Hmmmm....
THE SHOCKER
Good day Stella,
Please I need advise on how to handle this situation. I am the 6th born in a family of seven.
Our father died 5 years ago ; two years after I got married to my husband.
My father was somehow wealthy before he died and we have been waiting for his will in this five years but our elder brother refused for the will to be read with the excuse that he was using the money from the rent to do some projects.
Finally on January 31,2022 the will was read and can you believe that my father didn't will anything to me and our elder sister, although he gave a house to my elder sister's son(she gave birth to him at home) so invariably my elder sister got something but only me was left out.
I have cried my eyes out as my husband isn't doing well financially and I was thinking I will get something from the will to establish myself well. I don't know what to do, should I call a family meeting and tell them how i feel? To think that my mother couldn't convince my father to will even if its half plot of land to me?
Her excuse is that i was already married when he wrote his will. I am really heart broken and don't want to talk to any of them again. please how do I handle this situation? Thanks.
*I AM SHOCKED at what your dad did in his will!!!
Why wont you want to talk to any of them again? They are not the one who wrote the will, your father did!
What is wrong with putting the name of a female child in a will? hmmm your dad must be old fashioned.
Please don't call any meeting cos it might not end well.... Just ask them nicely to help you out...
This is so annoying
ReplyDeleteYou see why I hate this inheritance ideology? The poster had plans for properties she did not work for and now has a problem with how the owner who toiled to build them should distribute them. Some go extra mile to even kill their parents because of inheritance. It induces laziness, entitlement and greed.
DeleteNot like I blame her o. It's human nature.
@ Saphire I don't think there is anything wrong in expecting something from your parent bacause they are suppose to have our back.
DeletePoster have a heart to heart talk with your siblings and see if they can give you something and if they don't take your mind off it and leave everything to God
Not surprised at all. In many parts of Nigeria female children are not reckoned with in terms of inheritance. Only recently I heard of a man who was already selling his property because his female children had grown up and 'would soon marry'. He had no male children so he didn't see the point of dying and leaving property. Obviously the wife was not considered as well.
DeletePoster I am sorry for what you went through because things like this can be so painful. I advise you to ask nicely like Stella suggested. If you sense it would bring wahala leave them alone. Your life is more important. Focus on how you can build yourself from ground up. It is doable. Believe in yourself and rely on God as you work hard. You will surprise everyone and find you never needed the inheritance. Maybe God wants to grow you through this experience.
Sisterly,make you just ask them for help o and no call any meeting
ReplyDeleteHow about working for your own money and stop feeling f---ing entitled. Most of us today worked for what we have. This inheritance matter breeds hate and disunity in families.
DeleteEyah.He would have included your name now.Don’t stop talking to them and ask those that got something to come to your aid.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this happened to you. I bet you almost feel like you are not counted as a member of the family,given the actions of your late father.
ReplyDeleteHis reasons may stem from just what he grew up witnessing. Forgive him. You are probably from the south east.
Stella is right, why will you choose not to speak with your siblings over something they know nothing about or had no control over?
Speak to your elder brother or mother or any of your siblings that you are close to, let them know that you are having financial challenges so that s/he helps you or they pool resources to support.
Please refrain from nursing animosity or envy towards your siblings and do not ask for help with a sense of entitlement.
Above all please pray and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, He is always there with and for us.
Mu advice: you and your husband should remove your eyes from your late father's property and hustle your own.
ReplyDeleteYes, we know the tradition of men not willing anything to their daughters is wrong but las las, it's his properties and he has a right to give it to whoever he pleases.
You can ask for siblings for financial assistance but if you make it sound like they owe you, Pele in advance.
He's free to give to whoever he pleases right? But when the same parents are sick they are quick to look for their female children to care for them...As for me parents should give to all their children,no exemptions....All children are the same,nothing like female or Male child,they should all be treated equally...
DeleteI share same sentiment with you anon 15:42, when they are sick and down, the female children do the most in caring for them but they suddenly develop amnesia when they want to share property.
DeleteIf your other male siblings have good heads on their shoulder, I expect them to give you a part of their own share knowing that you and your husband are barely getting by, or even your mother mandating them to split their share with you.
If they can't use their initiative, I don't see the need to go asking them for help, just forget about the property and get to work with your husband on building your own empire.
Poster Pele, I feel your pain.
What kind of person is your husband? Did your father support your marriage to him?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, his will is clear. You and your husband should look for other alternatives.
Sorry poster. Are you an Igbo lady? If yes, forgerrit.
ReplyDeleteJot fair sha. In my place, things are shared according to your position in the family, no matter gender, everybody must get something.
ReplyDeleteThey are possibly igbos and patriarchy is deep rooted in their culture.
DeleteIt is not by tribe. It is by the personal belief of the giver - the maker of the Will.
DeleteSome Igbo men even settle their daughters while alive to bypass any interpretation or mis-interpretion of traditional rules vis-a-vis their daughters.
17:52 let's be honest, it's most common in the East. Infact, it's a known issue.
Deleteposter I can feel your pains, I understand you very well. Forget about the will right now and start doing something for yourself. Your husband should try and do something that can help his family. Most people u see today inherited nothing from their parents, rather they worked hard to be where they are today. you and your husband
ReplyDeleteshould work smart so you have something to will to your own children. it's well
Are you sure the will was not altered, why wait for 5 years before it was read. Be comforted, its painful.
ReplyDeleteI also think it was altered
DeleteThe comment I have been waiting for. My thoughts exactly. The will must have been altered. I have seen rich igbo men take care of their daughters and will them something.
DeleteSo ya all think Innoson motors won't will anything to his daughters or the Young shall grow won't will anything to Ebukas wife.
Story for the gods.
Sorry for what happened, but was your dad against your union? Maybe that would have been the reason for his actions, I'm just saying but it might not be the actual case. Don't call a family meeting, instead try meet with them and talk to them nicely, they might decide to be of help to you but if they refuse, don't bear grudges against them. Just focus on God and believe that He is still in the business of changing situations. The important thing is that you and your husband are alive and once there's life, there is hope. Please also get something doing to support your husband, remember that God promise to bless the work of our hands,He will definitely see you through.
ReplyDeleteThanks Stella, he was not against my union in any way and my husband was doing well till covid happened and he lost his job. Thanks
DeleteIt just showed your Dad is old school.. he did not give anything to your sister but he gave her Son.
ReplyDeleteIt's just the old days way of thinking that Male children are superior. You know your Dad and Mum before now so you should have expected it.
I am not saying what they did is right. Just make sure your kids don't face the same issue
This is bad and I know of a sure that you are from the east.They don't regard female children. Poster dust your self and keep moving.....help will locate you
ReplyDeleteVery painful. There’s not much you can do. Let your siblings know how hurt you are and if they are considerate, they could gift you something to help you get by.
ReplyDeleteThere’s no need to call a meeting or stop talking to them, they didn’t do this, your dad did.
Now you’ve experienced this, it is your duty to make sure your daughters don’t go through it.
This is a wake up call for you. Triple your hustle and I believe it will pay you.
Oya Igbo kwenu make una come answer ooo.. the female child has truly suffered. Pheeew
ReplyDeleteAgbojulogun fi ara e fun oshi ta.I know how bad you might feel but I think you need to forget about it quickly and focus on how to better your life.
ReplyDeleteE be like sey I know u
DeleteNo disrespect but you sound entitled.
ReplyDeleteWork for your own money.
If you get fine, if you don't fine.
I've never understood why some families go as far as fighting over dead people's properties.
Just doesn't make sense to me.
If your siblings are not the greedy type, they won't have to wait for you to ask, but then again it depends on your character as well.
All the best.
Her entitlement is justified. Na your own she wan dey entitled to before?
DeleteWhen your dad wills something to you, please reject it.
Thank you 15.50.
DeleteNo she doesn't sound entitled!
DeleteThis is what should have been her wealthy father's last gift to her, but he didn't give her that. I bet she feels like he didn't love her and he's no longer alive to correct that feeling. This is always going to be her last memory of him and it's a terrible one.
Poster, if your mum has, maybe you can ask her to assist you. I wouldn't really blame her as it seems like she didn't have much of a say regarding your dad's affairs.
No she is not entitled anything. How can a parent who claims to love his or her kids write a will and lock some out? It would have been better if he had will 100% of it to his wife or an outsider sef.
DeleteWhy should I still keep suffering after my parent's demise if they had plenty while alive? It's the same way I can't bear watching them suffer when I have more than enough.
i honestly dont get this stupid traditions of leaving females out of wills. you will definitely feel like your father does not love you.. anonymous what are you even saying? she is entitled how? did her brothers or nephew work for it? depending on her character how? it is just fair for her father to share his property equally among his kids after all you dont take property to the beyond. poster i will first confirm if the will was not tampered with because i dont know the reason for waiting 5 years except your father clearly left that instruction. if it was not then just calmly appeal to your siblings. if they give you bless God, if they dont just face your life and trust God.
DeleteIslam is beautiful, Do you know in Islam there's nothing like will writing but there's a sharing formula well spelled out in the Sharia and it's devoid of biases and cheating.
ReplyDeleteA family member who's vast in sharia law, sharia law jurist and all can easily do this for you, All legitimate children of the man must get something without minding the gender.
But only Muslim children gets a share. Anyone who changes religion is cut off automatically as an infidel.
DeleteThis is about culture pls don't bring religion into this.
DeleteIslam is beautiful according to you because of inheritance. Is that all?
Never said any religion is ugly here, I only said mine Is beautiful and truly beautiful.
DeleteTo your question? Islam is beautiful in terms of all, you only ask for what you do not understand and you'd be enlightened with the true stance not the prejudice one might be made to believe. Today is for Inheritance while tomorrow could be for anything Ma'am.
Ms Saphire this isnt true, i have relatives that converted from Moslem to Christian and still received inheritance.....infact the father wasnt happy with the conversion at first but was later okay with it. About 3 of his kids are Born again Christians,they married Christians. He still willed them choice Properties in his Will.
DeleteThis is a very Rich Moslem man from Osun State, An Alhaji.
Those rendered homeless in the IDP camps would beg to disagree. Beautiful indeed.
DeleteB&R, that particular man must be a liberal person. I would consider an example from a core muslim up north more representative.
Delete@Beds And Roses:
DeleteThere is a very huge difference between the muslims in the southwest and the muslims in the core north. Massive difference indeed. The muslims up north are generally very, very intolerant. Convert to a christian and you die. Na your papa go find u kill you, similar to 'honour killings'. However those from middle-belt & downwards tend to be much more liberal. Not all islam is same. A core northern muslim WILL NOT give inheritance to a converted child. That child is automatically disowned (at best)
Thank you o Lily Rose, giving example of Osun alhaji to prove point.
DeleteI personally know a pastor from the north who was chased to be killed by his family. Gods mercy has kept him thus far.. I have muslim family members so do not hate muslims but I am happy i choose Christ because Islam is not the way..
DeleteThis not good, calm down first and take it easy, talk to your mom first
ReplyDeleteYou are from the East, reach out to the nice and generous ones that got something substantial and tell them what’s up and they will help you. It can be frustrating when you are down and get disappointed from the place you were hoping on but he doesn’t owe you anything neither are those that got something at fault in anyway. Just ask nicely and avoid this “mad at the world” feeling.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what to tell you.
ReplyDeleteLet me just read and learn
Your dad belonged to the school of thought,that females have nothing to do with inheritance.
ReplyDeleteI know you feel somehow betrayed " but please talk to your siblings, if they can somehow help you out financially.
Eeyah.... I really feel for you. It is well
ReplyDeleteToo bad
ReplyDeleteIt's well dear
Sister. My love. My dearest blog visitor. Abeg, nor reason this matter. This year na your year. One woman for my area lie to her family for 10 years say she nor dey with her husband for financial assistance wey she dey get. Big big better lie. Las Las everything burst but she and her hubby still dey. There are certain things we get to do for our family. Nor reason am say them no reason you inside will. Wetin be will sef, when God fit over bless your hubby and na you go come dey arrange your family members. I just dey beg you make you nor harbor grudge. Nor worry my sister. God gat you pass you sef. He get plan for you. Sometimes if you don't go through the storm, how do you want to motivate the next man? Abeg nor vex for every every... I nor too get but I for dash you the small the 3k wey dey with me.. I fit send am to you. All na your choose.
ReplyDeleteI personally will dispute that will because it took 5yrs to come out and your brother said he was using the rent money for projects. Why? If he was confident that, all those properties were his anyway, why ask for time? Or take 5yrs? Sounds very suspicious. And you can dispute a will if you have money for legal fees though.
ReplyDeleteFollow this advice at 17:11 at your own peril. Dispute gini?? Una tink say na Nollywood be this???
DeleteDem go just waste am like Christmas fowl.
Will that took 5 years to be read.
Abeg aunty just jejely face front.
If your siblings are the caring type, they won't allow you to suffer.
If they are not, just face front.
Dear poster, it's painful. But let it go. Forgive. Your life is not tied to some piece of land. Trust and look up TO GOD. He is the only one who can make a man. Trust Him. Find it in your heart to let go..
ReplyDeleteRemember nothing in this life is permanent.
sorry poster. if not for islam i for no get shishi from my father's estate.in islam nobody can stop your inheritance. even your father cant .because Islam has shared it fairly.even an unborn child will get his or her share wether the father likes it or not.A 50yr old first son get the same share as a son that is in his mother's Tommy when the father dies.females get half of what the male child get irrespective of her age. call a family meeting maybe God will touch their hearts to give you something.
ReplyDeletesorry poster. if not for islam i for no get shishi from my father's estate.in islam nobody can stop your inheritance. even your father cant .because Islam has shared it fairly.even an unborn child will get his or her share wether the father likes it or not.A 50yr old first son get the same share as a son that is in his mother's Tommy when the father dies.females get half of what the male child get irrespective of her age. call a family meeting maybe God will touch their hearts to give you something.
ReplyDeleteNo go work out your “salvation with faith and trembling”. Dey there dey grumble on top your papa will.
ReplyDeleteThis is why its important to marry a genuine child of God and I didn't think your father was one hence, he would know God's stands about inheritance. The bible commands in the Book of Proverbs that a Father should leave inheritance for his children...
ReplyDeleteIts so unfortunate and painful and I know you are hurt and its OK.. It hurts more because your husband is not doing well, and even if you had it all, it would still have seemed strange that your father left you nothing.. Rest assured he'll have His creator to answer to for that mistake, let that be your consolation.
Meanwhile, Don't call any meeting, take this as a challenge, work harder more and be contented with what you and your family have, while you pray for what you need. And don't mind those who says you are entitled, cuz even your late father didnot deserve the wealth he got, yet God gave him anyway.. We all don't deserve nothing, yet God extends his arms of prosperity, good health, long life etc to us in His infinite mercy.
Feel bad no more, I can't guarantee you that you will heal from this pain ever but let God be your force, for with Him, all things are possible to those who believe.
Stay blessed always Poster, it is well with you in Jesus name.
While I'm not advocating dependence on inheritance; this practice of leaving daughters out of inheritance needs to stop. It's hurtful.
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder if people have actually read the story of the five daughters of Zelophead in Numbers 27 and what God prescribed.
God is really a kind God.
Numbers 27:7 “The daughters of Zelophehad speak what is right; you shall surely give them a possession of inheritance among their father’s brothers, and cause the inheritance of their father to pass to them.
I hope this practice ends. Peace
Talk to your mum to help you. Let her know that you and your hubby need financial assistance. I pray God touches her to give.
ReplyDeletePoster I guess is igbo cos that is their stupid way of sharing properties.i gv it to the youruba's in cases like this bcs all the children have equal right
ReplyDeleteNot even a single guy from sdk commented on this post. Guys we need the input na haba
ReplyDeleteIt’s good those ‘guys’ didn’t comment oh because I know the insults they will use this opportunity to heap on women
DeleteThey may have nothing to say
DeleteThe reality stares them in the face
Leave sentiments and ask for help. Firstly talk with your mom and express your feelings to her.
ReplyDeleteThen talk to your brother also for any form of financial assistance for the time being.
Be tactful and diplomatic.
Your family can't have resources and see you suffering.
Don't ask for any property, ask for assistance.
We all need help.
You are not begging.
Remember if your father wanted you in the will, he will include you except the will was manipulated to favour some people in the family.
As I said , crying and keep malice or grudges and emotional blackmail won't get you the help you need.
Babe use your head and use your sense.
Crying as an adult won't put alert in your phone.
If its money for business, put a short business plan and submit to your brother and be specific.
Don't just demand money like it's your right.
Use your brain and stop crying and saying you won't talk to then
So who will now help you?
Strangers or what.
Let your mom be on your side and also your sister .
Africans don't regard female kids as children why
ReplyDelete