Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SINGLE MOTHER ISH
BVs I have something bothering me.
I'm a single mother that tells anyone I meet about my child. Unfortunately I'm begging to develop feeling for someone I never mentioned my child to. I met him online, so I never took him serious.
He opened up to me immediately we met, that he will be 35 by October, and plans to marry this year. To me, since it's an online stuff I was only cruising with him.
Now he has planned to see me since I don't want to visit him in his own base.
This guy includes me in every plan he makes since we started. I have spoken to almost all his relatives in his base, and he says immediately after seeing me, when he comes, we are going to his town to see his parents.
I don't know if I should open up to him or wait till we see each other face to face.
The day my daughter picked his call, I only brushed it aside when he asked, I told him that I live in a family house.
I don't do this but here am I....
I don't believe you, i think that you deliberately held back that info cos opening up had been costing you relationships so you wanted to keep quiet this time...
I don't know hoe serious he is with but revealing this info now at this stage will do the same damage you were scared it would do in the beginning.
I am sorry to say this but with Naija men ,if you are a baby mama you stand almost no chance with them and if you do, they don't want another's man child in their houses so you have to look for where your child will stay if they marry you.
You cannot hide your child like some unimportant piece of furniture when you meet a man, your child is the most important person in your life and you should because of a man make it look otherwise.
If you eventually tell him, please give him time to adjust to the news cos i am sure he will also have to consider what his family will think and if they will also agree.
If he is not cool with you being a mother already, please dont deal, move on!
Chai Pele o.
ReplyDeleteOne day e go dey alright.
After he meets you in your base, when he returns to his base tell him the whole truth and let him decide.
I doubt he will want to continue, but you need to relax and look forward to better days.
There is no meeting in any base or ceiling.
DeletePick up the phone and tell him NOW.
NOW.
I'm not a single mother but if I was, the FIRST thing I would tell a prospective partner or even if na cruise as you call it (after my name) is that I have a child.
Call it forward or not, it saves a hella time especially with Nigeria men who dont mind sponsoring thousands of abortions (like your okpo baba) but will turn up their nose at marrying a single mom.
You say you were catching 'cruise', as in you were not viewing him as a potential partner. If that were true, then it would have been even easier to tell him you were a single mother.
There is nothing to be ashamed of except you hiding a part of you.
Aunty, if he dumps you, then he wasnt meant for you. And if he is an Anambra man aka mummy an ya si,forgerit
To some, marriage dey favor them while some na touch n leave d guys go dey do.
DeleteOpen up.
Make you kukuma tell am na.
ReplyDeleteStop putting yourself in a position where you cave and beg and lobby to be accepted. You should know that you need to scrutinize him to know if he is good enough for you and your child.
DeleteLet him visit. Tell him you have a child but not in an apologetic, disadvantaged and sorry manner. Let him know you are very protective of that aspect of your life and in fact, you are not yet read to let him meet her in person yet till you are sure that this relationship is for real.
But first, you need to build your self-esteem ahead of his visit so you don't begin to feel inferior and at his mercy when you eventually meet. Make up your mind to view it as a win-win situation no matter the outcome and resolve to not to feel too bad about it. If he changes because of it, you are going to hold your head up high and be expectant that a better man will find you soon. In fact, you will recruit him into your friend-zone for emergencies.
You should tell him before he visits your base.
DeletePlease our baby girl must not suffer in all of this.
Thank you.
Why not tell him now? Don't make him to find out by himself
ReplyDeletehmmmm that is the first part of my intro with anybody I meet(divorce). cos if i don't say i have a child, nobody will know.I so much love my daughter that i cannot give her up for any male specie. if u wan stay,stay. if u wan go, oga go.
ReplyDeleteThank you o jare.
DeleteThis is how it should be, not people denying or hiding their child over a mere relationship.
DeleteAnd am a Muslim, most of our men even like divorcees
ReplyDeleteI wonder why.
DeleteTell him now. Don't wait until you see him. If the relationship continues, fine. If it breaks up, you move on. Next time, once you discover the relationship is heading somewhere, tell him. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteStella I agree with your response to the poster. But I'll not totally agree to your third paragraph, while it is prevalent there are still some men who don't mind - especially those who have a say in their family. Or who come from open-minded families who are more concerned with peace and happiness. My cousin's ex got married to one. And this cousin too, got married to another single parent - they celebrated 13th wedding anniversary November last year.
ReplyDeleteYour primary actions and mindset is noble; telling anyone you are involved with about your sweet daughter. Yes tell him.
ReplyDeletePlease ladies, do not go online "to catch cruise."
Whenever you are having a conversation with a man you call "friend," open up on your life and activities that he needs to know from the outset.
Tell him before he comes visiting. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteTell him now so that he will know what to expect when he visits. If he still visits then he really wants YOU.
ReplyDeleteI love your response Stella.
ReplyDeletePoster, please let him know about your child and always look out for her as always. It's very important.
And I can't ever shut up about my daughter, I just can't. Even if I meet Chris Hemsworth, my crush...na u sabi.
ReplyDelete😁😆🙌🙌
DeleteHere to learn
ReplyDeleteAre you people begging her to tell someone she may be interested in about her child??? I mean she did carry the baby for nine months and probably breast fed too. Stella is right. She deliberately held back. Somewhere deep down you knew he might reject you if you did
ReplyDeleteTruth is bitter.
DeleteStella your response is so correct no need to add. When I qas a single mother if I meet any man interested in me I will shout and tell you I have a son oooo. STAY OR DISAPPEAR!
ReplyDelete🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
DeleteIt's advisable you tell him. Be plain and simple
ReplyDeleteI am a single mother to two cutest and friendliest kids anyone would ask for. I don't ever think I can or would ever abandoned or deny my kids cos of any man. Any man who will not accept my kids with his whole heart cant love me. Dear Poster allow him to visit you and introduce your child to him whatever action he take PLEASE FOR THE SAKE OF GOD AND YOUR CHILD FORGET ABOUT THE MAN. God will definitely provide the man who will love you and your child unconditionally.
ReplyDelete🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
DeleteMy friend was a single mother of twins, 1 boy and 1 girl, she's married to another man not even up to 3 years after having the kids,and they're staying with her ,they always snap family pictures together with the other 2 kids she have for the hubby and as far as I can tell,the man treats her well, so not all Nigerian men are scared of marrying baby mama, the matured ones don't really care
ReplyDeleteTell him for your peace of mind and whatever that comes out of it,then you take it with good faith....
ReplyDeleteThat should be your first talk of discussion but it is well..
May God fix it for you..
Well, from one man's perspective. It is not a matter of whether to tell or not. It is a matter of when to tell.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, it is better to tell when a man has shown good/genuine interest in the woman. And the woman has also shown she would be a person of value in the proposed life partnership.
It is akward for most, or some men, when before any good mutual knowledge in a relationship, the woman blurts "hey, look I have a child or children be prepared to love my children and I". That is what scares the men and some women too in case of men with children. Most men who stay after such immediate warning are usually men/women who have done good background work on their prospective partners or are quick at finding the secret person of the heart.
In this case, the poster and the man still need to Know themselves more. They have not even seen or spend some time together.
Poster, you did well by not telling him since. Tell him in the middle of his visit. Use the second part to observe his reaction and be your good self. It is you both who will make the marriage happen. Not your child.
Best wishes.
Thank you. Your response is the best. Let the man know you. If he feels you are what he needs in his life, the child will not be a problem. Make your first impression first and don't chase men away.
DeleteFor the mere fact she could hide her child she’ll keep lying cos she wants to be Mrs so bad to show her ex. I can’t fit even for dangote.
ReplyDeleteThen again poster, I believe you ought to have seen the trail of this relationship to know that it would soon get to where it is now. And that was when you ought to have put out this information, nevertheless it's not late to do what is right. The person wey go stay go still stay, whether it was stated earlier or later. So let him know but most importantly that he CANNOT marry you separately from your child. It's either the whole or nothing at all. And give him space and time to process this.
ReplyDeleteThis!!
DeleteIt pains me when I hear some women send off their kids to stay with relatives because their husbands don't want them.
Single mother's please let him know you and your child are a package deal.
Maybe he even knows but he's just waiting for you to tell him before he accepts your child. also tell him how it came about ,say nice things about your child. if there is any conflict between you and your child's father you say but if there is none you tell him. Tell him how you love your child with smile and happiness in your voice, in your face, be confident in your utterance.Goodluck baby girl, if he's yours then so shall it be.
ReplyDeleteI'm a single mom and divorcee myself, I understand perfectly how you feel, I remember telling a guy who according to him "it was love at first sight" about my son, he changed the next day and I'm like goodriddens he still pretend to be in love. But boo be honest, I'm not asking you to be okay with it, just be honest if you're not okay. However, I will never hide my child from anyone. It either you're in or out
ReplyDeleteGet ready for the worst heartbreak if he gets to find out later.... Madam, marriage or relationship should not be the ultimate. Reveal what he needs to know to him. A man that will stay will stay. Stop hiding your own blood from people just because you crave for acceptance. Entering a relationship with deceit is evil. Tell him about your child now, if he accepts, he accepts, if not move on.
ReplyDeletePoster pls tell him now. You shouldn't have stayed so long before telling him oooo.
ReplyDeleteWell mine got married to me cos og my son. He waves to him whenever he sees him and one day he screamed....mum come and see my big friend...i rushed to the balcony and waved back, and became good friends afrerwards....bn married since 2020...have a boy for him
ReplyDeleteWow
DeleteBeautiful story
Deleteglory to God, God bless your marriage
DeleteI’m a single mum and I tell you I have a sim right after I tell you my name NO TIME!!!
ReplyDeleteI can never ever hide my son from anyone ever.
I have no issue with men because I have a son infact na dem dey rush me haha
You see that advice up there by Stella ? Take a deep breath and read once again, this time slowly slowly, until e enter ya bone marrow. Shikena !!
ReplyDelete