CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 52

She asked him if he was married and he replied her in a sarcastic way and asked her if she wanted to marry him.....

I was sitting in my corner sipping my iced cold beer while this conversation was going on. 

I knew this was another journey to premium tears loading. But I can’t help her. She would learn. Life has a way of teaching us such hard lessons.

This was a conversation between my married colleague and a lady he was wooing at that time. But in my mind, I was thinking; shouldn’t this woman know that he is a married man without being told? 

This gives rise to the age long question. How do you identify a married man?

Lots of young unsuspecting ladies have fallen into the trap of dating married men without even knowing. In as much as I would say some of them are not smart, others were clearly played.

Like all of my writes-up, this is purely based on my personnel experience and are as such colored by my own sentiments and how I see things but some of these things are clearly basic knowledge. There are no hard and fast rules to these things, so there will always be exceptional cases and this may not apply to lots of people.

Let’s get to it...

To begin with, the hunch or that “feeling”. Whenever you have an intuitive feeling that the man you are dating is married, he is married. The aura of being married is akin to the smell of the African male goat, you can’t miss it. There is this air about the married man that he can’t easily shake off.


They always seem to know lots of stuffs. Watch out when he talks about family, bearing children, managing the home. Watch him when he talks about fees, pregnancy and other family related issues. He will always give you tell-tale signs that he has had the experience before.


Such men are more in control of their emotions and may seemingly become more caring and understanding than the average single guy.

You can’t miss the signs...they will always be there.

Secondly, the age. This is a no-brainer. The natural expectation is that men within their late-thirties and forties are expected to be married. Though there are a handful of exceptions to this but it will be safer to assume that a man of such age is a married man. 

There are also cases of younger men even in their early twenties who are married but the number is fewer compared to the older men.

When you see men at such age who are financially well off, and everything seems to be in place but say they are not married, that should sound off an alarm bell to any lady. A man that is supposed to be married and is not should either mean that he has an issue getting married before now or is already married.


Thirdly, they always “appear and disappear”. A man that has a family will always find time to be with his family at some point even if he is dating you. Even in cases where their family live in other cities or countries, they will create time to always visit them.

So, there will always be a pattern of intermittent absence away from you. This could be in the guise of a business trip, work, having an issue he has to take care of at certain times. The point is, there will always be times when he will always be away from you in order to be with his family.

This is particularly common with men within my profession. Because of the rotational kind of work they do, they can claim to be at work while joggling between their families and the other woman.

Once you find that there is a pattern of absence about him, just know he’s already married.


Furthermore, there’s no spontaneity about them. Everything is always planned and organized. There is always a pattern about dating them. The time he calls, when you can see him, when he responds to your messages, etc. Everything about him will always be purposeful. There is no unplanned outings or weekend getaways.

He might attribute it to the nature of his work, his schedules, about how he doesn’t receive calls when he is in his office, how he has to work on weekends, how he doesn’t like to be disturbed when it’s late or a habit of always calling you at night.

Having relationships with such men means visitation and meeting times are planned, you can’t see him on your own terms.


Also, they are patient and drama-free. A married man is more likely to agree to whatever uncomfortable conditions you will give to him. They are more likely to say “yes” to your silly demands. Always quick to accept and endure your youthful excesses. They would rather not want to quarrel and want to maximize the few times they want to spend with you.


They tend to apologize to you with gifts, accepting they were wrong even if they weren’t and will always have a way of using their money or means to influence the relationship. The difference between a married man and a so-called “yahoo boy” relationship is the lack of drama. The married man does not have time for it. Except he is jobless.

Lastly, married men date purposefully. It’s either they are coming for the s#x, your money, the fun or distraction they get from you, or they want you for a second wife if they can afford to. 

They are more comfortable keeping a “conditional” relationship.

Married men are more comfortable with ”friends with benefit” arrangements, “no s#x” relationships; dating you and giving you freedom to do whatever you want.

When you are dating a man who doesn’t remotely feel jealous about your other relationships and the other man in your life, he is probably married. A single hot-blooded young man will be bothered about who you talk to. But for the married man; he cares less as long as he is getting what he needs from the relationship.

In cases where such married men care so much and want to keep a relationship for a long term, then they want to jealously and exclusively own you; as if you are a pet or a trophy.

This is in contrast with many single men who probably wants to either be in the relationship for the fun of it or wants to marry on the long run. The fall out of this is that these married men are more invested in the relationship than their single counterparts.

I have seen lots of single ladies who have become so attached to such married men to the point that they can’t stand the single guys any longer. They see them as not mature enough and not emotionally invested in having serious relationships.

I might be wrong on my assumptions but you never know...


Ciao!

Hmmmmm.........