Hmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RETURNING OF BRIDE PRICE
BVs is it possible to transfer my bride price to the account of my estranged husband or even his dads' account number because I have both.
The reason is that his stays in the north, his parents lives in Cotonou while I live with my parents in Lagos.
NB he has refused to come or send people:
*WOW!!!... what if you send i and they deny that they received it?
Wait maybe you should indicate ''Return of Bride Price' in the appropriate field...
This thing some do holding back from collecting the bride price whilst they go on and remarry is a wicked thing.....
there must be representative from your side present and from his side or any kingsman whatsoever and it is done in the man's house so you and your people will have to go to his people or any representative that is in Lagos to return the Bride price.
ReplyDeleteThank God there is description space where you make transfer. So, YES, you can absolutely transfer and attached the evidence to a mail or WhatsApp text and send to the and keep the evidence for reference.
DeleteMy dad tranfered my ex's own when he wanted to make the returning difficult. Meanwhile I never moved in with him as man and wife. Mtcheeewww...
Nawa o
DeletePoster, try zoom na? Communicate with them on zoom with your people present then pay money into his father's account.
DeleteTraditional marriage has no legal basis in Nigeria or anywhere else. My ex had already moved on with the girl he cheated with. They started living together but he still refused to collect his thing. Then he tried to get spousal visa using trad pictures as proof of our marriage. He was laughed out of the embassy. Last last my family sorted it out. I still don't know how. It's pointless as far as the law sees.
DeleteNa wa o.
ReplyDeleteYou could make that trip once (based on the tradition of the ex with respect to returning bride price)or do it the way stella has advised and share the receipt immediately with everybody (not only him) may be in a new WhatsApp group while you still back it up in your gmail.
Go to the customary court in his that is near his village and paid the money there. The court will serve him the paper to come and collect the money. Na 10naira they will give him sef
DeleteCourt for bride price that has no legal power?
DeleteCome to the comment section and tell us why you want to return the Bride price ,what happened in the marriage ,you two seem to live far from each other ,what then is the problem what happened please come and jist us.
ReplyDelete😒😒😒
DeleteWe were living together before the marriage hit the rock. He’s currently living with another woman and has made up his mind to marry her as a second wife, yet refused to come take his bride price
DeleteYou are to return it please. It's not his place to come for it. Representatives of your family will visit them with it.
DeleteWho is 'us'?
DeleteI transferred mine to my FIL account myself, I didnt wait for him to send anyone, they were now saying I have a man somewhere hence the hurry to break all ties, I care not anyway, he informed his son that I sent it back, d son said, he will not accept that his dad should return it, I already sent bulk SMS notifying his family of the money, that's how I divorced myself traditionally and moved on, we did white wedding n no court, so I remarried traditionally again n did court this time, no white, my life is a successful movie.
ReplyDeleteNne you did not return the bride price properly. At the same time, I don’t know much about this bride price thing as it’s different for each tribe.
DeleteMy dear you did it right. Live your life and ignore these backward folk here
DeleteIn my place, returning of bride price isn’t just about the money cos there are traditions and ordinance to be observed before the rite is complete and you both are separated.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, my Dad returned the same exact cognac presented to him (my dad keeps all the drinks each in-law brings), a calabash was broken to show complete separation and my idu ulo was returned to me.
I suggest you ask questions before doing anything that might backfire in the future.
Prexy, in a situation where your in-laws intentionally claim unavailability and make things difficult nko? My friend's dad returned ther's to the customary court in the man's village and collected acknowledgment and that was that. Another option is to take it to the palace of their traditional ruler. But all that is made easier with today's bank transfer and share the evidence with as many people as need to know. It's just a symbolic act showing that it is all over.
Deletelol with all this are you still a Christian asking for a friend
DeleteYea, Saphire..returning it to the village head is ideal too as long as your in-laws have being notified twice and they are being unnecessarily difficult. You will also be given permission to storm their house for your stuff.
Delete16:44 You read tradition and rite and automatically assumed the worse. Lol
DeleteTell that your friend I’m very much Christian.
Perxian, your Christianity is being questioned because you mentioned backfiring. These rites and rituals are merely that.
DeleteSend it to the parents account and send them a message that it is over.
ReplyDeleteBe nice enough not just to send them the exact money..
Add something nice to it so they know you have their wellbeing in mind..
Crazy me...mbanu.. You do not add any niceness or money in the return of a bride price oh. A word is enough for the wise.
DeleteYou can give them central bank before or after but bride price has nothing to do with niceties. Its just symbolic.
Deletelol
DeleteHian.. Why do you want to return the bride price ?🤷🏻♀
ReplyDeleteYou can follow Stella's advice and follow up with bulk sms messages as someone noted above.
ReplyDeleteMy ex played games and tried to be funny, so I ignored him and the bride price and went straight for a divorce.
In my case, my ppl don't even accept bride price till u guys live for at least 5years. According to them, men from their (my ex) place don't last in marriage with our side...wahala but them be tell me oo. So, the most senior uncle just called and broke it off.
ReplyDeleteSome men are wicked and don't come for the bride price so we deposit the money to their nearest court, pay one court maa to deliver it. And the marriage dies it's death.
If he refused to take his money, go and drop it in customary court or welfare in the local government where the traditional marriage was held.
ReplyDeleteLike some people have mentioned, it depends on the tradition of your/his place, find out what it is.
ReplyDeleteI don't think Yorubas go through all these stress in ending traditional marriages, just pack your load and go.
Lmao, that’s easy. 😂
DeleteIn my side they don't even collect money, they tell the groom to bring not upto 5k then return it during the engagement ceremony...what that means is that their daughter cannot be bought or sold🙄
DeletePack your load and go😂😂😂😂
DeleteExactly!! Go here go there over mere symbolism?!! My dear, pack your load and go biko. The concept of bride price is steeped in misogyny.
DeleteIf he is refusing to come and take the bride price, could it mean that he as hopes of the marriage being repaired?
ReplyDeletePlease why not write and give us the full story how it got to this point. People will also learn from that.
16.19 A man can pay bride price on 1000 women and no other man can marry/pay another bride price on any of them unless it is returned. Any child she births while his bride price is not returned belongs to him(by tradition).
DeleteMen who do this just want to tie the woman from moving on.
Ms Sapphire there is absolutely no legal or rational basis to justify anything you've said. Women need to stop upholding or even recognising these practices.
DeleteIf you're Igbo, your people know what to do. Delegates will go the groom's house and return it.
ReplyDelete*to*
DeleteI don't know where you come from. In my place you and your parents or a representative can take the bride price to his parents if they are alive or the eldest person in the family. Tell them your intentions, if they refuse to take it. You leave them and go to the traditional ruler or eze of his village and inform him of your family's decision to return the bride price and also reasons for the return. They eze will invite you and someone in your ex family for a meeting. If your reason for the return is geniniue or if your ex has moved on, tradition demands you drop the pride price with the eze or traditional ruler for onward transfer to the appropriate quarters. Marriage is a convenant, use wisdom and do the return appropriately.
ReplyDeleteWe are Igbos. But I don’t know where his parents live in Cotonou. The place we both lived in Kaduna is the only where I know but when are we even going to meet him at home if we decide to travel that distance. If we tell him we’re coming for it he may not be at home. Do we just drop it at his door step.
DeleteWell said.
DeleteThe sequence of efforts generally is:
a. Family (Husband's father. He knows who to call or what instructions to give)
b. Family (Husband's father's extended family)
c. Traditional ruler
d. Customary court
Apart from the covenant aspect highlighted, there is the record aspect - record by witnesses, or by the Palace, or by the court.
Please don't drop it at his door step. Your parents or anyone in your family can go on your behalf. You must not be there. Let them go to his family house in the village. Tell someone there your intentions. They will send massage across to your ex and his parents where ever they are. Branch and inform his traditional ruler too. If you wait for like two months without reply. Send someone to go and drop the money with the traditional ruler. He will find a way and send it across to them. Don't allow anyone tie you down with pride price ish.
DeletePoster are you parents not aware of the tradition?
DeleteWell, it depends on your culture. Also, discuss with your father / male rep. In my place, there is the local council, which handles this. They are the ones keeping record of traditional marriages. Where the other party is unreachable you can drop the bride price with the council and notify your ex’s people. Don’t just send the money to their account if they have refused to discuss this. Alternatively, if you send the money to them, then send evidence of payment to the local council.
ReplyDeleteUltimately, your male elders should guide you in this.
Please send it through the King of his village or town and state your case. The king will now invite them. That was what my bros ex did.
ReplyDeleteMy cousin refused to collect the bride price and the ex went to her king dropped off the bride price and sent delegates to our own king who accepted and forwarded to eldest man in my cousin's family. End of discussion. This king to king own better pass all this bank transfer since traditional marriage is very symbolic. Do it right and have your peace.
ReplyDeleteMadam, You dont have to go to Cotonou or Kaduna. So long as you know his hometown, start from Lagos. Most towns have Unions in Lagos State. The executive of the union in Lagos State can guide your family or broker amicable resolution.
ReplyDeleteThere is marriage committee or council in every home town. Send your people there and make the necessary enquiries and guidance on what to do.
To make it easier, your people can look for another son of that town to be a facilitator and guide (for security and whereabouts reasons).
Wahala be like wetin sef. How will I return mine sef.
ReplyDeleteOn our engagement day, my ex and his family didn't pay bride price cuz they didn't have. After birthing my first issue, my dad kept disturbing my ex for it and he took 10k cash to my dad as the bride price. So how do I return it in this scenario? Transfer or how?
Like how they come do the marriage without payment of brideprice na? I tell ladies, even if a man doesn't have money for another thing, he must have money for brideprice. Brideprice kinda gives respect to your parents and people.
DeletePoster bride price can be returned via bank transfer, you need a person as third party to do the transfer so that your ex will not say tomorrow you didn't send the money.
ReplyDeleteHave your brother or uncle as the middle person, you send the money to your brother or uncle with narration return of bride price.
Once you do the transfer to your brother or uncle, the person transfer it to your ex and let him acknowledge he has received it then you move. Please remember to send your evidence of transfer to him oh when your relative make the transfer.
Mine was returned in 2020 via bank transfer. I sent the money to my elder brother who in turns send it to him with the transaction receipt.
ReplyDeleteHe pretended like he didn't see it but we saw he read it and was forming difficult. I finally got my divorce pronouncement yesterday. I cannot thank God enough for doing that for me, free like a bird.
See the power of tradition.
DeleteWhat type of marriage did both of you conduct? If it's statutory marriage, sending the money back doesn't invalidate the marriage; you still need to go to court. If it's customary marriage, well you can send the money to him since he has refused coming(indicating its purpose), but will advise you get a close paternal relation of his, that you are close to and get your father or paternal uncle to inform them of your intention to return the brideprice.
ReplyDeleteMy brother's estranged wife wanted to send it to his account after their divorce, I refused. We asked her to get her paternal/maternal uncles to return it to his parents. We no see her breaklight till date concerning the issue. Note that the custom in question doesn't even allow the man to collect the money but traditionally, Elders need to be involved when a brideprice is returned.
ReplyDelete