Hmmm.....
ABSENTEE FATHER ISH
So I was abandoned at 3Months by my dad ( he paid dowry on my mom's head) and he immediately remarried and I met him once as a kid when he came to my mom's village for a burial and couldn't even remember what he looks like until recently.
I went to school in the village until age eleven when my mom brought me to town and I really struggled academically cos I could not speak English, couldn't read and neither can I write but I was determined, attended so many lessons and also got help from my aunt's, I was able to catch up with my mates and I got admitted to university to study Engineering, but during my final year things got rough for my mom and she requested for help from my dad, he gave just #40,000 for fee of #120,000 ...
Then came the school project which I needed #100,000 and when I called him he was so mad that I called to request for more money after I've not thanked him for the #40,000 which he gave to us( he was shouting at the top of his voice), I went ahead to apologize and as well said thanks, I was shaken by his reaction that I was caught off guard on what to say, he went ahead to say if it's money that he has alot of bills to settle and WAEC fee to pay( he was training his wife's relative as he has just one girl with his wife) ...
I was able to utter #30,000 and that all I got, my mom and I later got a loan of #100,000 from a family friend which she later paid back but now I'm done with school to masters level. My mom is late now and time came for my marriage, was advised to go to my dad's to avoid having issue of conceiving( cos of their shrine) which I did.
My people this man was so rude to my husband and his people , it was a tussle as he threatened to cancel the marriage if we don't do all his bid ( the dowry he took ,the amount was outrageous) my husband paid and met all his demands ( I cried all through but my husband said I should not worry that he is not a fool, he knows what he is doing) I bought everything eaten on the occasion except firewood ( a lady in the community gave me) and water, he told me he wouldn't contribute a dime and he never did, and I didn't even take gift.
Wedding is over and he just found out that I married well now he wants to be paddy with my husband, this man called the king of the village I married into to complain about us cos we blocked him and painted my mom in a bad form, telling them he paid #70,000 for my fees and all the money he took, he gave it to charity, I am so angry and confused.
Please how can I stop him from telling everyone that knows me my history?
I don't intend to have any business with him until we meet in heaven?
*Just ignore your father and concentrate on your marriage..... You don't need this drama....
Please follow Stella's advice and IGNORE. Let your hubby follow suit too.
ReplyDeleteHe's very shameless and you can't help a shameless man to change
Babe, if you check very well, you may find that your dad may have been through some rough patches in life that has left him broken and bitter. He is probably not so alright and does not know he is being wicked.
DeleteJust ignore and soak yourself in the love you have found in marriage. Be careful not to de-value your father too much to your husband and inlaws for your own sake. When a man looses respect for his father-inlaw, its only a matter of time before his wife becomes a piece of rag in his eyes. No matter what, make excuse for his excesses and minimize contact with him. Dont cut him off but keep him at a safe distance while praying for him. DO NOT FOR ONE DAY LET YOUR HUSBAND SENSE THAT YOU HAVE NO LOVE OR REGARD FOR YOUR FATHER!!!
It is unfortunate your mum is no more.
Hmmm na wa oh my dear focus on your marriage forget about him, please give him that honor whenever the need arises but keep him at arm's length...I believe you married a wise partner; he can deal with your dad diplomatically...Just focus on your marriage...I have a paternal granduncle that behaved exactly like your father...Continue to respect him o but just remove him from your mind and focus on your hubby...At least you now know how not to behave to your kids and shower them all the love and care...Congratulations I am happy you came out as a strong and resilient woman...All the best...
DeleteSaphire, he abandoned her at 2 months. I don’t know any other value a deadbeat dad can have for her to even devalue.
DeleteMS SAPPHIRE, Such a good advice, I love this, if you sell your own, it will come back to bite your butt, nice one Sist
DeleteMs Sapphire, life hasn't happened to you that's why you're giving the wrong advise. What If she married a poor man nko? Do you think the man will bother?
DeletePoster, follow Stella's advise, na you know where e dey pinch you pass.
You think it easy to have any regard or respect for a living but dead father abi? If you are not wearing the shoes, you won't know how much it hurts.
DeletePoster, abeg, enjoy your marriage and ignore the man patapata.
I didn't say she should do it for the father. She should do it to keep her respect in the eyes of her husband and his family.
DeleteYou can't do anything but ignore, men like that get more triggered when you respond.
DeleteThank God your husband is on your side.
If you can, transfer his 70k back to him.
He wants to his cake and have it.
Ignore him.
DeleteHe is a deadbeat father.
If you make the mistake of allowing him in your life, he will destroy your marriage.
That's what they do. Once deadbeat fathers have finished messing up their own lives they will craftily look for how they can get back to their well to do children and start guilt tripping them and eventually mess up their lives as well.
You think he would have spared you a second if you had married Emeka the vulcaniser?
Stick to your initial plan: when you get to Heaven you can be waving hello/hi to him wherever he may be.
Do not allow affliction rise on you again.
Do not allow a snake to bite you more than once.
There is a difference between a father and a sperm donor.
Ms saphire has just given out the best advice here ....
DeleteStay away from your toxic dad but never ever allow your hubby disrespect him....cos that your toxic dad is your physical defense
Sapphire said the truth ooo, in as much as your dad no get head, don’t let your husband disrespect him o, some men are funny ooo, if he disrespects your dad , it’s just a matter of time before hw comes for u cos he would be like after all she no get mama or papa wey stand by her , she s not saying this because ur dad is a good man but because most men would turn back and use it against u later on in life, u might say u trust your husband but humans change oooo, don’t insult your dad in d presence of your husband, hide some bad things about your dad from him .. some men go use an as insult later ooo
Delete22:16 it is the best advice to YOU. Speak for yourself ALONE.
DeleteYour dad must be a troublesome man and the best thing to do is to so ignore the annoying man for your sanity to still be intact
ReplyDeleteLike stella said face your marriage and don't give too much attention to him
ReplyDeleteCan you just forgive him but stay far from him. Have nothing to do with him. Let nature judge him.
ReplyDeleteIt's unfortunate that your mụm died earlier. But please, keep and guide your peace jealously.
hmm,I wonder how these things even happen sef... someone will just abandon his family like that 😥
DeleteThe only luck me I had was that my mom was still alive when I did my wedding, I wonder what I would have gone through.
DeleteDeadbeat fathers and their entitlement spirit ehn.
The wickedness in them will not allow them to be great
DeleteVery useless and wicked man, pls cut off from him.. so painful your mum didn’t live to see this day
ReplyDeleteHe has mental problem
DeleteHe doesnt. Stop making excuses for deadbeat dads.
DeleteVery wicked and arrogant man.pls distance yourself and family from him.Excactly what I did to my uncle that wanted to reap where he did not sow
DeleteThe pain I have is that her mom died after all the suffering 😥😥
DeletePlease just pretend that he doesn't exist, let him tell people what ever he likes, because no matter what you do, I suspect he will never be satisfied.
May God bless and keep your home, amen
Which stupid useless mental problem???
DeleteI said which STUPID USELESS MENTAL PROBLEM????
Always looking for excuses for these useless Nigerian men that they have used their wandering prick to curse abundantly and can never live up to their responsibility.
Useless fools.
Mental gbuo gi him there.
Don't say anything. Just continue with your marriage.
ReplyDeleteNothing will happen to you both. If anybody calls you, tell them it's true whatever he says and cut the phone.
If he calls you husband, let him greet him and say bye-bye .
Face front. Don't bother with anything. Nothing will happen. If village chief call, tell them you will honor visit when you fit deem.
So many happenings that we all need to keep ourselves safe. No too much travelling and all that.
Tell am say country tough for everybody, shingbaka no dey..
Poster listen to this advice too...Please respect your father never show any iota of disrespect in front of your husband...Inugo
DeleteIgnore him poster, let him tell or say whatever the hell he wants to say or tell. Focus on your marriage. Pretend like he doesn't exist. Cut him off completely. Dead beat fathers, na old age their wickedness always comes back to them
ReplyDeleteSorry about the loss of your mum and all you had to go through.
ReplyDeletePlease just make sure your husband and his family knows the truth about you and your dad. Just ignore him for now and face your home. Hopefully, he will get tired
They will insult her with it.. u don’t know human beings, I told mine something like this and his mum used it to insult me that she didn’t abandon her children ooo blabla.. piste stop talking bad about your husband to your husband from today
DeleteMay your mum's soul continue to respect in peace.i know it's hard to forgive but try and forgive him for your own peace of mind.You don't have to be close with him.
ReplyDeleteExactly let her forgive from a distance.
DeleteAvoid that sperm donor forever.
ReplyDeleteSo if you had married a poor guy,that is how he would have continue the insult on your late mom and you?
Please avoid him,don't pay mind to whatever he has to say to people, afterall people that matter to you don't care about what he has to say and people that care about what he has to say don't matter.
Concentrate on your new home and be closer to God more than ever because, I'm sorry to say but your dad might want to do something bad to you and your husband to prove to people his point.
@Brown
DeleteIf he is a "sperm donor"
Praise God for him. You go to a sperm bank and see how much sperms are sold.
She said she wants to see her dad in heaven and you are separating them forever? 😮😮😮😮
These life is not fair at all.
ReplyDeleteYou will suffer to train a child when it's time to start enjoying the fruit of your labour.devil (death) will show face.
God why?
God please don't allow us and our parent to labour in vain (AMEN)
Poster face your home and don't look back.you are a fruitful vine.
So you must bear fruits(children)
Forgive your father in order to be at peace with yourself and maker.
Forgiveness is not reconciliation
What a deadbeat father..Tell your husband to block his number ,you too block him cut him out
ReplyDeleteLet him continue deceiving himself.
The husband will disrespect her I am telling u, her best pet is not to ever discuss her dad with the husband again, her dad might be bad but he is still her dad nd family nd if u allow your husband insult him, u don’t have any cover again cos your husband would use it against you later
DeleteIf she were an orphan nko? The man will disrespect her? Please stop. My advice to the poster is face your marriage and build yourself into a woman of value. Do not rely solely on your husband and his wealth. Go back to school if you can or build a business if you can. Hold your own. No man disrespects a woman who holds her own. Not even your in-laws will disrespect you. The mistake you made was to go back because of a shrine, for that reason you must pay the devil his dues, and your father is demanding it. Break yourself free if you ever want to know peace.
DeleteMy papa their WhatsApp group member, Nne just forgive him n face front,entitle father,when he dies,they will still call you to give him a befitting burial.no matter hw he rant,don't just give a hood,ndi mpaa iberibe
ReplyDeleteMy dear take Stella's advice, you see how Meagan nwunye prince Harry ignored her father, ignore your Dad. Be prayerful too ask God to handle the situation. Once in a while send him something into his account but do it once in a while, don't give him any money as per physical cash. Keep praying he will get the message with time to dey him dey.
ReplyDeleteOne last thing, enjoy your marriage and I wish your mom was alive but don't worry it is well with you in Jesus name Amen.
@hot see why should she send something into his account once in a while? Does he deserve it. I feel people should receive the same measure with wish they measure to people. The father was deadbeat she should be same way to him. He deserves nothing from her!
DeleteSend what to wear?
DeleteDid he care what how she was eating, clothing or surviving as a child a student?
Hunger done blow you as a student with no where to turn to even though you have parents who have money?
Was he there for her when she was ill? Did he ever go through her homework or offer fatherly advice?
Somebody that refused to contribute 1 kobo to her wedding, did not even give her a gift for her wedding.
And you say she 'should send money'...because there is money to be flinging upandan. Is like that thing you people smoke, they have increased the dosage.
I love that last line..."until we meet in heaven"
ReplyDeleteHeaven is where Jesus is, right? Then, you have to obey Jesus; to pray for your enemies
Romans 12:19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.” 20On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.…
You will meet him in heaven and you are afraid of his shrines and can't even coexist with him here on earth? choose one dear.
ReplyDeleteFace your marriage, the thing about people telling tales about you is that eventually, the people they are telling will be able to decipher their real character. Thank God you are married and you were smart enough to avoid any issues so he can't say he wasn't settled, your father isn't a good man and might never change. Avoid him and face your life.
ReplyDeleteOmo your Dad is a replica of my Anuty, Ever since my siblings and I lost our parents, that has been her behavior.... Omo hanty face front you and your husband should cut ties with him to avoid had I know. sorry for the loss of your Mum. had it been she was alive it wouldn't have turned out this way. May God See us through
ReplyDeleteHe is a sperm donor. She has also been through hell and back without the presence of a father. She has done well for herself and also honoured her father by overlooking every pain and allow him collect her dowry and more. Now, upon finding out she is well positioned, he feels entitled and wants to be close to her husband to do what exactly? For me, I will suggest she face front as advised by Stella but can also agree with her husband to stay very very far from him while sending him stipends until he passes on. This man sure looks like Meghan's father with over sized "entitlement" mentality.
ReplyDeleteShe even tried.
DeleteAs you, yes you poster you tried.
Me? Give who dowry?
Somebody that would have been dead to me siiiiiiiiiiiiiince.
Let my partner just see me as an orphan.
Simple.
And trust me, I'm not the type of woman society will be telling what to do.
Ignore this selfish sperm donor. My dad abandoned me at 11yrs old but he was concentrate during my wedding and acts remorseful till today. Now I am responsible for even the pure water he drinks...no 1 knows tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThey always crawl back when they need someone to sponge off of in their old age...the wife they treated with contempt, the kids they neglected, they start sucking up to them feeling entitled because they provided sperm...it can never be me sha.
DeleteNonsense man.may the soul of your mum rest in peace,so sad she isn't here to eat the fruit other labour.For that your father please kindly press ignore button for him like madam Stella advised .He doesn't worth your stress self
ReplyDeleteSome times when you forgive, you do so at arm's length, your father is toxic, in fact he is a parent, not a father.. Ignore him..
ReplyDeleteJust follow Stella advice, abeg you don't need bad energy. Also tell your hubby to block him everywhere blockable.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what the issue is. Keep him at a distance. If he likes he should call Buhari and complain.
ReplyDeleteIgnore and distance him forever. He owes you a lot, especially he needs to genuinely asl for your forgiveness,and since he seems heady, forget about him and block him
ReplyDeleteHe may never apologize
DeletePoster make peace with yourself and move on
Tell your own part of the story to anyone he reports you too, spoil me,I spoil your name too
ReplyDeleteit is well. pray always and cover yourself with the blood if Jesus/Prov 18:10 ignore your fathee
ReplyDeleteI wish your mom was alive. So sad.
ReplyDeleteIf you, your husband and your dad are in the same location, then it's time to start considering relocating from there.
ReplyDeleteYou know what it means to give someone long yard a.k.a distance, that is the best thing to do now, if you both can, block him off.
What happens to the family he was having so many bills to pay including WAEC?
Poster, don't allow anyone to guilt-trip. Block anyone trying to do that to you too. Face front. Would he have look your side if God didn't butter your bread by giving a good man and well-to-do?
My only annoyance in this scenario is that your mum isn't alive to give you out in marriage. May God bless and rest her soul where she's now.
---Reserved Queen---
Ignore,
ReplyDeleteMy dear ignore him, may your mom's soul rest in peace amen
ReplyDeleteJust ignore the old man who has refused to grow up....
ReplyDeleteKeep carrying on like he doesn't exist
I’m reading comments and I’m just imagining the double standards from women.if it was her mom,y’all would’ve said forgive her ,she’s your mom ,you can’t replace your mom bla bla bla but you’re saying ignore him forget about him cos it’s her dad.i pity you o poster of you listen to these people.forgive your dad,you may keep him at arms length but provide for him when you can.
ReplyDeleteThe father had no womb to carry her in
DeleteStop paying attention to him, concentrate on your marriage. People are like that, once they see that you are doing well everyone want to associate with you but when you are not doing well no one want to associate with you.
ReplyDeletePoster may God continue to rest the soul of your mom, l pray we all live and reap the labour of our hands. as for your father please press ignore button ba dogon turanchi
ReplyDeleteHmmm sooo sad that your mummy didnt live long enough to enjoy. May she rest in perfect peace in heaven.AMEN😇
ReplyDeleteMy dear just try to forget he even exists. Forgive him in your heartbut stay far away from him because is a toxic and wicked being. Dont worry about what he is saying . Who is he even saying it to? His village people?. Do you even know them? Can they actually affect your life in any way?. Just remove all of them from your mind and just keep praying for Gods protection. Stay close to your mums people and live your best life. Focus on your marriage and your career and future. FORGET HIM!
Your Chronicle got ne teary when you mentioned that your mum passed away... Its sad.
ReplyDeleteMay we live to reap the fruits of our labour..
May God grant you wisdom on how to relate with your father.. Its really a tough one..
I dont understand which 'history' are you bothered about?
ReplyDeleteSomeone who abandoned you at 2 months??
2 MONTHS??
Someone you saw only once in your life after that?
Okay he gave you 30k and 40k at 2 different times. The only times he has given you money very grudgingly in your entire life.
70k.
If that us what is pinching his body, send the money back to him. Dont tell him what it is for just transfer that amount.
Your clothing, feeding, school fees, drugs, shelter I guess it was your mom who held you through, a pity she is no more.
So what history are you on about? Is it history based on the relationship he never had with you?
My dear focus on your marriage and building and empowering yourself.
Let him continue making noise and painting stories with bycicle tire.
That is not your concern.
Poster your anger is justified. However, just forgive him and let go. He musn't be a part of your daily life, but just ensure you have no bitterness towards him in your heart. Why?
ReplyDeleteYou said and I quote; "I don't intend to have any business with him until we meet in heaven" hmmmm.. No heaven for someone with unforgiveness oh. So my dear. Free your heart, mind and soul and enjoy your marriage jare.
God give you grace.