STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
Good day BVs. Please there's this lady that I know, I would say that we've been friends for about 7 years(she may not see me as hers though i thought it was mutual).
We share some issues together and we at least try to take each other out on our birthdays even if it not same day but we agreed to do that. We both traveled together early this year and we talked about so many things.
Now to the issue; she didn't wish me happy birthday this year but I didn't take it as a big deal cos I made excuses for her that she must have a lot in her mind.
During our outing last year, she told me that they might be having their wedding anytime soon (the husband is my friend too). Sometimes when we talk this year(that's if she takes my call), I do ask how things are going and how I could help be of help but I noticed she doesn't like discussing the wedding anymore or may be with me so I stopped talking about it.
I called her on her birthday in August she didn't take my call. I sent a whatsapp message, it took her 2 days to reply and she avoided the word "dear" like she normally use for me. I asked her if there's anything going on cos I don't understand her anymore but she shoved it off that I'm just being overly sensitive.
Recently, I met one of our mutual acquaintance and after we exchanged pleasantries, she told me about a certain challenge and asked if I could be of help. I told her to call this my friend that she knows about the stuff well and would be happy to help.
Immediately I mentioned this my friends she gave me a weird look and asked if we are still friends and I said yes and asked if she's expecting us to break up. She didn't answer but asked me how long we've known. I refused to give her an answer cos I felt she wanted to poke nose. So, I just saw the traditional wedding pictures of this my friend last week and remember I said earlier that we belong to a certain group. The group also posted her wedding invitation which would be taking place next week.
She didn't inform me even the fiancé didn't inform me even as we just talked few days ago when I called to congratulate them cos of the pics I saw. Please I need your advice on this: Should I attend the wedding with the group (since she didn't invite me as a person)? Or should I just get her a present? Or should I ignore entirely cos as much as I feel happy for her, I feel sad that I'm just seeing her invitation in a group even when everyone was already calling me Chief bridesmaid without knowing that I don't even know about the wedding.
*WOW what kind pf friend is this? Well, i would have asked you to confront her but the friendship has already gone down the drain.... I am sure you would like to find some form of closure on this? Go and ask the lady that was trying to give you info by asking you if you both are still friends.... You may not get all the facts but at least it will guide you on what you supposedly did to her.
Dont bother about giving her any gift cos she will definitely throw it away and dont bother attending until you find out what your crime is cos you will be the cynosure of all eyes and how embarrassing it might be for you..
Just send her a congratulatory message and tell her you wont be able to attend for personal reasons.. leave it at that and dont explain unless she asks you anything.... if she does then you can ask her but if not then move on ooooh.
The friendship is kaput
Dey your lane. If they don't invite you personally do not go. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteif she call you to invite you, GO.. IF she dont call you,
Deletedon't attend the wedding. Call to congratulate her...my sister don't force yourself on anyone..friendship is not by force....
“Never make someone a priority who only makes you an option.”
Poster attend the wedding as what?? Dem invite you?
DeleteIt's about time people learned how to read body language and non verbal communications.
You are not her friend, point blank period!! You've done well asking her what the problem is, she would have told you what you did wrong (if you in fact wronged her at all) if she still values your hand of friendship you've extended to her.
It's time to move on, send a message wishing her well and bounce.
Poster, you might have been a victim of false prophecy or misinterpretation of fake prophet.
DeletePray at the corner of your house and ask God for Mercy. Let God reveal all hidden secrets to you and please take yourself out of the friendship.
She has canceled you and bad mouthed you to other mutuals.
Poster dem never rubbish you finish??? You still want more abi?
DeleteIssokay.
Kwentinue.
What you people call friend is merely an acquaintance. Again some people just have trust issues, they wont tell you certain things as a friend except you are family.
ReplyDeletePoster, call her and ask about her asoebi then buy. The end.
DeleteBe happy for her, don't go, don't buy gift. You can use her on your dp and post felicitaions on social media but that is all. You shouldn't even be angry enough to write a chronicle sef.
She is still your friend. You just re-categorise her. Dazol!
Correct
Delete@msSaphire I'm against ur comment ma'am..she should do all that in the name of ??? Abah.. skip it still poster
DeleteDon't waste your time, money, energy on anyone who can't do the sand for you.
DeleteA friend is getting married and didnt inform her and she should go and ask for aso abi??? As a hungry mongrel or what??
Abeg poster face front.
Totally ignore her joor and she's not worth stress at all
ReplyDeleteWhy do I have a feeling poster may have said something bad about her friend behind her back and unfortunately for her the friend heard and has decided to go cold on her.
DeleteDear Poster, check yourself very well.
Walk away. She doesn't like you
ReplyDeleteI once had a friend who I didn't like. She was always whining about how her life was going badly and always so negative and full of comparisons . I didn't invite her to my wedding she called me out , I apologized and she kept her distance ever since. Best thing she ever did for me. Poster, check yourself and walk away.
ReplyDelete"Friend and didn't like" shdnt be in one sentence. U shuda used another word to refer to the said person.
DeleteShe's not ur friend...which one is friend u didn't like....mtchewwwww
Delete15:13, you're not a good person.
DeleteLovelace
Poor her. She was pouring out her heart to a witch who did not feel an iota of compassion for her distress and secretly hated her instead.
DeleteNow you are married. She will also get married and God will bless her with more loving friends who will have her back and support her.
With friends like 15.13, who needs an enemy?
Thank you Saphire. I don't know why some ladies feel as if getting married before their mates is making heaven.
DeleteMost of your single friends that some of you cut off will still get married.
That's how one of my friends was avoiding me after she got married. I kuku took my cue and face front.
Couple of years later, I got married and became a mother,while my friend is still TTC. I pray and know she'll also become a mother soon, but my point is, the fact that you did something first doesn't mean that others would not do it also. Don't cut people off unnecessarily. No condition is permanent.
Hello witches. She wasnt pouring her heart out. She was always saying mean things in the name of crying all the time. Gossiped me to our friends etc etc. She doesn't call me, doesnt check up on me, doesnt visit, but doesnt fail to make every thing about her at every opportunity. We were friends over 10years and she never visited me up to 5times throughout. Anon 18:26, she actually got married before me and never failed to rub it in. I am not TTC and neither is she. You're the wicked one. Gloating cos someone is TTC. Tueh tueh. I actually cut her off before my wedding, but I guess the wedding made her actually realise it. Poster might even be her. Giving us only her own point of view.
DeleteAnon 18:26, where did she say cut her off cos she wasnt married. Make una dey nwayo nwayo dey project your insecurities on others biko.
DeleteBTW, I also had an acquaintance who sounds like this. I had to cut off. Her life was perfect but she was always so needy , moody and wailing about one thing or the other . Especially boys. Mood swings up and down. Always crying and comparing how so so and so was doing well because they were pretty and so on. I didnt need that vibe at all. I was always drained anytime I went close to her. It was like entering a mourning house. Always wailing about little things. I couldn't deal abeg. I spoke to her several times and cut and ran biko.
You are not a good person
DeleteOh, I also forgot how she was always shading me on our group chat. Our other friends were always messaging me to say sorry. Ill repeat, Poster , check if you've been a bad friend. Either way, keep it moving.
DeleteJeweluchi, please post my comments oo. I beg you
Leave these ones to talk skit. You did well by cutting her slimy ass off
DeleteStella even the congratulatory message is not necessary. madam when did you guys sign friendship. abeg that gal doesn't exist.
ReplyDeletePoster it's like your oversabi is too much o. Stay on your lane na. Is friendship by force? That's how you kept asking of wedding and asking if there's anything you can do to help. Now you are looking for wedding to attend abi gift to buy. Na wah o
ReplyDeleteSome people just like closure
DeleteIt's not over sabi
I always like to know what I did so I could apologize even if we don't remain friends, but in this adult life people will ghost you and it's okay not to have them in your life.
Appreciate those who actually care and keep it moving
Its not over sabi, she's just an Emotional person and such persons always finds closure.
DeleteShe's hurt and a closure will heal her
LMAOOOO afi closure. You people watch too many movies.
DeletePoster will you git!!!
If your hands are clean, move.
I say MOOVE.
And stop whining like those secondary school girls with their first love.
I have no time for nonsense.
When I suspect someone's way is bending left and right, I CUT OFF IMMEDIATELY.
I don't need any explanations or 'closure'. Cut off immediately.
I don't deserve to be unhappy for a microsecond in my life.
Follow Stella's advice.Left to me,I will even suggest that you face front and not even bother sending her any congratulatory message.Learn to choose those who choose you and save your energy abeg
ReplyDeleteI 💗your comment @spongebob. CHOOSE THOSE WHO CHOOSE YOU.. Alot of true character traits come up when people experience their "next level". Maybe she is the paranoid type who doesn't want any sand in her garri.
DeleteDont be fooled too.. her husband whom you feel close to is also in full support of what ever she is doing to you...
Be guided dear, you sound like a sweetheart. May true friends who deserve your love come your way. I pray this for my self as well.... so many takers around me😢😢😢
Thank you@Shy Artsy
DeleteDon't attend the wedding. Call to congratulate her and face front. Forget that you are friends.
ReplyDeleteCall ke??… I won’t even call u… & if we run into each other; if u can’t greet me 1st; forget about it
DeleteThe same medium she used in sending the message is the same medium I will congratulate her on and face my front. Learn to take people the way they take you, if I knew this earlier, I would have avoided some nasty situations.
DeleteAppreciate who appreciate you.bone who bone you.
ReplyDeleteForget anything like closure for this matter.
As long as your next meal no dey her hand and you've been upright with your dealings with her. No think am.
Six high five
DeleteThis is so me, after reaching out to her and she still continues with her attitude, abeg lock and face front
DeleteThe end of any friendship is hard, sometimes we never get the answers as to when it ended. I feel your pain, as you are still trying to be positive. Truth is, she has moved on. Friendship is over. That's the painful truth. It might not be anything you did, know this and know peace. Move on
ReplyDeleteAbi it's her husband that is asking her cut off from you ni? Some ladies do this after their wedding.
ReplyDeleteIf I am in your shoes, I will face her and ask her what I did wrong. After this, I'll apologize and move on if I am wrong but if I am not wrong, I will leave knowing I never offended her. Talk to her.
Hmm…..apologize ke?… Abeg everyone face front…poster, don’t worry u will feel better with time… don’t congratulate her; if una jam; don’t even famz her by saying hello….
DeleteThe lastime i went to a friend birthday I wasn't invited,one special reserved bottle of wine was missing.do you believe the celebrant concluded I was the one who stole the drink.even though I didn't even get close to where they parked the drinks..since then,even if you dey do anything celebration in front of my door,na jump and pass
ReplyDeleteChai!🙆♀️
DeleteThis is so wrong
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry I had to laugh. Kpele.
DeleteI no dey ever go where I no get invitation to attend or where I have not paid to attend.
Ever.
Oh and you might want to check the definition of 'friend'. I dunno how someone you claim as your 'friend' will not invite you to their birthday.🤔
Abeg dey your lane make dem no go embarrass you. You deserve a better friend. That kind of a person should not be referred to as a friend
ReplyDeleteFriendship is over move on,very hard honestly buy you have to let go
ReplyDeleteSave your money
ReplyDeleteHonestly speaking, I know having a friend is good, when lucky to meet the right one. But I have never in my life, have a friend I can't let go sharpenly without thinking twice about it. Maybe because God gave me the best family. All my efforts I put into making sure, I have a great relationship with my siblings, the only ones that will try protecting me, than exposing me. And God gave me the best siblings. I have good friends but we gist silly things, laugh and that's it. No personal discussions. I don't ask and don't ask me. Unless the person needs help and I will be so willing to help and I don't expect the same
ReplyDeleteWhen I see people talking about being sad that their friends no more talk to them, it shock me tho. I wish I was like this with men, but no, I mumu die
Move on poster, no messages, no calls. Just move
Thank you.
DeleteGod truly blessed me with an amazing family/ siblings.
Where do you people meet all these bipolar humans and call them ‘best friend’ ? Me, I only need to get one weird vibe from you and I will block your entire generation from my life, I don’t give second chances . I don’t know why you people wait till they actually rub poo 💩 in your face before you axe 🪓 these so called besties , you people need to grow some ‘balls’ and treat people’s fvck up IMMEDIATELY. Haaa !!!
ReplyDeleteGbam!
Delete😂😂😂😂😂🤣 I had to laugh at your comment 16:18
DeleteWhat you said is the truth.
hmmmmmmmm
ReplyDeletePoster face front. She is no more your friend
ReplyDeleteOmo abeg enter ghost mode.
ReplyDeleteThis relationship is over, don't even bother sending her any congrats, or gift,
If na me I no go even bother asking what the problem was.
Sometimes things like this nothing serious really happened it could be trust issues or she feels she can no longer take some of your excesses.
So just carry your good self and move on.
“Excesses” That’s the word right there. Poster’s probably too much and her so called friend is tired.
DeleteIs it not better to tell someone their flaws instead of ghosting or yanking them off your life. After all what are friends for.. If her excesses is too much, she should have told her and the poster will adjust...
DeletePoster abeg face front you hear. Friendship is not a must. I have been in your shoes before. So I know how painful it is.. If you want to find out her reasons, do so. I tell you, nothing will come out of the discussion. You'll be left worse off...
Lovelace
Poster in this life wey we dey now ehnnn...
ReplyDeleteNa who see you, you suppose see ooo... person wey no see you, na to move on ni
I was once in a similar situation, the only difference is that she did not marry the guy laslas
The babe is my friend,while the guy is just a distant acquaintance that she met when she came closer to me. So in a way, we can say that she met him through me. I introduced her to my church too
Like 2 months into their relationship, my friend started giving me attitude. She started ignoring me even in church, and she became close pals with even people that I don't talk to.
Even ignored my mom and will only greet her when their paths crossed.
She had a little bday party and she did not invite and even blocked me from seeing some of her whataspp posts, it was mutual friends that showed me her posts.
I was so heartbroken and my mom also noticed her attitude sef, so I concluded that she does not want to be friends with me anymore, because I don't have a relationship. I had to let her be and I kon dey my dey, she sef dey her dey.
Suddenly, she came back and started acting all nice to me. I did not ignore her, I did not ask her why she did what she did, neither did I drive her away, I just maintained my lane.
One day I now volunteered to take her out,all expenses including tfare on me ooo, that was when I learnt that like 6 months into that relationship, they started having issues and she also started having issues with her new friends in church.
She also told me that she avoided me because the guy said he does not want to see her talking to me and my mom.
I got closure that very day, and I decided to shut her out completely. Till today, we don't talk anymore, all we do is to like our posts on social media and move on.
She broke up with the guy laslas sha
👌
DeleteU fuck up… she lied to u… that her husband asked her not to talk to both of u….
DeleteAs for me, when person starts giving me attitude; I don’t even ask why.., I give my own attitude raise to power 10
If your so called friend did not call you to invite you, please don't go You can just send her a congratulatory message, don't call her too. It is friendship, and only you cannot make it work. Invest your energy in other things please
ReplyDeleteShe has her reasons,let her be!! Stay on ur lane.when someone likes u,it will show from their actions,words,body language.friendship is not by force,let her go and genuinely from ur heart wish her well.No one has ever died cos their friends stopped talking to them.
ReplyDeleteLow self esteem ode poster. She is tired of you!!! Jeezzz leave her alone! Pick up your self esteem on the floor and end the friendship immediately. Seems you don’t have any other friend????
ReplyDeleteYou're such a meanie, haba. Doesn't cost anything to be nice.
DeletePeople like her needs a little bit of tough love. All these niceness won’t reset her brain. Make she hear both sides abeg. And no, I’m not a meanie at all. Na this situation cause am. The chronicle worked my nerves 😬
DeleteSend her congratulatory message but dont attend. Its called self respect. Its not in every situation that you will get closure. Just move on.
ReplyDeletePoster you sound like the type that drains people’s energy and too needy. See how she’s treating and you’re still worried and thinking about going without any invitation, you want to buy gift. I mean what’s really wrong with you?? Respect yourself now ahn ahn. Na by force to be friends with you?? Shoo you’re annoying abeg.
ReplyDeleteI hope no be wedding wey them no invite you you want dey attend now?
ReplyDeleteStay in ur lane and if you're that buoyant till the extent you feel you want to spend/waste money, biko look around ur vicinity you'll surely see 1 or 2 families that are not sure of celebrating this season with even one square meal, give them the money.
Friendship and attending one's wedding no be dole. Kaput that?
Dear Poster….please face your front.
ReplyDeleteplease don't go for the wedding...respect yourself...
ReplyDeletePoster, I am of the feeling that this was a one sided friendship, you were likely in a friendship with yourself. Please leave those ppl and their wedding alone and do not send any present either! Just move on from that. The lady obviously is not invested or interested in any friendship with you. Everybody can't like or love us, so reach deep down into your well of pride and pull up a bucket of pride hold that bucket close to your chest and keep it moving.
ReplyDeleteI always believe in giving second chances when it comes to my friends. We are all human and we make mistakes both intentional mistakes and those come as a result of our wrong imagination. (Wrong imagination on her part)
ReplyDeleteI would give her a second chance, she did not come out to tell me what I did wrong, I will be happy for her, attend her wedding, give a present and etc and then keep my distance. With this, you have done your part, you want to be able to look back tomorrow and be happy that you did the best you could at the time. She will come around when she is ready, it may take one month, one year, 10 years. Just leave it as it is. She was once your friend, she was dear to you, do the best till the end. No one will judge you wrongly tomorrow.
Don't go nor congratulate,just bone them .
ReplyDeleteApparently, the wedding happened yesternight(Tuesday).
ReplyDeleteSo immediately after I dropped this chronicle as a comment last week hoping I could read through the replies, my now married acquaintance called me and said she's been trying to reach me for over a week but I didn't respond. I told her that I didn't see any of her calls by the way, she would have told me when I called to congratulate if she actually wanted to tell me. She said she forgot completely, that they did an impromptu planning for her wedding and it was just a family and few friends kinda stuff like a close knit event. She said she would really love it if I attended.
I was discussing with my sis over the phone later in the evening and I brought it up, she said that if I feel like going then I should go. She knows the lady from things I have told her previously and she said that since I haven't really had any bad thing to say about her, I can go with an open mind.
But then again, I told myself that anyone that will make me go through the stress and doubt of sending in a chronicle isn't worth my stress. I also went cold after sending in the chronicle. I reminisced our past, they were worth it but there's always a time to move on without involving people in your past. It doesn't mean they are bad people, they don't just fit into the picture of your future. It could have been what happened with her, I don't know but then, I don't care anymore.
I attended the wedding, they were happy to see me and I was happy I attended too. It looked more like a family get together, attendees were about 60(I think I kinda admire the style tho and I'm thinking of using that style during my wedding) I wished her well and I knew that was it.
We meet. We hi. We move.
Thank you Stella for posting and thanks for your advice also thanks to all BVs who responded, at least, I learnt a thing or two and I really appreciate y'all.
Merry Christmas in advance!!!
My brother, that someone is around you doesn't mean that person is there for you. There's a big difference between these people. One you keep, the other you lose. Move on. Don't worry. These things have a way of coming out. God wanted to use the other lady to reveal the ish, but you refused to listen. If you had, you could have dealt with the unknown by now.
ReplyDeleteDon't attend the wedding, don't send her any gift, don't also call her. Move the hell on, what's that? Ghost mode activated oh.
ReplyDeleteAs I was reading this, all I wondered was .. What kind of by force friendship is this? Abeg dey your lane
ReplyDeleteMove on with your life and neither attend her wedding nor speak to her again. She doesn't want you around anymore so, respect that!
ReplyDeleteWho friendship help?
ReplyDeleteCongratulate her from far and allow it to be like that, no need to attend the wedding cos you are not invited. If you don't have what to do just sleep on that day.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend did same thing to me yesterday was his wedding, I didn't even Congratulate him yesterday but I did that when I saw the wedding invitation on a friend status. I look front and forgot about the wedding, the same friend I saw the invitation on her status was calling me yesterday I didn't pick or return her call. I already know what she want to tell me so no need to talk about it.
No time to start confronting him if he want to know why I didn't come he sha will ask
Naa waa o. Where is the love people? All the comments here are advising her to severe the relationship. Naa waa o!
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, I know you have a good heart. Go for the wedding. When you get there, have fun and enjoy the event. Don't be overly lovey dovey, but show up. Who knows the things she has said, your not coming will seem as if you are guilty of all the back and side talks whatever they are.
ReplyDeletePray and ask God to vindicate you, and wish her well from your heart. Then move on. If she calls you, fine. if not, fine.
When you hear she done born, send congrats message. Just be your good self and treat her as a neighbor not a friend anymore. It is well with you dear... Cheers.. God will vindicate you.
Hugs and kisses 😘😍🤗🤗
Mat 5:44-47 AKJV 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which spitefully use you, and persecute you;
ReplyDelete45 That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if you love them which love you, what reward have you? do not even the publicans the same?
47 And if you salute your brothers only, what do you more than others? do not even the publicans so?
Some will say "easier said than done.. " Well your mental health is sacrosanct.