Hmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TIPS ON HOW TO ENTERTAIN A US BASED BOYFRIEND NEEDED
Dear Bv's,
Please help a sister here.....
I got introduced to this Gentleman in church two months ago. He called and we have been talking. He is funny, down to earth and matured.
He is coming into Nigeria in less than a week's time just to see me. He is intending to spend a month in Nigeria here with me.
Please what advice do you have for me? I am a very conservative and private person. I barely go out other than Mass/Benediction/Blessed Sacrament and my room.
I have been off work and seriously searching for another one so I have enough time at the moment. We have never discussed anything s#xual before even though the chemistry between us is crazy.
I do not visit guys, do not hangout or know where one can have fun activities in Lagos here. He is the adventurous type though private too. I have not been on dates, I am too strict on myself, I do not collect gifts or money from people because in my mind, I see it as it will be used to insult you tomorrow or avenue to sleep with you but I gift people a lot.
It's my way of showing I care to people but I don't receive.
He has been asking me what I want, my size but I kept mute so he used his initiative to buy things in medium and large size just Incase one must fit which is annoying me, the beautiful hand bags he got I told him I don't like it so he is not coming with them.
So, Whatever he knows I like, he quickly gets it for me , Example we have similar perfume collection so he has purchased a set for me. During our several discussions, he mentioned he has never worn Native wear before, it's not his thing. So I decided I will gift him 3 pairs made of Italian wool, Bv it cost an arm.
I haven't informed him yet but only requested to take him somewhere on Friday when his here as a surprise to take his measurement for the native wear.
BV's please what fun activities and hangout spot in Lagos to engage in. And how do I tone down my over strictness on myself. I have started making up scenarios in my head of him coming to act American and this is making me overly sensitive.
I just don't want to be taken for granted or disrespected by guys. This mentality has made me avoid/ignore guys since university days. Watching how girls were treated as nothing in school made me overprotective of myself.
I'm 32yrs now. How do I tone it down please.
Thank you so much Stella.
Thank you so much Stella.
*You sound so Innocent oh.....HA!!!
Dont check into any hotel with him unless you want to sleep with him...No guarantee that it is really only you that he is coming to see, play smart or you will be pregnant oh....
You both have not talked about s#x alright but be sure that it is item 7 on his list so be prepared for how to say No or Yes, its your call but before that make sure you know what he really wants and you dont end up being just something he gbenshed and left....
I am sure you will get more tips and advice in the comment section....Please keep us updated after he leaves OK?
Over to ur fellow introverts
ReplyDeleteThis is nice @ poster but I would suggest you calm down and observe. Dont be in a hurry to be adventurous.
DeleteThis was me years ago when I was about your age. It is inferiority complex. Your rejecting gifts, self protection, introvert personality and your inability to have fun. In fact, reading you reminds me so much of me, the mass, benediction etc.
DeleteNow that you've recognised the problem, it is 70% solved.
Nne take your time and be kind to yourself telling yourself "I deserve all the good things, fun, love and be loved in return, to give and be given without strings attached. Try and trust that people are like you and not everyone has an ulterior motive. A lot of people out there love and care genuinely, take it from me. And when you get disappointed by one person, don't take it out on everyone.
About this meeting, I don't think you have prayed as much as you have worried about it. Raise it with the chalice at mass, with the sacrament at benediction, invite our Lady and regain your confidence.
Bvs who live in Lagos will tell you where to take him when he comes. Relax and enjoy being loved.
Same thing I thought. On the other hand, how do you reject a gift someone gave to you in goodwill?. He’s coming closer and you’re pushing him away. When he finally goes away, don’t run oo. Posing like you don’t like gifts is bad, cos if you get married , he might stop buying totally. Hope u get?
DeleteIt’s not inferiority complex pls
DeleteHow will you easily call such a strong term on this young lady’s head she had never met him. Of course she’s careful about gifts before he will say it’s time to pay up and world people will join him and say when she was collecting did she think it was fre
Personally I don’t like collecting gifts from people I don’t know well
Did you read her say she was like that at that age? Inferiority complex is not an insult, it is a condition that can be consciously worked on. It is usually as a result of life experiences and sometimes parenting. The carefree, trust and confidence we were born with begins to gradually wear out due to being put down by people or some mistakes/failures in life. And that clearly depicts the situation of this poster. Don't be always in a hurry to poke holes and attack her. She speaks sense most of the time.
DeleteNot accepting gifts has nothing to do with inferiority complex
DeletePoster there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and your way of life. In fact this is how careful and responsible I’d like my daughter to be. The level of respect you must have commanded. Please don’t listen to this woman calling it IC. She’s an advocate for accumulating body counts so she feels irritated anytime she sees another woman who’s mindful of their dignity. If only you know the kind of incurable STIs this your disciplined lifestyle must have prevented you from.
DeleteAnd hey, whether it works out with this man or not do not beat your self or blame it on being a responsible lady. So long as you’ve been good the forces of nature will definitely work for your good on the long run. Women like you deserve the best men there is.
Poster.
DeleteListen to all the advice and pick the one that sits well in your spirit.
I’m just going to add that you focus on the most important things.
Check this guy out spiritually.
Ask the Lord to reveal hidden things to you and let yon know if you should be with him.
Also ask him to give you steps and tell you what to do to build with him, that’s if you get a yes.
Also, there are SOOOO many fun things to do in Lagos
• lekki conservation- go there and climb thah thjng and disgrace yourselves. Bond is built when both of you can laugh at each other. Such a fun place. I didn’t mean disgrace in a bad way.
• go to that amusement center at ibafo on the outskirts of Lagos.
• go to 5’spaces at adeola hopewell VI. Visit Sketch restaurant.
• google places where you can do sip and paint.
• go to nike art gallery.
• enter an Uber by 10 and move around lekki
• visit twin waters Game Center and roof top.
• visit capadocia restaurant.
• karaoke, karaoke, karaoke. Always fun.
• visit Balogun market. Hahahaha.
• visit cold stone. Order boutique ice creams and compare and taste from each other’s own.
• visit utazi restaurant and order your local delicacies. Always a good idea.
There are so many things to do.
Buy games and play together.
Ask questions oh.
Ask oh my sister.
Don’t let love carry yoh dey go where you no know. Lol
Avoid sex. The sexual tension is gonna be so thick you can cut knife through it.
What saved I and my husband one of the times we met was that he had housemates.
Avoid bed room. Avoid hotel.
Just try my sister
Also if he gives you stuff, collect it. M don’t beg, but take and say thank you.
You deserve the good things of life.
He should pay when you guys go out oh. You can sha pay for some things.
Don’t go and form over independent woman. Them dey too get strong veins for neck. Lol.
I wish you the best.
Mma Nwachukwu.
It's not inferiority complex, it's self respect and contentment. She is content with what she has and doesn't want to take gifts without being sure of the person so they won't say she 'ate' his money and dumped him. I was like her and it's what I will recommend for any girl and woman. Even when I was in a Nigerian University, I managed my pocket money; I never let any guy pay for my meals to avoid eating awoof that will run my belle. As a working professional in Lagos, I would rather pick up the bill after lunch. Try it and see how much respect you will get.
DeleteAnon 1:53 Exactly. It was how I was brought up.
DeleteThe people I associate with are always top notch though and the respect I command is evident for all to see even behind my back.
There's nothing like when a woman holds her own financially, emotionally, spiritually etc.
Poster. Loosen up and enjoy the moment. It will never come again. Hopefully it leads to marriage if it's the will of God. Just be yourself. Don't force anything please. And Yes Stella he might be in Nigeria just to see her only. It's very normal and it happens all the time especially in distance relationship
DeletePlease keep sex out of this, no matter what. If it works out, fine but if not, you'll be glad you didn't mess up.
ReplyDeleteOr maybe if she has sex with him and it doesn’t work out she’ll be happy she at least enjoyed his d***
DeleteHahaha they don't know that good duck is part of enjoyment 😂 😂
DeletePoster follow what Cynthia said.
DeleteYou are not some random hole that somebody will be pissing inside.
If he wants sex he can get it from any 2k prostitute standing on Allen or any of the many lousy ladies here who act as if they are sex starved.
If he is looking for a life partner and if he meets your standards, then he should know what to do.
Keep your legs closed,.
Just because you were introduced by someone in church means nothing.
Even the devil goes to church.
Keep your legs closed and your mind and ears wide open.
Lol. Leave talk jor.
DeletePoster.
DeleteListen to all the advice and pick the one that sits well in your spirit.
I’m just going to add that you focus on the most important things.
Check this guy out spiritually.
Ask the Lord to reveal hidden things to you and let yon know if you should be with him.
Also ask him to give you steps and tell you what to do to build with him, that’s if you get a yes.
Also, there are SOOOO many fun things to do in Lagos
• lekki conservation- go there and climb thah thjng and disgrace yourselves. Bond is built when both of you can laugh at each other. Such a fun place. I didn’t mean disgrace in a bad way.
• go to that amusement center at ibafo on the outskirts of Lagos.
• go to 5’spaces at adeola hopewell VI. Visit Sketch restaurant.
• google places where you can do sip and paint.
• go to nike art gallery.
• enter an Uber by 10 and move around lekki
• visit twin waters Game Center and roof top.
• visit capadocia restaurant.
• karaoke, karaoke, karaoke. Always fun.
• visit Balogun market. Hahahaha.
• visit cold stone. Order boutique ice creams and compare and taste from each other’s own.
• visit utazi restaurant and order your local delicacies. Always a good idea.
There are so many things to do.
Buy games and play together.
Ask questions oh.
Ask oh my sister.
Don’t let love carry yoh dey go where you no know. Lol
Avoid sex. The sexual tension is gonna be so thick you can cut knife through it.
What saved I and my husband one of the times we met was that he had housemates.
Avoid bed room. Avoid hotel.
Just try my sister
Also if he gives you stuff, collect it. M don’t beg, but take and say thank you.
You deserve the good things of life.
He should pay when you guys go out oh. You can sha pay for some things.
Don’t go and form over independent woman. Them dey too get strong veins for neck. Lol.
I wish you the best.
Mma Nwachukwu.
Your 6th paragraph though. Be free, don't portray that difficult to please personality.
ReplyDeleteYou just have to be yourself and not pretend.
ReplyDeleteDo not because of marriage prospect compromise your values.
Please do not offer sex and do not go to night clubs.
And you didn't tell us if this man is the godly type like you or anything about God's mind in this whole arrangement.
The fact that he is in the US does not make him a godly person.
Butterflies in my tummy..lol. since you have been talking with him u should know his interests now. Like what he enjoys doing for leisure. Google up interesting hangout places working with what he likes in mind. Just loosen up and have fun with sense. Wish u all the very best...
ReplyDeleteYou did not tell us how old this man is. That will raise a red or green flag.
ReplyDeleteMost of these older men from the states are on their second or third matrimonial journies and have sacks for baggages.
God bless you Anon 15.33, my landlord's daughter somersaulted back to naija after finding out that lover boy had 6 children all under 12 from 3 marriages. She still thanks God and prays for me cos i told her to go visit first before marrying him. Ashey lover boy na playa
DeleteThis was the comment I was looking for.
DeleteYou sound incredibly naive.
I hope you have investigated this man very well on your own as in background research? Because a lot of the single
Nigerian mature men abroad have severe unpalatable issues.
There is one particular one in Atlanta with kids, married and divorced twice each marriage roughly 7 years apiece. Not even up to 45 years, looking for wife number 3 to join his list. Maybe that one is looking for who will bring what to his dining table. Abeg, I picked race. Only proper investigation can bring out important information. In the meantime calm your body down. You are sounding very nervous and excited like a teenager.
Since he is a Nigerian I don't think there is any special things he will need but a little discussion on wants and needs will do , communication is very important ,but he might want to ghense you so be prepare
ReplyDeleteWhen you say he’s intending to spend it here with you what do you mean
ReplyDeleteHe’ll be in your house? Does he not have family in Nigeria? If he does, has he told them about you and told them he’ll be with you for a month? Do you know the family? How old is he? Check the country he is coming from to be sure he’s not married yet. If he’s in your house for the whole month, are you open to sex with him.
There are too many things to do in Lagos so no problem there. Restaurant, beach, art gallery, lounge, suya spot, your church
Na that your second paeagraph I been wan ask oh.
DeletePoster your bobo no get family members for here ni?
Like stella said, you sound veryyy innocent, no let am play you oh.
In all thy doings, make sure you don't spend nights together alone, or even days sef, make sex whether or not under duress no enter equation.
Be free with him, ask him for the kind of fun activities he would like to engage in, google away thereafter. There are dozens og places you will find on the internet.
Lol it's the fact that he is based in America that is shacking you. You better calm down before they use accent to dribble you.
ReplyDeleteHe is the one that should be bending over backwards to impress you not the other way round so please relax babe.
Secondly like Stella said don't check into any hotel with him, don't follow him to his hotel, don't hang our in any hotel. Avoid any set up that can involve sex or him coercing you do something you're not ready for
Then lastly please don't try to be who you are not, just be yourself. If he likes you, fine.. if he doesn't that's his loss
Watch out for red flags and this is an opportunity to ask questions and get to know each other before you go in too deep and find out he has a whole family over there. Don't let accent shack you o.. open your eyes and ears.. be smart, be wise and protect yourself.
Good luck
👏👏
DeleteFirst thing first. Relax. Second, let him take the initiative. Ordinarily he should ask his Lagos people so he can woo and wow you. How and where he moves you to will tell you if you if he is your type of man.
ReplyDeleteHe’s already wowing by spending money on this visit
DeleteNothing wrong with her finding out how to make the visit fun
Hey sis... Shine your eyes o. This na still format they use. They will always prey on good and innocent minded ladies like "you" in quote. Speaking from personal experience. Pls be very very smart and at alert. Feel free to gist, visit public place, catch fun BUT... BE AT ALERT WITH YOUR SENSES. E GET WHY
ReplyDeleteMy mama go say na potato couch 😂🤣😂🤣
ReplyDeleteBabes, na hotel make the fox lodge o! Upon his visit make you know im ppl for lagos as well and send your Toto on vacation biko cos Fx rate dey favour dem this period and wetin e go spend na nothing to him.
ReplyDeleteIffa hear say he's coming to see only you🤣🤣, no be my brother again?? He might have told 2 others he's coming to see them. If na Lagos based now,you won't be here asking for pass questions,one abroad is involved,Una dey ready to consult oracle sef
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 15:32 you got me in stitches with that comment🤣😀
DeleteI like thst you're intentional in changing some traits in you that won't fetch you anything,I was an introvert and I can't count what I missed out in life until I realized myself and made conscious effort to change.Sometimes being yourself don't always fit,Take the bull by the horn if you have to.
ReplyDeleteHowever,I think you should learn more about lagos and fun places to go,that way you two don't get bored and result to sex.
Most importantly endeavor to ask him his plans towards you face to face and be wise.
Be your self and free your mind. Love and enjoy every moments with him. You are an Adult and having sex in a relationship doesn't make you cheap or less valuable. Unless you are a virgin?
ReplyDeleteUp vote to your comment
DeleteEven if she’s not a virgin, she may not want to have sex with him on this trip. First time seeing is tough. He might go back to America and start sending her to voicemail
DeleteThere are different cool spots you could hang out together, check for:
ReplyDeleteArt Gallery
Sip and Paint
Bolt ride
Visit beach
Nature park and conversation Center
There are more interesting places online, run a search online, or visit blogs and YouTube for better suggestions.
Don't lose guard but try to relax and enjoy yourself; don't because you don't want sex to appear fearful and childish around him, better still avoid close door meeting, show him how you'll want to be treated and accept gifts expect you don't like.
Enjoy this phase sis
This is the comment I've been looking for! I wish I lived in lagos to suggest places and activities for you guys to explore. Its not about not having sex alone, you need to come up with a list of activities to entertain you both.
DeletePlease cab lagos bvs help this lady here?
*boat ride
DeleteAre u sure u really intend to get married? Cohabit with him for like 2 weeks to check if he has character flaws or not. I am not really a fan of online stuff. I prefer meeting people physically. How can u know his character if u only visit beaches nd suya spot. Ask for his family house address. Spend months there to know if he actually have a good family background.
ReplyDeleteLol be there forming sweet and I’m not expensive girl , if someone will treat you bad , they will treat you bad anyways whether you ask or not !
ReplyDeleteMen who love their women love to spend on them , hear me again men love to spend on women they love so stop forming I’m better than you attitude because I didn’t take anything from him.
You’re setting a bad precedent for when you eventually come together and he doesn’t give you gifts because in his mind you don’t like it , then later you will be writing chronicle’s about how my husband is stingy with gifts , you taught him that !
Don’t offer him sex, I repeat don’t offer him sex !
Anyways it’s the America that’s doing you tori tori, abroad men are not my kinda cuppa because more often than not their matter long
Don’t sound like that
DeleteThis could be a good guy for her
America or not. Sister investigate but don’t be too much on high alert
Yes accept gifts but only those your mind accepts. Focus on getting to know him and use his money to help him have fun when he visits ... as in sit and plan and schedule and discuss it with him. I heard about this and this would you like to go there when you visit
If he’s in town for only you he’s investing quite a bit on this visit and seems to want things to work
Good luck love
Men who like prostitutes spend on them too.
DeleteThe way you people say things like they are the golden rules for happiness ehn
Go see the sweden trend on twitter on going dutch so you will know that somewhere in this world; this your theory is rubbish.
Does it mean those going dutch don't love?
In Africa; just buy a girl one small something; they will say you are nice. Meanwhile you maybe a coded killer that just knows d rules
My dear just be you, if you are strict be strict. If you don't want sex don't have sex, say what's on your mind as long as it's not disrespectful. If he is not pushed away from you being your true self then he's for keep.
ReplyDeletePoster be spontaneous. You are not a teenager. Have a purposeful conversation with him to know his intentions for the relationship. Do not assume.
ReplyDeleteI met my husband when I was still a virgin, I told him no sex, he agreed, and I was free with him. I spend weekends at his place. I still reminiscence the beautiful courtship we had. There was not sex, but we were spontaneous with our feelings and know not to cross our boundaries. Please free your mind, while you use your womanly instincts to know when to pick race.
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeletePlease for goodness sake, CALM DOWN.
1. Who confirmed it to you that the whole thing is not cooked behind your door mouth?
2. Have you both video call to see where he is and the people around him?
3. That he was introduced to you in the Church never made him a born again or decent type please.
4. Beware of superiority / inferiority complex syndromes.
5. Know and note these for sure. You've been told anyway, without abstinence, you can never escape sex. Therefore, if really you're very true to us and to yourself, NEVER allow any occasion where the 2 of you shall be alone in a secluded place.
6. Guide yourself against any unwholesome advances from him.
7. Especially, when you eventually see him, like and love him from the first sight, immediately your system will not reject him again. A little touch will make you wet. A little play will lead to ...
8. Never allow him to visit you in your apartment when alone. Always have somebody with you. He's not yet your husband. You don't need to have any special privacy with him. Neither be so foolish to be in his apartment alone when you visit him in his parent's place.
9. Make your private personal findings of him from the Church person that introduced him to you.
10. Having satisfied in all, let him know that you love him more that sex before marriage. May God help you.
9. ,
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 na dat your second line dey make me laff. This aunty body just dey do gigirigi. If na Umahia e from dey come, you for send this your so long a letter? Is the man not Nigerian? So why are you feeling inferior already, talmabout you don't know how he will behave? Better put on your detective googles, weder na alaba suru e dey travel for dey call you with foreign number.
DeleteThen calm down on taking him to go and sew clothes as soon as he arrives. Calm down. Was he not wearing clothes before? You can do it as part of your days outing so it's more spontaneous. Calm down. Is this your first human toaster? Still calm down. Make den no use accent dash you bele, con run.Na wetin those abroadians sabi do.
Don't allow him stay in your house. If he is in a hotel or in his own family house. You will just visit. Time flies when lovers are together. There will always be things to talk about or friends to visit. He is a Nigerian so allow him take the lead while you follow. Don't go and over do yourself. What will be will be.
ReplyDeleteGo to the library? 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Abeg make una no mind me ooo.
ReplyDeleteYou are a disciplined person, which is absolutely fine. All I have to say is please and please keep sex out of it.
ReplyDeleteOk
ReplyDeleteThe guy is coming for sex.. decide whether you want to or not.
ReplyDeleteSex plenty for America ohhh
DeleteHe can come and add her sex but I don’t think he’s coming just for that
O:52 ofcourse he will have family and business to attend to. Its summer holidays so many people use that opportunity to travel, no big deal .Please stop running around like a headless chicken feeling you owe him because he is travelling only to see you. Dead that thought and unnecessary pressure.
DeleteAnd if someone says 'it's not my thing's, why are you still gifting it to him. For instance, jelly sandals are not my thing. If you give it to me., I would either bin it or donate to charity. Same with a host of items that are 'not my thing.'