Hmmm.....
ADVICE NEEDED
I am a lady married to a comfortable man who has three wives already.
I am a lady married to a comfortable man who has three wives already.
The marriage was properly done at family level and he paid bride price and everything required of him. I have two kids for him.
I recently gave My life to Christ and I have never experienced this kind of peace in my life. He is a good man and has no issues with my new faith. However, the other wives do but that is not the problem.
Am I supposed to stay married to this man?. Supposing I leave like some are suggesting to me, what becomes of my two children whether he takes them or not. I can't take care of them as I am just a new school graduate and you know what the job market is like. Please I need advice.
Wait let me get this clear...
Wait let me get this clear...
You married a man of Muslim Faith and you are the fourth wife... Now you have given your life to Christ and become a Muslim and you want to leave?
Wetin even make you go Marry man wey get three wives? I am sure you changed religion cos you want out, right?
Stay where you are.....
No she can't stay ooo. She has to go! Omo what am I saying sef? Madam ask the holyspirit to help you.
ReplyDeleteBiblically it is a sin but who am I to judge you......I don't think its a good thing for you leave the marriage....let the pastor's in the house advice you.
ReplyDeletekindly enlighten me with scriptures how polygamy is a sin
DeletePls direct us to the portion of the bible where it is a sin....2 Corinthians 6:14 on being unequally yoked with unbelievers would have been apt if she was a christian before marrying her muslim husband, but that is not the case here.
DeletePoster let the Holy Spirit interprete this portion of the bible to you..."1 Corinthians 7:12-14" ESV -To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.
I pray you take the right decision for yourself and your children but above all for your LORD.
@Anon 15.33...
Delete1 Corinthians 7:2 - But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Genesis 2:24 - Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
Proverbs 18:23 - He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.
Isaiah 62:5 - For as a young man marries a young woman... and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.
Note that each verse said wife and not wives; husband and not husbands!
As to whether polygamy is a sin...hmmm...well, that is for you to draw your own opinion/conclusion.
I, however, know that monogamy was the standard set for marriage!
Arike, where in the Bible is polygamy sin?
DeleteIsaac, David, Solomon, etc all married more than one wife.
It is the brainwashed Christianity that oyibo gave you labelled it a sin and even told you that traditional marriage has no meaning but church wedding is spiritually endorsed... All that crap is lie because even in the wedding Jesus turned water to wine is a traditional wedding. Neither Jesus nor any pastor officiated that wedding even though it took place in their presence.. Read your bible.
Poster, please don't leave your marriage...
Religion is a choice of worship pattern, because it is the religion your parents born you into is the one you see as a true religion... Or a Christian will tell me that Jesus is not in heaven because he didn't practice Christianity but practiced Judaism?
Please don't leave ooo.
@SMH ....All verses you quoted are not applicable to the poster because she wasnt a christian before marriage
Delete16.09 the Bible presents us with the full view of all the people God used, BUT it did not tell us to imitate their SINS. That a character had a fault does not mean the Bible is telling you to emulate that fault. Please, read your Bible.
DeleteEven Jesus in Matthew 19:4 said:
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the TWO will become one flesh’
Anon 17:57, can you please tell me where in the Bible God condemned them that their polygamous marriage is sin?
DeleteOr are you now the judge?
Will all of them go to hell fire because of polygamy?
Please I need answers
19.40 I have replied you 👇, but please desist from referring to me as a judge when I am simply sharing what God's Word makes clear. If you do not want to obey it, then say so rather than this corner corner approach.
DeleteCheers
Right from 15.33, you've been asking for scriptures on where polygamy is a sin, you have been given verses upon verses by different people but still asking the same question. Just tell us your mind is made up... repentance is a choice, it's not by force.
Delete@SMH, Arike and others who agree to smh and Arike’s comments, thank you. God will reward you all. I’m happy we still have genuine Christians here and not jekurede(lukewarm/by mouth) Christians. May God help us all.
DeleteOpari...... Since the man is not giving you problems, stay with him. And since you gave your life to Christ, let the good fruits of Christ be in you. Before you know it you will be at peace with everyone.
ReplyDeleteBe a Christian with good character and once they see it, even the devil will be at peace with you. Also hold Christ well. Be a worker in the church and leave the rest for God
Great advice. Pls poster don’t listen to those over spirikoko people who will advise you to leave. Let your light shine in that place, you may with your good faith win others to Christ.
Delete19.39 and why should she listen to you either?
DeleteWow! Why do you now want out all of a sudden? Were you not with your two eyes wide opened when you decided to marry a man with 3 wives? What do y'all really want? I basically am curious
ReplyDeleteShe wants out because she gave her life to Christ
DeleteDeal with the choice you have made ,esp if you can't take care of your kids.
ReplyDeleteStay and preach the gospel to them
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteWhy do you want to leave your husband? madam you are married and there is no crime in polygamy, you can still practice your religion with him. does your new faith not preach against divorce? maybe you want out cause you have seen a much younger blood, be careful with the decisions you make. your family and children should always come first in your decisions.
ReplyDeleteIt's complicated oooo. I'll step aside maybe I can learn a thing or two
ReplyDeleteHmmm
ReplyDeleteSince he doesn't have any problem with your new faith you can suggest to him that you want to live apart from him and his kids can visit him. If he refuses he will definitely want to take his kids, except he is an understanding man.
Try your lock and whatever
You have to stay there. Don't divorce him because it's a sin..
DeletePerhaps God can use you to turn him to christ..
Continue to show fruits of the holy spirit, ask God to use you accordingly.
Congratulations on finding the author and finisher of our faith.. Remain steadfast.
Luck*
DeleteOfficial prestige don’t divorce him ke? Because it’s a sin?? Are you listening to yourself? It is a sin right now for the fact that she’s married to a man with three wives. That’s not her husband! God only recognizes the first wife. Since she’s now a Christian, she cannot continue that marriage oo hmmm. Poster this is the Holy Spirit speaking to you to do the right thing. You’ll have to leave that marriage. Discuss this with him and make proper arrangement. Start saving as much as you can if you can’t leave right now. All intimacy must stop. To make heaven is not only by mouth o hmm. We have to obey Gods commandment. This is a tough situation you’re in but it’s doable. Marriage ends here on earth. Everything ends here on earth just remember that. Eternity is forever so please do the right thing. I pray God will see you through. Amen 🙏🏽
DeleteDo what your mind tells you to do
ReplyDeleteYou must remain married to him.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you running
Maybe she wants to marry a Christian 🙂🙂
DeleteMadam, I believe that peace you have found is good. Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteThe Lord will lead you to take the right steps just ask Him. He is closer to you. Talk to Him and He will lead you in what to do and how to go about it. However, don't be in a rush but just make sure you hear well.
How can you hear, by reading His word. Then you obey
very quality advise
DeleteHere to learn. Didn't state everything well. But I believe it's best you stay cos of the children since the man has no issues with your new found faith. My thoughts though.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe you are thinking of ending the marriage and leaving the kids behind in a polygamous home.
ReplyDeleteIf you do that, then you are very selfish and women like you have no business giving birth.
Since your husband has no issues with your new faith, why not stay their and take care of your kids.
If the other wives complain, ignore them. After all they are not the one feeding you.
Stay and make sure she does not involve in adultery with him! If not then there’s no point staying o. He can definitely still see his kids. And she Better not leave them!
DeleteIf he doesn't send you away,pls stay and continue your Christianity.
ReplyDeleteWaiting for bv ******
ReplyDeleteBlack, I have written my comment. I don't know why Stella hasn't uploaded it.
Delete@ Blackberry, I just counted the number of asterisks and it matched with my name. Could it be me? 😆😆😆😆😆😆
DeleteGood afternoon.
😁 no jechix
DeleteWe already know you will judge the poster from A to Z, so it's good madam SDK seized it!
Deletestay there for your children's sake since you don't have any means of livelihood
ReplyDeleteAnd what about her soul and eternity sake? Every man for himself/herself ni o. God is no respecter of anyone. His words/commandments don’t change. Na the same God. Let’s say the man becomes born again today, Na to divorce the remaining 3 o including poster and only his first wife stays with him. And of course he better care for his kids. So yeaaa
DeleteWhat is all these about @05:13, who are you to judge or condemn anyone, poster, you have no issue, seems you haven’t read your bible very well. Kindly read your bible from genesis to revelation to know God very well and serve him the way he wants you to serve, do no mind all these hypocrites quoting one verse after another. Knowledge is key. Stop asking for advice Upandan.
DeleteYou giving your life to Christ means,you have to leave marriage because he's not your husband in the sense you have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Personal Saviour,,so port from that marriage also,.
ReplyDeleteAsk Holy Spirit for directions okay.
May He direct your paths.
The Good Lord's your strength 💪🙏🙌.
Gbam. We have genuine Christians on this blog🙏🏽😘🤗💕
DeleteWow! Dont know what to tell you oh.....
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your being born again. Thank God your husband does not trouble you about your new found faith. It is not right for you to leave the marriage, rather stay and be a light in that family. By His grace, through you, others in that home will become born again. God gives you grace and bless you in Jesus name.
ReplyDelete😃 Stella @Stay where you are.
ReplyDeleteposter if the man you married is of a different faith, he being a good man and not having issues with your new faith is just for the moment. with time, it will bring up issues cos two cannot walk together except they agree.
If you want out because you have given your life to Christ then you have to be ready to remain unmarried and serve God and take care of your kids. But from your write up, you don't have the means to take care of the kids. I'm tempted to say like Stella said remain where you are. The holy spirit that has filled you with peace will give you the wisdom to take the next step to your favour.
@ Deheroine, she can remarry. That instruction of remaining single is for the 'wife' i.e. the wife God recognizes which is the first wife.
Delete@jechix, Gbam. She’s the fourth wife, not the first wife. She can definitely remarry and find her real husband(Christian). Kisses to you (holy kiss lol😄) 😚
Deleteyou've given your Life to christ, old things are past away, that means you are now a creature in Christ, just like you never existed before and now you are born. whether you were a kidnapper, Did abortion, Married into Polygamy. All has been forgiven and you are now Anew. Christ has forgiven, now forgive yourself and move on, don't let the devil Remind you of your past and use it to tie you down.
ReplyDeleteyou don't have to divorce him, Solomon, Abraham etc they all married more than 1 wife, be Spiritual and Rational in Reasoning and not over religious.
@Dede, Abraham married only once - Sarah. When she died, he married Keturah. Gen. 25:1
DeleteJechix, Dede is actually right.
DeleteHagar, in the Old Testament (Gen. 16:1–16; 21:8–21), Abraham's concubine and the mother of his son Ishmael. Purchased in Egypt, she served as a maid to Abraham's childless wife, Sarah, who gave her to Abraham to conceive an heir.
Jechix, are you aware that Sarah is also Abraham's half sister?
DeleteDede,
DeleteThe Bible presents us with the full view of all the people God used, BUT it did not tell us to imitate their SINS. That a person who walked with God had a fault does not mean the Bible is telling you to emulate that fault.
Jesus clearly states in Matthew 19:4:
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the TWO will become one flesh’
ONE man ONE wife
17.28 a concubine is not a wife.
Delete@17:59 thank you. You’re absolutely correct. They stay/continue to quote the Old Testament misleading people. smh 🤦🏾♀️
DeleteCongratulations! Congrats on your new found faith. Welcome to the family. It's nice here. You'd encounter some ups and downs during the ride. But the master will make it smooth for you. No Stella, I don't think she repented because she wants to leave.😂😂😂 Stella the adviser general!😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteNow, why do you want to leave? Because of your new found faith or because your co-wives don't like it? If you are to leave, it should be because you pondered on scriptures, listened to the Holy Spirit and made up your mind.
Ponder on the following scriptures and make your decision from there:
- Amos 3:3,
- 2 Corinthians 6:14
- Genesis 2:24 Emphasis on the word 'Wife' (singular) as against 'wives'.
-. 1 Corinthians 7:2
-. Deuteronomy 17:17
-. Genesis 5:2 (God's standard for marriage)
-. Etc.
Polygamy is sin before God. That people do it and get away with it doesn't change God's stand. Just like every other sin, God will never force you to obey him. He is unlike Satan that will always force you and harm you. In Gen. 5:2, it says male and female not males and females as the world is doing now. If you want to know God's stand on anything, search the scriptures and see what he said or did on that issue. His standard on marriage is one man, one wife. He used his hand to make it that way so no one can argue. Forget all you see today.
Next, what are your fears? Sustenance for you and your children? Getting another man? Read 1 Thessalonians 5:24.
Pray. Commit EVERYTHING to God. He'll help you all the way. He'll NEVER, EVER leave you.
The decision is yours to make. I pray for you that God will come through for you at every point in your life in Jesus name.🙏
Jechix, are you saying that Abraham, David (a man after God's own heart), Isaac etc are all going to hell fire because they married more than one wife?
DeleteAre you aware that Jesus is not a Christian, because Christianity was created after his death.
He practiced Judaism and Judaism approves more than one wife.
Anon 17.47
DeleteActs 17:30 The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent,
If you want to use the errors of men of old as an excuse to walk in sin, it doesn't fly oh.
Oh. Thanks @18:26 for helping explain. Exact scriptures I would have used.
DeleteThe law of God is your guide not humans. Their stories were written for us to learn from. Not that we should copy. 1 Corinthians 10:11
Jecchix and Anon 18:26, can both of you please tell me where in the Bible God condemned that their polygamous marriage as sin?
DeleteOr are you guys now the judge?
Will all of them go to hell fire because of polygamy?
Please I need answers
19.38 how would you jump into calling us judges simply for sharing Scriptures? I don't get it. Maybe your conscience is bothering you about something...
DeleteRe: polygamy
Jesus clearly states in Matthew 19:4 -
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the TWO will become one flesh.
1 Corinthians 7:2
But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Deuteronomy 17:17
And he shall not acquire many wives for himself, lest his heart turn away, nor shall he acquire for himself excessive silver and gold
-------
There are several other verses as well. The Bible is very very clear on marriage being ONE MAN, ONE WOMAN.
Matthew 19:4-6
DeleteHe answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Did we go to the same church growing up or do we currently go to the same church? @jechix, because i completely agree with you. Let’s be friends in the lord 🤗😊
DeleteUnless you are just tired of the polygamous marriage, your new faith does not require you to divorce or be separated from him, since you married him before you gave your life to christ. Didn't we have polygamous men in the bible? If you are tired of the marriage, you can simply say so and move on. But wisdom is profitable, do not leave yet until you have gotten something meaningful to do that can help you care for your children. Divorce is a weighty issue and requires careful planning and strategizing. Make sure you remain a good wife despite your desire to divorce him, so that if you eventually have the mental strength to leave him, you will still have a cordial relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteHUMBLE REQUEST: Dear Poster, can you please start a polygamy post on the blog for us. I have often wondered how women in polygamous marriages cope, emotionally, sexually and financially. Do you get jealous when Hubby is with the other wives, Do you take turns to get invited into his room, Are the children able to predict when it is a particular wife's turn, since Hubby may sleep in your room or invite you to his when it is your turn. Are you scared of STIs that he could possibly get from one of the other wives? DO the wives try to outdo each other in pleasuring HUBBY? How do you all manage his resources? Do you feel fulfilled officially sharing your man with other women? What made you choose to be with an already married man? Does this polygamous arrangement affect the children adversely? If given an opportunity, would you choose polygamy over monogamy? When you chose to marry him, were you worried about what your friends and colleagues would say? Do these polygamous arrangements also entail threesomes and foursomes? Do the wives discuss HUbby's sexual prowess?
I mean no disrespect whatsoever, I am just curious, particularly with the growing incidence of polygamy and with the way young girls willingly choose to be with an already married man.
If you are unwilling to share your experiences with us, I will perfectly understand.
I would love to hear from you.
Warm regards
Polygamy Curious BV
Are you planning to enter?
DeleteShe should leave as the marriage was an adulterous relationship. If she has really found Christ,ask the Holy Spirit for directions
ReplyDeleteThat's how my former landlord became born again, divorce his 2 last wives,saying its the first wife thats scriptural. I will advice you stay where you are,because the street us not smiling,if you leave ,will you remarry,or stay as you are? Can you single handedly take Care of the children? Stay there and practice your new find faith there so far he's not disturbing you, a deaconess in our church is one of the wives 0f a popular rich man in Lokoja, and she's even a choir member sef,
ReplyDeleteThis question came up in my former church, that if one gets born again and had been in a polygamous marriage, should they leave? The pastor said they shouldn't leave if they were properly married asper paid bride price and if they were just cohabiting, he should go and pay the bride price and live with the wives like that, I also knew a man from Benin Republic in my church as a child that had two wives, they always wore anco and seemed to get along.
DeleteSo because she’s a deaconess in church it means it’s ok with her current arrangement and God will over look it?? I laugh out loud… real loudly.
Delete@17:30, but that doesn’t mean he’s right though. We have so many fake pastor these days just to keep church members for their own pockets. Read the Bible and study it well so you’re not misguided.
DeleteBut she did not mention of d husband been a Muslim or Christian
ReplyDeleteI think if we were to follow what is in the Bjble, in God's eyes, the only legal wife is the first wife. The others are adulterers with the man.
ReplyDeleteI think she's supposed to leave. In God's eyes, she's not married to the man.
Gbam Gbam Gbam. Key words, “if we were to follow what’s in the Bible”, not man made to soothe ourselves. Let the church say Amennnn.
DeleteShe can stay...her acceptance of Christ was after/during the marriage. There is nowhere in the Bible where it is stated that you leave your husband/wife after accepting Christ in a polygamous situation. Rather you are encouraged to continue in the faith. If you chose to leave, fine; it should be your choice. The only condition for polygamous spouses is that they do not hold any position of leadership on the church.
ReplyDelete“The only condition for polygamous spouses is that they do not hold any position of leadership on the church”. And why is that? You guys can’t just pick and choose and follow Gods word the way we deem fit. You can’t just do that. And No, she cannot stay. She’s an adulterer and that’s not her husband. Kapish?
DeleteStella can be funny atimes with her red pen.. Odikwa, poster stay right there o🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteYou likely got married to this man because he was a person of great financial means so your turned your eyes away from the three women ahead of you in his life.
ReplyDeleteI would not tell you to leave either, if your finances are zero and with two young children where are you going to go? Family will all pretend they want to put you up but after two weeks face will change. If you live communally in the same compound that is where the problem is. You will have to ask him for another place to live. Men who believe in polygamy and expect the wives to live peacefully in the same setting are daft. Every woman should have her own home far away from the others, but since misogyny is at the core of most polygamous institutions the thought of the women and their children's lives are not taken into account. It is cheaper to just put everyone in the same spot.
Try to get a place of your your own elsewhere out of that compound. Do sweet wife and work his soft side for a place of your own, and not just a rental apartment, a small home you can add your name to the title, ain't no point becoming fourth wife and having nothing material to show out of it. Use your head. If he dies tomorrow and does not have a proper will where you think you and your children will end up? You better smarten up!
Stay and plan your strategy. Save up and all and see if you want to leave. I believe you married him for economic reasons not love and the economic reason is now more pressing with two children. If you leave, you might be lucky and have some sort of divine intervention. Let me give you another scenario, you leave, you have nothing, you suffer and start sleeping with married men to get money to eat. If that happens, you will quickly fall out of love for your new found faith.
ReplyDeleteDon't leave
DeleteStay in that marriage, he is your husband. He has accepted your new faith. All you need to do is act peacefully and let them see the light in you.
ReplyDeleteNope wrongggg. She can’t stay if she’s a genuine Christian
DeleteSave save save is all you need to do right now and find a job or business please. Women stop relying 100% on mennnnn! Contribute something to the table for goodness sake. Poster you’ll have to address this in a delicate way so you both can co parent well. Involve people that have your back if things are not going as planned so they can talk to him in a peaceful way. Marriage of convenience because of lack of finances and getting your innocent kids involved in this mess. Wishing you all the best but you’ll have to leave if you’re genuinely born again. He ain’t your man. Find your own husband please. God will do it. Goodluck and update us please.
DeleteOfficial prestige don’t divorce him ke? Because it’s a sin?? Are you listening to yourself? It is a sin right now for the fact that she’s married to a man with three wives. That’s not her husband! God only recognizes the first wife. Since she’s now a Christian, she cannot continue that marriage oo hmmm. Poster this is the Holy Spirit speaking to you to do the right thing. You’ll have to leave that marriage. Discuss this with him and make proper arrangement. Start saving as much as you can if you can’t leave right now. All intimacy must stop. To make heaven is not only by mouth o hmm. We have to obey Gods commandment. This is a tough situation you’re in but it’s doable. Marriage ends here on earth. Everything ends here on earth just remember that. Eternity is forever so please do the right thing. I pray God will see you through. Amen 🙏🏽
ReplyDelete@16:09, Polygamy is a sin, sin, sin. My dad told me about A man in his church years ago. He took too much valium but not enough to completely kill him. His soul came out of his body and he saw himself floating around in his room. He couldn’t do anything about it. He couldn’t go back to wake himself up. God sha had mercy on him and he later woke up. As soon as he woke up, he got dressed and rannn to my dad who’s a pastor at that time and with fear told my dad what happened. He was in tears because it was just him alone and no one else; everything going on on earth at that moment didn’t matter anymore. It was just him and how he lived his life. My dad said after what happened to him, no one told him to come to church regularly and he completely gave his life to Christ. What I’m I trying to say here, everything ends here on earth, including marriage, financial gains and what not. After death is judgment. When my dad told me about it, fear catch me and I try to live a life that’s pleasing to God. I’m not perfect but wit God and the help of the Holy Spirit, it’s doable. So poster, please do the needful. Polygamy is a sin. God’s blessings. 🙏🏽
ReplyDeleteHello dear Poster...I pray you read this message...Have you received the Holy Spirit into you as well?Please do because being born again is just the first step...The Holy Spirit will guide you in all things.. He knows all things and you can't make a mistake when you are guided and influenced by Him.Speak to Him..He will direct you. He has a unique guidance for you but of course,it must come from the Word.God bless you ..
ReplyDelete