Hmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TALKING EVERYDAY IN A RELATIONSHIP
Please I need your help bvs. I've been dating this guy for a while now. He is an igbo guy, has a lot of businesses so he is always busy.
When he has time though, he is really sweet. The thing is that I'm used to guys giving me a lot of attention. But this one can stay 2 days without talking to me.
Now, the last time we had a meaningful conversation was last Sunday. He didn't reach out to me so I called him on Wednesday (I was really worried about him). Turns out he traveled for a business and things didn't go as planned. He complained about his suppliers disappointing him and all of that. He was obviously busy. Friday he sent a 'hi baby' on watsapp. I didn't reply cos I was irritated like how did you stay for a week without talking to your babe?
I hope I'm not overreacting. I haven't replied and he hasn't called since that Friday. Am I being insensitive for not calling since he said he was having issues with work? I want to move on with my life o. I'm not used to this stress. Or is that how igbo boys are?
Hmmm you are still young and lack understanding...
When a man is let down business wise or financially down, he looks for the person that can calm his nerves, if hes not with you then you may just be too stressful...
There is no manual that says if you are dating someone you must talk everyday, that is so boring.
This has nothing to do with tribe at all.. You can move on if you want to but until you correct this mentality about talking everyday with your boyfriend, you will keep moving on oh...
Dear if you can't put up with this, end it. Is not assive the guy is doing something bad. He is trying to make things ok money wise.
ReplyDeleteWalk away and wait for the attention seeking dude you want .
Communication isn't his best attribute
DeleteIf you can't manage better bounce. I tell people that there's no one that is too busy for someone they care about, even if you call while eating, but some people keep procrastinating because they lack good communication skils
Yes its better to walk away now that you have seen the sign and that's not what you want than to marry him and become miserable in marriage.
DeleteHey poster,
DeleteI sent a similar chronicle a while back. I am the lady who was dating an airforce guy, who was bad in communication. Well now he has really improved we speak like 4 times a week. Truth is when a man is not in a right frame of mind, he won't feel like communicating, now things are going so well for him and we talk a lot. I think your guy is not happy in his business now,he is losing money so he can't even be happy. Just send him a message and try calling him. When he picks , explain how you feel. Tell him how you feel and work out how you will be communicating. Tell him how much you love him but that this communication thing is not working.
Some men are like that. Not all men. I had to end things with one of my exes cos of this. I dont like being ignored. I could never cope
DeleteSorry Stella I might be able to go 1 week without talking to a husband but a boyfriend? No! That's emotional torture. You don't know if he loves you. You don't know if you've done something wrong. It's a childish behavior full stop. If you want to take that sort of time off say it! Just say hey babe I'm going through stuff and would appreciate it if I'm left alone for xyz amount of time. When I'm settled and back we talk. Kapish
DeleteIgbo guys like making money, so that they can take good care of the family, the like dependent before marriage, they live home to take care of home, and they neglect love to make sure their lover doesn't lack,that's all I can say about Igbo guys,I'm Yoruba BTW,but I have them as friends. If you're sure he loves you, be patient,na you go enjoy later
ReplyDeleteI love myself so much that i cannot join anybody or any condition to punish myself. I am very nice and dotting to myself and that is why i can NEVER understand why i will like someone and be tormenting myself because i want to claim "hard to get". Ha! Life is too short o. And that is also why when i love someone, I am your peace. When i am in love, every fiber in my body is so laced with sweetness that my man will always look for me especially when things are harsh on him. I am resourceful like that with solutions, especially mental solutions.
DeletePoster, my advise is, you are not busy. Get busy so you wont be too petty and needy. This will also make him value any time you guys spend together. Dont be a taker. Be a healthy investor in your relationship.
I married an igbo businessman man that has money. And he isnt like this. People are different. Chose the one you can cope with
DeleteYou are certainly not on the same boat as regards communication, so I will advise you have a talk with him about it and if he doesn't change, take a walk.
DeleteIf you have not done with school pls do so. Guy's pursuing money and you are worried abt him, add value to your life. He will come chasing after you.
DeleteYour man is the busy type and doesn't chat or communicate much. Look for his mumu button and you'll get more of his attention.
ReplyDeleteAll the best
He's not really into you like that or probably you are not his main chick.Nobody can be that busy to not to communicate when you didn't respond to his text. Use him as a back up too not as your main guy.
DeleteYou two seem incompatible and you can move if you are not beyond convinced that he is the one for you..My 1 Cent
ReplyDeleteI agree with Vincent. You really can't force adults to change. And I am of the view that someone who has you in mind will love to communicate.
DeleteStella a week is too long na ehn! If he is really into her, he will always call her, atleast to let her in on what's going on!
ReplyDeleteSister, he might just be like that or you might just be the supporting girlfriend. Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel.
Ndo nne!
Exactly. She is not the main chic. When you love someone genuinely, you want to talk to them always, no matter how busy you are. You want to know what’s going on with them and be sure they are doing okay.
DeleteOne week is not five hours please.
Gbam! Lucent u nailed it, poster it's not about business at all. That man does not love u. My take is a man that loves you would not stay that long without talking to you. If he has business stress he would confide in you or something. Something is not right, I know some men are not the calling type, but if a man treats you like this, his heart may not lay with you. This kind of relationship is often torturous, draining, and would make you keep questioning if they love u or not, u may not even want to leave for lack of certainty and not wanting to walk away just in case you are wrong and he loves you.
DeleteYou will be drained, it would be hard to even walk away, but if u can, then take a long walk for ur sanity. If he misses you, he will come calling and you can say why you withdrew and listen to what he has to say, and if he is ready to compromise and put in the effort with communication, then u can come back in. Do not always disregard your emotions, we women are naturally blessed with intuition. Your heart has been telling you something.
Nehh lucent I don't agree, I was the lady who sent a chronicle about her airforce boyfriend who could go 5 days without talking. Now we talk like 5 times a week. Truth is there are some guys who when things are not going on well for them, they just want to be alone or try to solve this issue first. Mine wasn't happy with his job at all. He wasn't being treated right and he just decided to relocate and try to settle well.i was so angry and unhappy. He told me he is so sorry that he will improve . After threatening to leave him, he improved and now he is working. So in Poster's case. His business is not looking good now so it's normal for him to withdraw na. Let her call him and speak to him lovingly and let them talk. If he can't improve then maybe a break should be taken. But it doesn't really mean he doesn't love her.
DeleteThat man they say doesn't call, that it is his habit, will be the same guy who will not allow his real love interest to rest with calls. So I am skeptical of this your guy poster.
DeleteFor example, I was dating a guy deceiving myself that I was his main chick. Till one day I discovered bobo didn't even have one picture of me on his phone. Same guy that will be changing dps with pictures of different ladies, who he claimed were friends or co-workers. When same guy was ready to settle down, he had enough pictures of his main chick. Hehehehehe love makes us be foolish at times.
My dear poster maybe your case is different. All I am saying is be very calm and observant, then you will know what to do.
Poster, he is the type that don't need "words" of encouragement but "business deals" of encouragement.
ReplyDeleteMan had a bad business deal and you are talking about attention.
Give him just one business deal and watch him shower you with attention.
He isn't the only one in the relationship, a little here and there makes sense, a week is too long
DeleteNobody likes to feel like number 20 in a list of priorities
🤣🤣🤣abi
DeleteRubbish. Did she ask herself out? You and the chronicle bf should grow tf up.
DeleteU are overreacting..
ReplyDeleteU want a lover boy,well this is a serious business man,that doesn't joke with his business..so learn to live with him like that or leave..
If he doesn't call,call him ask how he his, stop nagging, visit him, show love and care as long as he's not cheating on u, what's your problems them..
U want gum body kind of boyfriend
Well said
Delete👌👌
DeleteAnyone that loves someone will make out 30secs in 24hourss to communicate. I have been with my hubby for 10years. We speak on the phone every day even though we live in the same house, talk more of people that live apart. 1 week is much. I had an ex like him when we broke up he was always in communication with his new girlfriend that he was crazy about, she later dumped him. In summary, if someone cares they will spare time for u even in their misery they will lean on you
DeleteI agree with you anon15:03.just give him time. Everything will be fine.
ReplyDeletePlease move on if you are not happy. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to speak with your man frequently. But if you continue with this relationship, you will become frustrated and you will be called a nag.
ReplyDeleteTrue
DeletePoster move on before you lose your mind. We are wired differently.
Some ladies love attention. Some don't mind as long as money is flowing.
That is why you will see a rich man's wife dating one broke brother because her husband does not give her attention.
Some of us do not mind, if he likes he should not call for one week, we will call to make sure he is safe and just pray for him as long as it is money that he is making 😀😁
So he should leave his business and be calling you everyday? Mtcheew
ReplyDeleteNo but he should find time to call her at least once a day.
DeleteBeing busy is not an excuse to not communicate with your partner for a whole week.
ReplyDeleteIf you are experiencing set backs/disappointments, talk to your partner and let them be there for you, to encourage and console you.
If he can’t call during business hours, he could do that just before going to bed.
Communication in every relationship is important. If we are in the same country and I don’t hear from you at least once in a day, then we have no business being together.
👍
DeleteYou are dating yourself , please look for a side boo and give your attention to . He’s not that into you .... hope if you don’t call him for a month he won’t complain? Or even notice
ReplyDeleteBe cooling down,you aren't the only fish in the pond, babes. Until he gets serious with you, then u wil know you is the one. For now, just be chopping his money and be looking him.
ReplyDeleteThis one never ready,.
ReplyDeleteAbeg commot body make person more deserving fit enter..
Ask am Wetin she dey give for the relationship now, zero, both emotional and physical support, she no dey provide.. but she dey form price, looking for attention like an infant child and causing more stress..
Abeg move on make the guy fit focus..
Well said👌
DeleteMr Lol... your reasoning sometimes na helele!
DeleteThat means if you are married to my husband, you will kill yourself. when is time for hustle he can call once a week. I am use to it and understand is for the betterment of us all.
ReplyDeleteLover girl. Soon you will discover attentions does not pay bills .
That you’re used to being neglected in your marriage and you’ve come to accept it, shows you are gradually belittling yourself in your marriage and your husband clearly has no real regard for you.
DeleteNobody said love is enough in a marriage but if he values you, your marriage, talking once a week is a form of emotional abuse, and he’s gradually easing you into trauma. Sorry, really sorry because you are not even aware.
Think about it in your quiet time and be brutally honest with yourself.
Pearl R.
Communication is very important in marriage and it starts from the friendship stage. For now reach out to him concerning his business issues.
ReplyDeleteIf he doesn't call, calling him to check up on him is very important too.
Try to reach out to him and find out if he's OK for now.
Love is a two way traffic. He should know how important calls are to you, by the way you call him too.
Teach him by example... If you truly love him.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI find it boring when a girl demands attention every time. You want him to be calling you everyday? as what na, if you leave another girl will surely enjoy the fruits if his businesses.
ReplyDeleteChill girls who demands attention each time gets boring the guy that will give you that is someone who is jobless
👌👌
DeleteI disagree. There are very 'jobfull' men who have the presence of mind and emotional intelligence to minister to their loved one. Money ain't everything, but money makes more sense with someone who has sense.
DeleteDear poster, your boo is either not into you or he is not the type that gives so much attention to his love interest. Such guys make up with giving gifts and money.
ReplyDeleteFind out his category and act accordingly.
All the best.
Poster don't listen to Stella, your concerns are valid. There are people who can stay in a relationship without communicating everyday yes. You are not that type and shouldn't feel bad about it. We all have different love languages.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you don't call him, if he calls finally, seat him down and outline how you want to be treated. If he sees reasons with you fine. If he doesn't, then you both are not compatible. If he doesn't call, move on. When you meet the right one, you wouldn't be facing these issues.
Poster MOVE ON, Oga has someone else he's giving constant attention to. If he has time to use the toilet, eat then he should have time to communicate with you.
ReplyDeleteNo man is too busy for the woman he loves.
Thank you, even 15 sec call to say "Hi, just checking up on you"
DeleteThank you
DeleteEvery man is busy;but no man is "Too busy" to make out a minute or two to check on someone he so much cares about..
ReplyDeleteIf he isn't talking to you;there is someone else that has his full attention,and that is his peace of mind...which makes you the option!
A man "Makes Time" for someone he love;there is never a free time;its just natural and not what you force either..
Unless he works offshore;which in this Chronicle it's not..
Dont allow a man deceive you with the "I dont have time" line..
I work with a lot of business men in various class;trust me even the importer at Alaba international with containers arriving weekly has got lots of time if he loves you as his wife;girlfriend or sidechick..
@MARTINS
Perfectly said Martins. Poster,your man can't be too busy to call you if he truly loves you. Please take a walk if you can't cope with his attitude.
DeleteWell done my friend.
DeleteYou just said the main truth.
I don't just understand what madam Stella and some people are commenting on this chronicle.
If the relationship no dey important to a man na so e dey always be.
I couldn't have said it better Martins, no man is too busy to make time for his loved ones,he can call at the close of the day or first thing in the morning before setting out .He doesn't have to be calling every other minutes of the day,but a call once a day isn't of out place for some one you claim you love.
DeleteYou just said it as it is
DeleteThank you
DeleteFor someone who likes attention, this will be too much to bear.. it is well with you poster
ReplyDeleteA week is too long to not talk to your partner so if constant communication is important to you then that’s a red flag 🚩. Nobody is too busy for someone they care about, period.
ReplyDeletePoster don't let Stella and other bvs gaslight you into accepting what you are not comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man loves you, he will want to communicate with you everyday. Even God wants to communicate with us everyday.
My dear please love yourself enough to leave. If you end up marrying this guy, you will be a lonely married woman. Go and ask pothiphar's wife what that means.
Ndi gaslight 🙄🙄😏..
DeleteI don't know which is the most must abused and misused word on the internet right now between 'gaslight' and "mental health"
And na anybody weh first talk am dey win argument 😏🙄
How about petrol and kerosene lighting? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI read some comments here and my mouth is wide open,I will come back to read more later,even Stella's red pen is tricky,not here nor there**** See ehnn,a man that luvs you will want to hear your voice everyday,how can you not see your man quite often and still not hear his voice,haabaa naa you people should face reality,because the man has a business he is running and not idle shouldn't make us not see reasons why the poster is bothered,that man has another girl he talks to steady,he already has a serious relationship that is why he can't be bothered checking up on this poster regularly,even if it's daily chat,no matter how busy you are there should be a form of regular communication.Even if he has setbacks in his business that doesn't mean he shouldn't call on his babe.Poster don't break up with him but mirror his ways,be doing Tit for tat,what kind of relationship is this🤷🤷🤷🤷
ReplyDeleteTit for tat is my forte. Poster, ignore him back
DeleteHmmmmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteSincerely it's wrong when there is no effective communication in ur relationship...
If you know you can't cope, it's better you move on and let go because you will surely be lonely when married to him.
Besides, you are also an attention seeker and it has been part of you..You just need to amend that aspect.
Wishing you well in any of ur decision
Hmm poster in my own oppinion ehh this guy isn't into you.
ReplyDeleteMy fjrst two boyfriends behaved like this(distance relationship) no care ,nothing. Na only them dey do business?
Biko leave that thing joor.
Currently the person I'm dating is a business man who lives in US.
He is super busy and he finds time to call me atleast once a day and he will still chip in a little chat on whatsapp.
Almost every night we video call. The night we don't do video call it means we both were too tired or one of us, so we sleep off.
Not only that, he sends me money, he visits too.
We are both planning a vacation for February in one of these islands.
My advise is that if you have so much time on your hand then you can afford to give this guy some more chance & if he continues this way then run from him.
If you have other guys rushing you better look at one of them and try something new.
leave person husband
DeleteMarried until proven otherwise
DeleteEvil anons! Y'all wish so bad that her man is married. Your envy is why you're stagnant in life and still single at your miserable old age
DeleteOne whole week!!! it's too much please..are you sure he loves you??
ReplyDeleteThis guy never ready for relationship.
ReplyDeleteA man should be able to tell his woman his problems and try to balance things if he really wants the relationship.
I have been with someone like this guy, it didn't end well.
Funny thing I wasn't complaining about the absence.
But it mostly doesn't end well. I see it as a red flag.
But if you fit adjust give am another chance.
That man no love you. An Igbo man that loves you will choke you with attention whether he's busy/disappointed or not. It seems you're not the main ori aku.
ReplyDelete👌
DeleteWhen u love someone u will always want to talk to them or be around them,no matter how busy u are,u can call even if it’s a minute call before you sleep,while eating,while,drinking or chilling with friends,u will always find a way to hear from the one u claim to love.even if u are having financial issues or business issues,ur partner is one person u will like to vent to,cos she might know how to calm u down or encourage you.1week is too long to not hear from ur partner and not be bothered.its either he has someone else he is dating along side u or he is not so into you.eitherways just let him know how u feel about his attitude and see if he changes.if he doesn’t and u can’t cope then take a walk.
ReplyDeleteEverything I would have said!
DeleteIgbo men don’t joke with their business, but he should have called you. Igbos don’t really value dating. In igboland you hide your date from your parents until he is ready to marry you. May be he wants to tie loose ends to marry you. Note, he may also not be the romantic type. If you love him and won’t mind his type, call him.
ReplyDeleteHuh? What part of Igbo land does not value dating? I'm a full blooded Igbo woman and this couldn't be further from the truth (in my experience). Let's be guided in our generalizations, please. I come in peace.
DeleteThanks for explaining, maybe na my family dey different. They over-protect you to mumuism. I didn’t know or experience orgasm until I was post 10 years in marriage.
DeleteIs this the leg nama will use to travel to Sokoto? If he no call you, why not call am to know how he is faring?
ReplyDelete🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 You are over-reacting like water poured into concentrated acid.
communication is not his thing. If you cant cope move on or you look for his mumu button
ReplyDeleteCommunication is very important in every relationship. One week no communication is too much oo to be honest. Try to know him better. See if he's just making excuses or just not that into you. You'll figure it out eventually.
ReplyDeleteYou see this marriage/relationship business? My love, you have to pick your poison and be okay with the choice you made. If this man was already like this before you met him, chances are he will not slow down anytime soon. If he is a good man, he will compromise to accommodate your needs. And you should as well- it's not a one sided thing. Which leads me to ask: what do you bring to the table for him?
ReplyDeletePonder this and be honest.
We all have expectations as regards relationships and all, if you are comfortable doing the calling it's fine if not you move on.
ReplyDeletePls drop him like hot dodo. No man is too busy to call the woman he loves. I remember a guy that I was complaining that he hardly calls and we are dating only for me to find out that he has a serious woman in his life. The girl friend had a baby boy for him. I only found out on his Birthday when he posted on his WhatsApp status. That's was when I knew am the side chicken. I confronted him. He begged but I left d relationship. Poster go to where u are celebrated, not where u are tolerated. We all have different love languages. Even Joe Biden the U.S president calls his wife despite his busy schedule. No man is too busy.
ReplyDeleteI don’t understand women.you meet a man that is busy and you obviously know these things you’re complaining about but yet you complain and make it look like the man is doing something bad
ReplyDeleteI think your partner should always check up on you no matter how busy they are. If you want to leave you can for your peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteHmm not every is a very communicative type,but I think communication is very important to you...it seems to be a love language for you 🤔.
ReplyDeleteI would have said you look for his good points and walk with,buy if communication is that important and sensitive to you,I suggest you talk to him about it first,see if there are any changes before you just leave 👈
Aside you been the attention seeking type, I don't think this guy is really into you.
ReplyDeleteFor him to travel and not tell his girlfriend to me its a red flag. Just be sure that you're not a passive distraction to him sha.
If you want a man who will shower you with attention then get a 9-5 guy. A businessman is not going to be as available to you unless he is in a small business and has a shop where you know he is always at the shop. I remember a teacher of mine many years ago was telling a story about her sister who was married to a doctor, and the husband told the sister from the very get go that being a doctor comes first. You have to know the kind of life you can handle and the kind of lifestyle you can handle. Not everyone is cut out to be the partner of someone who is constantly travelling, spending 16 hours a day at work, and the relationship is always on the back burner. If you know in your heart that you are not cut out for that and you need a lot of attention from your man then find your fit. Cause if this dude is highly ambitious and has big dreams this is just the beginning of it all. Don't just go there for the money and lifestyle go there because you want to be there and know that together you are greater than apart. We all have a different shoe size, so let everyone find their own comfortable fit.
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn that this chronicle was sent in by me. I am currently in a very similar situation, mine is we are in different countries and time zones. I have complained, explained, picked a fight all to no avail. Sometimes I call and he does not call back, or I drop a message and he reads and doesn't respond or never reads it, meanwhile he comes online and sometimes changes his status. Well, I gave made up my mind to stop calling or texting, if he calls I pick up, if he doesn't I don't bother. I am just here praying to God to send my man cos I am very sure this cannot be him. Although, he says he has always been this way and after every fight or quarrel he gets better but relapses later on.
ReplyDeleteI am just fed up, it is really draining being in such a relationship, the emotional torture is something else.., I keep on asking myself, does he love me? Or is there someone else, am I a nag, did I do something wrong?
Aghh!!! It's just too much. So, I have decided to stop bothering over it, if he eventually stops calling the relationship will die that way.
The funny thing is each time I end it over this issue he calls and starts pleading or trying to justify his actions. The last message he sent I totally ignored it and I have updated my status which he has viewed( just to give him a taste of his medicine). In my mind sef we have broken up.
Poster, it's not worth it. I believe God will give you someone who won't stress you this way. No man is too busy for the woman he loves, even a text will suffice.
does his name starts with G?does he stay in Denmark.is he from Agbor? u just described my soon-to-be-ex . pls answer so I will know if we are dating the same man.though I'm planning to break up with him immediately he lands in Nigeria.
Delete23:17 why are you waiting till he lands in Nigeria? Will the breakup be sweeter on Nigerian soil?
DeleteNo, I don't think it's the same person
Deleteto give him a dose of his own medicine anonymous 05:08
DeleteAh why is everyone saying Igbo men and money and so on. Even as an adult, have you ever invested and lost your money, it's depressing. For those who have never done business, imagine not being paid salary for 2-4 months, that's the same pain equivalence. Men usually prioritize money/success before women. Once his business is settled and booming, he will have your time. Or discuss it with him.
ReplyDeleteSee ehn..na you know this guy if he loves you or not. My fiance was someone like him although we talk everyday but I wanted more. I complained to him and we both adjusted, na him dey find me na.
ReplyDeletePlease, talk to him and the way he will respond will determine your decision. I wish you well