Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
I am an Igbo girl in love with a Yoruba guy but my mother is against it. She has refused to pray about it or even see the guy.
The guy in question has been very nice person, but I have heard a lot about Yoruba guys not taking care of their wives and being promiscuous in nature.
I have prayed about it and I didn't get any revelation. My mum has been through a lot for us and I don't want to hurt her by marrying against her wish. I am 29 years, a graduate and also working.
Madam Stella, I need your red pen here. I don't know if anyone has been in my shoe before. I'm just confused, because my mum is just too stubborn and she even threatened to kill herself if I marry the Yoruba guy.
Madam Stella, I need your red pen here. I don't know if anyone has been in my shoe before. I'm just confused, because my mum is just too stubborn and she even threatened to kill herself if I marry the Yoruba guy.
HA!!!!! she threatened to kill herself if you marry the Yoruba guy? Did she tell you her reason for saying NO?
Let us see if people that have been through this will give you a solution.. I personally think it is wrong for your mum to interfere like this into your private life.
Me and yo know that she won't kill herself.
ReplyDeleteVery true
DeleteThis was my mum 10yrs ago, now she will tell everybody that cares to listen that my husband is her son. My husband is not the richest among her in laws but he doesn't joke with anything that has to do with me and his children.He will tell me once the children and I are ok then he is settled.
DeleteI have the most beautiful marriage among my siblings.
The aim is to marry a good man, individual weakness is not by tribe, If you are sure he is a good man, please go ahead.
Pls ignore her and marry him if you both love yourself and he is very supportive and future his guaranteed. Do your own findings about him. Alot of parents make us loose true happiness due to their own selfishness. I lost out on a very fine man because my mother and his mum had some business transactions in the past and it did not go well. I married another that is blessed however I never forgot my ex. Today our marriages mine and ex is in jeopardy. We both still love each other stupid. He comes to Nigeria just to see me. I am not happy. He his not happy. We both are married to perfect partners. We all are doing fine financially. My ex is a millionaire in dollars. See my point is that if my mum did not discourage me I probably will be happier today. I am suffering another man's son due to my own unhappiness. Same thing happening to my ex wife. See my point is this. If you are "sure" of this guy damm the consequences. Your mother will be fine.
DeleteHow does God speak to you? You said you prayed about it and nothing... You need to know how God speaks to you. Mine is through an inner peace at the decision. Pray for the relationship not to work if it's not God's will. As for your mum, it seems tribalism is the problem here. Let her meet your boyfriend, she may change her mind after meeting him.
DeleteLeave the guy and tell your mom to help you find a better man
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Poster, the manner you constructed this chronicle, projecting it purely and singularly on tribe, I doubt you are sincerely seeking solution from a blog with people of diverse ethnicity.
DeleteIf you have a real behavioral issue you have witnessed or suspect the guy of, then table it and people here will help you. But writing to set a tribal war on this comment session is not fair.
Poster, tell your mum that if she doesn't let you marry him, you'll kill yourself. 2 can play that game 😉
DeleteHahahaha
DeleteYou love this guy, he is "nice," then begin to fast and pray daily: Yes, let God reveal this guy's heart to you and convince you mom too.
ReplyDeleteThe heart of the king is in the hands of God and he changes it wherever he wishes. Aim also to have a personal relationship with Christ and not just a "hit and run" type in other to get married.
Good wishes.
Sounds like you don't even know who you are marrying. You are waiting for your mum to pray and confirm from God that you are making the right choice. Una Doh! You aren't mentally ready for marriage.
DeleteYou should be the one highlighting with believable reasons why you think he will make a good husband to you and convincing her how amazing he is. Not cowing away waiting for her to pray and get back to you.
You see the way marriages are packing up right. Guess what, most of them where verified and stamped by their mother/parents. They even fasted and prayed. Marriage wey go spoil go everly spoil.
If its ment to work it will, regardless of your mother's approval or not.
And No mothers aren't always right. I don't know who came up with that statement sef.
@Davina, Excellent response.
DeleteI'm sorry about what you're going through. I have a feeling your mom just doesn't like the tribe, it might not really be about the guy.
ReplyDeleteCan you get people (family members she listens to) to speak with her kn your behalf? Let them meet with the guy, possibly get to know him, sp they can have an unbiased assessment of him before speaking with your mom.
You could also meet a Pastor (Male or Female) to pray with you guys about a possible future together.
It is well.
The truth is.
DeleteIt is the duty of Yoruba men to impregnate their wives,act lovey dovey in the first 5 years then dump his responsibilities and move on with a new bride.
80% of their family members know about his illicit affairs and support.
Run as fast as your legs will carry you.
Mine was a man from my town but my mom threatened same. Both of us (my fiance and I) fasted for one month (6-6PM) and he decided to visit her. Long and short story, he won my mom over.
ReplyDeleteI was so scared that day that my mom will do the unthinkable to him. I respect that man eh?
Jesus!
There are very good Yoruba guys. And nice too. Pls pray that's your best bet. Just pray if it's God's will she will come round.
ReplyDeleteBut be patient with her. Don't be in a hurry. You love the guy and you love your Mum. Just be patient. But keep praying that God will make her change her mind.
Its not about tribe its about the person and if he has the fear of God then he will treat your right.
Also check how he treats his Mum and sisters. It translates to how you will be treated by him.
All the best.
Lady T, it is not always so I'm most cases. Like haven't you seen or read about guys treating their sisters better than their wife and also guys that treat their wife better than their mom or sister's. Poster consider a man that treats PEOPLE with Respect. A man with a working conscience!
DeleteYour mom is doing too much.
ReplyDeleteShe needs to be put in her place.
The question she should ask is if the guys family want you.
And as for you, you say this guy is nice, if you are very sure, like sure to your bone that the guy is good then why dump him?
So people are still doing this tribal thing in this age ?
Hm girl follow your heart, and always own your truth.
Wish you favour and peace ✌...
She is not doing too much and there's nothing like putting her in 'her place' Some experiences either personal or otherwise have influenced her decision, she only needs to be patiently made to understand that she could be wrong.
DeletePoster continue in the place of prayer and if he's the 'one', God'll touch her heart 💜.
How is she doing too much? Not like they are married... The only time parents are allowed to "do too much" according to you ....is before marriage.... After marriage the man will start claiming nonsense .. please let her do ooo.. to avoid stories...
DeletePoster, please be open minded too about your man.... If your are truly at peace with him... Pray for your mom to agree ....
naso dey do me in my 40s now not yet married. no marriage is perfect
ReplyDeleteYou lie
DeleteSome marriages are far better than others! You people should quit that slogan. I am married and I tell you my challenges are not internal is external and when I say external, I don't mean my in-laws or anybody. Marriage is very EASy! Only motherhood stresses some of us.poster, pray. If you are in a good place, your mum will come around sooner that you can imagine. Never leave God!
DeleteAnon 15:28, I actually know someone it happened to.she eventually got married in her 40s and God blessed her with a son
DeleteIf you follow her choice and marry an Igbo man and the Igbo man starts maltreating you, I hope she will kill herself too?
ReplyDeleteHave you checked the Guys background before accepting to marry him?? Once you do that and you are satisfied, you can plan how to win your win your Mum Over, try talking to people she respects and that will be the Final piece to the whole issue.
ReplyDeleteTrust me, mothers are always mostly right, I would be dead now without my mom. All u can do is pray and hope she changes her mind. I'd say listen to ur mom.
ReplyDeletesparkle777
Yinmu! Anambra mothers will never allow their sons marry from another tribe all cos of tribalism. That doesn't make them always right
DeleteThank you Sparkle
DeletePoster listen to your mom. I regretted why I never listened to mine. I say again, LISTEN TO YOUR MOM.
Mothers are not even right when it comes to their own marriages let alone another's. Most times their decisions are sentimental, sentiments are usually far from right pls.
DeleteI have nothing against any tribe but permit me to share my friend's experience.
ReplyDeleteA yoruba man gingered by his mom, dumped her and married a yoruba girl, without even having the courtesy of telling her..
My friend just gathered herself together and moved on. Till date, this guy hasn't even told her, "I am not
marrying again."
One thing I know is that their mother has a tight reign on them.
Please find out why your mom took this stance.
Rein not reign
DeleteHow people use one example to judge a whole tribe is beyond me....but carry on lol
DeleteSome Igbo men's mothers also have strong control on them. It is not by tribe. My husband is Yoruba and his mother does not control him. In fact, he doesn't listen to her most times.
DeleteIf you're not a Yoruba lady please don't marry a Yoruba guy let them marry themselves unless you don't want a happy marriage.
DeleteBut the Anon up there is right. Their mothers usually have this unhealthy control over them. Just few of them are exmepted. The same thing happened to my friend too. The guy's mother said no way was he going to marry a non Yoruba. He had to break up with her to marry someone from his tribe.
Delete* exempted jare
DeleteAre Anambra mothers a joke to you🤣😅
DeleteAnambra mothers are strong when it comes to this. I never take an Anambra or enugu guy seriously. Na me know wetin my eye don see
17:02 👌
DeletePoster ina anukwa Igbo?
ReplyDeleteGekwaa nne gi nti ooo, afo tara ndi ofe nmanu nmiri. Ha ejighi anya afu umu Igbo oo.. Ha na alu igwe nwanyi, tinyere na ha adighi eleta Nwuye ha anya. Ichoro di iga azu nri? Eji kwa nma iru abuo mara ha. Ndi mere mere n’ilu kwa mpiti n’azu! Ha n’ile na eme ka ndi ala oo.. Biko choro nwa afo ibe gi luo inugo? Ndi Jew na ndi Samaritan adighi emeko ihe inugo ada?
For those from the other side, all I’ve just advised this poster is that we are all one Nigeria. No segregation
Lolzz 😂😆😆...But eziokwu di Na Okwu a
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteO chim
I am youruba.... I don't understand Igbo... But if you are saying Yoruba mums control their sons ...and their men can be very irresponsible....please you are very very correct
DeleteDozie nwannem Chukwu gozie gi 👍
DeleteGiffy ezigbom ekwuna ife ifuru oo😆
Haahaahaahaa, chai Fan, what can we do without you. But okwu gii dinma.
DeleteI also echoed her advice.
sparkle777
Google translator to the rescue 🏃🏾♀️
DeleteTribalistic bigot spotted
Deleteyou don't want her to marry the guy cause he's yoruba but you re doing fasting for Davido to marry Chioma.Fan fan🙄🙄
Delete19:45 👌👌 that is how greed always lands them in the wrong hands.
Deleteyou discriminate against other tribes from Nigeria but will cry that other tribes don't like you people when they repay you back what you just did up there.
DeleteFavour fear God o 🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeletePoster don't mind her o. It is not by tribe, a bad man is a bad man, a bad family is a bad family. All what she said, some Igbo men also do them to their Igbo wives. We read them on the blog here and on other social media platforms. If his family, accepts you wholeheartedly and he supports and respects you, you are good to go.
Courage nwannem biko alaputakwanam oo
DeleteAnyways you’re referring to Favour not Fan
There are the good, the bad and the ugly in all ethnic nationalities. You better tell the guy what your mother said and allow him move on with his life. I bet you always knew your mother don't like Yorubas. Those with deep sitted dislike/ hatre for any particular tribe are too weak to hide their hate. They always talk about it . Go look for an Igbo man to love and make your mother happy.
ReplyDelete" I don't want to hurt her by marrying against her wish" You made your decision, stick with it and free the man .
"but I have heard a lot about Yoruba guys not taking care of their wives and being promiscuous in nature." - promiscuity is not exclusive to Yoruba men, there is no tribe, race that don't have promiscuous men. It takes discipline not to be sleeping around. There are men from all ethnic nationalities who don't take care of their wives and children regardless of their status in the society
I sent a chronicle same as yours not quite long to Stella I think February, you can go through February chronicles to check....this my guy is a good guy, easy going and more family oriented than me self, myself and his mum now chat and relate well like we've known each other for so long.. I've made up my mind to marry him, and he's coming for traditional rights next month by God's grace, amen (we met on this blog 2019)..We are of the same age self..Pray and keep praying, if u feel at peace with him, just go ahead..Parents tend to project their experiences or what they've seen on us, but we have our decision to make. Only God has the final say concerning our lives...wish u the best, love and light
ReplyDeleteCongrats to you both. God bless your home.
DeleteThe only thing a parent should care about is that their child is well cared for, adored, loved and respected by their spouse. An actual peaceful and happy household is more important than merely having the look of one.
ReplyDeleteYou have not really highlighted the key qualities of this man and why you want a future with him, "nice" really says nothing about a person's character. You stated that you are 29, please ensure that desperation is not your motivation. Do you know how this man act when annoyed, under pressure or faced with setbacks and disappointments? How does he treat and speak of ppl in service positions or the poor? These are things to look at. Is his spirituality real or fake? Do you know his views on polygamy and women working after becoming mothers? Does he believe in a household with clearly defined gender roles? Does he value sons over daughters, what would happen if only give birth to daughters? Has he ever been attracted to other men or had relations with them?
Please get beyond "nice" and start knowing this person deeper. You have work to do, do not depend solely on prayers and revelations, you also have to know what you are signing up for.
👍👆🏼💯💯✅✅✅💯😘😘
DeleteAnonymous 17:05 your advice makes a lot of sense.
As hurtful as it is to say, you're the one in the relationship not your mum. You're the one that will get married, not your mum. You can ask all the 'what if's' in your head and play out all possible scenarios but it will all boil down to do you love him and does he love you. God is not a magician. The success of your relationship is not dependent on your mother. Your mother has lived her life. What do you want?
ReplyDeleteWho told you igbo guys are not promiscuous?
ReplyDeleteWho told you Hausa guys are not promiscuous?
Who told you there are no reasonable and responsible Yoruba men?
Who told you we don't have responsible igbo men?
I don't know what to say to u cuz u have spoilt this ur chronicle with this tribe issue
You are talking about your mum not accepting the guy. Has the guy's parents accepted you too? Hope he has taken you home and they have accepted you as their future wife. Not after fighting your mum's battle ,you will now go and face another battle from the guy's side of the family.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you talk to some elders in your family that your mum respects. Let them iron out the issue with her. This time and age , your mum is still concerned about her daughter marrying from another tribe. I can't believe this!
That a man is good, will make a good husband and father or will be promiscuous is not determined by tribe or ethnicity.
ReplyDeleteJust have your personal conviction.
We're Africans Stella. If parents don't accept, it's advisable not to go ahead.
ReplyDeleteSimple and short.
DeletePoster mothers are always right o.pls listen to your mum.The guy might be good as u said but their own na follow come,they cheat like no tomorrow and keep concubines especially if the wife isn't from their place they most marry another Yoruba babe.abeg check well o.
ReplyDeleteMy dear I pray you see this. All my life I was told never to date or marry yoruba Cos of this tribal wahala between us. Guess what I got married to an Igbo guy who treated me so badly. The marriage ended and after healing I decided to be open to dating to any tribe. Guess what? I am currently dating a yoruba guy and it is the best thing to ever happen to me despite been a single mum of two. Please do you and what will make your hrt happy your mum will definitely come over it.
ReplyDeleteTribe religion or race mean little or nothing to me because there are bad and as well as good people everywhere. Just observe the guy well and if there are no red signs Abeg marry. Your mother might be less expose and narrow minded
ReplyDeletehmmmm...
ReplyDeletetough place to be in as a daughter, 9yrs ago I married my choice and mama was and still is against it...she went as far as going to juju etc..no be pastor talk o, na she brag about her juju man giving her assurance so long story short...the day I married I started mourning a biological parent that is physically alive. girl be ready to pray if u go with your man..n I hope he is really worth the trouble.
I hope your mum lives in Igboland. Since that is where the best people are. Because she cannot live in Yorubaland, surviving like a leech there and hating it’s people. That makes her hypocritical and her judgement comes into question.
ReplyDeleteAm not about tribe here, just make sure you get a personal revelation before you take him serious because most people can pretend to be good but when they finally marry you they bring out their true self.Fake love naim dey sweet pass lol.
ReplyDeleteIf you have prayed and you didn't get any revelation either through dream or any other way, keep praying you will get the revelation. The only thing that may hinder you from getting the revelation is if you have already started doing things with him or if you have made up your mind that it's him or nobody then , don't expect revelation
Again, resist the urge to ask any pastor to pray for you or help you see a vision.
I still have my experiences with the Yoruba guys I've met. I can tell you that Yoruba guys are the most romantic whether in a fake or true relationship. When they are fake they still treat you so well that you may find it difficult to doubt if they truly love you or not.
A Yoruba guy that wooed me years back was married and I didn't know. If anybody had told me he is married I wouldn't have believed. I enjoyed every attention he gave me. Even though I didn't date him, I enjoyed everything he did for me (Nobe juju be that?) . Girls around that had something to do with him before i came into the picture were even jealous of such kind of fake love. He was doing good for me and collecting it back in another way but I was not smart enough to see that he had an evil mission. He duped me many times yet i didn't notice... His wife told me that that's how he does. According to the wife, he can go to any length to get what he wants to get. He was a real 419ner. This guy even went as far as fainting all because he wanted to get me when I was proving hard-to-get. When he fainted, he was rushed to the hospital, doctors did everything to revive him that day but they couldn't until the next day... Terrible 419ner, how can someone be so deceitful to the extent of faking fainting just to carry out his mission? Lol, he even stopped smoking because of me. This guy has the highest degree in 419ing. I never understood what people mean when they say "YORUBA DEMON" but now When people say "Yoruba Demon" I just flash back to everything that transpired between me and that guy. I didn't like his physical appearance but fake kindness he was showing was what got me.😢 Just pray he doesn't have a wife somewhere. I have other good personal experiences with Yoruba guys though.
In another angle, a Yoruba guy paid for my friends WAEC, asked her to choose any University and she did but the States and Federal Universities did not give her admission that year. Because he didn't want her to waste another year at home, he asked her to look for a private University and she did, He trained her from 1st yr to final year in a school that pays up to 500k as school fees without support from her family, now they are happily married