Hmmm.....
TWO SUITORS TO CHOOSE FROM
Mr A, I've known him for 8 years now...
Met him through a friend, we dated for 2 years and went our separate ways. Those two years were full of good memories. It wasn't a toxic relationship at all. Life just happened and we dated other people after. He was 28 at the time and I was 23. He's 36 now and I'm 31.
I would say, he has been the only guy I've ever loved. What I had with him was more like a friendship kind of relationship. He knows a lot about my temperament and moods and honestly it's even my small small wahala that he enjoys. He knows how stubborn I can be and how to get me out of my moods.
He doesn't have a problem with my short comings cos truly I can be a handful. Between the both of us I don't know who's more in love cos we just gravitate towards each other effortlessly. He's presently in Lagos. We reconnected and he's coming on strong now and whatever I decide the next stage is marriage. We have a lot in common and so many shared interest. But I find myself asking if that's enough for marriage. Is Love enough? Cos truly I love him so much. He's doing well for himself too.
Mr B.. He's 42 and 11 years older than me. I knew him since I was a teenager. He recently reconnected with me and straight up said he wants me for marriage. According to him, he's always wanted that with me but when we first met I was still a teenager but on my side I never really noticed him those years.
Mr B.. He's 42 and 11 years older than me. I knew him since I was a teenager. He recently reconnected with me and straight up said he wants me for marriage. According to him, he's always wanted that with me but when we first met I was still a teenager but on my side I never really noticed him those years.
He's also coming on strong and wants to settle down this year. Mr B and I don't have the sort of relationship I have with A. I'm not open with him, I hold myself back when talking with him especially when I'm having my mood swings during my period days. Once the chat went south cos of my mood swings and he mentioned it not being healthy.
He can go a week with no contact and when I bring it up he will say I didn't check up on him. He Loves me so he said but feels I'm holding back that's why we're not progressing. Truly I'm holding back. I can learn to love him if I really want to but I see myself looking for the sort of bond I have with A in B.
It's just not there. Mr B and I have same long term goals and visions in fact his dreams matches mine and if we come together we can be a formidable force.
They always say marry someone who has same vision as you. That's B and I.
Mr B is more experienced in this life thing and looks like someone who will take me by the hand and lead me and obviously he loves me more. Whereas Mr A and I be looking like we will walk the walk together make our mistakes and learn from it. He's younger but an old soul and really wise. The love is mutual.
Long ago, I had a revelation that when it's time for me to settle down I will have two persons I will choose from. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to lead anybody on also and them dumping one to marry the other. They're not kids and it will hurt. That's why I really want to make the decision sooner before things get more heated. How do I make this decision and not make a mistake.
Long ago, I had a revelation that when it's time for me to settle down I will have two persons I will choose from. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I don't want to lead anybody on also and them dumping one to marry the other. They're not kids and it will hurt. That's why I really want to make the decision sooner before things get more heated. How do I make this decision and not make a mistake.
Should I marry for Love and friendship or choose the one with same vision as mine and grow to love him. Funny enough, they're both a day apart in their birth month. Mr A is on the 1st and B is 2nd of the said month. If you look closely they both have similar personalities. Bubbly and cheerful while I'm reserved and laid back.
How do I go about this?
Marriage is not a Joke...... Choose Mr B!!!!!
Madam you self they too confuse despite having so many short comings you need to address.. Marriage is not a child's Play..
ReplyDeleteFirst thing I expect you to do is to do a proper family back ground on the Both, that's the main thing you should be concerned with, and not with all this tales by moonlight you dropped here..
Secondly, commit it to God in prayers.
At 31 you are no longer a child,so you should no what you want. The question you should ask yourself is 1. Do you want a friend? 2. Do you want a father figure? So with that make your choice, just no dating and marriage are 2 different ball games.
DeleteShe doesn’t have shortcomings
DeletePeople say that cause if they don’t y’all will accuse them of acting like they are the good ones
She’s just fine the way she is
Don’t ever marry someone you can be yourself with.
DeleteWhat happens when the stress of children come along?
With all the hurdles life can throw your way, you really need someone to have your back and be your partner.
You made them sound good so I don’t know, but I don’t think someone that claims to love you can go a week without speaking to you.
Stella how did you come about choosing Mr B.. Someone that can go weeks without talking to her? What is he doing in those weeks of silence. Instead of asking for advise from mortals like us who haven't finished figuring out our lives go and ask God he will give you a better answer.
DeleteMarry someone you trust, respect and can be your true self with.
DeleteMarry someone who is kind.
Did you notice that I did not mention love?
Because love is a finished product, with out these ingredients, your meal is empty.
I'd rather pick A, but then again it's your choice and you'd have to live with whatever decision you make. Have you prayed about it? Have you met their family members? How do they treat you?
DeleteHave you checked their health status? Genotype, Mental Health, Rhesus Factor etc,
DeletePicture yourself in the next 10 years with either of them, using your head, not your heart to see if you'll not resent the one you choose.
See, I've been married for 9 years and those years have been blissful.
Yes, we had our ups and downs which life threw at us but we waded through in love and I can tell you that through our Lord Jesus Christ, we stand tall and are still in love with each other every day!
May God Almighty open your inner eye to choose the one made for you and never fall into the wrong hand. Amen.
Choose A. Love is a beautiful thing
ReplyDeleteDoes A have any serious shortcomings. Is he lazy
They are both good.
DeleteCheck your peace. There lies the answer.
Aunty poster, pray to God for direction. But from here, more like A
DeleteJst lyk in the movie( boys before flower) one is meant to be ur friend nd the other ur husband.pls follow ur heart nd choose wisely
ReplyDeleteYou have said it all, one for friend and the other for marriage, who will take your hands and move, but the red flags, you are either in or out. He doenst want to force you into anything. As e bi like this, B is more established and loves you more, go for him but do family checks and ask God too to send quick answers to your prayer to decide who you want. the most important thing is who do your heart find peace with??? B is like telling you to grow up and mature, manage your challenges better, control your mood swings while A will pardon you. Seeing a better future with B, please take him since you both coming together will be formidable.
DeletePlease leave mr B alone. Until you deal with your demons. You’re toxic dear.
ReplyDeleteGo for Mr A and enjoy your marriage
ReplyDeleteRhapsody dear,
DeleteSettle with A.
Anon what kind of assumption is this?
Delete@JCN 17:37. She posted something similar recently.
DeleteStella's BVs have their books of decoding posts and of remembrance o! Lol.
What i can see through all this narration is that B is more financially settled than A....
ReplyDeleteAll those talk wey you dey talk na long talk. What you described up there with your relationship with A is like you two are peas in a pod. So what is the problem he no get money bah ?
Toh be very careful with B most older men above 40 are very very toxic and controlling i may be wrong on this on but be sure of your choice for me i will say go with A but since confusion don enter the matter that means one is richer than rhe other one and of course we all know who you will go for but be ready for the consequencea of your choice whether good or bad
Stella pls post my two cent o
My own concern is I can tell poster doesn’t like B
DeleteBut I’m wondering if she truly likes A cause these selection thing she’s doing is strange when you like someone
Most older men above 40? Where did you get that from? Lmao.
DeleteOlder men above 40 ke?I believe you think they are older because you are quite young dear.
Deletevery toxic set of people, especially the ones that have never married. my watchword is you must have a fundamental problem for you to be in the midst of all these single women and still remain single till 40. I only chop their money and ghost them. They can't eat their cake and have it back. Not with me.
DeleteI can tell you are still in your twenties.
DeleteI agree oh. Coz if u no marry reach 40, we have to ask crucial questions sha
DeleteLol@Stella,didn't even waste time,I feel choosing a partner with thesame vision and goal is the best,what happens when love is no longer enough?I know someone who married a man with a different vision and that was how she lost her ministry,due to lack of support but above all what is God saying about them?God bless you
ReplyDeleteShey its still you people that will tell us to marry our friends. It's still you people that will tell us to marry someone that loves us and accommodate our mood swings.
DeleteNow all these things aren't important and we should only marry someone who has the same vision with us.
The rules keep on changing. It's difficult to keep up again.
16:57 las las have a mind of your own and make up your own mind about your situation. People can only advise you.
Delete16:27. Thats y we always need God
DeleteYou did not tell us your spiritual identity; who you belong to -the Kingdom of God or darkness. You did not tell us the spiritual identities of the two men and their characters; patience, peace, love, self control etc.
ReplyDeleteHowever, your last line sounds like "horoscope" which is a horrible exposure to the powers of darkness in the astral realms to control one's life. If that is the case, it is a wrong footing. Seek God who knows the heart of men to reveal the one he has sent your way. And know that it may not also be any of the two.
This poster should be your guide, check for the fruits they posess. Let God lead you, you may see the face he sees the heart. Goodluck
DeleteTwo relationships with two men, and what's your relationship with Jesus the creator of life? Is it when things go wrong that you will seek him?
ReplyDeleteYou will keep having doubts and "what ifs" untill you tell yourself what you really want.
ReplyDeleteDo you want to marry the one you truly love and who truly loves you, or do you want to marry someone who will be a formidable force with and doesn't really understand, who sees your mood swings as toxic and perhaps tantrums?
I'm the place of all these, if you are a Christian, have you really taken out time to seek the face of God? Because it is very very important, so that you don't end up with B and wish you married A or vice-versa because believe me, those days will come and it is only the "greenlight 🟢" from your Father that will keep you going and without regrets.
If I were you, I will go for A. Note that this is just my personal opinion and I am not imposing it on you.
Wishing you peace ☮️🕊️ and clarity.
Same with me, I'd rather pick A, but that's because it's very very very important that my partner is first my friend. I love the freedom that being married to one's friend brings. It has worked for me so far, so I'm bias.
DeleteMy dear, I have always loved a relationship based on partnership… like my husband has my manual, I don’t want a father figure o who will be too firm with me.
DeleteI like my gisting partner who won’t judge me Abeg.
A seems kind and peaceful Abeg
I put kindness over everything else
When the flame of love dies off or rather goes cold in a relationship, it's friendship and understanding that keeps it going. Please go for MR A.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Friendship can never go wrong. May God lead you
Delete👌
DeleteBut what the Scripture tell us is different;
DeleteLOVE NEVER FAILS, google it.
What you call "love' is actually lust or infatuation.
God's kind of love; unconditional love does not fail. In fact that is what
remains when the rest of the attractions; money, beauty, sex etc. die!
17:32,
DeleteRather than rushing to preach, try and understand the point 15:21 made. You both are saying the same damn thing! When the butterflies fly off, real love of friendship remains. That's the same point you made. Comprehension is not that hard but u lot just love to "correct" people without trying to understand them first
@21:45
DeleteSo your angst is that I "rushed to preach?" Because I asked her to google something? Wow,
She said "when the flame of love dies off"
I wrote what learned from the Scriptures; that every other thing can die of but the flames of Love never dies off
So how is it that we are saying same things? did you bother to google what I wrote? I am not confused o
Agadi Na Gwo Oveh is not a her so kindly address me properly. I am a HE.
DeleteDon't be quick to choose Mr b. Go closer to him to have a clearer vision.
ReplyDelete:) Choose Mr. C
ReplyDeleteMe too😂
Delete🙄🙄
DeleteWhy did you and A really break up before
ReplyDeleteThis reconnecting after break can work for some but I’ve seen some that after a while you really start to remember why you broke up and you see that the issues are still there
You guys were quite young Sha so maybe una don grow
Hmm.
ReplyDeleteIt's commitment and friendship that makes marriage last. After Love fades and if vision is not materialised, it's commitment to each other that helps them to forge forward. None of the two have shown commitment. And mind you, It's both ways. For Mr A you would not have broken up if you were committed to making your relationship work. Do you think Issues that made you break up will not arise? Do not sweep it under the carpet and go ahead. Address those issues.
A man that is asking you out/ asking you to marry him can go a week without calling you??? That's a huge red flag. Men chase what they want and when they find it they don't let go. Is he coming on strong now because of marriage and because he doesn't have any other option??? As for Mr B coming into relationship without first finding friendship is a recipe for failure. Because friendship breeds commitment. On days you don't feel in love it is friendship that will help you sail through. And honestly, Mr B seems desperate. He just reconnected with you and wants marriage..without taking time to know you anew and access your relationship.
You need to ask yourself some painful questions and answer them truthfully, because las las na you go suffer/ enjoy am.
Also, Pray. Pray that the Holy Spirit opens your eyes to his perfect will for you.
May God be with you.
All of this !!!
DeleteIf only they’d adhere !!
DeletePoster, marry your friend…it’s actually the friendship that would keep thy marriage ship afloat, I’m conveying from experience!
My husband is my friend, embraces ALL my flaws and knows how to navigate when my brainbox malfunctions occasionally.
Marry your friend !!!
Go for Mr A
ReplyDeleteInfact the first comment is good commit to God your creator,his the marchmaker
ReplyDeleteToss a coin, Mr A - heads, Mr B - tail.
ReplyDeleteThere you have it
Enter your reply...hahaha,you are not serious.
Deleteyou well so
DeleteHe will give you the bone of your bones and the flesh of your flesh
ReplyDeleteForget this tales by moonlight. Go down on your knees dear. Pray and add a little fasting to it. Ask God for a sign and watch it play out. If you are a Catholic, visit the blessed sacrament daily with your intentions. Say Thank you Jesus rosary at midnight after prayers. May God open your eyes so that you marry the right person
ReplyDeleteI prefer mr A but pray,let God guide you.
ReplyDeleteChoose A.
ReplyDeleteI choose Mr A sha. I will not trade this experience of being in love and being loved back for anything
ReplyDeleteAlso, I’m not a huge fan of huge age gap because the husband in a lot of cases, tends to be quite controlling which is not good for a healthy marriage but that’s me. Ignore this if a huge age gap doesn’t mean anything to u
ReplyDeleteEka, you are right.They are usually very controlling when there's a huge age gap.
DeleteWhen I was young and foolish, I would choose A. But now I am 'old and wise' and will choose B. There is so much more to marriage than love and friendship and at 30's, both of you are not children anymore and mistakes can be gruesome especially when kids are involved. Nne, you see a man of VISION AND LONG-TERM GOALS, never, ever let go of him. No be 'love and friendship' you go chop or take raise children oooh. And a mature man in mind and soul is worth having. The choice is yours though.
ReplyDeleteRead your chronicle yourself and choose from your write up. Lobatan
ReplyDeleteWe live in a time where most people value money & comforts of life over being with the right person who completes or complements one. Material things over Eternal ones and no place at all for God. Know very well that we live in hope that our vision of tomorrow will materialise and if they don't we hope to find something else. When it comes to love & marriage, know that there's no rose without a a thorn, no crown without a cross.
ReplyDeleteAsk and you will receive, seek, you fill find, knock at the door will be opened. Do a lot of soul searching and ask both Mr A and Mr B searching questions to whose answers will help you make a choice. May God help you poster.
Go for A if it's love that you want or go for B if it's money that you want.
ReplyDeleteIs love enough to make a marriage work??
ReplyDeleteAnswer: NO!!
But, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is!!
What you described with Man 'A' is true friendship; understanding; tolerance; acceptance.
The vibe I got from Man 'B' is someone who should be your mentor. Listen...dreams and visions change.
A friend of mine's sister had always wanted to be an architect. She studied that in university and even worked in that field for a few years. If anyone had told her that her life path would deviate from her dream/vision, I am sure she would have rebuked the person.
Everything in her life changed because she wanted a certain cartoon cake for her daughter's birthday, and everyone she called at that time, just has the flat/2D cake tins that are shaped like the cartoon - which you then used icing to decorate. She wanted a 3D figure, so she used her architectural background to construct and carve the cake she desired. She posted pix online and enquiries started flooding in. Today, she is one of the go-to cake bakers in our country.
I digressed, but it was just to show you that one single life event can change the trajectory of one's dreams and vision! Marrying a man just because you currently share the same dream is a huge risk. That same risk applies to marrying someone, with the hopes of learning to love them one day!!
Man 'A' sounds like you life partner, to me!
We will keep you more confused because some will say A, others will say B. Make a list of what you want in a husband and see where these two men fit on those criteria. Above all, don't forget to ask God for Divine direction
ReplyDeleteCase closed.
DeletePardon me, but greed is the issue here. That is what a bv referred to as Mr. B having more money. Poster want all of A and the best of B. Rarely does it happen.
So your advice is the best.
Leave both of them alone for a month. Then come back and update us.
ReplyDeleteLeave both of them alone for a month and come back to update us.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in Nigeria of today financial security takes precedence.
2. Are you yourself mentally and emotionally ready for marriage? Have you not been on this blog? Marriage is a whole different kettle of fish from courtship. All these traits MR. A is exhibiting, I can guarantee you may stop once he marries you.
Also, anybody you've not seen in the last 3-6onths may have changed in character. Don't judge them by what you used to know of them years ago. You need to start evaluating them all over.
3. I don't see you as one who is mature enough for marriage. You're talking about mood swings at 31 and hoping to marry the man who understands and accommodates your idiosyncrasies. Dey there dey fool yourself. Challenges that come with marriage will rarely allow any man cope with your childish tantrums. You better work on improving and stabilising your temperament by yourself. You're going to need it in being a good wife and in raising sound minded kids.
Finally, what are your core values in whom you wish to marry. No one person ever gets all they desire in a life partner. You have learn how to weigh your priorities. What are your core values and deal breakers? Assuming you had 10 items on your check list and candidate A ticks 7 out of them but these doesn't include your three major core values... Hmmn... Wo,, I'm tired of talking. O ye ko ti ye e.
God help you.
Leave both of them alone for a month and come back to update us.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in Nigeria of today financial security takes precedence.
2. Are you yourself mentally and emotionally ready for marriage? Have you not been on this blog? Marriage is a whole different kettle of fish from courtship. All these traits MR. A is exhibiting, I can guarantee you may stop once he marries you.
Also, anybody you've not seen in the last 3-6onths may have changed in character. Don't judge them by what you used to know of them years ago. You need to start evaluating them all over.
3. I don't see you as one who is mature enough for marriage. You're talking about mood swings at 31 and hoping to marry the man who understands and accommodates your idiosyncrasies. Dey there dey fool yourself. Challenges that come with marriage will rarely allow any man cope with your childish tantrums. You better work on improving and stabilising your temperament by yourself. You're going to need it in being a good wife and in raising sound minded kids.
Finally, what are your core values in whom you wish to marry. No one person ever gets all they desire in a life partner. You have learn how to weigh your priorities. What are your core values and deal breakers? Assuming you had 10 items on your check list and candidate A ticks 7 out of them but these doesn't include your three major core values... Hmmn... Wo,, I'm tired of talking. O ye ko ti ye e.
God help you.
Well said. No. 3 - That is what Mr. B told her.
DeleteI honestly have no regard for people with nasty character issues who, instead of working on being better, just expect people to accept them as they are. "I am a handful", "I have mood swings", "I can be very stubborn", etc... It reeks of toxicity, irresponsibility and immaturity. Funny enough, these kind never accept the same nonsense from other people; they are usually very hard on others but always expect others to be calm with them rather than change. At 31 o
DeleteSo double dating is allowed for women? And for men too? Just asking to know.
ReplyDeleteI tire o.
DeleteShe seems to be dating A but cheating on him with B as she's considering marrying him.
If it's man doing this, they'll be crying foul.
Follow your mind sister, a marriage is quite different from a relationship. It's you and it's up to you to decide.
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime, please work on yourself and your temperaments as these might be toxic to your marriage.
Also, it will be right to assume the two men will as well have other options of women aside you.
Ask God Almighty. PRAY and PRAY. I married without asking God earnestly and he came pretending like a light in my life and I let down my guard and he sneaked in and destroyed me and left. Pray sister. Is any of them sincerely close to God?
ReplyDeleteMr. B seems desperate like all his friends are almost married. If I were you I'll go for Mr. A .
Regardless of all PLEASE NOTE That family matters too, please choose someone that you will be happy to reckoned with in terms of having children linked to them (family)...some family are not just it at all your partner may be lucky to be the only one with good head.. to avoid battling with love of husband and family hatred which always generates to ones offspring. May God help you in choosing rightly poster.
ReplyDeleteSince you're very stubborn pls don't follow who will control you, it won't work oo, and a man that stays a month without checking up on you and no remorse is arrogant to me, pls don't ever marry an arrogant man, he might not support that dream you hope, go for someone you're free with, biko, marriage should be partner things not boss and boys issues
ReplyDeleteGbam. Can’t even believe she’s considering Mr B. And work on your mood swing poster. Work on balancing your hormones because no one wants to deal with that monthly mood swing under the same roof. Not healthy at all. Had to do something about mine because it was really affecting my marriage.
DeleteMarry someone that you're in peace with. You will know within you.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is totally different but spiritual choose the one you have not slept with , if you choose the opposite you are in for a regret
ReplyDeleteHow do the families of both men treat you? Have you met their mothers? What have both men said and discussed about your dreams? Will you be expected to be a housewife or supported to work, chase your dreams? What are their feelings about financing home and both your lifestyles? What has been discussed about saving for the future, a rainy day, when one of you is out of a job or if one of you has to relocate?
ReplyDeleteWhat are their expectations of you in the house? Are you expected to do all the housework, cooking feeding family and even extended family members for days on end? Is anyone coming to live with you after marriage? Who earns more and how much is expected of you to contribute as a partner in the marriage? As you are asking these questions, sit down and think very deeply about who will not be upset when you decide to create your own happiness? Because it will be errorneous on you to think a man will make you happy. So on days you want to go to the spa, hair salon, travel with your friends, or attend parties who amongst the two will be ringing you constantly to come back home or check on when you will leave the party or event?
Lastly, create an environment for slight misunderstanding and see who is willing to discuss like an adult whilst being mindful of your own faults, then you will have your answer. Marriage is not a 'we will cross that bridge when we get to it' event. May God be with you as you make your choice.