STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
REGRETS AFTER MARRIAGE
My husband was calm and understanding doing our courtship ( so I thought) . It was a long distance thing and he disflowered me barely a month to our wedding
(honestly giving my virginity to stranger or my padi then would have been better).
I loved him honestly but few weeks to our wedding I developed cold feet ( if only I didn’t go through with the wedding) . Looking back now I can’t help but regret it all.
I have totally fallen out of love with him.
He literally stopped me from having friends, hanging out and being on social medias. Talking about social medias he is on Instagram, twitter, tagged ,Facebook just name it. He is so verbally abusive, toxic and controlling.
He stopped me from working. I once got a high paying job with wardrobe and traveling allowances but this man insisted I turned it down , sadly I did and I regret it till this day .
At first he kept calling me “bad luck” , insulting and demeaning me in public especially before his friends and I would cry my eyes out. Other times he just starts insulting me and accusing me for no just cause. He once told me his friend told him I was sending him seductive messages and disturbing him for an affair , the truth is I don’t even know who that was and he nearly hit me because of that .
When I eventually found out who it was he was talking about I threatened to find him on Facebook and ask him myself. Seeing how serious I was he admitted he made it up and that no one told him anything . Or was it the other time that a friend of his who was at our wedding recognized me in the bank and asked after him. I got home and told this man his friend said hello , few minutes later my husband called me into the room and called me a cheap whore. That his friend just called him and told him how cheap I was, that he was on his way to a hotel with me before he realized who I was.
This man gave me the insult of my life and left the house. Only to return late in the evening and apologized that he made it all up. I have never cheated on him . He is still my first and last but he has been and is still cheating. Maybe I should cheat too I am beginning to nurse that idea.
Ok things became difficult, so I reached out to my cousin who awards contract. He gave my husband a huge contract but guess what ? I don’t know how it happened but my husband got duped by his blossom friend and yes your guess is as good as mine! This man blamed me that he got scammed. He blamed my cousin for giving him the contract. That I connived with my cousin to set him up . How ? I don’t even know his friend that scammed him , I didn’t bring any supplier to him , how ? He blamed me for everything , even for bringing him the contract..
Its just too much . I don’t have the energy to type it all down. So far the disadvantages I am seeing is far greater than what so ever advantage there is. I honestly should have listened to my head/heart and married my padi who cried and pleaded with me to marry him.
What a life!
Let me stop here I am just tired.....
Why dont you stop concentrating on the regrets and find ways to make yourself happy? I think your husband is frustrated and using you as a punching bag.... Learn to ignore his verbal abuse and hopefully he does not get physical....
Like the forefathers would say, you have made your bed.........
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm,do you want out????
ReplyDeleteOmo your husband has psych issues, yesterday I called out stella for always advising people to leave handle able situations, but I'll tow her line now and ask you to leave even before it gets physical your husband has mental issues, run before he makes up another story that could be the end of you and please stall pregnancy for now no need to bring a child into this toxicity. Good luck
DeleteFrom everything you have said,u don't have a child for him,so leave the situations situationship now
DeletePoster, it’s good to see everyone clamouring for you to leave that marriage. My dear, this is the best option, if not he would kill you one day. In life, always put yourself first. A man that wants to destroy his wife would make sure she has no friends, lose her confidence and also her source of finance. My dear, run as fast as your legs can take you
DeletePoster make your plans to leave that man. I'm serious as serious can be. That man can kill and it's not just talk. You're married to a person with sociopath tendencies.
DeleteYou married a lunatic.. Were you desperate to marry? 🤷♀️
DeleteYou Need to discover yourself.. Leave now before you too become toxic
Poster he won't change till death, except by a miracle. There is nothing you can do to change him. He is damaged. It is up to you to think carefully whether this is how you want to spend the rest of your life, and any offspring you may bring into this union won't be spared.
Delete15:05 no o she should stay there and enjoy the crase person. Let her not release him, make innocent person no go suffer. Let her enjoy his psycho babble alone.
DeleteWhen I tell ladies to make sure to investigate their partners mental health even if he is living on the moon, una dey take am like joke.
This man is going crazy.
ReplyDeleteRun, run, run...poster, I say "RUN",leave suddenly when he has gone out, go to your family or any trusted friend and pick up your life from there. There's no way out, this person is a psychopath and needs help, not wife for now.
DeleteDear poster
DeleteKindly bounce out of this marriage.
You know who you married and you gave him a contract
Why dint you do it yourself and share the profit with him?
He will continue to accuse you all your life, so if you want to stay, get ready. Also he won’t let you work cus he feels it will give you wings, he accuses you because he is guilty and jealous of your faithfulness.
If you must stay, create a coping mechanism… learn to tolerate all insults and accusations
If however you know you cannot, kindly leave, if I were you I’ll definitely bounce.
Nothing is worth my peace of mind.
Push up (original)
going crazy? He's fully crazy , na to naked troway clothes remain.
DeleteGoing?
DeleteYou are living in hell madame. Your husband is a narcissist and insecure. If this is who he is, there's no chance that he will change anytime soon.
ReplyDeleteAre there kids in the marriage already? if not, tell him you are tired of this whole attitude of his and may want leave the marriage for your peace of mind. See if he changes or not.
Meanwhile, make yourself happy by doing what makes you happy. Dont cheat on him because it will not end well. Go out and make friends, look for a job, take any offer that comes your way and dont listen to him if he objects. Also try to ignore him when he starts this attitude of his, with time he will get tired and call for a divorce or change his behavior.
Olomo allow me perch here.
DeletePoster, sorry to say, but your husband is sick in the head. He has mental illness. Early signs of schizophrenia, I think.
He won't change, you can either manage him like that or see how he can get help, mental health evaluation or something like that. Chai
Even after deflowering you, guy man is still insecure
do not let this man know when you are finally leaving oh, cos he can kill you.....plan your exit, when you are safely out then tell him you are not coming back....and once you are out dont let begging deceive you oh because you go hear dont be silly.....
DeleteThis hit close to home because I know one like this. He has not changed more than 10 years later. If you don’t have children with him yet, really really think about whether to leave now before you add children to this craziness
ReplyDeleteI would have agreed that he may be frustrated but the cheating accusations that he makes up are typical of a true narcissist. He will do anything to bring you down including lying.
You can ask him to go for counseling but you should probably ask your previous guy if he still wants you
The yorubas say if we can move forward at least we can move back
Anon 15:12 why would you advice her to leave her husband and go back to her previous guy? Are they the only two men left in the world?
DeletePoster, leave before telling your husband you are no longer interested. I don’t think a face to face confrontation will end well for you, he is seriously damaged.
She should go ask her previous guy if he still wants her? As per someone with zero self confidence who considers herself a leftover or what?
DeleteSome of you reason from your a nus.
18:56 it’s because she clearly loves the previous guy that’s why she can go ask him if he’s interested
DeleteShe won’t be the first to marry her “other” option
If she marries another guy, she’ll probably keep thinking of this guy she “missed”
She said
DeleteI honestly should have listened to my head/heart and married my padi who cried and pleaded with me to marry him.
Divorce this monster you call a husband. It's a hopeless case. Divorce is your only option. Don't even bother to pray. God gave you a brain, he expects you to use it.
ReplyDeleteEnd it now. Save your mental health. You may even save your life too.
Leave that marriage now please don't think twice or look back, its a disaster waiting to happen. Your husband needs psych evaluation. You are living with a mad man. Think about Osinachi, she paid the price for people like you.
DeleteI find it funny when women throw away a good career coz of love, and say they regret later. Are you insane? Dem tie your placenta to man? Wtf! If your parent tell you to quit a job(which they won't), you will never obey them. But once man that is not in anyway related to you say quit , you rush and quit, as if you are under a spell.
ReplyDeleteI dey tell you. Na mumu we be I swear! I sat on this table gidigba… thank God say and don jump down sha
Deletethank God say and don jump down sha 😂😂
DeleteMore women will still come tomorrow to say this shit!.they never learn!!!
DeleteIt's called being blinded by love. Those typa men are very controlling and usually go after vulnerable, weak minded women or ladies who are yet to know their strengths.
DeleteShe signaled her desperation to get married by giving up her job and her friends, so now hubby feels he can walk all over her.
DeleteI'm guilty of this. But my own case is that we were working in the same organization and one person had to leave. Everyone said as the woman I should leave that the head of the home should not be jobless... that I'm young and I'll find something. 3 years later still no job. Honestly I'm tired of depending on hubby for everything. Trying to work on some certification courses tho and then will continue searching.
DeleteLmaooo, help me ask her oh. Poster ngbo, which advise do you want from us now?:-/
DeleteJust negodu
ReplyDeleteNne eh...the gist gwuru ike mehn.
DeleteSeriously serious negodu. No be JuJu be dat. Her chronicles just dey vex my soul
DeleteDear poster, your husband is sick. This is a mental disorder. But then, you took a vow, ......in sickness and in health. This here is sickness, albeit a difficult one to treat. It's either you stand by him and find a solution (unfortunately since they dont believe it's an illness, they wont agree to seeking solution) or leave if your own mental health is threatened. Believe me, it only gets worse. Soon, he'll start believing that you were sent to kill him and then kill you in "self defence" This is not me trying to scare you, but to present you with facts. I wish you good luck
ReplyDeleteSpot on. Na sickness the man get. Terrible one.
DeleteWhy did you not marry your paddy?
ReplyDeleteWhat did your husband do differently that made you choose him?
He stopped you from work cos he doesn’t want you to shine....enemy of progress.
A man who truly loves and cares for you will never ask you to leave your job cos he married you.
If distance is a problem, he’ll get you an alternative before resigning. He is on social media but you can’t be there.
To be honest, you are living in bondage. If you want to live a happy, healthy and normal life, walk away. Some things can’t be worked on, this is one of such things.
He’ll eventually get worse and blame you for everything and then DV starts.
It’s better to remain single than get involved with a man life this.
You don’t have to do anything for a narcissist to hurt you.
DeleteThey do everything to get you and put you on a pedestal.
Once they’ve had a taste of you they find flaws in you
They pick out what they are mostly guilty of and accuse you of it before you get the chance to.
It has nothing to do with the poster, please y’all should follow “mentalhealness” on instagram, he is a narcissist that goes through therapy so he knows about them.
Your best bet with a narcissist is to show no emotion, don’t make them feel they have hurt you.
Push up (original)
You didn't talk about any baby or child, thank God!
ReplyDeleteI promise you, no miracle can change this man and he is not like this because of any inherent situation. This is his nature. My dear, our mothers were wired and taught how to live in and endure these kind of marriages, but guess what? Not this generation. No. We are not wired to take, take and take it over and over till we quench. In this generation, we kick such spouses, men or women to the curb. Divorce has come to stay and with time, wont be as stigmatized as before.
Leave him abruptly without warning so he doesn't harm you. Because, narcissists become desperate once their control over you seem to wane or the sense they are no longer in charge.
Dust your certificates and go back job hunting and never look back. Don't seat there till you get pregnant o. That will just complicate everything.
Fully supported
DeleteDo you know the sad thing? This woman will NOT leave. She will stay there, birth children and endure the abuse. May God save you ma. Please prove us wrong and leave to live.
DeleteThis babe, at times your advice is top notch (like today), other times I wonder if someone snatched your phone.
Delete18.58 I recognise a salvageable situation. This one is a lost cause. You know I am not stupid.
DeleteSpot on!
DeleteI don't believe in divorce. I also I am against domestic violence in any form and fashion. I don't think you have a marriage with this so called man. Marriage is not bondage. Is he your father?? He's band you from social media but he is using it. No friends or family around you. That's an abuser. They cut you off from loved ones so you won't talk. You need a separation so you guys can talk and see what you both want from this marriage. It's either you agree or you both walk away. No need to live in misery. Think before you start having children.
ReplyDeleteSeperate so they can talk? I hate divorce if you have noticed my comments over time but this is an exception. You know these kind of men get so vindictive that if you give that talking a chance, they will pay anything to get her back then make sure she never leaves intact again. Did you read one chronicle that said when she went back he started aiming her eye whenever he hit her. She doesn't have a child with him yet so he knows she is too intact and will find another in no time. He will play along and get her back and ground her. There is not negotiation with Narcissism. Don't even warn or threaten him that you may leave. That is dengerous.
DeleteLeave abruptly!
@ms sapphire
DeleteI agree totally with you.
Leave abruptly!
Lady kini kan you are confused. Very confused.
DeleteWhat a hopeless situation.. Divorce is the only option here I must say
ReplyDeleteMadam seems e-slap go reset your brain and leave that thing you called marriage
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you married a narcissistic demon, yes, I said so, this one pass the usual idiot!
ReplyDeleteI will keep saying this, if ur marriage makes u miserable, why remain in it? Why will u stay married to someone that treats u worse than a piece of rag?
See let me tell u, marriage is to be enjoyed not endured and the moment you start enduring it for reasons such as this, that's the moment you should take a walk.
I will not advise you to pray for him because I am not an advocate of praying for useless men. It's only a good man that deserve a wife's prayer. Rather pray for urself, pray for strength to leave and pray for the means to survive after leaving.
Don't ever settle for nonsense.
I don't like your husband.like he was the one that deflowered you and that doesn't make any sense to him..babe,I know nobody advises a lady to leave her husband's house cause she wouldn't expect she genuinely wants and ready to.so,I advice you don't hurried take it for your husband cause I know you guys will definitely have sex ..use contraceptive and avoid bringing a child in such environment for now and most importantly try and get something doing so you can be financially independent..meet your cousin, family and anyone you know that can help you with a job or you start up a business.Also,he shouldn't know of your plans or progress cause he would never want to see you successful but rather wants you to continuously be under him...equip yourself and when you finally want to leave,you should..
ReplyDeleteN please,for no reason,DO NOT CHEAT on him while still married to him..you definitely know the man you married,he will destroy you if he knows..this is the type of husband that will kill you for cheating or post your nudes everywhere..for conscious sake sef,don't cheat... wishing you the best...ehugs
It’s not cheating if he cheated first
DeleteHe has broken the covenant
Cheat don’t cheat it’s up to you
Cheating is cheating anon, don't try and twist it.
DeleteThis is bondage in the highest order. Please leave before it's too late.
ReplyDeleteSeparation for some time will be good not divorce pls ,men because of financial problems do misbehave so pls separate for a while and give him time to come to his sense ,things will change for you and your family in Jesus name
ReplyDeleteMadam don't seperate, DISAPPEAR!
DeleteRun as far as you can. Cut yourself completely from his life. Expect that he'll start a smear campaign on you to everyone who knows you and those that don't. He may prolong divorce proceedings so that you don't move on. If worst comes to worst, he will physically harm you. Run far.
Poster this comment is a lie from the pit of hell.. A monster is a monster irrespective of being financially cash trapped or financially bouyant.
DeleteIn simple terms , your husband is deranged!! Better flee from that hell hell you call marriage.
When I married my hubby , he was that well to do, had financial constraints , but was and still the sweetest husband any one can wish for.
Now that his finances has starting improving, I am practically in heaven.
So my dear, you married a BEAST. Better act fast now before you find yourself in worse predicament.
My sister, please FLEE!!
I don't know why you people always make excuses for men, "that they get frustrated when they don't have and thereby put it all on their wife". This is wrong assumption. It show the level of immaturity and irresponsibility on the part of that partner. Marriage is not for everyone! You shouldn't marry if you are not yet mature in all aspects. I am married.when we were facing serious financial crises, I only witness the best of my husband. He never changed until God changed our story, he became times two a better him. Poster's husband is who he is WICKED MAN! POSTER LEAVE! there isn't any award for marriage on Earth and in heaven.if you decide to stay and die then I wish you what you want bye.
DeleteMen do transfer aggression and guess what women do too especially while pmsing and during pregnancy
DeleteI’ve experienced all from my fellow women
The problem with this guy is he was like this before money trouble and some of the things he makes up are just downright evil
My hubby lost over 2m in the last two months but instead of taking it out, he is more cheerful and devising means to get back on his feet.
DeleteThat's a man for you not all these 50 for 10 kobo boys.
Madam dont go and get pregnant in this kind of situation, I beg u! You better run from him.you can reconnect with your paddi so to make your self feel good alittle , after all him no kuku trust you
ReplyDeletePlease walk away for your sanity and peace of mind
ReplyDeleteYou are not married yet.
May God fix it for you soon..
Pack out of the house when he isnt around, leave a note and also send an sms dat you want a divorce else he'll definitely kill you.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, don't leave without planning oooo. I will advise you to start looking for a new job. Don't get pregnant now. If you leave without planning, or having anything doing, you will be depressed ooo.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, pls ignore this advice. I left without planning ;for my peace of mind. I relocated to another state where I had family. The week after I left, I got a job though I earned 30k monthly.
DeleteA year after, I have my own business and I am happy with my self.
Take a step of faith, leave and start afresh. God hates divorce but not the divorcee.
Peace
U didn't marry a man....
ReplyDeleteYou married rubbish.
Follow ur heart please
Poster at this point my advice is to focus God yes God, God can never deceive or betray you. God loves you so much that when you call on him he will show your mercy and give you peace. Jeremiah 31: 3-4, Jeremiah 29:11, Joel 2:25.
ReplyDeleteNow after focusing on God focus on YOURSELF and let your horseband be, navigate a way to get a job or even a contract for yourself not your horseband o Biko since you know people who can help.
I can’t fault you for past mistakes since it won’t change anything. Life doesn’t end in that your horseband house, you have a lot of opportunities out there pls
May God help you
I am still trying to figure out if this is real.
ReplyDeleteThere are sooooo many things wrong here. Whether your husband is truly mentally ill or just deeply evil is something to ponder on. I am assuming you are physically attractive and he doesn't know how to deal with that even though you got married to him.
This is not a man, not even a boy. Your husband is infantile and has not one clue about being a man or a husband. His behaviour is that of a three year old. I can't even imagine how tiring he is and how even his touch and kiss must be so utterly repulsive. Please send this kid home to his mother and move on with your life. Too many beautiful women are wasting their beauty on undeserving men. Someone like this should never even know what a woman's nakedness is much less having the title of husband.
Protect that womb like a bank vault and set yourself free. Put some value on yourself and learn how to vet men before getting involved. The spirit of desperation is a guarantee for disappointment. Be desperate for nothing in this life!
If what you have typed up there is true and, from your narrative, you do not have a child for this guy. Poster, please, leave now. I'm happy to advise you on how you can handle this issue and leave quietly but I'm only happy to offer my support if you are genuinely ready to leave. The man you have described up there is a sociopath
ReplyDeleteIf only she will take the advice, but we all know how most chronicles end. She will get pregnant,give birth to kids and send Stella another chronicle
ReplyDeleteChia🤔,the same job some of us have been praying and crying to get,you turn down such a good job offer because of "my husband said".
ReplyDeleteForever is to long to remain sad, chose your happiness.
I never saw anywhere you mentioned kids. Please do not birth into this mess
ReplyDeleteSeriously i hate divorce, but you see this one, poster i advice you to japa, run fast, your husband na mad person.
ReplyDeleteMy dear please leave now don't have kids for him.... Your husband has Othello sydrome..... It is a mental sickness... Please leave now.... Trust me it will get worse... Am living with one now... And I don't love him anymore... We have not been intimate for like 6months now... Please leave now... I don't want you to end up like me... He will continue to accuse you as long as you are both together.... He will call you demeaning names just to break your spirit....
ReplyDeleteWhy are you still there?
Delete"That his friend just called him and told him how cheap I was, that he was on his way to a hotel with me before he realized who I was......This man gave me the insult of my life and left the house. Only to return late in the evening and apologized that he made it all up"
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you married a madman.😢😢😢 Divorce ASAP.
Poster, do not believe his lies. Get yourself a good job please.
ReplyDeletePoster ..this your story is mine story....
ReplyDeleteI just finally left this year.......and I'm am happy to go.
Please set yourself free.....it's a horror
Oh dear this man has major mental issues,some sort of disorder. If he does not get treatment it will continue to escalate. Your life might be in danger
ReplyDeletePoster please leave to live. Even if a child is involved, pack your bags and leave when he is not around.
ReplyDeleteIf what you wrote up there is true, please leave for your own sanity. I'm one of the blog silent reader but I can't keep silent for this one. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BUSINESS WITH THAT HORSEBAND.
ReplyDeleteI can relate with this a little too much, but thankfully, I got out of that situation. I enforced a separation, and when the man realized he had lost control over me, he filed for the divorce.
ReplyDeleteI'll summarize some great advice given up there already:
• Forever is to long to remain sad, chose your happiness
•Do not get pregnant, do not cheat
•Start to plan an exit strategy which you must keep to yourself! Don't let it out no matter how tempting. Once you ditch the self pity and regret and start actively thinking of a way out, even Mr. might wonder at your new found mental strength/resolve. Keep your plans to yourself and be careful who you confide in/seek help from.
•Above all call on God for help , strength and direction.
Wishing you all the best. May you be able to come back and share good progress.
I rarely comment but poster anonymous 21.02 stated the obvious. Was a victim of something similar but I decided to leave came back but the situation did not change. He is a wicked man. Even if he is as Wealthy as Elon Musk he would make sure you live in misery
ReplyDeleteAre you still there?
DeleteDo what makes you happy
ReplyDeleteI doubt she knows..........hence the chronicle.
DeleteDear poster, please choose yourself and leave this narcissist husband of yours. I just walked out on one, trust me, it will only get worse. This is the devaluation period for you. Your self esteem will be taken from you for his pleasure. The narcissistic person only leaves destruction just like a tornado. Run for your life.
ReplyDeleteSweetie, don’t mind Stella. You don’t have to lie on any bed jagajaga bed you made. RUN! RUN RUN RUN for your life. Luckily, no kids yet. Please leave before you don’t have an iota of self esteem left in you. Give me one good reason you should stay and I’ll give you 20 good reasons to leave. This man doesn’t love you and the abuse will only get worse. Trust me. Even if things get rough when you leave believe me, it’s only temporarily. Within a short time you’ll be back on your feet. Please I’m begging you LEAVE NOW!!!
ReplyDeleteHe disvirgined you and still calls you a whore, what if he hadn’t. If you dare cheat on a man like this you’re finished he’s grind your bones to powder. If you like don’t delete this chronicle you sent to Stella your type will leave email for him to come and read. Delete the deleted messages too, make your next chronicle no come from yonder
ReplyDeleteDo you want to die?
ReplyDeleteIf not, leave that prison. You are in bondage and it can kill you.
leave this marriage now it is still young....leave and dont look back. may you not waste years of your life before you wake up...you made a big mistake but still redeemable. ladies shine your eyes please
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, please leave this marriage, the earlier you leave, the better before he damages you and you become toxic! This man will never change and the longer you stay with him, the more he wastes your time and the harder it will be for you to move on! Try not to make babies with him because babies will complicate issues for you. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteRun run and run. I married one like that with the same. Blames me for everything. Disappear without a trace. Don't get pregnant.
ReplyDelete