Hmm...
HUSBAND WITH A QUESTION MARK..
Please help....
I don't understand what is going on. My husband is 37 and I am 28 but my husband is not a fan of s#x and I initiate most of our s#xual act of which he turns me down a lot...
I have tried to talk to him and ask him if he doesn't find me attractive or maybe he is seeing some one but he claims he finds me attractive and he is not seeing anyone so what is the problem?
He said he does not know that maybe it is because he has a lot going on in his mind, like who doesn't have a lot going on in their minds? honestly I have had to ask if he was gay..
We can have s#x once a month and trust me i initiated that once in some months he is not interested, our marriage is just a few weeks over a year I feel it is way too early for this plus i am not pregnant yet and not trying yet either.
He doesn't use all these s#xual enhancement, he doesn't believe in using them.
He is not a perfect man but he tries his best in other areas and running the home but talking about s#x is as if you are stressing him out and he loves hangout with the guys, before he goes straight to hangout from work but after several complaints he now comes back home from work but will still go for hangouts anytime from 6pm till late at night on a daily basis...
I wonder what they discuss that interests him to be out of the house every evening but what baffles me about this hangout is that sometimes when we are going to the market together and he comes across his friends that i know they greet themselves as if it has been long they saw each other.
This had made me ask him who he then hangs out with every evening, if his friends that I know claim it has been a while they saw, he replied me with "sometimes he just goes to sit at the bar alone, all by himself and that other people will show up then gist flows"
This man want to scatter my brain.
Is this a Normal thing do guys really just go to the bar to sit by themselves? I have thought of trailing him one day but I just haven't been able for gather the energy for that or maybe I am scared of what I might see.
*As the matter is now, my dear you have to trail him to find out where he is going to and what is happening, I cannot give advice when even you, do not know whats going on...... he may be Bisexual and hiding it.. They always hide it.
Trail him and inform us of your discovery!
Hmmmm he may be bisexual
ReplyDeleteHe isssss gay!
DeletePls go through his phone as well
DeleteNo, dear poster, it is not normal for a young couple to be this detached.
DeleteLike he married you to keep as a furniture, so he goes out in the mornings and doesn’t come home until night time… now he has changed it to 6pm? It’s really strange o.
It’s also not normal to sit out every day without anyone.
He said some things are bothering him, maybe you should ask about that and see how you can help out, if not then trail him, at least have your evidence before you do anything.
Push up (original)
Doesn't like sex with you but "loves hangout with the guys" so sorry hun but he's most likely GAY. If he was bisexual, he would have sill been having sex with you. Investigate and leave before you get HIV or herpes. Don't bring children into this joke of a marriage.
DeleteOne of these days, follow him when he leaves the house for hangout.
DeleteGo out before him, Pay a taxi. Wait for him to leave then follow him.
Coverup.
If he sits on a hangout find a place and sit down and monitor him. Check out what he does and who he's with. But before you embark, be prepared for anything.
Don't let no one advice you not to snoop
Anon 17.58 that snooped & found out that her husband of 10 yrs cheated with his girlfriend for 3 yrs I am sorry for what you experienced but would you mind sharing with us a Chronicle
DeleteHe is either cheating on you with another woman, or there is another place he goes to. Either you pay someone to follow him and be snapping him for evidence or video it. Or you do it yourself if you're good
ReplyDeleteHe is most definitely cheating. Same thing happened to me. We were married for 10 years. Eventually, I found out he had another home with his girlfriend for 3 years. That was where he always used to spend all his time thereby abandoning me like a piece of furniture but always claiming hanging out with the boys. I really trusted him so I never suspected and never snooped. We are seperated now
DeleteMadam, contact a tracking company and install a tracker that you can even hear the conversation in his car. Its a little more expensive than the regular ones that just show you location. Also go through his phone. Hold off pregnancy till you have done your findings.
DeleteWas he like this while dating or you were team no tasting?
Please come back and update us on your findings.
Madam takes this advice at your peril. If u place a car tracker and he finds it, pack ya load to your father's house. Let me ask you, is his attitude new? Was he not hanging out like this before you guys got married. I don't agree with the comment of many BV's that he might be gay. I am female and sex is 20% of my relationship, I like sex but it's not my thing hence I can go months without it. In.a relationship I make sacrifices for my partner but sec 1nce or 2wice in a week I am good in 2 weeks I don't care so, is that enough for someone to assume I am a lesbian. My dear look for other means of sorting this out and be patient, if not listen to this advice and you will soon join the divorce lane. Plus, I sense u are becoming overbearing as well. Cut him some slack and look for better ways to getting him to understand your feelings.
DeleteSister even you don't know you might be a lesbian yet. Months without sex in a functional relationship, do you live in different countries tries?
DeleteTiana, it's not just about the sex. The guy clearly doesnt want to be around his wife.
DeleteAnd yes, if you're around ur boo everyday and yet dont think of sex except once or twice a week, and can even go fine for 2 weeks, nne, something is off somewhere
I hope you guys know that some people are asexual. They are not sexually attracted to anyone and do not get sexual urges. You may say that is abnormal, but everyone has different hormones and asexuals are the opposite extreme of hypersexuals or nymphomaniacs. Poster, trail him to find out for your own peace of mind or hire someone to do so. If nothing is there consider asexuality and find someone who can help you both. In my experience, divorce or an agreed sexual arrangement is the answer.
DeleteSo Stella is advising her to trail and will advise again not to snoop? Biko what is the difference between the two. You see it’s really difficult to be in a situation like this and not snoop so please my dears on this blog. If you have to snoop do it to save your life
ReplyDeleteWas waiting for this comment 😂. Exactly what I was discussing with someone about Stella's no snooping. Snoop when you have to ,just have the mind to take whatever you find or have peace when there is nothing
DeleteLmaoooo, just leave our Stella alone.
DeleteExactly what came to my mind after reading Stella's contribution 😂😂😂. This life no balance true true 😂😂
DeleteExactly what came to my mind after reading Stella's contribution 😂😂😂. This life no balance true true 😂😂
DeleteSnoop o, snoop o.
DeleteSomeone's somewhere has saved herself from HIV, Hepatitis B, syphillis, gonorrhea and chlamydia because she was smart enough to snoop. No dey do nnwen nnwen like rabbit, shine your eye and make sure you know what's up.
So many factors might be responsible. Maybe he's a very busy person too or his sex drive is low. He needs to know that a woman has needs and should do all he can to balance it. Have a chat with him and tell him how you feel. He needs to change or find a solution for you.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not just the sex, he doesn’t even want to be around her, how can you go to hang out immediately after work, every single day.
DeleteHa
That your bigger is gay gay gay gay gay. You hear me he is fucking gay. Be careful before he catches something and delivers to you. You better trail him to know what the fuck is keeping him out ohhh. Until you get your answer, don’t fuck him again.
ReplyDeleteYou are insinuating that he might be gay, which may or not be the case, or you want the public to confirm without proof?
ReplyDeleteAlcohol might be the culprit. Boredom, truly, a lot might be on his mind. You really need to try to be his friend. Pray for him, try to introduce natural enhancers like maca, tigernut, goro fruit etc dont sweat it, he might have very low libido. There is hope sis, just take it easy
ReplyDeleteAs you are trailing him, have plan ooo.
ReplyDeleteDon't come again and ask us what to do after you see what you are looking for.
This right here ✔💯
DeleteAs we drop our comments, lets all understand that not all men like sex!
ReplyDeleteStories we read online has made us believe that everyman likes sex. Wrong.
Some men cant be bothered about sex, same as some women.
You might have to talk to him about hanging out with friends as a different topic entirely. You dont have to link it with him not liking sex or him being gay. When did this gay thing even start sef, that before we say jack, ‘he is gay’ will start flying. Lol.
As some men are addicted to sex, some are addicted to lottery, games, alcohol, etc individual preferences.
Talk to him about everyday hangout, that it makes you uncomfortable.
Sista Jane.
This is another angle, my husband literally calls me "abędo" sex is literally stress for some people. I prefer wine and loud,asides these two nothing else matters to me.
Delete👍anon 15:17
DeleteThank you Sista Jane for this sensible comment. I detest the way women describe every man who isn’t woman crazy or sex crazy as gay. Some people just don’t like sex
Delete@Liz you are right, i am not a sex person at all, i haven’t even had sex since i got pregnant, i have gone 9 months without sex. My husband doesn’t even stress me again, he only asks me if I don’t ever get horny. Good thing for him is he has another wife with high sex drive so they should enjoy themselves jare. I don’t know if its me being circumcised that worsen my own situation even thou i know few people whom were and their sex life is perfect. I have lost very serious relationships in the past because of my low sex drive, this man just married me because he looked beyond sex and he is full of pity for my situation, he has tried helping me in so many ways, he even ordered original kayamata from the North, buy expensive lubricants, buy libido boaster and lot more, he is a good man. but right now i do not even want sex at all, maybe after the baby i will. So poster’s husband might not be gay
DeleteHe hates pussy and avoids it, he sexes one a month and he has never initiated it, he's a good man that plays his parts but doesn't like sex at all. If you've never touched him, he wil be ok and won't ask for it.
ReplyDeletePoster, read this again and again...what do u see. A Gaylord. Na dat type dey dash wife pikin, sons HIV.
Is it only gay people that are susceptible to HIV and STI's cos all this HIV comments here are becomig boring, cliche and tiring.
DeleteBv Agadi na gwo Oveh
Let it keep boring you until you catch am. Your eyes go clear. Gay and hiv na 5&6
DeleteYour hubby is either guy or has another wife somewhere.. You need to do the trailing
ReplyDeleteThe way lack of sex is becoming an issue in marriages is alarming.
ReplyDeleteI thought men loved jigiji to the point they give a kidney to have it,What's really happening??
This country is affecting people in so many ways that we can imagine.
Poster i really feel for you,Your findings should determine your next move.
Goodluck
Probably has a side chick somewhere..
ReplyDeleteNot everyone likes sex like that
ReplyDeleteEyahh, who then are the people raping corpses and children?
DeleteWhy is everyone making this about sex alone? Can't you all see that the man is generally avoiding being around her? That in itself is a way bigger problem. You may not really like sex but why cant you spend time with your wife? Gist , play, go on dates, etc? Is it normal to stay away from the house all through? But u people have ignored the larger problem and are focused on sex thereby downplaying her problem. A man avoiding home in just one year of marriage is a disaster abeg! Call it as it is!!
DeleteThis your case is a very difficult one o but don't go too far in your search. Look around you. Is there a househelp who is underage? A man friend close by? A past relationship that is still bitter he got married?
ReplyDeleteIf you belive in prayer then pray and fast about this and you will get a revelation.
It is true that not Everyone likes sex, but come on! They are still newlyweds and should still be enjoying each other. Even if the guy only likes to have sex once a month, he should make some sort of compromise to ensure that the woman's needs are being met. I know a man who could care less about sex. But he's 47 and has already lived two or three lives. His Focus now is on maintaining his wealth.
ReplyDeleteGet someone to trail him. Atleast know what you are up against.
ReplyDeleteHonestly it is on SDK blog I read for the first time that women complain of being sex sterved. Please don't get me wrong. I have carried this believe that it is only men that like sex, women don't like sex 🙄
ReplyDeletePoster, most people see sex as work. Maybe your husband is one of them. Your marriage is young and he might have lived a sex free life before he married you. He might not be gay. Yes some men seat alone at beer parlour to drink without company.
Maybe your husband is going through emotional issues he does not want to disturb you with as a new wife. Have you tried asking him to tag you along most nights when he wants to hang out. It will be good you join him once in a while especially now that you don't have children. This might give you a clue of what he does at night. When a man knows his wife constantly wants to hangout with him. He will either reduce his going out or stop. On the sex issue. Wake up at midnight when you are sure he is awake and start praying loud. Tell God what you are complaining about him. Be sure he is hearing you and watch him change.
Sex is many things, it provides stress relief, emotional bonding, time together. Women do enjoy sex, always have, they have just been taught culturally to contain their sexual desires and energy so much to not be considered a bad girl. Plus many guys kiss and tell, so to preserve their reputation they just stay away from men. Men also judge women a lot, that even married ones have to downplay their desires and sex energy even with their husbands. But if a woman is with someone she completely trusts and feel free with a whole lot of stuff will unfold out of her and that man will feel like he won the jackpot.
DeletePoster, he might not be gay. Either he has low sex drive, or he doesn't find you attractive.
ReplyDeleteAlso, while dating, what did you guys talk about or do? I always would choose marrying my friend who I can talk whatever with than marrying someone who is fine as hell but who I don't vibe with. By vibe I mean communication! Let's talk talk and talk. Moving forward, I think you should not snoop, it probably is nothing. Just find ways to let him be himself around you, tell him stuff you like when it comes to sex, yes! Initiate the convo, tell him you find him attractive, send him suggestive/lewd text messages randomly (na your husband). Set the mood before the act, it's your plan, hatch it. Sex is a mind game! Sex is control! Don't wait till you are in the room before you bring it up, put it in his mind before he gets back, Let him imagine it with you only. Pray God this tips don't fail, if it fails, then we really do have a serious case on our hands.
I wish you good luck!
"Sex is control" I love this line! MM the consultant.
DeleteMaybe na gaybriel or there’s a hygiene issue or he was forced to marry you or he married you for the wrong reasons and is seeing someone else.There can be a lot of reasons for this issue so try to figure out which one it is so you can get closure.did you guys have a lot of sex before you got married?there are plenty unanswered question.
ReplyDeleteDifferent strokes for different folks. Me i go report hubby to im mama say morn and night na ta ta ta ta, weekend na morn afteenoon evening night na ta ta ta, she kon laff say na so im papa sef be😢😢...MY YANSH O!
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteOp read up on mid-life crises
ReplyDeleteTell him that you want to be joining him for the hangouts,that you are always bored and see his reaction,then again don't forget to snoop if you can cos me I can't cos his phone is passworded
ReplyDeleteWhy has nobody thought she may not be 'good' in bed (enough for him)? Most men find sex boring with the same person unless there are spices here, there and once in a while. These spices could be iin different forms. Although a good percentage of men too are just primal when it comes to sex . Same goes for some women too. Whereas most women don't want to have sex too often. And I believe it's because sex is psychological for women. Plus, many men don't give adequate and applicable foreplay. I for one, haven't ever been with a man who didn't get addicted to me and my pussy. It's not just about the skills mind you. It's about knowing your partner in and out. Caring for their physical, emotional, financial, social and mental needs It's a lot of work actually.
ReplyDeleteThe only men I've had problems with sexuallly are the ones that were emotionally selfish or sexually naive, who I myself got tired of filling their sexual and/or emotional tank while they drained mine empty and I eventually withdrew myself from their equation.
My husband always says sex is psychological for him though. A lot of things are involved according to him.
With this story, I'm beginning to appreciate my husband more oooh. Make sex between husband and wife join problem wet full this Nigeria again?!!!!!!!! That one na WA oh! Hmmmn.... This life self! Different people, different problems(Different strokes for different folks) as they say
Thank you.
DeleteAnd my own want use sex finish me. Small thing like this I don collect,he can't even stay angry for long cos of collect, the good thing is he's always with me ,he's just too adickted to me, for the past 18 years,I've never asked ,who is this girl or suspect him for anything, in fact I can get away with everything. Sex is very important,and my pussy too dey betray me,of I firm vex ,but once oga insert,pussy go begin dey sweet me, I go dey moan,na so fight go end. Madam you can't enjoy marriage wey sex no dey o
ReplyDeleteYea you’re right. Most marital problems could be resolved by having sex. Reason the Bible recommends it to married people.
DeleteNot everyone likes sex,but your marriage is still too young for this,talk to him about it and if it continues pray aloud when he is home and awake as if you are reporting him to God and try hanging out with him just like what Zaram said........... Josaria
ReplyDeleteAlso add deliverance to all the solutions provided.
ReplyDeleteWhat’s your hygiene like? Does your mouth smell? How well do you take your bath? How and where did you guys meet? Who asked who out? Who was more earnest during your courtship? These and many more you should ask and answer before trailing him. I suggest you do it yourself so you can get a true picture or hire a sibling of yours. My mind tells me he’s not interested in that marriage though
ReplyDeleteMadam, first of all, make sure he is medically fit. Obesity, high blood pressure and high blood sugar affect mens libido..
ReplyDeletesecondly, he might be into porn. And as a result of that, only particular type of porn might turn him on. Find out from his “search history” on ALL BROWSERS on his phone . Watch porn with him if he is into it.
In addition, hope all bills are not on him. Hope you are helping out. Financial stress kills men ..and finally, hope you are packaging yourself at home. Smell good, sexy panties, bum shorts because too many ladies forgets to make their spouses long for them just because there is no competitor.. feed him well too and encourage him to drink at home with you so both tatatata thereafter..
I don’t think it’s just the sex,he doesn’t enjoy ur company at all, how will a man just get back from work and be out immediately to hangout with the boys everyday? Something is wrong somewhere.Him bin at home doesn’t automatically mean u both must have sex,there are other fun activities that bring u guys closer aside sex,so if he doesn’t look foward to having some me time with u for a marriage that should still be in it’s honeymoon phase then something is definitely wrong somewhere.He has never suggested a hangout with u included,at least ur attendance is not everyday but once in a while hangout with him and the guys,Then maybe he is not really interested in that marriage.If it was low sex drive he will be willing to do other things like spend time with u,take u out and have fun with u to cover up for the lack of sex cos he knows in his heart he is not meeting ur sexual needs.If it’s work related or having issues troubling him u are the best person he should be discussing that with,after all u are his partner.I suggest u snoop,check his phone,and try to read his conversations with his very good friends,also sit him down and ask him if he doesn’t find u attractive or there is an issue he isn’t telling u about.If a woman has body or mouth odor or there is something about u hygienically that turns him off,he should be the best person to tell u and also find solutions for u not just avoiding u.Snoop,and also have a heart to heart conversation with ur husband poster.Ur marriage is still too young for this.wishing u all the very best.
ReplyDeleteHe is either asexual or gay. I don't know why ppl will not discuss their asexuality or low libido during courtship. Sex is the only thing in marriage you are forbidden from doing with anyone else, ppl should know what they are getting. So damn annoying. Who wants to be stuck with an asexual when they are not one.
ReplyDeleteFor the gay possibility that will require some digging on your part. Sad to say it is also a possibility. 37 is still fairly young to completely lack any interest in intimacy and you are way too young to be expected to give up on your sex life. Maybe you also need medical intervention or couples therapy.
I don’t know what to say
ReplyDeleteSame Stella will say do not Snoop. Szme Stella is here advising to Trail. Lol.. which is worse?
ReplyDeleteShe is not even sure.
Listen Ladies, SNOOP! You have a right to answers.