CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 62

Gbege don happen oooooh!!!

So, after last week’s write-up, I decided to do little experiment and showed my wife this column. She is not a visitor to this blog though I introduced her some time ago. I showed her some of the very controversial pieces I have written in the past.

While reading, I took my time to observe her. I could see the disgust on her face.

 After reading about three of them, I asked what she thinks about “this man”. 

She responded “He is stupid of course, what kind of a man goes online to brag about his cheating and nefarious life. I don’t even know where women see this kind of men”, she concluded.

I could only imagine if she knew it was her beloved husband she was referring to, Funny abi?

The next day, I also asked my staff whom I employed through this blog what she thinks about the “married man chronicle writer”. “I like his write ups but the man is somehow, he sounds arrogant, though he does make sense sometimes but I don’t like his guts”, she said.

Apart from my editor, SDK and my singles mingle friend. No other person truly knows the author of the column. But a lot of people would be shocked if they were to find out the real author behind this column. Because in their eyes and with the dealings and interaction with me. They have always seen me as a perfect husband, boss and colleague.

I often hear my sister-in-laws tell me wife that they want to get married to a husband like me. It’s kind of funny because like most people and with humans in general, people will always see you in the light of the behavior you show to them.

Does that mean I am a bad person pretending to be good? Definitely not. I’m just a regular man who loves his family and will do everything to be seen as a good husband.

I will be suspending this series for the time being. I eventually decided to take this decision after I watched a TedEX talk by Nashater Deu Solheim a couple of days ago, where she talked about authenticity with empathy and I got a very interesting perspective about things.

I started this column to share “my truth”, from my perspective and based on my life experiences. It was also a means of reflecting on some of the mistakes I have made as a person; some of which I have paid for even with the loss of a child. I have had my good days and pretty much my regrets; I wear my scares like a badge of honour and I moving on with my life.

Over the course of writing these my chronicles or “dear aunty column of advices” as Stella called it in one of her recent editorial reviews, I have always followed up with reading the comments every Sunday as that became the highlights of my Sunday evenings.

One some good days, the comments could be averagely good. On the bad days, I get my fill of such comments, after all SDK BVs never disappoint and they are quite predictable. Sometimes I already knew what was going to hit me from the write-ups but I still go ahead to write it because I wanted to tell my truth in the best and bluntest way possible.

I have been called all sorts of names. Sometimes, my wife and even unknown daughters are not spared. But then, I asked for it and it wasn’t that I was expecting well-meaning people to clap for me for my indiscretion and crazy advice I sometimes give. Besides, I had the option of sharing a picture of a perfect marriage and the wonderful husband that I would claim to be instead of this; but I chose this way. I felt I want to share the truth that lots of us can relate with.

Alas, I was wrong. Even my dear wife detested the kind of man that will share such things and sound this way. She opined that such a man does not even love and respect his wife. I took it a step further to asked her if she thinks that man was me. He responds even blew me further, “Where will you have time to be writing such nonsense? Even at that, you are not that kind of person”, She said.

I instantly knew that I shouldn’t be writing this column. It was all a waste of my time. I knew that my wife is no different from lots of people who insult me one a weekly basis but think so highly of their husbands.

I recently started a company of my own and have been pretty much busy with managing my regular job and running this business. With a weekly piece of an average of 1150 words, it takes a lots of time and effort in trying to figure out that right set of things to talk about, especially with a diverse and highly contentious issue as the marriage institution.

I have been having some challenges with meeting up and I am not making the best of this piece. I would prefer to leave it at this stage when it still made some little sense howbeit even if it is to a small fraction to readers.

Secondly, this has always been an emotionally charged piece. Sometimes, you read it and get angry and pissed at the “useless” man writing this piss, sorry piece. Yea, I feel your anger from your comments. I understand your feelings. If not for anything, I can’t forget the look on my wife’s face when she was reading some of my write-ups.

I feel pretty sad that I have to get people through such emotions on a regular basis. Even though I feel I am telling some truths. People will prefer not to hear it this way. Maybe I am being too blunt with a spice of arrogance and narcissism. ‘

There is no angrier feeling than that of a woman hearing that a man cheats and he is talking about it. Whether he claims to have changed or not. I wasn’t being empathetic about my authenticity according to the words of Nashater Deu Solheim. For that I’m truly sorry. It had to take me seeing my wife going through such bout of emotions for me to understand that.

Lastly, I won’t go without talking about the level of hypocrisy of us as a people. My wife would rather see me as a perfect husband. People would rather see me as a good man; whereas I have my faults and do lots of stupid things. We have all become a group of people who love to pretend.

Nobody wants to be the bad husband, the cheating partners and the so called “dogs”, also nobody wants to be associated with such person even as a husband.

But the sad truth is that we live amongst you as fathers, brothers, colleagues and even husbands. This is who we are. I see me in men all over the place that I deal with them on daily basis. It just that nobody wants to admit it. And what do I even know self...I should speak for myself.

Finally, I want to thank you for your time, your patience and most importantly, your comments and support. I truly appreciate every one of you. You have all given me a gift that I will always treasure.

This is just a break...you will hear from me soon.

And for one more time.... Ciao!

'Nah wah!...if everyone liked what you wrote , that would also be a problem. Next time when you set out on something programme your mind not to care about what people think or go around looking for opinion....

Writing made you feel good, it was a form of release and i hope you find closure...

if you decide to come back you can talk about fatherhood and how it impacts on men both positively and negatively and the change men go through, which was also the path i thought you would tow when you started.....

E go be!