Hmmmm....
NARRATIVE ONE
IN A DILEMMA
Stella and BVs, I’m in a dilemma.
For 18 months my husband has refused to sign the divorce papers.
We don’t even live together as we are separated. The issue is that I'm pregnant for another man. What do I do? I need your advice.
Why has he refused to sign the Divorce papers? Probably to prove that you had a baby for another man while still married to him..... Did you file for divorce because you got pregnant?
Why has he refused to sign the Divorce papers? Probably to prove that you had a baby for another man while still married to him..... Did you file for divorce because you got pregnant?
You should have waited for finalize your divorce before getting pregnant for someone else... With a man he can easily bring in another woman but you will be stuck to him as long as he refuses to sign.... By Law, the child you are carrying is his own, I hope you know?
Please look for a way to speak with him to free you, if you have to beg him , please do!
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NARRATIVE TWO
SELF LOVE TIPS NEEDED
How do I stop the habit of stringiness,? I'm so stingy to even myself. To spend money is hard for me, except on food.
I can spend any amount on feeding, every other thing I see it as wastage, even this habit has been causing issue between me and hubby, I can spend anything on my kids too, if I have 100k ,to give out 5 naira, I will calculate and calculate, maybe its cos I'm not working, but I'm not broke either....
What do i do?
I dont know what to say because it is hard for a Leopard to change its spot...This behaviour is what the Igbos call 'AKA GUM' behaviour. If you have it, you have it..... LOL
Akagum cannot make heaven. Just know this
ReplyDeletePoster one na wa for you ooo. Anything man can do, woman can do better. This one na one chance you enter for your former horseband hands. He will so drag you. He is just wicked. May God give you wisdom in handling this
Poster 1. You cannot marry another man yet under the Act (Court) but you can very well remarry under customary law and do your traditional marriage so long as you have returned his bride price. It doesn't even matter how you choose to return it in this present time and day when many women have simply transferred the token to the man's account and kept evidence. Gone are the days when men held their ex at ransom by refusing to collect bride price or sign papers. Kim Kardarshian was pregnant or already had a baby with fiancée Kanye West before court granted her divorce from Kris Humphries.
DeleteMove on with your new man's support. Your ex too cant marry any other woman under the Act so he too is tied down. Thank God customary marriage is very legal and recognized. Ignore him. When he eventually does sign the papers, the judge will grant the dissolution fast instead of those long divorce cases in hope the couple will reconcile. When the judge realizes he tried to frustrate you, you returned his bride price, have remarried and have had a child, he will grant it sharp sharp.
Move on and have a safe delivery.
@16:09,
DeleteYour legal analysis is very unique.
So why do people marry under the Act after marrying under native law and custom or under Sharia law?
@16:09, please your first paragraph about being able to remarry under native law and custom while her marriage under the Act has not been dissolved is wrong. 100% wrong.
DeleteA bv made this point about that actor's recent marriage.
Let us remove sentiments from some of our comments to avoid misleading others. This blog is a learning place for all. So, information that is wrong should not be presented as gospel fact because it sounds politically or sentimentally correct.
All decks of a double or triple decker marriage must be fully dissolved before any of the party is free from the marital rights and obligations subject to the terms of the dissolution of the marriage.
Ask yourself why some women hassle their husbands for marriage under the Act if marriage under custom is so all overriding.
Ask also why some churches not licensed to conduct marriages under the Act do not allow couples celebrate marriages in the church without presenting evidence of marriage under custom and under the Act.
The position of the law is, once you have been married under the Act, marriage at the Registry or marriage in a church licensed to wed and issue marriage certificates, you CANNOT conduct any valid marriage, traditional or otherwise, without the dissolution of the first marriage. To do otherwise is a criminal offence known as bigamy.
DeleteIn Nigeria a woman cannot marry more than one husband under any recognized legal marriage. A woman, such as the author of this chronicle, who was married under the Act, cannot marry any man traditionally regardless of the fact that the previous brideprice has been returned. In the eyes of the law, unless and until a decree Absolute is granted, she is, for all intents and purposes, a legally married woman.
Luckily for the author of this chronicle, "immortality" isn't necessarily an offence in a court of law. That she got knocked up by a new man while still legally married to another, is not punishable by law, rather and ironically, it is a ground for divorce. That's actually ammunition for her estranged husband to petition the court for a dissolution of the marriage. That's why I find it curious that he is the one not wanting the divorce.
My darling poster #1, I don't know your geographical location and the extant law applicable. However, ifyou are in Nigeria, you can petition the high court for a dissolution of marriage but you must have one of the grounds for divorce in Nigeria, and no, you can't use your infidelity as a ground. It's the other party's weapon to wield. Once your petition is properly before a competent court and you have a solid case, he can no longer hold you to ransom.
I may be wrong but I'll hazard a guess that your estranged husband is trying to humiliate you by refusing to sign the divorce papers. He wants people to judge you harshly and probably blame you for the breakdown of your marriage. He may claim that you have been unfaithful throughout the course of your marriage and, unfortunately, he will appear convincing. Sweetie, you don't have too many options. You may just have to bite the bullet and be a live-in lover with your baby daddy and wait till your estranged husband commits bigamy, then use that again him and file for a divorce or keep hoping he will sign the divorce papers eventually. You can also get a place of your own and keep dating your baby daddy. Do whatever pleases you and is compatible with your moral compass but please, be guided, you cannot formalize or legalise your relationship with your baby daddy until you are properly divorced. It's prudent to close one door completely before opening another. I truly wish you a very happy life moving forward.
e-hugs and kisses.
20.06 Your points are genuine but unfortunately does not play out in a Nigerian context were bigamy is technically non existent. Check your google, in the history of this country, only one bigamy case saw the light of day because it happened in the pre-independence era and the seating judge was a white man. That can never happen again in a patriarchal society any more just to favour the polygamous birth-right of the African male. Yes, my dear, a man can very well marry you under the Act today and pay the bride-price of 90 other women the next day and they will ALL be legally recognised. This happened in my family and the 2nd wife is legally recognised and has a certificate (customary) to back it up just like Regina Daniels 's.
DeleteMen have been enjoying and taking advantage of this fact and enlightened women have refused to be limited or be at the mercy of their bitter ex.
I agree with you. It's not supposed to be correct but it is obtainable.
I agree with Ms Sapphire
DeletePoster 1: omo pipe low and give birth
ReplyDeleteThen continue to pressurise him to sign.
It was wrong for you to start sleeping with someone whilst still being married. May the Lord help you
She doesn’t need to keep talking to him
DeleteJust go to court and follow the legal process for a contested divorce
He’ll be invited to appear before the judge. If he refuses, the divorce will be pronounced
Return the bride price and free yourself jareeee. Inukwa...
DeleteStella which law states that the child belongs to her estranged husband? You are quoting igbo customary law/rule I guess, because it absilutely does not apply.
DeletePoster ignore yoir husband for now and enjoy your life, you can revisit the topic with him once you give birth.
I'm sure he won't even want to tie you down again onve he knows you've completely moved on and even given birth on top.
Some men like wahala sha just give her the divorce and enjoy your life,fuck all the fuck able ,she the loser bcos she can only fuck her new man
DeleteThis one thing ladies do not understand
ReplyDeleteDIVORCE DOES NOT FAVOR US! The man can always
marry another (traditionally) but not you. Even the godless ones
can impregnate another; but not you. And your bio clock isn't waiting.
Do everything to avoid divorce; guard your home and your marriage. If it happens, cos it does sometime,
You have to muster self control. If you can't, Jesus can help you;
his teachings, fasting and prayer. Tidy up things before beginning another
marriage.
Do you know if she really needed that child probably because of her biological clock? So she has not tried for 18months? Nawa
DeletePls divorce favours women. Women need to let the court help them instead of hiding their heads in their homes. There’s no need to wait tidying up things with someone that’s refusing to sign. Yes it’s better to be divorced before getting pregnant for another but it has happened and this child is a blessing.
Delete@15:45
DeleteA woman is writing and lamenting and you are here ranting about "divorce favoring women?"
Did her husband write you?
16:05 In some places she’ll be killed for getting pregnant for this guy while married so thank God for the times we leave in
DeleteIt favors her but she’s not divorced yet so she’s not enjoying that benefit that’s why she’s crying
Go use the court to end this once and for all
Anon stop spewing rubbish. Divorce favors no one including men. You are a man. So shut up
DeleteYou are wrong 00:31
DeleteOnly people who haven’t lived long or allowed themselves learn from other people’s experiences think divorce doesn’t favor both men and women
I won’t argue it with you. I’ll say just open your heart and mind and thoroughly analyze how well many have done post divorce
If you are pregnant for another man, born naa. Maybe it will make him sign the papers.
ReplyDeletePoster,are you in the abroad? Cos if you are in Nigeria,he doesn't need to sign any paper for divorce. You file your divorce petition and if he doesn't appear for the case,the case will go on without him and the court can pronounce the marriage dissolved after due process. So it's not dependent on any one person signing paper or no.
Delete@17:20,
DeleteEven in the USA, if the man refuses to sign, she can go on in court. Only that the divorce may become more expensive for her and she may not be able to get some benefits, especially because of the pregnancy.
Poster knows the basis of her worry because in Nigeria that pregnancy if proven may affect the terms of the divorce.
Going to court in the US and saying the man has refused to sign is not enough proof. If a spouse refuses to sign in the U.S., you have to wait for a certain period according to state law. There isn't a single law that people follow for divorce because there are state requirements for marriage and divorce. This is why a spouse gets 50% in one state and not in another. In Florida she can get the divorce easily because it is a no-fault state. The pregnancy will only prevent her from getting alimony. But it all depends on what she can prove. We don't know when they separated. We don't know when she started the new relationship. If he has refused to sign, and you have been legally separated for two years, and you have made every effort to get him to sign and can prove that (delivery of documents, text messages, court appearance, etc.) or his missed court dates. Otherwise, you may have to play nasty by petitioning the court for a default divorce. He will have a number of days to respond. If he doesn't, the judge will grant the divorce. Good luck.
Delete21:20 this waiting period is more an issue of common law
DeleteAt this point, even in states that require a so called waiting period (which is rare), she has already passed the time anyway
In most USA states 30-60 days is more than enough and that’s from filing to finalizing
Instead of waiting for him to sign, go and file
Note to Stella, perhaps posters should be asked to reveal their general locations when sending in for this type of advice. It’s easy to get bad advice if folks don’t realize you’re in a different jurisdiction
ReplyDeletePlease do as stella has told you.
Close legs, you tell them, they attack you.
Dilemma comes, they come back to you for advice.
My advice is, give your life to Jesus.
And make sure you do not kill that baby
If men calls you prostitute, bear it. God won't regard you as such, seeing that
you have given your life to him. 🤔🤔
Hahahah she’s not concerned about what men will say
DeleteHer great child is here to stay
@17:36
DeleteWhy is she asking for his signature for the divorce papers, isn't it to marry quickly and pin the baby on the other man
so that she won't be labelled a prostitute?
We know the game, she is so concerned about what they will say.
No 18:20 that’s not the only reason. There’s a new man involved and having advised someone in a similar situation the real issue was the other party wanted this thing over do they could be their own new family without this attachment
DeletePoster 1 where are you located
ReplyDeleteIf usa You can have the judge pronounce the intention divorce once it is advertised for the legal time period in any daily newspaper (or depending on the state, once he has been properly served
The fact that you’re married to him and pregnant is not an issue under current u.s law
Eeeeehh it's well ooo..
ReplyDeleteThere’s joy in giving. Don’t you feel it when you give? Try giving and see how joyful you will become. I’m talk about that God kind of happiness. If you determine to give without calculating and complaining, the next time you try it, it will be easy.
ReplyDeleteLucent (how do I comment with my blog ID please)
Poster two,Go for burials and make sure you don’t miss the “lying in state” process..
ReplyDeleteAlso in your head,imagine your Next of kin using your savings to live the “hush puppy” lifestyle when you are gone someday..
Nobody said you should squander,life is a process so enjoy life or “Next of kin” might help you enjoy it.😉
@MARTINS
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteHide till you give birth to that child. Don’t let people know you’re pregnant. If you can travel out, please do so. Immediately you give birth, start pressurizing him for the divorce. Don’t let him or anyone related to him know you about the child until your divorce is finalized. Hope your partner is solidify behind you because you need all the emotional support and stability at this crucial moment.
Men are so wicked
Focus on having your baby after which you can resume pushing for the divorce. It`s hard to put your love life on hold because your ex doesn`t want to let go of you. Ideally you are not expected to have sexual relations until your divorce is final but then these divorces takes so much time especially in Nigeria, it can take 5 years.
DeleteWomen…see how she casually said she’s pregnant for another man like it’s a normal thing for a married woman.If na man give another woman bele the epistle for long pass third mainland bridge.
ReplyDeleteDid you read the part where he should have signed the divorce papers 18months ago? When a marriage ends, it's best to let the other person go.
DeleteThey’ve been separated for 18 whole months oo, I’m sure the man must have been gbenshing other women
DeleteIt`s been eight years since my own separation and my divorce is not final yet. Am I expected to not love and be loved till the divorce is final even if it takes 10years?
DeleteIf their divorce is not final,she is still his wife Abi if he dies now,won’t she be entitled to his propeties?you people should speak the truth when you see it.
Delete17:10 no she’s not
DeleteNot in this case
Yes if he refuses to sign and he does with property she’ll enjoy the property
Kanye tried and judge refused. Let her go
@17:20. Well said. There is a true life case. The woman even sued in court for the property. The case went to the Nigerian Court of Appeal where the Judge tongue lashed her
DeleteStella, pls which law states that the hubby is the owner of another man’s child simply because they’re not divorced?
ReplyDeleteI think that’s a tradition in SOME areas and not a law.
It’s actually the law in at least one us state and used to be the law in many places
DeleteTo add, the law presumes the husband is the father but it can be overcome with evidence like dna testing
DeleteNarrative 1: hope the pregnancy is not for another person's husband, cos na una way o, they be like "Ive left my cheating, irresponsible husband" only to go born for another married man.
ReplyDeleteEhen? Man na man and prick na prick. Boaz no be married man wey Ruth marry? Abeg shift
Delete@18:02, so you support polygamy? Hope you spoke up for Yul? And will do so for the man when another female Bv writes in to seek advice about her husband impregnating another woman or planning to marry a second wife.
DeletePoster one. Avoid him for now. Give birth to your child. After that you commence the divorce thing . You made a mistake by getting pregnant now though.
ReplyDeleteThe Stingy poster. It is good you know you have a problem. The next thing is to invite the holy ghost to help you. Start by helping family and friends, the rewards will encourage you to give more.
She might not have made a mistake
DeleteNot everyone wants to wait on having kids
Your Ex is just trying to frustrate you. talk to him more let him sign the papers
ReplyDeleteSurely you have been cheating on your husband or it is your former boyfriend that you went back to,anyway go and beg him and if he claim the baby give him and start again but if he sue you to court for adultery you and your boyfriend will pay damages like daddy freezer ,may be 5Million is not much your boyfriend should pay I hope no o be agero or lazy Nigeria youth impregnated you,other wise sorry is your name,whether you toto no dey restz,okisho
ReplyDeleteNo pls. This is not good advice
DeleteShe should "give " him her baby....like giving somebody a football?. Na wa ooo...how do you reason?
DeleteThis is like my case. My Ex husband has refused to sign the divorce letter. We both have different patners now and he is still not signing. Nigerian law favours men more than women. Well it is till death do us part, he is already on the sick bed. he will very soon join his ancestors in hell for wanting to frustrate my life.
ReplyDeleteWhy wish your ex hubby death? Remember the sick can also recover. May God Almighty show all of us mercy!
DeleteYou that reason well what advice did you give,pls give your or you keep quiet am not talking to you idot
ReplyDelete