Hmmm.....
CONFUSED ABOUT LOOKS
My parents gave birth to four kids, i am the first and I am 27.
My issue is this, I look totally different from my siblings, my younger siblings possess similar features, they are tall, light skinned, share striking resemblances (which is a blend of my mum and dad), walk the same way, full hair line and behave alike while i am chocolate in complexion, short, balding already(even my dad in his 60s still has a full hairline) and i share no form of resemblance with them except for my nose which looks exactly like my mom's nose.
We are all home for the holidays and i can't help but feel different, we go out as a family and people keep asking if i am really their child because i look different(this makes me sad)
My parents don't show any difference between us at all but on different occasions i have had serious issues with my Dad, he said i should go and look for my Father, i asked him why he said that after we settled, he said i don't respect him as a child should respect a father that's why he used those words on me and that he said those words out of anger and that he didn't mean it.
There are a lot of questions i want to ask my mum about this but i don't know how to bring it up.
I know genetics plays a big part in the formation of an individual but Deep down i feel like my dad ain't my dad or my parents ain't my parents. I have had this feeling for a while now....
*Is it not possible that you look like your grand parents or someone else in the extended family? dont go and unearth something that would be bigger than you.
Even if he is not your Dad, if your read Dad is not in your life at this stage, then he doesnt deserve you.... People can belong to a family where everyone looks alike and look different.... I am the only light skinned person in my Entire family and that is because my granny who is still alive is an albino with green eyes.
Let sleeping dogs lie please and let your mum be.... Even if you think this man aint your Dad, dont start anything.
Looks like you are looking for what is not looking for you. If you get any information, what will you do with it?
ReplyDeleteWhy not devote this energy to know your heavenly father by studying God's Word in the Bible?
Please let lying dog sleep.
Abi o
DeleteThere is this yoruba proverb that says. Pikin should not ask what killed his father until he has what it takes to do do. Please don't start what you can't finish ooo. You can be doing background findings sha. Just be ready for the worst if you choose to. Shalom.
ReplyDeletePoster, talk to ur mum. Just tell her u have a very strong feeling they have something they are keeping away from u. Tell her u sincerely want to know it from her, not having to go the extra.
ReplyDeleteThat’s the way to go
DeletePoster if they are not forthcoming after this advice up there, ask for a DNA. I've seen your type of case before. Its always good to have closure.
DeletePoster, let sleeping dogs lie. If the family doesn't treat you different, let things be. If indeed you have a different father and you go and dig this up, don't write more chronicles if your brother's start acting different towards you or the 2nd son starts claiming 1st son.
DeleteWhat if las las you ask questions and finally find out without reasonable doubt that you look like one of great grand ancestors, what would you do?
ReplyDeleteAll of u saying leave it haven’t been through such b4. It takes over ur whole life as u just want to know the truth. Poster go and talk with ur mother. Only she can answer u and then u will have peace and move forward.
ReplyDeleteExactly. Easier for them to say leave it until you've been in those shoes.
Delete👍
DeleteNa people way don chop belleful go look for real parents way no send dem all these while. I think it's lack of gratitude to the parents that raised him since they don't treat him differently.
DeletePoster I don't agree with those telling you to ignore asking whose you are. I understand, the emotional torture this situation is bringing you; please ask your mum questions. You can start by asking her simple questions like;
ReplyDelete1. Mum who do I look like.
2. Can I see a picture of who you say I look like.
3. Mum is there a secret about me you will like me to know since I'm of age now? Etc.
Don't keep quiet over this until your parents leave this earth and be faced with surprises. Everyone deserves to know whose they are for so many unending purposes. Which will help even your children. There are certain things that are genetic and knowing where you come from gives you the opportunity to manage them better.
There is something someone told me a very long time ago: Whatever anyone blurts out in ANGER, is the TRUTH.
ReplyDeleteDo a DNA test.
They are much less expensive now.
You will never be able to feel like you belong, not just to your family, but in a way to yourself, till you find out.
I understand.
So go ahead.
Be prepared for the worst while being optimistic for the best.
Zeema
"Whatever anyone blurts out in ANGER, is the TRUTH."
DeleteThis is not always true
If u found out that u aren't ur dad's son, what will you do abt it. Like I've said for many years, 40% of first kid's don't belong to the husband. So I won't be surprised if ur mom didn't play right. Am not saying u aren't ur dad's kid but there's a possibility. So a DNA test might open the can of worms.
ReplyDeleteIf u look like nobody in ur family, just endure or take a DNA test.
Please, how did you arrive at 40%? Did you do an actual statistical survey?
DeleteI am suspecting our last born is not my father's child. He look and behave like one uncle we used to know in d neighbourhood. I am waiting to get small money so that I can pick his hair and do a DNA match with my dad's. My mum looks like someone who can carry the secret to her grave, so I won't bother going that route. So poster, if u have money, do a DNA match. If u don't have money, wait till u have. And while u wait, keep praying to have it fast, before ur dad dies.
ReplyDeleteHmmm.see ur guts.wat a generation now
DeleteI'm one of those of the opinion that the Chronicle poster should ask questions but you see, you anon 15:46, allow me to tell you this, you have absolutely no right. The only people who should demand for DNA testing on your brother are, your parents and your brother himself. So kindly mind your business, you sound like a very very ungrateful and disrespectful child.
Deleteomo you get mind ooo. What if the result came back negative will you open up to ur mum and apologized or what if your father was already aware of the fact that ur last born isn't his
DeleteThis is new year, pray to make it and be focus. Since no discrimination, forget it. But if you wanna know, ask your mum and tell her that you have taken her hair for DNA test and watch her reaction.
DeleteGo and talk with your mom, not quarrel ooh! I said talk with your mom makana onye ajuju adighi efu uzo. Ekwusiam ka oram nonu🚶🚶🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteYou can subtly ask your mum Some questions but if she didn't give you what you want, then save up and do a DNA test.
ReplyDeleteNo need to ask them any question. Secretly do a DNA test.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Secretly do a DNA test 1st if the outcome is positive, you don't need to bring up the matter offending your parents unnecessarily. But if in the negative you can question your mum with the findings.
DeleteYou deserve to know your real parents,that is if your parents stent your biological parent, I suspect your mum and dad are hiding something, please try and find out from your mum, but don't let the answer change anything in your relationship with them,like you said,they've never treated you badly, just ask for record purpose, and still take them as your parent no matter the outcome. Your mum might be your real mother but different dad. It is well
ReplyDeleteHe deserves to know his real parents abi? Ok, He should be ready to move on solo if his 'real' parents don't want to associate with him and his current parents that have cared for him all his life feel they don't have to continue since he now knows his biological parents. An absentee parents should not reap where they did not sow. This is why some men neglect their kids, especially when born outside wedlock, because they believe that the kids will look for them when they are older. It's wrong on all levels.. I loved what Regina's mum did to her absentee father.
DeleteHe wants to know he wants closure it doesn't mean he doesn't see his parents as his anymore. I don't understand the emotional blackmail. He even has energy to be writing Chronicles. I for Don do my findings and get closure since. I hate suspense.
DeleteSo u think if he knows the real parents he would abandon the ones who looked as far hjm? Get sense na! It’s normal to want to find closure nd know your identity
DeleteHmm Madam Stella is 100% right on this. Don't and open up what you and your parents handle.
ReplyDeleteLove them as long as they love you. Sometimes some siblings look entirely different.
As for me if you have money to go for DNA test, you can go ahead to check and how are you ready to accept it if they are not your biological parents?
ReplyDeleteAnd what if they are your biological parents are you ready to accept them the way they treat you?
If possible let the sleeping dog lie.
Stella, today I'm 💯 💯 with you. Poster, ki lo sele? Why are you writing invitation to the devil?
ReplyDeleteEven if it was true, nothing new under the sun. Big deal! Let's assume you do DNA test and it's not a match, what would be your biggest achievement and what would be your biggest loss? Your answer should tell you something. Pls focus on bigger things. This ain't priority one bit. They don't even treat you differently. You're so lucky. Go and apologize to your father and sin no more.
Pls search for your truth...
ReplyDeletePoster, I am the oldest, shortest and darkest skin tone. It does not even bother me self, I enjoy my short engine height in peace, I even brag about it sef. My siblings are fairer and taller. Even my hair does not grow, short and stubborn like me. I married a fair guy, guess what ? My children are very fair. Imagine from people wondering if I am truly a sibling to my siblings, to if I am actually the mom to my children. My daughter's hair is even curly and full sef to my wey look like fowl yansh hair, Above all ,I no send sef.I am very unique, see yourself like that please
ReplyDeleteThe answer to your question lies solely with your mum. But again are you ready for what would be the possible outcome?
ReplyDeleteMy husband look different from all his siblings. Infact, he is the only fair one.
ReplyDeleteMy question is.. if you find out your dad is not your biological father, What will you do?. Will you abandon him and search for your original father?. If you get to know your real father, will you leave your current father and go live with him?. What if he is not interested in yu. You will forever wonder in grief and abandonment.
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me. Some sleeping dogs are better allowed to lie. If you wake them, you might not like what you see.
If you insist on knowing the truth make sure you are prepared mentally about the outcome. You are 27 already. They treat you well. Don't live the remaining part of your life in misery searching for what might mare you forever. Life is too short. For us your energy on making too much money and living a fulfilled life. Some siblings don't look alike.
As long as you are not treated like an outcast, just let the sleeping dog lie. You might look like your grand parent. Don't looking for what will make you sad. It's money you should be looking for in this new year oooo
ReplyDeleteBro please let the sleeping dog be ooo. What you may unearth may distabilized you forever.
ReplyDeleteAs long as they are not treating you less, allow sleeping dog lie. Please
ReplyDeletePoster, let sleeping dogs be. I know of a couple whose kids are gorgeous, both parents are nothing like their kids. Point is it happens.
ReplyDeleteWhat if he was adopted
ReplyDeleteKaị, I honestly don't even know what to advise you to do.
ReplyDeleteI pray that you get the answer that you seek for.
E-hugs.
What if his real father does not even know that he fathered a child with his mother? When we all know that women can be so deep. Pls ask questions and if no one wants to tell you, demand for a DNA test. All that talk of don’t dig up stuff is nonsense o. Don’t wait until they die o.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your advice... I'll let sleeping dogs lie.
ReplyDeleteFinding out they ain't my parents will lead to more and more digging and i ain't sure i can deal with that kind of emotional stress.
I'll let it go and hope and pray this feeling and conviction i feel of me not being their child passes.
Thank you all for your time
I am a she btw
I suspected you were female when you found it necessary to mention that you were already “balding”. We all know how women obsess about their ‘crowning glory’.
DeleteI think you have taken a wise decision to allow the dogs lie. May you have the strength to keep it so.
You won’t let sleeping dog lie trust me. You’re going to find out your real identity. It’s not something you can shake off just to please your parents. Find out so you can move on with your life. Goodluck
DeleteDo what you think is best for you. Don’t listen to anyone’s advice. We all have different options but you will have to live with the decision. Can you live without knowing? Can pretend it isn’t bothering you for the rest of your life?
ReplyDelete