Oh My God. what am i reading?
''He picked me up and bounced my head against the wall...my head cracked ..
Instantly I began to bleed from my head ..from my nose.. from my mouth and private part..''
Instantly I began to bleed from my head ..from my nose.. from my mouth and private part..''
She wrote
''Many years ago i wrote a book but could not bring myself to publish it cos I felt I will be mocked and shamed as a woman of God but I think it’s time to help a woman out there to take a decision to walk away from an abusive relationship...
I won’t forget that night..
He woke my up by 1am and said he wanted to speak to me.
I obeyed and sat opposite him and he said I want you to leave the church you are attending and move to this other one...
That was like the 5th church he was pulling me out of...
If am invited to minister in any church program my host must send him an email or place call to him for permission...Mummy Nike Lamai is a witness to that...
So after listening to his endless nagging and abuse I told him am not sure I would obey him this time...
He asked me if that is my final answer? I said yes and he came after me with heavy blows...
He picked me up and bounced my head against the wall...my head cracked ..
Instantly I began to bleed from my head ..from my nose.. from my mouth and private part...
He picked me up and bounced my head against the wall...my head cracked ..
Instantly I began to bleed from my head ..from my nose.. from my mouth and private part...
I knew I would die that night if I don’t run for my life.. as I ran, he came after me, my kids were screaming .....
He kept beating and and naked me before my kids...
I managed to run into the kitchen and started breaking all the plates to keep him away from me...
Suddenly I got tired .. I wanted to end it all and I grabbed the knife... At that point I slumped, probably because of the blood coming out from all parts of my body..
I slumped and was in coma for hours...
When I finally recovered...I LOST MY MEMORY... yet I could not find the courage to leave Until TEGA died..
She became the sacrificial lamb so that I can be set free...
Walk away... walk away from abusive relationship...
# JESUSgirl
FORCED TO RESIGN IN CHURCH
Walk away... walk away from abusive relationship...
# JESUSgirl
FORCED TO RESIGN IN CHURCH
I remember... after the beating I could not make it to church and my pastor called me and I opened up to him and he prayed for me...
Next Sunday, I put a smile on my face and went to church and my pastors message was all about me...he said why won’t your husband be beating you when you don’t submit bla bla bla... I was broken... totally broken ..
Another time I cried out to a father in the faith when I almost died the second time, he said “ faith you just have to stay there because NO MARRIAGE, NO MINISTRY...
When I finally summoned the courage to leave after TEGA’s death all hell was let loose!
I belonged to a group where I was heading a particular department, and my mentors became my tormentors for no reason!
they began to raise serious dust against me..
They began to plan under ground without my knowledge to remove me from the position I was occupying.. According to them they can’t have a divorced woman leading married ministers ...
I tried to complain about how I was being treated and was told if I don’t like the way things are going I should resign... right there I was forced to resign... I wept...IN CHURCH...
I was isolated all because I left an abusive marriage...
I got invited to minister in a program, handbills were already printed and when some ASSISTANT JESUS (mentors)saw the fliers they contacted the man of God and told him he can’t let me minister on his pulpit cos am a divorcée...
My host called me and said he is sorry he can’t host me because my mentors no longer approve of me.... I WEPT..
How many will I count? The pain inflicted on me just because I chose to leave an abusive marriage.
Nobody wants to stay in an abusive relationship but the pain and mockery that mentors ,fathers and church folks lay on the DIVORCED is ungodly but I SURVIVED....
Do not blame the late singer...the church is the reason many stay back and endure but not anymore!!
CHANGE HAS COME
AND TEGA DIED.....7yrs ago..
 |
| FAITH ND HER TWO DAUGHTERS.... Arrowed is Tega who died. |
That is the face of the angel that gave me courage to LEAVE AND LIVE..
In 4 days time TEGA would have been 26yrs old ..
She would have graduated...
She would probably have gotten married or about to .. but was cut off too early...
Every time the war began at home she would scream in tears ''I am tired of all these!!I will leave you people !''
Tega was the most gentle human being I know..
And she left....just like that...just a brief illness and she died..
When TEGA died , something in me died.. the will to continue living in that abusive marriage was gone...I became a mental case for some months!
I asked them to put her in the morgue so that her burial can be planned but on the way to the mortuary my ex husband told them he wants her to be buried immediately...
My brother placed a call to me to talk to my husband not to do what he wants to do but I had no more will power to fight.. I was tired of fighting...
Tega...my angel was buried in her night dress... without proper clothes.... buried like a goat... a girl that was so known and popular..
I don’t even know where her grave is till this day...
I DON’T KNOW WHERE TEGA WAS BURIED..
Oh the pain and agony of an abusive marriage!!
Am putting down my story not because am seeking for attention or comments hungry but to let one woman out there to know that the end result of an abusive marriage is DEATH... don’t wait for death to take you or any of your child before you take long WALK AWAY....
Listen, no pastor will tell you to leave your abusive marriage..
Family m-embers will tell you to leave but won’t support you financially but somehow Jesus will send help to you...
Can I talk to you woman?
LEAVE ..... don’t worry, you will LIVE...I DID!!
SENTENCED TO FREEDOM - By Faith Thompson
I will say it again. Any man that hits a woman is an animal, nothing but an animal. You deserve every vile thing that can happen to a human. Yes, u deserve it. I don't preach forgiveness for such people (if u like bring ur Bible at me). You deserve every bad thing known to man
ReplyDeleteThis is why when they go to a society that favours the women, they end up getting thrown out of their homes because of their wickedness then join the gang of 'never bring ur wife to live with you abroad'
Domestic violence survivors should please keep speaking up, I believe some in their shoes are listening and some will finally choose freedom.
Honestly at this point, I dnt even care about the animals coz dey must surely exist. Women who find theirselves in such situations should pllllsssss be bold enough to leave. Watched a video this morning where this man was dragging the lady by her hair and kicking her in the face. God!!! Only God knows the neighbour's reason for not interfering but rather videoed from a distance
DeleteHmmm wat a story. Women pls staying in abusive marriage is never an option. If u dnt want ur church, friends nd those who look up to u to mock u. Wen u stay nd still die, dey will still talk nd u will be forgotten quickly. 💔. Walk away.
DeleteMy goodness.
ReplyDeleteThis brought tears to my eyes.
To those defending pastor dynamite and the other ministries of men... hear this and here this good, "NO MARRIAGE, NO MINISTRY!
DeleteThe sooner you open those eyes of yours to see the discrepancies in those shrines the better for you
Must one minister? Is there ministry without life?
DeleteIf it is important to God that you minister, he will place you in the right congregation with the right leaders.
I am a first hand witness, twice, that it takes a lot to leave a relationship or marriage. It is never easy. But all this blame throwing is useless. You and only you have the power to say enough is enough.
@fellow unknown true that but not in all pentecostal churches tho e.g Christ Embassy.
DeletePastor Itua Ighodalo was kicked out from ministry at RCCG because his wife divorced him. He went to start his own ministry. There's no excuse for staying in an abusive marriage. If dey say "no marriage, no ministry", the choice is yours to live with.
the man is an animal and i am happy she came to a self realization....I am one of those who will defend the church because i do not attend that kind of church and my pastor does not tell women to die in marriage. Not all pastors or churches are like that so and that it happened to her does not mean it is the reason most women stay in abusive marriages. traditions have ingrained male superiority and a womans life is nothing mentality in women.
DeleteGods doctrine will not change because people fall below his standard. God said he hates divorce yes but is there anywhere in the bible he says a woman should die in marriage?. so why will you be waiting for a pastor to advice you before you leave? is the pastor the one God gave inspiration to write the bible? Christians go to church and do not even read their bible. stop being a lazy Christian who refuses to know God for yourself. A pastor will tell you God hates divorce and let you know that when you are choosing a partner be careful and choose well, so If you did all and still ended up with a monster must you die there? his word expressly told men to love their wives as he loves the church. what is his relationship with the church? is it violent? you have no one but your self to blame if you remain in an abusive situation. as a Christian our minds should be renewed from traditional biases and interpretations of a man, your bible should be your guide period. This blame game is why we do not accept responsibility that a lot of Christians are lazy. how can a woman go through all osinachi or this woman went through and you are waiting for a pastor to advice you? If your husband who is meant to love you as Christ loves the church threatens your life and inflict such violence on you then by all means run...I will go back to God in prayer after I have moved out to safety and tell him, your word says you hate divorce but I cannot let this man kill me. what next lord.. God is a loving God and he will not want any woman to die in marriage...i don taya to type sef...lol
Only in Nigeria do they carry marriage matter on top of their head!!!
ReplyDeleteMany Nigerians worship two gods. Their names are "Money" and "Marriage". If you do not have the two, you are "nothing" in their eyes. That is why many will do anything and everything possible for the two. Until that warped mentality is changed, internet fraud, embezzlement, ritualism, kidnapping, terrorism, domestic abuse/violence, sycophancy, hypocrisy and bad leadership will continue to be the order.
DeleteDear single people [especially ladies], you do not grow golden horns and shunt the queue to heaven when you say "I do". I haven't. Your life only becomes easier or tougher depending on the partner you are with. Choose the one that invests (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially) in your joy, peace and happiness.
If you wait and he doesn't come and you want kids, use a donor. If all you want is an orgasm whenever you're horny, buy a dildo and charge it fully for maximum enjoyment. Don't stop living because of Marriage or the absence of it. Don't allow a sicko murder you in the name of marriage.
I wept reading this, just like l wept, reading the story of Tina Turner.
DeleteThat woman, went through hell but eventually made a run for her life.
I am glad you also made it out. Don't worry about them hypocrites in Church.
I am sorry about Tega. May God, continue to rest her soul.
I still don’t blame the church I blame the women . You can make heaven without being married and divorced. Choose life. I’d rather sell akara by the road side than stay with an abusive man due to financial constraints.
ReplyDeleteI blame everybody because sometimes all these victims need is just someone they trust to actually tell them to leave. Not everyone has that strong will to do these things. And once the church they trust so much tells them otherwise, they just submit meekly.
DeleteAnon 12:25: I believe you are speaking from a place of empathy BUT you probably missed the narrative of her family, friends and colleagues who severally warned her to leave but she refused. A confidante even said she made her promise not to spill whenever she shared her tales of woes. We may not want to hear it because we love her but she chose her fate.
Delete😭😭 what is all this? Such wickedness
ReplyDeleteIts really heartbreaking what women go through as a result of societal pressure, maybe osinachi's death is what we need to spark a revolution for other women trapped in situations similar to hers, I pray they find the courage to break free.
ReplyDeleteI spent the whole early hours of today on osinachi's ytube channels, and the tears won't just stop flowing as I listened to most of her songs and read tribute from all over the world.
What a spirit filled minster she was, at one point she was speaking in tongue and unlike most that fake it, she was actually speaking a different language, Swahili because I could pick some words of it, as the bible rightly said, speaking in a different tongue that someone else understands.
What makes other speaking in tongues fake is you can't pick anything out of it. Dear sir/ma...it's the holy spirit language and he hasn't made you a judge,tread cautiously so you don't blaspheme. Abeg leave it for the people concerned,na beg I abeg you biko. God bless you nneoma/nwokeoma
DeleteOh please, I have seen a so called pAstor of one of this popular new gen churches with a book titled how to speak in tongues and i actually saw the content. Gibberish written and him practicing it line for line.
DeleteAnd I am not insinuating that all are fake, i'm just saying a whole lot of them are. If you are attentive to the holy spirit you will know this. God bless you too nwokeoma/nwanyioma
I blame the women too
DeleteEven women in bad marriages look down on others
They stay there cause they too know they looked down on divorcées
They don’t want to join the club they locked
@Anon 12:27, the likes of you are the problem we have in the Church, juddginas, and Judginsons, religious...fanatics, oh how I despise religion...there is no freedom in it, but fear and bondage ..organised religion is one of the worst inventions of man!
DeleteI have time right now my darling Anon 12:27 and I believe Anon 12:23 is right. What is "E sasabakara tatata ye ka ma la sokoto!"? in a gathering of believers if one, just one person amongst hundreds of thousands cannot understand or interpret it? What language is that out of the zillions of languages around the world? Some will say it's "heavenly language". Have they finished speaking the earthly languages of love and peace before remixing a heavenly one?
DeleteWhen Angel Gabriel came to give Mary "the message", he spoke Aramaic/Hebrew. When Jesus addressed God directly on the cross, he still spoke a language that was understood and therefore could be translated/interpreted. Even the almighty God at "The Transfiguration" spoke a language that the 3 disciples could easily understand. On the Pentecost day, disciples spoke different languages to the understanding of those present. So, why are the "modern day" Christians and the "woke" Catholics/Orthodox crew (including Fr. Mbaka) bent on confusing themselves and others with the same tongue-pattern that means absolutely nothing and edifies no one every day?
Again, I humbly ask that you show us just one place in the new testament where Peter, Paul or the rest were "falling under anointing" and breaking chairs, were pushing peoples' foreheads so they can fall or shouting "Sintorobo santorobo pack-urobo nack-urobo, chop-urobo!". Enough of the cruising folks, let's use Jesus and the Apostles as our models. If you are "speaking in tongues" and nobody there can interpret what you are spewing, the Bible says you should KEEP QUIET! Do you need me to quote where that is in the Bible please? As much as I enjoyed Njideka Okeke's "Aka Nchawa" album, you see that her final "eribaba sharable...iyeke iyeke..." that no one has been able to translate till today ehn? Hmmm...e choke!
Stellz abeg post. Let me handle any bashing or enlightenment that comes my way. The culture of silence in the face of confusion and wrong doctrines is over. Christianity is not occultism where you cannot voice your concerns for the purpose of getting clarification.
Anon 14:20 how would you like your zobo?
Delete😍😍😍
GOD BLESS YOU REAL GOOD Amebonawork, YOU ARE SO DAMN!
DeleteThank you very much for saying/starting the TRUTH.
Lol 😆 @ chop-urobo, pack-urobo, nack-urobo!!!
DeleteLmao 🤣 🤣 🤣
You are gifted with wisdom, thou i had to laugh but you summarized my thought. You see this modern day Christianity, it will lead so many to tell because pastor/priest said
DeleteKudos!!! Amebonawork. Nicely said.
DeleteAnon 12.27 👌👌
DeleteIgnore those attacking you.
Amebonawork 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 this your heavenly language has "killed" me. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteIn these past few days, I have cried every time I read about Osinachi Nwachukwu's death... Reading this up there made me sob again. I cry because I have been there but God kept me, God helped me. After more than 3 near death experiences, God gave me the courage to run. I ran with my 2 children. I ran and slept in abandoned buildings, I ran and went without food for days... I ran from death and ran to Christ for life. I ran from religion and church and ran to Christ. I ran from positions and approval from men and ran into God's approval and position. I ran to life and I live!
ReplyDeleteI am thankful that I live. I suffered, it was tough but I look back in thanksgiving! I live!! Thank you God Almighty!! I live!!!
I want to support women. I'm praying for God's direction so I can support women going through domestic violence. It is a tough world! Arise O God and help your own ..
🤗🤗🤗
DeleteThank God for your deliverance
DeleteGod bless you @anon 11:27. I thank God for your life.
DeleteGod bless and keep strengthening you dear sister. And please if you meet a God-fearing man who wants to be with you, please remarry! God is not against remarrying o. I have Bible passages to back this up. Choose happiness if God gives you another chance. No more "suffering and smiling" for anyone I know who wants to be emancipated from the claws of wicked doctrines and dogmas. #Shalom
DeleteThank God for you ❤❤❤
DeleteGod bless you and perfect all that concerns you...key word for me "I ran to Christ"...that is why all this pastor bashing and church bashing irks me...why wait for a pastor to advice you to leave?
Delete😭😭😭😭😭😭, tears in my eyes and I read.
ReplyDeleteShe should have left that night she was beaten and bled till she fainted. God! What if she had died? And all the pastor did was to pray for her?
I am happy that you left at last! Thank God for your life ma'am.
Oh Lord pls guide and guard my kids in their marital choice. Don't let them suffer in the hands of their spouses when they embark on that journey.
My husband has never touched me before and I pray it remains that way. Beatings that I did not receive in my father's house, one man that was not trained well from his father's house will now come and be dishing it out to me, God forbid!
Exactly at Ennie! That one was enough to kill her. Many didn't survive something much less sef. She was just lucky. Those who want to stay on in abusive and violent marriages should please stay o. We will read and comment here when your story finally "blows".
Delete😭😭😭
ReplyDeleteNow I see why Osinachi died in that house. So if she had divorced her husband, they would stop calling her to minister, her godfathers would contact anyone who calls her and tell the person to cancel it cos she is a divorcee and not fit to mount the pulpit, her church would have sanctioned and made a mokery of her, etc.
ReplyDeleteSee supposed men of God in this story, see what the did. Tufiakwa for Nigeria's brand of Christianity.
Pls slow down...
DeleteI have been dodging to write on Osinachi,cos her death ring bell reached home. She wouldn't have the privilege of ministration, and her songs can't sell no matter how interesting once she is divorced. Being the financial provider of her house ,she was considering her children welfare, let her cope for her children to survive. Another aspect i have been looking into, how was her growing up? What level of self confidence did her parents instilled in her? If you look at her photos, she looked so calm and naive. Did she grow up in a family where women are belittled and seen as worthless? The environment we grow up affects our decisions making even at crossroads of our lives.
DeleteI agree 100% ...THIS is why she didnt leavr. How would she have taken care of her kids. It is such a sad sad situation
DeleteA lot of women are stuck like this...between the devil and the deep blue sea. I cannot blame her.May God help us all
You know this isn't entirely true, even if she is shunned in the church she was known in, her songs will still sell and people will still call her to minister, Infact, I'm very sure another church would have snatched her up if she opened up to them on the truth behind her separation.
DeleteThe money they were paying her since, did her horseband allow her to spend it as she desired? They were paying into the jobless demon's account for all her jobs. She should have run away and do a "live" surrounded by her family to corroborate. She could have recorded (voice) of one of the episodes. Did she take photos of any of her injuries? Nothing. As much as the world tries to paint all Nigerians black because of some, there are still people who would've helped her stand; in fact take her out of this country to go and start afresh with her kids elsewhere. The man would have been exposed faster if they were in a less judgemental society.
DeletePastor Kumuyi of Deeper Christian Life Ministry recently apologised for discouraging/barring his members from using technology (especially watching TV which they called "the devil's box"). Do you know generations of those that were affected by that singular doctrine of theirs? His new position shows that "Change is dynamic and inevitable" when the majority are willing to be emancipated from beliefs, doctrines and dogmas that do not serve the realities of today. I salute him for voicing that change publicly and hope more clergy would look inwards to begin to correct past mistakes and mistakes and misinformation.
Just like I quoted yesterday, "The church must stop trying to control marriages with blanket doctrines. Teach the principles of individuality and people will start living their truth Which includes working away from toxic marriages without fear of being shamed by the Religious moral police."
ReplyDeleteDecision should be made based on reality and not on one rubbish doctrinal nonsense. I left the church few years ago when I discovered my truth.
A man who loves and respects his mother won't lay a finger on his woman.
which truth are you yaking about? bible says God hates divorce is it the pastors that put it there? which pastor have you heard telling a woman to die in marriage?
DeleteHmmmm...I'm just speechless.
ReplyDeleteOsinachi stayed because of what the church will say..they'll stop her from ministering and she was the breadwinner.
Story....I don’t have any position in church and I’m alive
DeleteIf you have a gift come and sing for all of us
I AM EXHAUSTED
ReplyDeleteSPEECHLESS!!!!!THESE ARE THE ISSUES
Same here 😢😥😢😥😢😥
Delete😭😭😭😭 Nothing can bring back those lost ones😭😭😭😭
ReplyDeleteSadly.
DeleteIn all these stories I'm convinced why most women remain in an abusive marriage is because of what and how they will be treated. Both the civilized and uncivilized people in Nigeria should stop treating divorced women as if they're trash. My fellow woman, pls run away from any beast of a husband treating you like a slave. God hates inhumane treatment on anybody.
ReplyDeleteAnyone that treats a divorced woman less in the society can't be classified as civilised tho. They are as uncivilised and archaic as they come.
DeleteVery true,Eka. You just mirrowed my thoughts. Like I told a friend who left her violent husband due to domestic violence...don't expect everyone to support or understand your decision to leave. It's their business if they decide not to understand or support you...yours is to stay alive for your children and family.
DeleteShe's so beautiful. Wow! Lemme go back and read
ReplyDeleteThe church of Christ, even if they deny has a huge role to play in all these, they're busy serving their pockets instead of God who called them. How can someone be a worker not just an ordinary member,a 'key' worker in your church and you don't even know anything about the person, you don't even know where the person even resides,how many of these pastors take out time to visit their workers, attend to them,know how they are faring etc?.Most of these pastors are only concerned for those who give them millions.What kind of Christianity are we running?
ReplyDeleteI recall some years back,a certain pastor came to visit me,it was my first time at the church but I deposited a huge amount,I only went cos someone invited me. I was surprised, when I didn't go the next Sunday,the pastor came with the person who invited me to know why I couldn't come,if they had offended me,bla bla bla.
Looking at these whole scenario now,it makes wonder how pastors care to know how their workers are really faring?
Just negodu! Most are after what they can gain not the souls they ought to shepherd.
Deleteyou are a liar and God will judge you...most churches when you visit give you a card to fill with your details...most call you. so you expect them to visit all members abi? when they tell you to join a house fellowship what do you think that is for? you just go to church sundays, dont read your bibles, dont participate in activities and expect everybody to know you? if it is osnachi u are saying a key worker all the stories should tell you she alone decided to stay in that marriage...people like you are not born again and not church workers so you can criticize...
DeleteThis is one of the reasons I am never going to take up ministerial job in a pentecostal church.so many times I have been called to join different department in church or even do some certain assignment.i had rather be a member than being looked down on,not getting to certain position because I am divorced and not fit.when it's the right time I will move back to my first church where there is no discrimination and women are given positions based on their spiritual gift.
ReplyDeleteLastly,Women,Mother's needs to do more,they somehow enable this abuses..Imagine a woman like me telling me it's because I am divorced thats why I have time to further my education and still looking fit and fine,that if I had a husband I won't even have time for myself.I tried schooling her that I have classmates that are married with kids and still working but she felt she was more simply because she is still married.
Marriage is beautiful,if you find the right one and don't also forget to leave if the environment isn't favourable and pleasant.
She is very stupid and shallow minded.
DeleteDon't mind her she is not a happy woman no body that is happily married will say that to her fellow woman. She just wants to put you down, hit below the belt, that is what most nigeria sadist with useless husbands called married women does when they see thier friends who is looking happy and unmarried they bring it up to spite her. I am married but most of my friends are singles and divorced and i don't see them less or more at all at all because my marriage doesn't define me as a woman but i see it as part of life and not a do or die affair is even in the bible.
DeleteGod bless you.
DeleteAnon,the woman that says you look fine cos you're not married may not say it to spite you she may just be telling you what you're enjoying without having a man to dictate how to live your life for you,she might be wishing to accomplish all what you've accomplish,but the husband is pushing her back,hence the comment,don't take it as an insult please
DeleteGOSH IM SO ANGRY.....The fact she allowed her daughters to live in this HELL. Bcos of what the church will say. Imagine what those girls saw everyday,im not even concerned abt her at this point.
ReplyDeleteSmthn in those girls must be really broken. There is power in the tongue...that girl said" i will leave u ppl one day" and she left just after a brief illness. The mother shld have taken tbem from that unhealthy toxic environment,perhaps dat beauty will still be alive.
And i bet that BEAST of a man is still walking freely,probably remarried to his next victim. They dont even reprimand these men,after attempting to end someones life. How do u beat someone into coma...oh Lord...d devil masked as men we have amongst us.
Very disheartening. The broken and burdened ran to Jesus and he helped them o. All of them.
DeleteFather's in the lord might foot, this is discrimination against women. What about the male divorced pastors ????
ReplyDeleteJos shopper don vex!
DeleteDon't mind the hypocrites. Last I checked,pastor Chris oyakilome and Chris Okotie are still ministering. I don't even think they lost a single member due to their divorces.
DeleteAnd women that remain in bad marriages because if their "ministry"...you are on your own. Is it not who is alive and happy that will be "ministering? ".
I cried reading this, please leave and change church, church is not a ticket to heaven.
ReplyDeleteNonsense and ingredients.
I hate what I don't like.
Tankio!
DeleteO My God 😭😭😭!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThe decision to leave a domestic violent marriage is entirely in the part of the victim. No one will force you out except you.
ReplyDeleteThis is my position too. A human being like you (parents, pastors, friends, frenemies) advise[s] you to go back and endure abuse and violence because your source of livelihood will be threatened if you leave and you agree? No be person wey dey alive dey work? That's how Njideka Okeke went back to Gozie after she accused him of homosexuality. She even named his partners then and moved out. Now, she sef don learn how to "cover up" wella. I just hope she doesn't see something that will make him do his worst one day. Some women would now be kuku killing their husbands like that character in Chimamanda's "Purple Hibiscus" just to be free. This wahala never get expiry date mbok.
DeleteI don't kuku listen to those who are still there and complaining.
Na "Eeya. Sorry" be my standard response. If you need help, you will come out first and you'd be taken seriously afterwards.
Exactly! In the abroad here, it’s only child abuse and elderly abuse in certain locations like the nursing home, long term care home etc that you are bound by law as a health care worker to report and the victim will be taken away from that situation.
DeleteIn cases of DV, all you can do is counsel, provide help lines to them, give them pamphlets and point them in the direction of support groups/homes. The onus is on the victim to report and make the move. They cannot be forced to leave the situation. If they find out that the children are not safe in the home, the law takes them away from the parents. Other than the abusive partner, no one is is to be blamed. It doesn’t matter what others preach or advice, you have to make the move yourself.
The psychology behind DV victims is a whole kettle of fish. The victims are not all weak and clueless like we may be wont to think. Some of them are rich powerful women in other places but their homes. DV cuts across all religions, races, socioeconomic classes.
Anybody in an abusive situation should leave first then start finding solutions from a safe place if they want to.
I had this discussion with a friend last nite. The church and mosque have a hand in the increase in domestic violence and death of either spouse in the process. If proper investigation is done regarding Sister Osinachi's death now, we will find out the church knew about her ordeal and kept encouraging her to stay. If she had left, they would have ridiculed her, the manipulations and blackmail would have been mind blowing. God will judge all evil doers. May the souls of the departed rest in peace.
ReplyDeleteThat is why I shook my head at her pastor's submission on this issue. Baba did a little here and a little there just like our politicians. He
DeleteMen of God wield so much power and all these threatening people with divorce is this and that must stop. It is an option in certain circumstances. If infidelity can be a reason for divorce how much more DV? Does it need to be spelt out in black and white for us to know it is a ground for divorce?
Human beings will make mistakes and should be allowed to retrace their steps. Why tell them to go and pray for a useless partner who is not willing to change?
Wahala for those wey carry church and pastor for head. No human being can control my life, guilt trip me or brainwash me. At the end of the day, we will all answer to God.
Sad
ReplyDeleteSadly some big pastors like David Ogbueli of Dominion City is guilty of domestic violence against his wife Sarah. Reason why she almost left around 9, 10yrs ago but same church prevailed on her to stay.
ReplyDeleteImagine another woman coming to such pastor with similar complaints would he tell her to leave?
David ogbueli of Dominion City?
Deletethis is a joke o. you are lying right?
so if he tells her not to leave is she a fool?
DeleteWhy is marriage on the list of things Tega would have achieved if she’s alive. You are contradicting your message
ReplyDeleteThe woman is annoying me,she contributed to her daughters death. How do u let ur daughters live in such traumatic environment. Watching ur mum beat till blood is rushing from her head and privates,till she enters coma and u think it wont affect their rltshp with men. Ur still talkn of marriage; Girls dat intense therapy.
DeleteYou saw that too right? These are the issues. Already concluding that a 26year old would have been married or about to. That should tell you her expectations; that at 26 she would have started asking the girl "how far?"
DeleteWomen!!
Awon werey,so because her marriage did not work,she should not allow her daughters to marry abi? Marriage can be sweet,so she wished her daughter is married happily
DeleteYou are the werey and asinwin....how can you call ppl werey for expressing their opinions. Children that only one managed to come out alive of a traumatic childhood,na still "she wld have been married" the mama dey talk.
DeleteNa this same mindset no gree the mama leave her marriage in time.
Im married,but it does not define my existence.
18.40 must you call others werey? Have some manners pls.
Deletethis is too much!!!
ReplyDeleteI had such kind of experience, at first i was shy of what people will say. abegi, i found my way out and changed destination to a new environment to start a new life with my three kids. it's being 8 years now, and i and my kids are living fine. my business is ok, at least i make sales daily.
ReplyDeletemy advice to domestic violence victims women: pls leave as a living being, dont wait to leave as a corpse plssss.
I supported someone when the husband came to beat her in the house she rented after she moved out of his place cos of domestic violence. I held his clothes and ordered him out of the compound, he knew i was ready to fight him that day so he walked out, but when they settled and she went back to him, yes she did go back to him i was banned from ever visiting .
ReplyDelete😯😯😯😯😯😯
DeleteStella ,pls can you do a post on how to spot a mentally deranged man. The dating pool is getting scary. I can't even trust any man right now. Boyfriends / husbands stabbing their partners to death is becoming very prevalent in this part of this world. Hwo do you know a crazy person before you get into a relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteYou will never know. They are all charming in the beginning. Thats thats what makes it hard. I am a victim myself and still married and going through it. He doesn't beat me because I once called the police but his mental abuse is something else.
DeleteThe church share in the blame.
ReplyDeleteThe families share in the blame.
But i blame the victims more, how can a full grown adult allow him/herself to be subjected to a level lesser than that of an animal just because you care about what people will say more than you care for yourself.
All these nonsense will stop when we realize that;
1. Christianity is all about having a personal relationship with your Lord and saviour Jesus Christ.
2. Your Pastor is not GOD and therefore has no right to decide when, where, and how you should die.
3. Excuses such as: i have no body to help me, i dont have the finances to take care of the children alone, the church will excommunicate me, family and friends will desert me, i'm staying because of my children are invalid. The only thing that is valid is that your continuous stay in that abusive marriage or relationship is gradually killing you and psychologically destroying those innocent children.
If after all these viral outburst against DV, and anyone continues to endure an abusive relationship/ marriage, i honestly don't have words for you.
I pray my sister in-law borrows herself sense and run.
You blame the victim more than the abuser? Everything is on the backs of the victims, these broken down beaten down women are the cause of their abuse in far too many ppl's minds, and somehow seen as having this great power to stop it. You know how many women leave and still end up dead? You know how many did everything right and still ended up dead or the abuser killed the children instead?
DeleteYou know what would stop the abuse immediately, if the abusers stop abusing? If a culture of intolerance so great that the kind of taboo against being an abuser was so strong that it would be almost completely eradicated. The reason why women die in abusive relationships is not because they did not leave, it's because someone murdered them. Somebody made the choice to kill them becauss it gave them pleasure to do that.
8f Tega didn't die, would she have left? I am happy that she wrote of her raw emotions (self doubt and suicidal thoughts), thank you for speaking up.
ReplyDeleteWhat resources are available for women in terms of accommodation and business support to Nigerian women? Women celebrating women, it's time to stop mocking DV women and lend a hand.
This is huge!
ReplyDeleteNigeria has a population of 300 million people, for people to arrive on all the assumptions that the people are that bad, then we should be talking of going through about 200million cases. Relationships is tough and both man and woman face different issues while inside of it, you can just form opinion of the people over cases that are not up to 20 and start to condemned the whole of the country. Even in a white man's country they do worst. Let's all apply wisdom to our lives and Relationships and stops the conclusion we draw from stories online without knowing the actual details, that is how learned people behave.
ReplyDelete👏👏👏
DeleteUs Christians must come together one day to decide whether we should totally remove the old testament and face only the new or be using both. We know tithe-collectors will kick against it because their major revenue comes from Malachi 3.
ReplyDeleteAs for marriage, your wife does not even have to commit adultery before you divorce her or she gets a divorce. The law is to make it official so that you can both be free to marry new partners. It's in my Bible. Your own tear?
🤣 "Your own tear"?
DeleteMatthew 12: At that time Jesus went through the grainfields on the Sabbath. His disciples were hungry and began to pick some heads of grain and eat them. 2 When the Pharisees saw this, they said to him, “Look! Your disciples are doing what is UNLAWFUL on the Sabbath.” Mind you the punishment for this is DEATH.
ReplyDelete3 He answered, “Haven’t you read what David did when he and his companions were hungry? 4 He entered the house of God, and he and his companions ate the consecrated bread—which was not lawful for them to do, but only for the priests (meaning they ROBBED GOD, MALACHI 3 GANG). 5 Or haven’t you read in the Law that the priests on Sabbath duty in the temple desecrate the Sabbath and yet are innocent? 6 I tell you that something greater than the temple is here. 7 If you had known what these words mean, ‘I DESIRE MERCY, NOT SACRIFICE,’[a] you would not have condemned the INNOCENT. 8 For the Son of Man is Lord of the Sabbath.”
[LEAVE THAT HELLHOLE AND LIVE. GOD IS NOT WICKED. HE WILL NEVER PUNISH YOU FOR CHOOSING THE LIFE HE CAME TO GIVE YOU IN ABUNDANCE.
GOD IS AGAINST SEXUAL ABUSE OF ANIMAL IE BESTIALITY. Any man or woman beating you and dehumanizing you escaped from the evil forest and doesn't even have the capacity to consent to marriage. You have to leave and find yourself a human being. ]
Going on from that place, he went into their synagogue, 10 and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to bring charges against Jesus, they asked him, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?”
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11 He said to them, “If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? 12 HOW MUCH MORE VALUABLE IS A PERSON THEN SHEEP!
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Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.”
ie it is lawful/right to break the law in order to do right/
Man was not made for the law but the law for man.
Jesus that provided for Ismael and his mother in the desert will well up for you a source of supply and strength.
You are a child of God. No one has the right to treat you like a slave or beast of burden.
The prodigal son squandered his inheritance and was still celebrated and given all the father had from what he told the other son: what I have is yours. The mercies of the lord never come to an end . Many of the abortionists you knew from uni are mothers of many today. The steadfast love of the lord never ceaseth. Even if you saw all the signs, your father is waiting for you to come to your senses and leave that pig sty. He has your healing, restoration and premium replacement of the beast you are married to with Him and he wants you to make that first move in faith.
I love you. God loves you more. If freeze can have a ministry in Nigeria and feed his family, your God will make a way in the desert for you.
We keep blaming the victims
ReplyDeleteWomen are not rising to protest on the dangers of domestic violence. It's just an emotional uproar until it happens to the next victim.
Women are powerful
Women are in the National Assembly sitting on their butts and doing nothing.
We are asking the victims to flee.
What about the abusers?
We are a very weak country
We live to blame victims because we are spineless. We can't even demand for good governance or enact laws to prosecute abusers. Where is Fida? Where are all the women advocate group?
Precious ran for her life when FFK almost killed her, people still blamed her even after she left. We have a culture of blaming the victim and it is disgusting. Same people blaming the victim are the same that criticizes divorced women.
These women didn't deserve to be abused.
Blame the abusers.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Let's all examine all the celebrities that their marriage didn't work out. Go to old post and check.
ReplyDeleteRedvigor- Women abused and abused her, and said she needed help just because her marriage didn't work. Are you aware that she was a victim of domestic violence?
What of Sandra Iheuwa?
What of Toke Makinwa?
What about Tonto Dike?
God forbid a divorced woman is happy and carrying on with her life. All of you will come and tell her not to.
What about single mothers?
Should I talk about the former Olori married to Ooni. The Olori from Edo state, you people ate her raw for living her life and marrying the king. There are just many more.
When you people keep quiet is when the woman is divorced and enters into her shell wearing ashes. You women criticize women more than men.
Hardly will you see men discriminate , it is mostly women shaming her. Women soliciting men to shame their fellow women. May the good Lord forgive some of you. Some of you even push divorce women to be desperate and marry your husbands.
Women, you need to sit down and examine yourselves. Stop your emotional uproar driven by the need to belong. Nigeria is a country where the people speak from both sides of the mouth. How do you treat divorcees near you?
Until domestic violence is seen as a crime and not a family issue, such will continue to repeat itself.
Do you know why developed countries fought tooth and nail for women's rights, it is to prosecute issues like this. But you people call them stupid and feminist, you say they are too woke. You prefer to be a keyboard sentiment and real life bencher.
Be realistic, how many will leave?
Who told you it is all about answering Mrs?
Let divorced women sincerely speak on their challenges and you will realize how messed up the country is. Just few are favored. Except relocating out of Nigeria.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
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DeleteGod bless you...go to SM and read past comments on the people you mentioned...now because Osinachi was a leader in church it is only the church to blame yet we all contribute to shaming victims. that is why my focus is building individual self esteem and awareness to value yourself and do your part to leave the situation.
DeleteThis story is so heartbreaking! Why would you stay in such a marriage because you want to minister in church? I think it is left to the victim to leave an abusive marriage,church or no church,I don't care, better safe than been buried 6 feet,I think society needs to create awareness for domestic violence and churches too,I don't support divorce but on domestic violence issue,I support divorce.
ReplyDeleteHow I love peace of mind ,I know God can never give me a beast in the name of husband. I don't know how women in a domestic violence homes cope . I don't pray for such,but if I ever found myself in such situation( God forbid), I know the man will wake up one day and see me no more, I don turn to Usain Bolt bi that, 'japa mode'. I cannot come and kill myself. Yes,I value my life and i can't trade peace of mind for anything.
ReplyDeleteI am a victim of domestic violence and can relate. Till date I do not have a tooth because he removed it while beating me. He even beats his mother. I still wanted to remain but my parents would not hear of that. I left and I am fine with my child
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