Hmmmm......
'BARREN' HUSBAND
My husband and I are going for ivf…we’ve already started the process. But what he doesn’t know is that his sperm can’t father a child…
I’ve always known but I lied about his results, told him we were both fine and that there was no known cause for our delay in conceiving.
Btw, he gave the hospital consent to release his result to me since he was gone for long then…now I didn’t tell him his actual result because he is such a nice person and I don’t want him to feel bad.
Secondly, I need a child badly, I want to carry my child badly and I know his ego won’t let him agree to a sperm donor which is what the doctors suggested.
Now, for the ivf, I plan on switching his sperm with a donor sperm without him knowing. Am i doing the right thing? I’m not cheating on him since I’m not sleeping with any man out there to have a baby…
I’m doing it for us…
Please I need advice:::
Dont do it alone please, or discuss it with him before you attempt this...if he refuses and you want a child really bad then you can start the Journey alone...
If DNA issues arrives later, how will you explain the lies? The devil has a way of turning good into bad, don't play along with him oh....
Discuss it with him before you switch the sperm.
Good luck babe
Don't start anything with lies.
ReplyDeleteAlready you told him wrong result, but this ivf is the time you come clean.
So you don't regret your innocent good deeds in future.
Tell him everything you know amd let him decide.
If it is you that had the problem, will he be so 'nice' and not tell you?
DeleteBetter tell oga that he is shooting pure water so you people will work together and find the solution.
Before you start doing mother Teresa and it backfires on your head.
Though but, when push turns to shove, you will do what you have to do.
DeleteI know many couples where the men will bluntly shun any form of fertility treatment, shun adoption, shun IVf. They will insist they are fine or not yet ready yet, so you should wait till they are ready. Most of those times you are waiting for them to make up their minds, they are trying to see if they can get a girl out there pregnant. If you are unfortunate the girl pins a pregnancy from elsewhere on them, that's it! Men love with their heads. Since you are sure he will not live with it, do what you need to do. Nobody knows tomorrow. It is a risk worth taking.
If DNA issues arise, please, are you the embryologist or the IVF specialists that conducted the process?.If it ever comes up he will use his tongue to count his teeth and believe that a miracle happened to cover his shame.
DeleteYou need a child, you need a child until you lose your husband via a DNA. This is not "woke" tell your husband everything abeg.
DeletePoster I don’t know the quack hospital you went to but no ivf clinic will do this for you. Maybe that’s why you are having the wrong answers about ur husband, if ur hospital agreed to swap for u. Sperm collection are done at the hospital or you want to bring another man and ur husband to do the collection? Aunty tell us another lie.
DeleteHaba SAPH ❗
DeletePoster, please don't take SAPH advice. Truth always comes out at the end of the day, open up about his results today then you can work from there on what your next option is.
SAPH 🙄🙄
16.30 You say what? No IVF clinic in Nigeria will do it?!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Nne Biko, what are sperm banks for? They ALWAYS have in stock for couples who need "help". 60% of IVF you see are with either donor eggs or donor sperm. The donors walk into those facilities, get tested, donate, get paid and disappear. The user needs not know who the donor is except they decided to arrange it themselves. Wait didn't you read how FFK used donor sperm cos his 3rd leg was shriveled? And Snow-white didn't know?
Delete@Dante, women have limited time for stuff like this. The way this poster sounds, she is desperate and knows how her shoes pinches. She knows the kind of man she married. Isn't he going to be in the theatre when the transfer will be done? If it turns out it's not his DNA, she too will act suprise.
Abeg leave me.
Poster, most women that have been accused of infidelity took thesame step as you are about to take but see where it landed them. You need to open up to your husband. Don't allow love to lead you blindly cos when the chips are down, you will find yourself alone.
DeletePoster, your husband has agreed to IVF treatment and the process naw. Just pay an additional 50k for sperm and it will be made available, infact they always have in store. Eggs go for about 200 to 300k.
DeleteAfter harvesting your egg, they may even find that the quality isn't good enough...what then will you do? Won't you pay the extra and use God-given facilities and innovations and technology? It's not the same as sleeping with another man and getting pregnant.
Poster, your husband has agreed to IVF treatment and the process naw. Just pay an additional 50k for sperm and it will be made available, infact they always have in store. Eggs go for about 200 to 300k.
DeleteAfter harvesting your egg, they may even find that the quality isn't good enough...what then will you do? Won't you pay the extra and use God-given facilities and innovations and technology? It's not the same as sleeping with another man and getting pregnant.
Dnt try it poster. Later na u go carry all the accusations alone. Tell him his results nd reason d way forward
DeleteWhy would you think of doing such? 'Over sharpness' dey worry you abi? You better tell him the result and suggest you guys go seek a second opinion if he disagrees. How will he refuse if he knows he is the one the one that has a problem and you are willing to keep it between you too and go for a donor? Please follow the right procedure and keep the documentation somewhere safe in case you want to go join him abroad and the embassy asks for the DNA tests.
DeleteSome times, the way most women handle issues baffles me... You hid his result away from him because he's a nice person, will he do that for you? Secondly, you want to swap his sperm just because you need to give him a child without his consent.... are you ready for the shame and problems that will follow if he finds out? please stop dragging yourself into problem and do the right thing for once. Tell him about the result of his test, ask him what is the way forward, then let him know about the doctors advise. Stop covering his predicament him because he's nice. When it back fires, you will wish the world to end. Use your head ohhh.
ReplyDeleteI honestly do not understand this behaviour. Poster is crying more than the bereaved.
DeleteShe is the one sewing things up for herself now. This one is not patriarchy again o.
DeleteShe wants to turn her husband into a baby as well.
Madam, your twisted lies don't solve the problem and will someday come to light and you will still lose it all.
Dear Poster, you are saying he is such a 'nice person' Are you 100% sure he doesn't know he has such problem???? Ask yourself this question. Better tell him the truth. It's better it hurts now than later. Eziokwu bu ndu!
DeleteWhat you plan on doing is crazy. What right do you even have to keep that from him?
ReplyDeleteOpen up to your husband and tell him the truth.
I get that you do not want him to get hurt knowing he has issues with fathering a child, but he deserves to know.
There are little simple lies you can tell and get away with but not this one.
If at the end of the day you decide to go on with your plan and it backfires, you think he’ll forgive you?
Now is the best time to open up to him.
Madam you better come clean or when you go for the ivf screening and they conduct series of test let him discover it then. Sperm count isn't static, it keeps changing so it's possible the sperm was okay then but nothing to count now.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you do, don't use a donor sperm without his consent and try to pass of the child as his. The matter no go ever finish. Avoid future shalaye, don't undertake a thankless endeavour that will only make people condemn you. Also either you sleep with someone to get a child or switch sperm, a lie is a lie so don't think you can absolve yourself simply because no third party sex is involved. All za best.
One day the truth will be known and how you want to proof that you are helped him is what I don't know ,if it is other way round will he do the same?women are foolish for men shake but men are always scum ,do it and face your old age in regret
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I was in your shoes years ago. My ex husband is azoospermia and don’t want to get serious treatments. I was so desperate to have my own child then that I thought of buying sperm. But I have to rethink. I later leave the marriage cos oga just focus on the son his ex wife born for him forgetting me.
DeleteAno 16.21 you sound like the picture Ms Sapphire is trying to paint up there.
DeleteMarriage fear me die!
Poster just do you.
Men are not always scum. She has even said her husband is nice yet you say men are always scum because her husband no be man ba? Negative Nancy!
DeleteBut wait, why lie in this case?
ReplyDeleteWhat if you don't tell him and he is aware and then later his sperm gets healthy, how do you explain yourself. Some people are so comfortable with lies sha. Lies that will spoil your future and destroy everything you have worked for. Na wah!!
If he is a good man, then tell him the truth!!
Please don't do it. Tell him the truth.
ReplyDeleteJust follow Stella's advice
ReplyDeleteAbort mission!
ReplyDeleteHmm, The devil is calling you for breakfast and you are going closer?
ReplyDeletePlease, tell this "nice man" his results; give him to read it. He can take appropriate actions to
improve it; like stopping alcohol, cigarette, refined sugar etc. if he indulges in all these.
Besides, from a medical point of view (I am a medical doctor), "low sperm count" (semen) can actually be
used for IVF as they will isolate the healthy sperm and use it to fertilize your eggs outside and then inject it
into your womb.
Be calm and learn to be truthful to your husband, else you might scatter your home with your own hands.
So if your child gets sick tomorrow (and of course he will), or is going to elementary school and they run some blood tests like blood group
ReplyDeleteand it all turn out different, don't' you see that no one will believe you that you did not commit adultery? Please do not give in to this dialogue that sounds like that between Eve and the Serpent.🤔🤔
Ha!
DeleteOne of the best comments I have ever read here.
Till date, some women are not happy about how the Bible presented Eve. Then I read this chronicle and your comment.
Eve did it too for Adam.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
ReplyDeletePlease write another chronicle and give us when you are called "an adulterer and ashawo" and thrown out.
How are you even going to get another man's semen this woman
ReplyDeleteYou sure say you no dey do waka waka for ya husband back? 😮😮😮
Sperm bank.people donate thr sperm in felitity clinics.not everyting is about waka waka.educate urself.google it pls.
Delete@16:02
DeleteHow many sperm banks are in Nigeria?
Do you know that sperm banks need 24 hour uninterrupted power supply?
This woman did not tell us that she lives outside Nigeria; or in a western country.
Every IVF centre in Nigeria has a sperm and egg and embryo storage.
DeleteEducate yourself.
Anon 17.20, shame don leave you catch me😅
Delete17.20 wow, such ignorance and wrong assumptions! Ang..
DeleteWhy covering up for him? Imagine!
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm, is the audacity for me?
ReplyDeleteMadam you can be sued if he gets to know about this in future...Think of tomorrow, what if the man demands for DNA?
Madam poster don't do it
ReplyDeleteWithout your husbands consent.
If you do it.
It will back fire.
Talk to him am sure he will agree since its a sperm donor.
He may not agree @ Something light. Nigerian men and ego are like 5&6. But even at that, poster if you desperately want a child and he doesn't bulge, refuses to go for treatment or adoption, you can leave him and go remarry and have your child honourably. Don't do it pls. That nice man you are seeing will turn to a monster tomorrow if infidelity issues come up as a result
DeleteOmo na wa oo.. why would you want to do that without his content?
ReplyDeleteIs there no remedy to his situation?
In all you do, please don't be selfish.let him know his true state and you both decide on the best way forward.
This is all shades of wrong, discuss with him,so both of you can weigh your options
ReplyDeletePlease tell him now let him understand u and your various options so it doesn't back fire in future, the man u know can't father a child will not accept your explanation in future if u don't talk to him now.
ReplyDeleteHow will you switch the sperm? The only way to do that is to work with some really terrible people anc they will hunt you after the deed is done
ReplyDeleteTell him and also try to get a second and third opinion as in try another hospital
If they can’t help, then talk to him about a donor
If he refuses after trying to convince him, then get a divorce and go try elsewhere
Having children is a deal breaker issue
Ah see as the devil is using you to destroy your home. Please tell your husband the truth and tell him why you lied earlier.
ReplyDeleteBetter don't go that route o. The whole world including him will accuse you for cheating, destroy your image and dump you. You think your husband would be this kind if YOU had the problem?
ReplyDeleteBetter tell him the truth, then you both decide on the way forward.
I understand your love for him and your need to have a child, but please don't do this!!! It will boomerang. Every lie will definitely be exposed, it only takes time. Talk to him , tell him the result, give him time to adjust and carry him along in the process, nothing beats peace of mind... Hottie 7
ReplyDeleteYour kids won't look a thing like him o! Tongues will wag. Tell him o
ReplyDeleteOga daany and co no deu ever see sacrifices women make just to be shouting upandan..
ReplyDeleteMadam no change sperm o abeg
What God cannot do does not exist.
ReplyDeleteYou should tell him everything, and his test results. Then believe God for a turn around. God can do it. He has done it many times over. Your case will not be different.
Don't go on with your plan.
Why did you not tell him about the tests result? There are sperm boosting medications. Besides with God all things are possible.
Tell him as it is. He needs to know his medical result. If he feels sad, it'll only spur him to start looking for a solution to this issue on ground. Don't hide anything from him, it may backfire.
ReplyDeleteStella already gave you a clue... "Don't play along with him"
ReplyDeleteMadam don't do it, I did IVF and I was told that I don't have any viable egg, infact my doctor told me not to tell my husband. I refused. I told my husband the truth. His sperm was used plus a donor egg. Today I have peace because it went well. I'm not afraid of tomorrow. Madam do the right thing for your own peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteIt wouldn't be so easy if the tables were turned. There are men who agree to use donor sperm but also a whole lot more who's ego will be dashed to consider it.
DeleteI think he knows the result already
ReplyDeleteWe are gifted with brains and discerning spirit for a reason.
ReplyDeleteIf your brain and spirit is already convicting you (of course it is, for you to be asking us questions), then it is wrong!
Why will you want to complicate matters with your own hands? Why???
Just come and clean to him and let him make his choice.
Don't even try it, madam.
ReplyDeleteBy medical ethics, the Doctors will need your husband's consent to use a sperm donor. Any Doctor who does the IVF procedure for you without due consent can blackmail you and also exposes himself/herself to claims for medical malpractice if found out.
ReplyDeleteIt is said there are other procedures advanced than IVF. Have you considered those? Ask about them.
If your planned step is for you and your husband, why are you planning without his knowledge. Presently, Ma'am you are thinking only about and for yourself only.
If eventually you have to use a donor with your husband's consent, please remember to beg the Doctors to ensure that the consent and all paperwork are well done and signed by your husband to the max that rules of privacy permit.
#TheLegalTrainee
Me giving side eyes at a BV who turned her back against me becos of this exact chronicle 10years ago. I advised her against it but her friends led her on. One day be one day.
ReplyDeleteStop wishing it will go wrong
DeleteEven though what she did is wrong have a generous heart and still wish her the best
Eweleweeeee.......... 🤯
Delete17.33 it will definitely go wrong.
DeleteHow can you suggest such. You want to put yourself into trouble.
ReplyDeleteThis is the kind of good that turns bad later in the future. The decision is not yours to make alone. Tell him. Adoption is still an option. What if he knows already and just wants to see your reaction to the news? Tell him!
ReplyDeleteWomen don't understand how to be loyal to men. You sometimes do it wrongly.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to show you are loyal, stand by him during challenges. Don't try to fix it your way.
How to salvage this:
Ask your husband to go for another test, do test with him too. Let the test confirm azoospermia and then just stand by him and encourage him that it will pass.
Then ask/seek his agreement to using sperm donor and promise to stand by him to care for the child as both your child.
This is the way to get out of this situation.
She said he won’t agree
DeleteThere isn't any nobility in dishonesty. You think you are being a kind and caring wife by not telling your husband the truth, but in fact you are being deceitful and setting up rot and decay in your union. A marriage is not a place for deceit, your spouse must always know that even if the whole world has lied to them you are the one person they can count on for the truth. Stop the LIES!!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat if he does a dna test on the child tomorrow
ReplyDeleteDon't do it alone o. Poster carry him alone o. Better to let him know the options that doing it behind him
ReplyDeleteposter you didn't even give him chance of getting treated of his predicament, you just want to impose another man's child on him, this is not nice please
ReplyDeleteHospital says there’s nothing to treat
DeleteLow sperm count you can treat
No sperm at all is a closed case
I need to let you know something. My bf when he was younger, had an operation in his testicle, so they mistakenly did a vasectomy for him. Later, he discovered his sperm was just water. So he reversed it, but who knows maybe they did it correctly. Tell your man, there could be a reversal or solution. Dont keep hi in the dark, although it's super depressing but it's better to deal with this now than later he discovers the child isn't biologically his. That's evil. My bf never wants to have kids today, that's his decision. I have mine from my prev marriage to a Toxic masculine man. Win win
ReplyDeleteSee as your village people dey play music for your head. Don't allow them win
ReplyDeleteThis is the poster. For all the Thomas’s doubting I can’t switch, it’s very easy. When we did his sperm analysis, he didn’t even show. I took the sperm to the clinic myself( it’s allowed so far you bring it in at a reasonable time after ejaculation). For the paperwork, it’s not an issue too. My husband lets me handle those…he just appends his signature once I’ve read it. He doesn’t bother reading once I’ve done it. But I’m glad for the advice though…thanks to you all.
ReplyDeleteLet him know his results, for all you know, he already knows and is waiting for u to bring il the matter, that's one side and if he agrees to sperm donor, u dont need ivf since u are fine, u can actually u go for the one they just put the sperm inside you during ovulation, of course after priming you, I have forgotten.what they call it. Its much cheaper and it's also very effective. That is on the condition that you are fertile and ok. Let him know, when the problems come, you wont recognise your nice husband
DeletePoster, he may know already and just keep quiet to see what you would do. Pls tell him. If you switch the sperms during the process and it works, if he already knows, he will not trust you ever again
DeleteDon’t do it.
ReplyDeleteI was in your shoes 15 years back. Went for the tests and boom hubby was responsible… it was a case of azospermia. He did not create himself that way. We tried herbal drugs to no effect.They suggested some surgery and collection through some means it did not work and so he accepted the donor thing.
Today he is a better Dad and our 3 IVF kids adore him.
Keep it a secret between you two. And let him know. If his good enough to follow you for a test he will be good enough to accept the results.
God bless you ma
DeleteThanks for this, it was really encouraging
DeleteThese people will just always think we're mumu or something. Which man will not ask for documented results or go back to see the doctor? Or get a second and third opinion?!!!!! Won tun ti de!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the difference between this woman's plan and the other woman's plan to sleep with an ex or her husband's friend after finding out her husband has azospermia? Is it money for IVF or the use of the English word "sp...m donor"?
ReplyDelete