STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
12 YEAR GRUDGE
I don’t know why I cannot forgive him, he has begged me with his life for 12 years and has been a saint since yet I cannot forgive.
I don’t know why I cannot forgive him, he has begged me with his life for 12 years and has been a saint since yet I cannot forgive.
I have made his life a living hell yet he takes it without complain. I never knew that I have it in me to hold grudges for this long.
I have prayed about it but the feeling will not go away. I cannot leave him because deep down I know I cannot love like this again, neither will someone love me the way he has in the last 12 years.
My unforgiveness is creating problems for us. I don’t know how to let go and it’s killing me and making him miserable. If I knew I will feel this way, I should have let go 12 years ago instead of complicating things with kids. But I know if I am truthful to myself, I stayed because I love him.
Sometimes I hope he will leave but then afraid of losing him.
My mixed feelings is driving me crazy.
*It would have been nice if you had told us what he did to you (Probably cheated on you) but please no crime is worth holding on to for 12 years and in that 12 years you birthed kids? As in you opened your legs and shook your waist to his rhythm? And yet still wont forgive him? You are the real sleeping with the enemy oh....
If you cant forget him at all, maybe its time to let him go or separate for a while, maybe his absence will heal you..
good luck!
I pity that man in his old age.
ReplyDeleteMay Almighty Jehovah help him.
I once over heard my husband telling someone he was counseling that a woman's love is a treasure he do anything to protect and never dream to betray. That he (my husband) knows his wife (me) will hate with equal intensity as she loves if he ever betray her, even though he knows she will never leave him. Haa....where did this man get this impression from?ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ðŸ˜ This nice and sweet me?
DeleteIf he cheated on you, make up your mind and flirt a little or have a small fling. That unforgiveness will dissappear
DeleteBut get ready. If he catches you or your fling catches feelings, you are totally on your own!
Urmmm... please ask the Holy spirit to assist you to forgive
You have a very strong heart. If he apologized, and changed genuinely, please forgive him. Holding grudges against him is like holding your breath. You wont feel yourself neither will you be happy. To heal completely and end the misery, you need to forgive him, forgive yourself and put the past behind you. Maybe leaving him will help either of you. You need to start living today by totally forgiving him or walk away. He deserves better than this.
ReplyDeleteOlomo, I don't think he just offended her. He broke her heart which is why she is finding it difficult to heal from. It's a wound, like an ulcer. She needs grace to surmount the pain and the balm of love and God Himself to heal.
DeleteMaybe she keeps bringing it up.
ReplyDeleteYou have forgiven him but you have not forgotten.
Try to limit bringing it up in discussions.
Na wa. If you know you can't forgive him please leave him. I don't know how people hold on to grudges for years.
ReplyDeleteStella is right
ReplyDeleteWithout knowing what happened what can we say
It’s possible you are right to feel this way
"It’s possible you are right to feel this way." @15:11
DeleteAnd she sat in the marriage for 12 years? If there is another word for selfishness than this, tell me. There is something she is benefiting from the marriage. Something she cannot get from another man. To keep another human being begging for 12 years using his sin as a blackmailing trucheon? Even if the man commit as in KOmmit!
Abeg, make man no talk more.
Poster You see those two words "Forgive" and "Forget" it's OVER-RATED.
ReplyDeleteIf we as humans are being true to ourselves,then we would know that those two words don't actually exist.
I suggest you just "let go",see a therapist with your hubby,pray and forge ahead as a family with your pure intentions and love towards him.
Don't worry too much about forgiving,concentrate more on moving on.
good one..i support this advise.@KrytiQ Ambi- on point
DeleteNo one actually forgives and forgets being cheated on. It's best to learn how to move on, you are right KrytiQ
DeleteYou can't exactly move on when you haven't forgiven. Unforgiveness keeps you trapped in your past. You are literally stuck there until you choose to let go and let God.
DeleteDid you notice how often I used the word "choose"?
I can't begin to imagine how hurt you must have felt @poster. From your narrative I am guessing you were cheated on and yes, you have every right to feel deeply hurt and hold grudges against your husband.
But let's look at it closely: what has those grudges done for you if not to make you feel worse and your marriage, unsavory. It has solved NOTHING.
It's up to you to "choose" to let it all go. Forgiving him doesn't mean the feelings of hurt won't resurface or that the memories will just disappear, but it simply means that you have made a deliberate decision not to act negatively towards your husband or revenge his actions.
When those thoughts come (because they will), choose not to dwell on them. He has asked you for forgiveness, it's time you ask the Lord to help you forgive him (I don't know if you have a personal relationship with Jesus).
Joyce Meyer said, "Do you know you can forgive someone and still feel like smacking them? Forgiveness is not what you feel. It is how you treat people."
I really hope you heal and your trust for him restored, and pray for him. Healing takes a process. Just take it a step at a time and with time you will get better. The longer this grudge stays, the deeper the root of bitterness.
For yourself, your peace of mind, your sanity, your children, your marriage choose forgiveness. Holding unto that grudge won't change the past and it will darken your future. Nobody is worth your peace and your joy.
Do this for YOU. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you. I know He will. Choose to be led by the Spirit and not your feelings.
Did you notice how often I used the word "choose"? It's all up to you. Choose right.
Beautiful
DeleteWell said@pure inspirations
DeleteThere's elasticity limit to every condition. By the time he reaches that limit, you might not like it. 12 years is a lot of time. Even if he raped you, slept with your sister, girl friend, duped you, denied your child, 12 years is a lot of time for a lot of water to have gone under the bridge. Do not forget if you can't but try to let go.
ReplyDeleteCheers.
Never use rape in this type of comment
DeleteIt's more spiritual than psychological. Her refusal to forgive has opened the door to something else.
DeleteMadam poster, try this sure method from Ojuju Calabar.
Say to yourself repeatedly, "I renounce the spirit of unforgiveness and any other spirit that has come into my life as a result of it. I hereby forgive my husband for all the hurt (list them out one by one) he has caused me over the years.
I choose to forgive you (insert husband's name) and will no longer hold anything against you. From here on out, I will love you, respect you and reciprocate all the goodness you've shown me, in Jesus name... (oh yes! Ojuju also believes in the power of Jesus name.)
Definition of akpobi. What will it take for you to let go? Death?
ReplyDeleteYou don’t know what he did
DeleteNdi over my dead body
DeleteExactly Death!
DeleteNa wah ooo
Did her abuse molest child? Asides that, cheating can be forgiven. He cheated with his own body.
DeleteMolest my child? You won't live long enough to ask for forgiveness.
DeleteHe deserves someone better than you. You don't love him if you can carry unforgiveness in your heart. Light and darkness cannot exist together. Unless it's that you simply can't forget? The day he decides to move on your eye will clear.
ReplyDeleteI perfectly understand this poster, there are certain things people will do to you that, no matter how forgiving you are, you just can't get over it. However it's what you do with that anger that is the problem. Poster if you cannot stop thinking about it, then maybe it's time you take a walk.
ReplyDeleteYou don't understand, the poster can't walk away and the pain won't stop. Believe me, it is messy.
DeleteIt's the unforgiveness that is eating you up.
ReplyDeleteEven God forgives,what the hell is wrong with you.Only a witch will hold such grudge for so long.
What I am seeing is a Stony heart
ReplyDeletePoster, try seeing a therapist, those of us with over active minds sometimes experience this, this will help you get over the negative feelings and pray hard while undergoing therapy. It is well.
ReplyDeleteIf men were God. Thank God for God.
ReplyDeleteYou are just plain mean. Thats who you are.
I believe what he did is not very bad. If it was that terrible, with that kind of grudge, you wouldnt have given him kids. You stated that he loves you, and he has apologised. Its been 12 whole years and you are not willing to let go. I pray you dont transfer that kind of heart to any of your kids.
Yes, you did not tell us what he did, but if you can live with him and have kids together after what he did, then i think you can forgive.
Forget about my first paragraph. Please forgive. Think about the number of times we offend God, and he still forgives us. Are you a saint? Or you’ve not wronged him in this 12years? Please let it go. He has begged, he is sober, he still loves you, and you love him too according to you, then you can forgive him.
Sista Jane
This
DeleteIf men were God. Thank God for God.
ReplyDeleteYou are just plain mean. Thats who you are.
I believe what he did is not very bad. If it was that terrible, with that kind of grudge, you wouldnt have given him kids. You stated that he loves you, and he has apologised. Its been 12 whole years and you are not willing to let go. I pray you dont transfer that kind of heart to any of your kids.
Yes, you did not tell us what he did, but if you can live with him and have kids together after what he did, then i think you can forgive.
Forget about my first paragraph. Please forgive. Think about the number of times we offend God, and he still forgives us. Are you a saint? Or you’ve not wronged him in this 12years? Please let it go. He has begged, he is sober, he still loves you, and you love him too according to you, then you can forgive him.
Sista Jane
I just watched a video on Youtube of a south African singer that had issues with forgiveness and how she overcame. Type it on youtube search and watch it;
ReplyDeleteHow i dealt with my stepfather& Why i got all 3suspects arrested|I've Been through the most|Mpumi Mt
You hold a grudge against ur husband for 12 solid years,u haven’t told us what he did that is this grave.If u can’t forgive him then there was no need bringing children into the picture.I wonder what he did that kept this heavy burden in ur heart.You both should try to see a therapist,try to forgive the hurt even if u still don’t want to forget.Just try to move on from this phase and be happy,cos if u are carrying a grudge in ur heart against someone u can never really be happy with them a 100% and it’s worse when that person is ur spouse.think about it.
ReplyDeleteProbably, the way she is wire.
DeleteIf God should hold you responsible for your sins of 12 years, my dear, would you stand? Please, deliver yourself from this sin and bondage. I can’t believe what I just read!
ReplyDeleteEvery human has a limit. Forgive this man now before you pass the limit he can take. If he changes, he will turn things around. He will never remember what he did to hurt you, he will only remember all the times you have kept grudges with him and treat you worst than you have been treating him at the moment.
ReplyDeleteInvite the holy spirit into your home and allow things sort out in your favor
You need to forgive him & let go, as you do so you'll free from the weight of unforgiveness, you'll feel at ease, and your home/marriage will heal.
DeleteDid he kill somebody? If no,then please 4 give.
ReplyDeleteYou did not say what he did,did he kill someone or did he molest your daughter or did he cheat on you.though is hard to forget especially when it hurts so deeply but darling just try your best to let go,ask God to heal you......Josaria
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you didn't tell us what he did. But what I can tell you is that unforgivingness is a spirit while possessed you when you made up your mind never to forgive him and you have fed this spirit for twelve years!!! That's why you cannot forgive him you are possessed with the demon of unforgivingness AND IT'S THAT DEMON THAT IS BLOCKING YOU FROM FORGIVING HIM EVEN THOUGH YOU NOW WANT TO FORGIVE HIM.
ReplyDeleteThe way out is prayers.
Ask God to dethrone that demon and give you the heart to forgive him.
Begin to voice it that you have forgiven him.
You can even tell him to his face.
Do it genuinely and continue to pray, God himself will deliver you if you truly change. And the demon will leave you when it sees that you are no longer feeding it with it's good which is keeping malice.
Madam you have opened the door for a demon of unforgiveness to directly influence you.
DeleteThat’s why you can’t seem to help yourself
Follow the advise up here
Confess that you’ve forgiven him
Say it aloud
Say it everyday
And ask the Lord to dethrone any contrary spirit
Cheers
Mma Nwachukwu
To forget, it takes the grace of God. Ask for the grace of God to forgive.
DeleteForgive him & free yourself from the bandage of forgiveness
ReplyDeleteDid this man use your both child for money ritual? Did he confess or was caught using you or your child for such? And so you decided to stay to prevent another woman from "enjoying your loss"?
ReplyDeleteIf no, how are you able to still sleep with him, eat his money or live on his resources, or join funds with him to live, raise children without letting them know the unforgiveness (bitterness) in your heart for their father.
Do you pose with him on social media too, or attend public functions together, or go to the church together?
Unless you are not living in some parts of Africa. Is life on its own not hard or challenging enough? Then to add this. Only mankind treats itself so. All other living creatures of God move away from whatever robs them of natural comfort.
Anyways, it is nearer home for some other people in different ways too. She says I am not happy. Go, carry along the only child of the marriage if you want, no. Let him go, no. Two people living miserable and sad together? What manner of marriage and life is that?
May God help us all.
One day he will walk away physically and you will never get him back... continue being silly.
ReplyDeleteNot very many man are genuine when they apologise and yours is. How great a sin did he commit that even God his creator has not forgiven him. Pls go and read about forgiveness in the bible if you are a Christian. Unforgiveness is not worth holding back your ownpeace, blessings and God's mercy over your life.
What I á¹£ee is someone who is selfish. She enjoys punishing him and seeing him in a slave relationship.
ReplyDeleteIf you check well...what he did is not even worth a 12 year old grudge...hence why she didn't post or add it as part of her chronicles.
Your husband is now a gbewudani. If he was smart or have smart people around him...he should dump your ass and move on with his life.