Nigerian Lady Tells Nigerians In The Diaspora To Stop Shipping Their Children Back To Africa And Explains Why...

This is a must read for any Parent(s).....

SENDING OUR CHILDREN BACK TO NIGERIA OR AFRICA TO LEARN OUR CULTURES AND TRADITIONS IS A VERY BAD IDEA.

Unless you are unwell, and have no one else to help you here while you recover, social services cannot provide the children with respite and you have good well adjusted true disciplinarians like my late grandmother at home to look after the children, don't do it.

It is the most emotionally distabilising and destructive harm you can cause a child.

Although, I could not have had any better upbringing than I did, God bless my gran, not having a relationship with my birth mum, remains something that troubles my spirit most, not sometimes, and the reason why I hold my own children and grandchildren tight to my chest.

Until you are me, you will never know the harm your idea of working round the clock to become rich while neglecting your children and eventually shipping them off to Nigeria or Africa can cause your children.

Until my mother died, I knew, but did not know her enough.

To me, she just had the title, mother, and I must respect and love, or be seen to love and respect her unconditionally because she gave me life.

I was not sure if she genuinely loved me, and if I did too.

I saw a post by another sister celebrating her mother posthumously, and my heart and mind skipped a bit.

I do not think that I have ever done that for my birth mother since she died, and even while she was here. Again, I became sad. She deserves the best from me.

I do not remember my mother's birthday or the anniversary of her death. I occasionally think about her with love, pity and sometimes, anger, disappointment and frustration.

Many emotions run through my mind. Many questions needing answers, but never asked and will remain unanswered forever. Don't do this to any child.

Then the many, "what ifs" begin to hold me hostage to their tricks and I feel helpless, hopeless and depressed again.
I try to understand that my parents had no choice in their days and what they did was the best for them and us.

Then, I begin to feel better and thankful that they did not abandon me somewhere, and as many troubled children, I may be today looking to find out who I am.

The many beautiful people in the long lost family programme are on my mind right now.

I sometimes wonder whether my gratitude to my parents for not abandoning me as many of their parents did, is the reason why I watch that programme.

Whatever may be going on in your lives as parents in Diaspora, please stop shipping your children off to Africa. Love and cherish them by being there for them in your own little ways. Don't obstruct their access to them by their non resident parents too .

That is a very bad thing to do. Until you are me, you will never know why this hurting soul sings love for all as the only basis for my existence.

Think children first.

Although the environment can affect the way children turn out if parents are not lovingly, tough, rough and rugged like my gran and I, our children are what, and who we nurture them to become.

Think before you start having children. Plan for them.

Don't just have them because you can or are getting too old and the biological clock is ticking, you want to escape poverty and some angel turns up bearing visa to abroad or you love someone and they won't commit, so you want to tie them down with a child or children.

That is very dangerous and may be the source of your downfall one day.

Again, if you become a single parent by choice or accident and feel overwhelmed, thinking that it's a reason to fail yourself and the children or blame living in a council estate, ask yourself why other parents like you succeeded and continue to succeed but you are failing yourself and your children.

Children first please. Ask for help if you need it.

by Jenny Chika Okafor

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