Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HEART BROKEN BY BREAK UP
Stella I'm so heartbroken right now.
My boyfriend of 8months decided to break up with me over minor minor issues we had in the past. For example, me asking who the girl he was hugging so romantically is, because he told me he is a shy guy and doesn't do PDA. But he holds hands and hug other girls in public.
He says I'm insecure and don't trust him, this is the same guy that doesn't even let any man come close to me. he broke up with me on WhatsApp Stella! Can you imagine the coward. I don't blame him, I went and fell in love with a guy below my level. He is not even perfect or A TDH kind of guy, he has a lot of imperfections (his left arm is bent inwards) , he doesn't even have balls, I don't even want to talk about our s#x life because it's WACK.
This is someone that told me he will get me screaming out loud. He is so selfish both in bed and other aspects. but I overlooked all that. I loved him unconditionally. He can be a dirty pig if I don't urge him. Brushes just once a day. After sweating all day he won't even bathe , he will still put on the sweaty clothes.
I hope I forgive myself for seeing all these and trying to manage. God I regret the day I met this guy. I know how much I have put into this guy thinking it's my last busstop.
Stella I'm trying to be strong but I just can't. When I remember everything I have put in to make it work...The emotions, the money. Stella ����.
After posting me on his WhatsApp.. I didn't want to post his pics at first but this is the first guy I had ever post on my status. Why me. I don't deserve this heartbreak, I don't deserve this hurt!.
We were fine on Tuesday, talked about plans for our future, even telling me about his new idea of investment, I even agreed to help him out with some of the capital. We earn almost the same amount of salary, almost because his is 50k more than mine. But he has never sent me money, not even recharge card or data! he's always broke. His mother needs money, his sister this his family that, I have helped out on several occasions.
Always babe borrow me babe borrow me, Na me no get mama or family to help. But you that last money I borrowed him, uncle will pay me back o. I will wait for him to collect salary and collect it back. Imagine his breakup message " Babe I'm sorry for hurting you, I love you but I can't continue anymore, I can't pretend just to make you stay. Someone better than me will come, please just be fine and you can always call out on me for help anytime necessary, I'll always be there for u than anyone else trust me, but at this point I just have to let go" �
Lol. If only he means those words. Two times he promised we won't be having issues again in our relationship (OH one time, we didn't talk for about 4weeks, he came back saying I don't love him, that is that how easy it is for me to let go bla bla, but we later made up and barely a month after that, HE BROKE UP WITH ME), two times oh three times he broke that promise.
What do guys really want!
* What kind of relationship is this? So if he comes back you will agree? If you marry this guy it will be a disaster waiting to happen. I noticed that most Nigeria men are not ready or prepared for Marriage before they go into it.
Relationships and being committed is also a problem for them...
After all these wahala you detailed and you still go back to him, then you enjoy using yourself as an emotional punching bag... move on from this one sided relationship and wait for the man that will make everything fall into place!
He is a coward. Move on, that's not the end of the world. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteNo matter how bad the guy was,he doesn't deserve all these you spilled here girl.you he was this and that,yet you loved him only to give him fatality because he broke up with you.abeg shift na Xmas we wan enter
DeleteSo sorry dear, you will be fine
DeleteA better guy will find you.
Mehn, to be honest if a relationship does not work out don't go about bad-mouthing....
Delete@mz B..my thoughts exactly.why bad mouth the guy all because he broke up with you? If he hadn't broken up with her,she would still be loving him with all the flaws she mentioned up there..you will be surprise if that guy comes here to tell his own side of the story
DeleteI wonder who goes on a ranting spree and hurting deeply for losing a broke ass, dirty, stingy and deformed nigga....
DeleteWhy waileth thou???
Observe thyself properly, probably thou art thine problem.
Guide thine lips to speak right, and thine thumbs to type in good manners and yeah forget thee not thine heart, counsel it lest you bring to us a write up like this in the future
tankio..
Sis you just saved urself of future head ache. Yes I understand how much you must hv invested. The time! The money! The love!The attention. You wanted him to be a better person right??
DeleteBut one other part of you have been telling you that you are deceiving yourself right. I cn BET on that.
See you just have to move on! I understand you will be trying to hide and look at his social media despite BLOCKING HIM. IT IS FINE. tell yourself you deserve better ok. Block him everywhere 👌. He obviously does not love you! You were the only person in love. He is tired of pretending. I have been there and I understand. Just forget about him ok. Hugs
Every girl should watch the movie "he is not just that into you"
DeleteMen do not know how to hide their emotions, if he doesn't show care it is simply because he doesn't care.
He is tired of pretending when he could be with someone he truly cares about, he may like you as a person but cannot just give you what you want.
You should be happy he gave you closure, most of them won't, they will keep you guessing so that they can come back anytime they want.
This has messed up your self esteem because you knew you deserved better but settled, you will experience the five stages of grief...feel it all, don't rush into another relationship too fast just to prove a point. Work on yourself and never settle again.
Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate . It wasn't over 24hrs the time I poured my hearts in the writing. I was trying to be strong through the night but had to write it out. So my emotions was kinda everywhere. I'm sorry
DeleteAt poster now you talking.I understand understand what you going through but talking bad about his flaws is no no for me.I think you should just forget him and move on..
DeleteI know but it's difficult to avoid him entirely @heaven check
DeleteI missed a detail. I, him and his ex and most if not all of our mutual friends belong to the same work association! And we are all in the same WhatsApp group! I didn't know she was his ex then assuming I knew, I wouldn't have agreed to be his girlfriend. We knew from the group when he sent me a DM about a job vacancy I posted. From there we got talking and met in person after three months.
I chat with the ex girlfriend before I knew they were exes. I have even sent the girl money before as an encouragement gift to appreciate her hardwork. . and after realizing they were exes and she obviously knew about the relationship got cold with me. I and the girl we don't even chat again cos I didn't want that drama. Thank God! because I just recently discovered that she told him when I mistakenly sent her message three months ago and deleted it. She asked him what his girlfriend is doing in her DM. Lol
It's a messed situation really but I know I will overcome this.
Poster what I am about to say is weird. Your post was a comfort to me at this time. My relationship is fresh, not as old as yours and I have run through the gamut of emotions you expressed.
DeleteBut I've been feeling like a blowfish because my feelings are all internalized. Like I can sense a dumping coming...(Yes I haven't been officially dumped yet, but my intuition is sound). So I'm kinda like preparing myself in advance(*sighs* maybe I'm not making sense).
Anyway poster all I can say is it's all gonna be for the best. Like Steve Harvey would say, if you don't get the old car outta the garage you cannot make room for a new car. So babes, see it as making room and avoiding a bad marriage.
Stella thanks so much for this platform that gives people a chance to vent and get advice. Sometimes we need that.
So sorry it happened thus.
ReplyDeleteJust close your legs and move on and close your legs henceforth.
Good riddance to trouble.
If he was as bad as you described up there, what was it about him that made you fall in love?
DeleteAnd to think you would've accepted to marry him if he had proposed. Hian! I pray you heal and move on for good.
Relationships can be real complicated and sometimes we fall in love with people we would just waka pass on a good day. Think it is just part of life's mysteries.
DeleteObviously from the chronicles I can imagine what the guy went through dating you!
ReplyDeleteGod bless you @michohay.the girl in question is very toxic and have bad attitude.someone you claim to love is same you banshing like this!! .may God save us all from your type.eat your breakfast alone and move on
DeleteThanks, for the observation. She must have shown the man that he didn’t deserve her. Who wants a proud woman for a wife? People don’t know the difference between confidence and pride. Aunty move on, he has told you that, you would get someone better than him, since he did not deserve you.
DeleteLet me put my own comment here, I disagree with everyone above. Yes, I agree you are wrong bashing him but I know it's not about you demeaning him, but cos you are hurting. I understand perfectly why you are hurting dear, there is nothing as painful as bending over to date someone after overlooking a lot of their flaws and they turn and throw your love and sacrifices at your face. That is where your hurt is coming from, trust me it's very painful. From your write-up, the relationship was plagued with a lot of issues. Hard as it seems now let it go, and you will be okay in due time. Sorry dear🤗
DeleteSome comments though, shows that some of us are completely blank when it comes to emotional matters. She is hurting and lashing out, please. It doesn't make her a bad person. When you are in a relationship you are invested in and you are the one making all the sacrifices, this is exactly how you feel when a break up happens. Sis, stay cool. Believe me, in a month or 2, you will wonder what you saw in this guy. Ride the emotional storm, let it all out, cry wella and then face front. But don't ever go back because you see these flaws you listed here, they are real and won't go away. And going forward, stop making all the sacrifices in a relationship. I wish you all the best. E- hugs sweetheart.
DeletePoster you should be jubilating fa. Why are you hurting? Him leaving is a blessing not in disguise. Love yourself and the right man will find you.
ReplyDeleteI love the question Stella. Like if he really comes back ull accept all this nonsense u mentioned here? Hmmmm
ReplyDeletePele dear,you will be alright.please forget about him,he did not deserve you.
ReplyDeleteHmmm! Simply move the heck on and let him be cos it's obvious his heart is somewhere else
ReplyDeleteThis relationship is already dead, my dear move on because I know he will come back.matters of the heart hurts so it's okay if you cry.
ReplyDeleteYou were d side chic. How do you love someone that treats you bad? Are you Jesus? He is wack in bed, hand us like this, etc, still you chook head, den swear for you?
ReplyDeleteWith all you've said, this guy is bad news on a very beautiful day.
ReplyDeletePlease console yourself that it never ended in marriage.
Value your peace ☮️ of mind so much and do not allow anyone to jeopardize it.
You will be fine dear 🤗🤗🤗
Tomorrow he will come and apologise and you will take him back. If I hear say you go back to this dirty guy eh....
ReplyDeleteOn a serious note, any relationship that makes you to stress yourself, you shouldn't be in that relationship. What kind of vomit inducing chronicle is this sef? You cannot repair anybody unless they want to be repaired. If you see a pig in the gutter, waka from there and stop thinking if you give it a scrub, it won't go back in the gutter cos it will. Let me go and drink hot tea abeg.
Don’t stress it, she’ll go back.
DeleteTrue @Sluttychic
DeleteNo I won't go back. Why I went back before is because I didn't want a failed relationship plus our mutual friends 'what will they say syndrome'. But now I have made up mind. A failed relationship is better than a failed marriage. I know better now
DeleteWay to go poster, I believe you, if you can careless about the 'what will they say syndrome' you are good to go, many partners are suffering in situationship because of this syndrome.give it time you'll be fine, am speaking from experience, I passed through this shit you wrote, e-hugs,but BUILD YOUR YOURSELF AND LOVE IT,the best is coming for you
DeleteI'm drinking my own hot tea now sef. This harmattan ehnnn.......
DeletePoster, your is just 8 months,mine is almost 3 years.
ReplyDeleteLike people warned me at the beginning,now I am trying to start all over again, things are looking up good for him, his real character is beginning to show.
My earnest prayer is that God would intervene,and give me my real one, cos this one isn't my own.
It's well, just try to move on and keep your options open.
Been faithful na scam abeg
Sorry about that. A better man will come your way. It’s good to experience some things....they make you stronger and mature in making decisions.
DeleteI dont understand what I just read but it seems you are really pained and hurt despite stating all his flaws. If you knew all these things about him, why did you continue with the relationship? And what if you were the problem in the relationship?
ReplyDeleteI will advise young ladies to date and love with their head. Stop putting all your emotions in a man and thinking he's all you need to be happy in life. He has not even married you yet and you already did so much for him including sex.. haba.
You did this to yourself and should take responsibility. In your next relationship, expect nothing from a man, build up yourself and focus more on yourself and goal. Giving yourself to a man wont make him marry or respect you. Now you have to move on, love yourself more and focus on your career. Good men will come your way but not by you throwing yourself at them.
Thanks Olomo². I'm reading comments along with our dear poster. I need to get some sense in my head.
DeleteIts okay..it's okay baby girl..geez! I dey feel your hurt for here. Just take it easy on yourself,you'd be fine.
ReplyDeleteOn a lighter note tho,with all these you listed? You ought to be celebrating..like seriously.
Side chick things, please move on sis don't look back!!!
ReplyDeleteSis, I understand you feel bad because he suddenly broke up with you. You weren't expecting it that's why you feel hurt. I assure you, with time you will look back and regret ever lamenting over a relationship that wasn't there in the first place. You also saw the signs, you know deep down that something is off about the relationship but you kept pressing on. This break up should be a wake up call for you, but I understand you're still hurting. Let go of him and walk away completely, he is not worth the emotional stress. You both are not compatible and of course dating is a time to taste the waters. Take it that he is not the one and be glad he broke up with you to save you further stress. If you had not let your emotions detect for you rather than your head, you would have been the one to break up with him long ago.
ReplyDeleteYou will be fine. You deserve some one better. He doesn't love you.
ReplyDeletehow do people Fall in Love, am 30 years old I have never dated or fallen in love before.
ReplyDeleteFalling in love isn’t planned. It just HITS you. Why have you never dated before?
DeleteI have never been close to a guy before not to talk of falling in love. I pray I experience love before I die
DeleteAnon, maybe you should be glad.......... It ain't always roses, butterflies and red hearts I tell ya.
Delete23:38 you're right about the issues that come with feeling love but it's an emotion that one should experience in a lifetime. It's a feeling you can't put into words.
DeleteI'm glad I've experienced it... even though we broke up. But still good to remember the butterflies and all.
With all these baggages,you loved him, yet he still dumped you,it surely hurts,it's okay to cry for a while,get up and rejoice,cos God just rescued you from destruction.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can tell you is to move on.
ReplyDeleteSister, you dodged a bullet.
ReplyDeleteNa wa oooooooo
ReplyDeletethis one no be relationship but situationship
Thank you Stella.
ReplyDeleteI am looking still trying to find closure.
He is there posting shades on his status everday, for me to see. That girls don't love broke guys, that he is single and needs love (imagine someone that just broke up lol), That he is a nice person and it's only people that doesn't understand him will have issues with him. Someone that said his ex girlfriend is wicked and used him several times before he decided to finally break up with her. But they are still talking , viewing and commenting on each other's status. He said I don't understand him, that he doesn't take abi create enemies Lol. Fine he's a nice person and may go out of his way to help all those girls in his DM with work or advice, or his guys, but it's different when it comes to me.
The shades on his status, He doesn't know I see them because of my recent settings. "He lives on social media" he can post more than 20 posts a day. WTH! I tried talking with him to reduce his postings. He doesn't listen.
I have been blaming myself for falling for his words. His friend that is even in his 40 can't even advice him as a senior brother , that one posted "Break up done and dusted" . I didn't even react. The other one was hailing him, "breakfast server" bla bla .
Na myself I blame, I have let them be.
But why are you stil stalking his status? Are you sure if this guy comes back you won't still accept? From the way you also speak, you don't sound emotionally matured. Any way this heart break will help you to be smarter in the long run. I know it's painful to be dumped but please respect your self and stop stalking his WhatsApp whether you put off the receipts or not.
DeleteAbi na de same guy we dey date? Na wa ooo.
DeleteThe more you read his status, you won’t be able to move on! Delete his number and cry it out. As In Cry it out and go for a run everyday if you can, then write out positive affirmations (quotes on self esteem, Bible quotes, forgiveness and forgiving yourself). With time you’ll get stronger again. start working on you so that you’ll attract better man. like you said, someone on your level. Abi no be desperation land you in this situation? Na wa for you oo. Ps: you’re not the first person going through this and you won’t be the last. You remind me of my younger self. Now married and I Thank God for growth and maturity.
DeleteIf you want to be healed and move on, block him on SM, delete his number(s). Make a simple but sincere prayer to GOD. CRY if you want to and then get up, wipe those tears and move on.
DeleteThat guy is not matured. Don't dare go back to HIM no matter what. Better guy will come.
All the best.
You are a kiss and tell. The guy has many bad habits and a bad character but so are you. Both of you shouldn't be together.
ReplyDeleteThe story sef no gree me read finish. I just got tired from the moment you started ranting negatives about the guy.
ReplyDeleteFrom the little I read,I think you need a lot of working on to do. No doubt the guy may have his own shortcomings,but girl you need some working on your emotional maturity👈
You gat it. Emotional maturity is the word
DeleteDear poster sorry you were broken up with via text but just reading through your post,I just can't help thinking you sef follow get your own for body. I may be wrong sha
ReplyDeleteYou’re not wrong o. She get her own. Angry black woman
DeleteSo many red 🚩
ReplyDeleteYeah. How did you guys even go 4weeks without talking? All because y'all were angry? Pride. I am sure he met someone else that period that gave him peace thats why it took less than a month to break up with you. Cheer up. You will be fine.
DeleteSo u saw all these bad qualities u just mentioned here in a man and u still chook head put,how do u describe someone u say u love like this?? He is bad in bed,he is dirty,he is this and that now he has left u and u still want to die on top😭.aunty move on since his bad attributes are too much for you.
ReplyDeleteWhat's yours will come to you
ReplyDeletewhen you were loving him and enjoying the sex you didn't remember he had no balls. please move on biko, relationship is not a do or die affair and it is obvious he never loved you. you were just his maga
ReplyDeleteTell him to F__K OFF.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you even crying over this waste of space.
My dear you dodge a bullet seriously.
If you want to have fun this Xmas, many Malaysia and South African guys are coming back.
Have fun mehn and forget the loser.
I bet you are even fine and this stupid guy is ugly.
Compliments of the season, my darling. Though I felt your pain, I found some parts of your writeup quite hilarious. A rational mind would wonder why you want such a monstrosity back in your life, you ought to celebrate that he finally helped you do what you ought to have done but, for reasons known to you, couldn't. Alas! Emotions dull the senses. An emotional mind is rarely, if ever, rational. Your scathing evaluation of him was a tad over the top, but I guess it was forged from the flames of pain. Be that as it may, sweetheart, it reflects poorly on you.
ReplyDeleteAre you sad that the "relationship", for lack of a better term, ended? Because you sound more pissed that a guy, you considered beneath you, had the effrontary to break up with you, not even once. Just so you know, darling, the minute you hook up with a guy "beneath you", you've either elevated him to your level or descended to his.
The only way to overcome this pain you feel is to go through it. There are no shortcuts. Cry, scream, do whatever you need to grieve. Don't try to pretend you're not hurting, embrace it and deal with it. As the days go by, you'll start feeling better and stronger. Perhaps, you will then realise that, sometimes, man's rejection is God's protection. You really don't want such a man as a partner. It's obviously a square peg in a round hole situation. He's going to be the perfect fit for someone else, but not you. Wait for your perfect fit and wait with dignity. Heartbreak can be a right of passage, of some sort, into adulthood. Learn from this and make sure some mistakes never have an encore.
e-hugs and kisses.
This!
DeleteEweeeeeeeeee Ronalda is back!!! 💃🏿
DeleteIf you can answer me Ronalda (I'm not poster) what can I do apart from seeing a shrink, to prevent the recurrence of this type of thing?
I needed to hear this🥺
DeleteInstead of you to be dancing and jumping for joy, that the sucker left, you are there whining and pining.
ReplyDeleteI am happy he left cuz the relationship is one kind, I will have some baileys on your behalf to celebrate this break up!!!
Cheer up OK, someone better will show up sooner and later, make sure you don't mourn this relationship more than today, make sure you enjoy this holiday sweet sis, chill with your family and friends!!🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Bring out my own glass as a fellow beevee.
DeleteI just see desperation and no personal standards.
ReplyDeleteYes nobody is perfect, but everyone must have standards.
The daftest, dullest poorest Nigerian man with zero common sense and minus zero self control, smelling like a buffall, ask him the type of babe he wants. He will draft list for you as if he is going to buy the spare parts at next eke market to mold her.
Then you, supposedly educated person, will now bend this way, compromise that way, and say you are 'in love'.
In love with who when the person is stingy, emotionally distant, unwilling to commit, has very poor hygiene, doesn't express your love language, does not support you, is a parasite and much more.
So what are you loving????
You are loving nothing my dia.
Na ring you dey find
And na the money and time you think you have wasted dey grip you for chest.
Next time, if you must invite someone into your life, make sure its someone adding value to your life, not sipping your blood like mosquito with straw.
Get standards and stick to it.
👏🏼
DeleteAmen!!!! Truth!!
DeleteThis may sound harsh,but u better borrow urself brain and move on fast. The longer u spend crying and brooding over the hurt,the more likely ur next relationship might end in heartbreak. Move on fast,heal fast, if u need to sit somewhere and cry like there's no tommorow,do it and be fast about it. No time to check time abeg. Crying over someone that's probably not even thinking about u,babe Prayerfully move on,the book of Psalms says God is near to the broken hearted....your husband might be just around the corner. Move on already and forget this one. But abeg try and stop fornication. God does not approve of it at all.
ReplyDeleteThis write up honestly makes me laugh and I must say you are the bad energy in this relationship with the way you just wrote everything Demining about some you once claimed to have loved.
ReplyDeleteWell this is just one part of the story and would have loved to have heard from the other party.
The information has been passed on to you so no need crying and throwing things around for no just course. Dust your lil ass girl, take of the bad energy, get yourself some grooves, you will be fine. Never have I seen someone that a break-up killed. Sipping some energy drinks on your behalf girl.
Gbam Gbam Gbam. Thank you. Poster get her own issues.
DeletePoster just be rejoicing and thanking God you dodged this disaster of a man.
ReplyDeleteAbeg snap out of heart break mood amd keep shining, your own man will come.