person who becomes the grass the elephants will dance on.
YOU.
Once you marry him, NOTHING you do will be good enough.
If you cook banga, he will say why not egusi, because the egusi she prepared one day like that was tooooo sweet.
If you do weaving, he will ask you why not wig, sebi you did not see how burriful duduke is when she wears wigs?
The house will never be clean enough, you will never be fine, the sex will never be hot enough because...
You will bend body like an Olympics acrobat trying to be her.
And you will FAIL, time and again.
Congratulations in advance.
If you love and want to marry him so badly, have a matured conversation with the lady and let her know you are aware what transpired between the both of you and she should give you space because she is a burden. Na your fellow woman. Confront her!!!!.
ReplyDeleteOr dont marry him because you might be writing another Chronicle.
Lv this relationship now or more Chronicles in the marriage
ReplyDeleteAre you that DESPERATE to get married that you're still calling him your fiance? Like ARE YOU FOR REAL?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me, I'll tell you that you are still seriously single and searching. My dear ladies, always learn to respect yourself in relationships. All the signs you've been seeing are not enough? A man has another woman in his life and you want to marry him? Kai! Women! Who do una dis tin?
Like if you didn't write this chronicle, you would have gone ahead to marry this man? Let me ask you.
1. How would you feel if in future, you want to discuss with your hubby and he's on a call or chat with the said babe and this continues. Like, you will be snooping for the rest of your life? My God. Your own snooping na before marriage start.
2. What exactly is he always discussing with her?
3. What is she coming to do in your bridal train? Like what? Kai!
4. Have you prayed about this íntention of marriage proposal or you want to marry because he's "hardworking and caring".
Madam, if you don't marry this man, will your life end? Why do you want to enter problem with your two eyes open? Why? How can another woman be dictating what happens in your relationship? Is it that you are desperate to marry that you can't consider your own peace of mind and happiness? Abi d tin wen d babe take hold d man follow hold you? So in future, if she says "I don't like the house you people are living in". You guys will move out? 😂😂😂😂 I feel pained reading your chronicle because when you marry this man, you will write chronicle tire.
Look at how you're running helter skelter calling his relatives to solve "family matter" when family never even start. 😁😁😁 You should have left him the moment you discovered he lied about his relationship status with her. But no. As a typical African woman you decided to "manage it and endure". You don't endure anything before marriage! You said "But the most pressing issue that I can’t cope or handle is the issue of this lady that has been a bone on the neck of my relationship since DAY ONE". Day one bikonu! You can't cope and your wedding is two months away?So he will change when he marries you? Oh chim. I quote again ”When I saw that chat I cried that night". You want to cry more?
You are a side piece that is being married for certain reasons not known to you. He just wants to keep you at home while he jollies with his true love. Marriage is irreversible except on grounds of infidelity but you want to start your own with infidelity. Hehehe.
Babe, read in between the lines and do the needful. Pray hard about your future so you don't fall into irredeemable circumstances. God help you.
If you can hold of this marriage kindly do. This shadow lurking behind or bone on the throat of your relationship WILL never go away.
ReplyDeleteIf there's a room for hook up from the said lady, this your husband you described so will take it. No matter where your marriage is at the point in time.
Poster, I honestly don't think you have any business confronting or having any conversations with the woman.
ReplyDeleteI want to believe that the man you are involved with is an adult and can make decisions for himself.
Immediately I read where he put you on conference call with the woman, without even informing you first, It sent a wrong signal to me.
You probably need some time to think it through, discuss with your man and make a decision.
The effontry to request that she becomes one of your bridesmaids.
This lady might be part of your marriage for a while before something gives.
I wish you the best of luck
This thing called marriage enh! Please poster don't make her part of your bridal team. She knows what she is doing.
ReplyDeleteHold your ground on not allowing the lady join your train. Marry your man in peace.
ReplyDeleteThat marriage can never be in peace so far that woman has the man wrapped around her pinkie. Must she marry him??. The wedding can be postponed for a year to make her think things through. She should definitely not marry him in 2 months.
DeleteGod showed you a clear warning sign like day and night. You were even able to read chat from two years ago. He could have deleted those chats you know that right? But because God sees your heart, he allowed him to keep that chat so you could read them. You have no excuse young lady if you go ahead with this marriage and you end up getting drained and losing your self respect and esteem. You’ll be the one to be blamed and not us. I really hope you’ll make a right decision by ending this relationship. If you go ahead with it, The marriage will suck you physically and emotionally dry just watch. Update us please.
ReplyDeleteThat fiance of yours is a weak man. You are just an option cos he couldn't get that lady. Baby girl RUN!
ReplyDeleteExtremely weak.
DeleteAnd why is he trying to foist his own friend unto your bridal train?
If she is so important to him that he must see or on his wedding day, let him sew trouser and waistcoat for her and she should join his grooms men.
Imagine asking her to get you and permit him to marry you.
What an insult.
You never see husband my dear and if you persist, you will regret this wotoporiously.
Very weak and stupid! Sad thing is there are many of them like this; they just never admit it out loud. I've seen it so many times than I can recall. They remain obsessed with the very woman who treats them like trash and will treat other women who love them badly. Whenever these women come running back to them, the men drop everyone else and go back to their vomit like the fools they are.
DeleteI know someone who chased a lady for donkey years and she never considered him at all! She even married someone else after using him so much. After the marriage crashed guess who she remembered? And guess what he did? He dumped this nice girl he had engaged and hurriedly married the same woman who treated him like crap for over 10years!! They are married now.
I have a friend who treated her first bf very very poorly. She would always dump him when she meets hotter, richer guys or guys from her tribe. When they dump or hurt her, she comes back running and the fool will always take her back, dumping girls he had started dating. This happening 3 times and could be more. Even when he gave her engagement ring, she was fucking men upandan like no man business. He knew. She got tired of men dumping her so she settled for the idiot with zero self worth.
I know another who has been begging a girl to date him for years now. She is dating a married man and he went to beg the married man to 'leave' her for him. I wish I could say I'm making this shit up but I am not! In this Abuja o. The married man has been begging the girl(his sugar baby) to consider the young man. This same young man is doing well in life and has women on his case, but it is the shameless goat who still doesnt want him despite all these that he wants.
Many men do the most ridiculous things for thrash women, and the people who suffer most are the women they settle for to manage with.
POSTER, if u marry this man you will suffer! And I can bet u that lady will come for him when other men show her shege! And he will run to her like the vomit he is. It is your call but think about this: DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?
Poster can just take a walk from this Dead On Arrival relationship because you are the other woman in this picture.
ReplyDeleteYou’re a rebound for him. She’s in love with your guy, he’s not her level as at when she rejected him. It’s either she wants your guy's cousin who will become the company owner someday or she’s dating he’s father your guy’s uncle. At this stage of your relationship you shouldn’t be facing any of this, she’s going nowhere a woman like like will be reading your chat with your guys access your personal stuff, even shop for food for your family. She sees your guy as her own he is emotionally attached to her. Na this kind woman dey later turn psycho begin pursue you for husband house with knife.
ReplyDeletePoster for your peace of mind,call off this wedding, your man do not love you.
ReplyDeleteCan't you see that the lady is the love of his life?he values her more than you... please just respect yourself and move on.
I would say you should end the relationship now to avoid unnecessary prayer points in the future. A broken relationship is a successful relationship.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead with the wedding with the heart that, the girl will always have a say in your home, your husband to be will do anything for this lady, though the lady doesn't really love him,but she's enjoying the attention.if I were you,I will rather walk away now,cos a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage
ReplyDeleteYOU BETTER NOT MARRY THIS MAN! YOU WILL REGRET IT. IF THAT LADY DOESN'T MARRY, SHE WILL COME BACK AND CLAIM YOUR HUSBAND WHICH BY JUST GETTING PREGNANT. THAT MAN ISNT YOURS. JUST WALK AWAY
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, I can't believe you're even contemplating going ahead with this marriage! It's one thing if he has always been obsessed with this lady then you came along and won him over. No! He saw you and still felt compelled to get her approval. That means he wouldn't have dated you if she didn't approve. What a messed up foundation.
ReplyDeleteThis lady is way more than "the other woman". That your boyfriend can still stick to her like glue after she told him that she's socially above him, that means he has it bad! In future when he cleans up nicely and she now finds him worthy, who do you think will be left in the mud? I can't believe he could disregard your feelings just to please her. How can he want her incorporated into your bridal train? Who the hell does that??? If he can't get rid of her now when he should be scared of losing you, do you really think he would get rid of her when he has you locked down as "wifey"?
Darling, you need to rethink this whole arrangement. Don't let the ubiquitous argument of "there's no perfect relationship" make you settle for a man who places another lady above you. Please set higher standards for yourself. A man like this can use this against you in future, he will tell you that you knew he always had feelings for her, so you should accept whatever the outcome is. I understand enduring a less than ideal marriage situation after the fact, but walking into this with your eyes wide open is beyond me. Life is too short and too precious to play Russian Roulette with it.
It appears you are about to marry someone else's future husband, this guy's heart belongs to another. Please let him go. It's better to suffer a temporary pain now than a lifetime of agony. Choose wisely.
e-hugs and kisses.
Reminds me of Lady Diana saying There are THREE PEOPLE in her marriage to Prince Charles . Such men find it difficult to let go of women they are obsessed with in that fashion and even marriage doesn’t stop them from continuing the close relationship with that kind of crush or lover. Prince Charles and Camilla finally got married and are still together till today.
ReplyDeleteAlso the divorce of Bill Gates also revealed, there were 3 persons in his marriage to Melinda and off course he got the approval of the other lady before he got married to Melinda. But you see the other lady was always in the picture even after several years .
Poster, if you know you are not willing to get yourself into such a crowded marriage or get divorced in the future, pls just call off the wedding for your sanity.
Beautifully said. I believe Tonto’s marriage trashed because of same issue.
DeleteRosy was always there as a personal assistant or whatever it hey choose to call it till Tonto lost it and left.
What was the end result? He later married her!
Let me tell you a story. I will make it short because it's more complicated and long. I had a high school sweetheart. We dated for 14 years and in between he met a girl in college who he told me was just a friends. I believed him at 1st until people started telling me there was more to it than mere friendship. I snooped (no cell phone then but letters) and discovered they had this 'bed' thing going. I confronted him but still held on to him because I was deeply in love with him and was very blind. I would cry when I knew he was with the girl despite his denials that anything that between them had stopped and they were just friends. Shebi I 'was the 'wife' loved by his family. I later discovered something about the relationship and the girl which I could not share with a soul. The 2 could/would never leave each other even if I had married him. Yeepa! I decided to take a break and see what happens. He later came up with trumped up accusations that I was dating someone that I was doing a project with. How could I date the person no dey Naija dat time o? They married less than a year after our breakup. Thank God that I took that break. In my 30s, I found someone that I was not really in love with but stable and treats me like a queen (23 years now). Hold the wedding off for now if you have the strength. Pray while waiting. Princess Diana said : "There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded." Remember what happened
ReplyDeleteThis lady will be a pin in the neck of your marriage if you chose to go ahead, take a bold step now.
ReplyDeleteIt's this kind of man who has zero regards/respect for your feelings you want to end up with?
ReplyDeleteA real gee won't even insult a girl who is just a friend with benefits this way, not to talk of his main babe..
Na una sabi sha..
I kinda feel they've fuckd in the past tho, and your gee is still pussy whipped ✌️
Break off the engagement. Trust God for a better man to spend your lifetime with cos u see this marriage, its not a joke. You are not married yet and this lady has so much hold on your man, when you Re married nko that's the time she will do worse. Funny enough she might actually want your fiance to be hers. Women are just enemies of themselves
ReplyDelete...He loves her, he's settling for you, only because she does not want him (maybe her decision will change in the future), you are second fiddle in this relationship, you will always be. If she tells him to jump, he'd ask how high! If you are okay with this (note that it'd likely get worse after marriage like when you're pregnant or just gave birth)...she is his Happy Place. You may need to listen to Dolly Parton's 'Jolene'
ReplyDeleteA broken relationship is better than a broken Marriage. Marriage is an eye opener. Better pray and seek the counsel of God before you enter this union.
ReplyDeleteBut knowing my gender you’ll go ahead with the Marriage..thinking you're the Holy Spirit that changes people
The sad thing, is not that after reading all this advice you will go and still marry him, no the sad thing is that there are MANY, so MANY like you who will dive in like one 🤡 above said and try to 'hold ground'.
ReplyDeleteWhich groundfo you want to hold?
Loll.
You are balanced on sinking sand.
I think we are all very annoyed by him asking her whether to marry you but that was really early on in the relationship
ReplyDeleteThey are not together but she’s not your friend
Hes trying to make you both friends but you both are obviously not interested
Marry him if you want
I just see this ending in premium tears. You are not number 1. She is number 1 and until she decides she is done with your husband to be. It will most likely be a triangle.You,her,him as he is still into her
ReplyDeleteYour fiancé is a stupid mam that cannot even decide for himself, how can you be forcing someone on me.
ReplyDeleteLas las, its that lady that will end up dictating for you and your guy when you are married.
He is using you to pepper the girl because he still wants her and if she agrees to his proposal even on your wedding day he will leave you and go to her. Choose wisely, Let him go now that you can. Postpone the wedding and watch him from afar. Don't let them use it to insult you that I never wanted to marry you if not for so so and so. He loves the girl genuinely not you
ReplyDeleteI think you should 1st have a talk with this said lady. Tell her all you know and ask her what she wants with your man. Kindly ask her to give your man some space as she is directly or indirectly interfering in your relationship. Note that this meeting will be in a calm environment, without your man's knowledge and no shouts. From the meeting, you would have your answer.
ReplyDeleteThe lady has the power to free him if she wants..
I'm saying this if you so wish to marry him.
In all honesty, I won't go ahead if I were in your shoes. I detest insults. All the best
It’s even more complicated because they work together. It’ll be very tough for real.
DeletePoster, you have no business with any lady.
DeleteI repeat, you have no business with any lady.
If your man cannot respect you from the onset, you are wasting your time.
In marriage, there are many temptations. How many people do you want to addressed? Addresor.
Wrong advise. Very wrong. Only people with zero self worth will do this
DeletePoster, you can see all the signs now. You get to decide what you will do with it. Just a reminder that you are seeing the signs.
ReplyDeleteIf at the end you went ahead and marry this guy, and you end up divorcing him because from the looks of things, you’re not cut out for this type of entanglement, God will judge you oo and he’ll use our comments and warning signs he gave you to judge you. Just my own two cents here. Good luck and update us o. We want to know whatever your decision is.
ReplyDeleteBring up everything you found out about him and this girl to your pastor, his parents and your parents then dump his stupid ass
ReplyDeleteYou said the things you don't like about him settings you could cope with so in my opinion:dont write him off over This,put your foot to the ground about her not being part of your bridesmaid then see how the next few weeks goes before your wedding or you could move it forward if you search your mind deeply and not sure.
ReplyDeleteN.b please try normalizing sorting issues out with your spouse ALONE WIGHOUT REPORTING TO ANYONE....even your pastor is human!!
Poster pls learn from my mistakes...
ReplyDeletemy ex is married to a lady that knew me, like the lady knew this guy wasn’t his type, even dated his two friends but wen she later saw time was no longer on her side, she befriended me first on Facebook and even threw funny comments on our posts cause it’s something they do in their church (my ex and the lady attend the same church) to make jest of couples but las las, they married...ever since i vowed no woman is going to make a guy serve me breakfast, so i met another guy, he introduced this his female friend to me(she’s a twin and her twin brother used to work for my guy), one day i checked his phone and what i saw shocked me, its this lady telling my guy she calls her big bro how much she loves him and she’s very aware of me, i was sad but thank God i quickly confronted her so she left for a while only to come back again thats when i gave up...Seems ladies love it when they date a guy that has someone, like they intentionally want to test their feminine power by snatching what’s not theirs or they suddenly find men in serious relationships more attractive ...anyways i quickly broke up with the guy, he was now begging later but i gave him condition to chat the girl and tell her he can’t leave me for her and that he only considers her a sister and nothing more, he did, sent the screenshot, madam got angry and started snubbing him everywhere.
excuse my epistle oo🤣las las i no give you advice, but pls maybe you can break up with him to reset his brains like i did, goodluck!