Hmmm.....
TOXIC BOSS
My boss is a verbally abusive person. Have you seen where someone will insult you till you loose your self esteem, i feel like mine is being threatened now.
My boss is a verbally abusive person. Have you seen where someone will insult you till you loose your self esteem, i feel like mine is being threatened now.
I used to like him very much but right now, i despise him much more than i ever liked him, i used to think that the verbal abuse will not get to me but right now i am very vulnerable, i cry over every little thing, i have gotten to a stage that i just look at him when he starts, i dont bother to defend myself anymore, i just let him say all he has to say and i cry silently. i cannot tolerate it anymore, my mental health feels threatened.
I abuse drugs now because i believe that is the only way i can get through the day. There is hardly a day that this man doesnt find faults or mistakes. He looks for loopholes and picks on every mistake, he expects you to be perfect while he himself is not.
He hates the truth and no one dares face him to tell him even when he is wrong. When he does something wrong, he still ends up blaming me for it. He is toxic, aggressive, possessive, over bearing, controlling. He can be supportive financially but these other characters is beginning to outweigh the good he does.
I am a very patient and tolerant person but right now my tolerance level has dropped to zero and I am always very cranky, sad, intolerable, angry.
See this person will want you to crawl on your kneels to beg him if there is a mistake but all that is in the past now. I really cannot tolerate anymore. I am not perfect myself but this is too much for one person.
I hate going to work and my salary is not even worth all these that I am going through here but as a single parent, i cant afford to resign and do nothing. I AM JUST TIRED. EVEN MY TIRED IS TIRED. But I still believe God will make a way.
Why dont you just resign and walk away before it gets worse?
Why dont you just resign and walk away before it gets worse?
The best advice is to resign from that work.
ReplyDeleteIs your boss my husband?, Because you just described him here. One day, I will make sure I break his head.
DeleteAnon 15;55, you are so funny. I laughed eh😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteResignation will not solve the problem. First, you are not the problem, your boss is. Your boss has deeply rooted unresolved personal issues which he may not want to admit to himself. He is not alone, as a lot of Nigerian employers especially one man businesses are very toxic individuals who feel they own their staff since they pay them. You need to man up, develop a thick skin and overlook that childishness to do your work there and once the time is right, just move. Such employers never change and a lot of times, they recruit fellow staff drunken in stupid loyalty even when the truth is glaring to support them. If you cannot deal with this mountain, climb and conquer it, you may not be ready for a higher calling in your profession.
DeleteIn this economy, resignation is not an option for most people. Poster hang in there and keep looking for another job or an alternative source of income. Resign at once when you find it
DeleteIf it's threatening your peace like you are portraying, it's best you resign
ReplyDeleteMy boss is the exact opposite of yours poster, she can give good advice, overlooks alot of our mistakes inthe office, forgives & forgets easily BUT she stingy die.
DeleteCome to her with any issue, she go advice even pray for you after that una go dey look each other like feem until you develop sense and leave her office.
I guess we can't have it all.
Ndo.
@Able GOD exactly 👌👌
Delete@sandra...stingy in that she owes you your salary or in what sense is shy stingy?
DeleteSandra, besides your salary, your boss owes you NADA. Stop being entitled to someone else's money or material help.
DeleteYour boss owes you NOTHING except your salary and respect for the value you bring.
DeleteNOTHING ELSE.
This wretched entitled mentality is the reason I despise Nigerians, especially those on the lower rungs. Hungry crabs always ass kissing and feeling entitled to other people's moneym
Resign....Pretty simple!
ReplyDeleteI have had to deal with a verbally abusive manager and trust me to so give it back to him in his own coin...
He asked me to stay away without categorically sacking me and i did without hesitation
I can't come and be worshipping plus begging some ungrateful being cos of some salary that isn't worth the stress joor
😂😂😂
DeletePoster excuse me? What are you typing up there? What has you liking him got do with doing your job and receiving insults from him? You are abusing drugs because of one human being? Have you made a formal complaint to your HR or Head of dept and what did they say?
ReplyDeleteStop making human beings so powerful over your life that you have to resort to self-destruct? Please resign immediately and protect your mental health..Don't tolerate toxic people or environment..You have a career, brand to build, don't toss it away...
That was how a lady I know personally took her own life in one of the popular banks this year because her boss and colleagues frustrated her..I miss her everyday...
I am also a survivor of workplace toxic environment.I suffered for 2 years..I resigned from the job and God showed up for me in a way where it seems to be no way...I took a risk and resigned without a backup job in 2019 - now I am not saying you should do same but please PLAN YOUR EXIT right now.. Do you know the silly girl tried chatting me up this year, I just ignored her completely- WETIN CONCERN BABYLON WITH JERUSALEM....Where I am now, my career is advancing by the grace of God because I did not allow a human being to mess up my career..
This is end of the year a lot of people are resigning to move to other jobs towards the new year..Wipe your tears and START NOW...Dust your CV and cover letter and start applying NOW! Be violent and take charge of your life...All the best and Ehugs...
It seems like it's one man business.. Not a company that has structure..
DeleteShe might also lack the certificate to get a better job.. If she got the job through recommendation and personal favor, she will find it difficult resigning.
But poster, you need to take the WHEEL and go for some hustle that will give you peace.
From her story you can tell it is a one man business without a good structure like the HR being able to function well.
DeleteIt's probably a one man business, and I think she's scared she wouldn't get a job quickly if she resigns,and she probably thinking...how would she take care of her child🤔
Delete@Phoenix I'm also a fellow survivor of
Deletean extremely toxic work place with demonic colleagues that play office politics like ludo.
Ran for my dear life because my dignity and self respect is worth everything to me and I don't know how to do praise singing, sychophancy and office politics.
@Ennie, which HR?? Lolll,🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nigerian HR that are just lap dogs for their management?
I've never met a Nigerian HR that has sense, that knows what he or she is doing, that can stand up and advice Management when wrong policies are being introduced.
Never.
All of them are still doing timid boy-boy for their ogas. LMAO.
Poster, plan your exit. You can never be happy much less grow in that place.
Look out for online jobs, nanny jobs (some pay very well with feeding), you can set up a cleaning company, advertise on facebook etc.
You'll be fine, don't worry. Ignore that buffoon completely. Been there, done that and triumphed.
Those kind of employers who feel they always have to shout and curse at their subordinates have gross inferiority complexes as well as severe mental issues.
I walked out of a place like that two years ago. Before leaving I'll beg and beg, I was losing my self esteem. He would give me working suspension without pay. I'll work and he will not pay telling me that I'm on suspension. He called bipolar and primitive. Omo I mad! When I left, he didn't see it coming. I walked out and never looked back. I thought I would never get another job but na good jobs dey rush me now. My dear sister or brother in the lord. Please leave! Before you become someone you are not. If it is job, trust me you will get another one by God's Grace. The one with peace of mind. God's blessings doesn't come with any form of sorrow.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you.
“Working Suspension”? I think all employees need to review the labor law as well as general labor best practice. Understand your rights and obligations as an employee. Working suspension is ILLEGAL by the way. Suspension is also no longer best practice. Now you have to warn formally and then terminate based on your company policies. Maybe I’ll email Stella about a weekly column on this. Because both employers and even employees be taking the piss these days.
DeleteAnonymous 15:46 You are very correct..I second the motion...I will be glad to support that weekly column...Haa the suffering is too much...
DeleteThat's how my former place of work turned me into angry bird. I have quit but my life is not the same again, I am so aggressive over little things.
Delete16:11 Not just you. And they can gossip and backbite and actively rubbish a person's reputation behind their back. Always looking for ways to instigate and then gas lighting. Now making it look like you're the one with a problem.
DeleteI was once put on suspension. After suffering for the company and building the company from the ground up.
Meanwhile,if I tell you what I was suspended for you will laugh and ask if they just wanted to get rid of me.
I made sure I served the suspension very well o, as a very dutiful someborri, then dropped my resignation letter immediately after.
I never set foot in that place again from the moment I went on suspension.
What UTTER RUBBISH.
Seems employers with a history of treating people like trash, think everyone will swallow said trash.
Not me. It can never be me.
Got 3 job offers and took the very best working with a great company now.
As for those human beings that decided to suspend me to prove whatever point:
THANK YOU!!!
You only propelled me to a far greater place, offering me value and an awesome environment that even you, in your greatest dreams, can never experience much less give.
Na where I like yankee be this their 2nd name na sue😂😂😂😂😂😂😂dem nor wan hear, and here jobs plenty just be ready to work that’s all
DeleteNne, biko did u say u abuse drugs??? For a mere man?? I hope it's not that drug that's causing serious havoc in the Eastern side? Pls and pls, just stop the drug abuse, u are harming yourself not anyone.
ReplyDeleteI work in the paramilitary and bad mouth is part of it's 'perk'. Guess what, we no send. When I started,I felt insulted and stuff, but wit time, one Oga will be cursing u upandan and all u wil hear is sorry sir. Now I've come up wella, I don't abuse my jnrs and even if I do, dem no send, na still sorry sir, I go chop.
So learn and pick up, I won't tell u to leave till u get a better one. Maybe, u can be singing in ur heart when he talks.
I LEARNT IT VERY EASY IN LIFE THAT GOD TAKES AWAY THE FIRST TO ESTABLISH THE SECON. I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD PEOPLE TO LEAVE CERTAIN JOBS BUT MY ADVISE LOOKS LIKE I SAY IT BECAUSE I DONT UNDERSTAND OR I AM NOT IN THEIR SHOES. DEAR POSTER LEAVE THAT JOB BUT PLAN YOURSELF. I WORKED FOR A WOMAN THAT HER BOYFRIEND RECORDED ME WHILE HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH A COLLEAGUE. I QUIT WITHOUT HESISTATION WHEN SHE CONFRONTED ME,SHE WAS EXPECTING SORRY. HOW DARE YOU RECORD MY PRIVATE CONVERSATION. THE WOMAN EVEN READS THIS BLOG. WE DEY PRAY REACH 1HOUR EVERYDAY BEFORE START OF WORK... I GOT A BETTER OFFER AFTER THAT AND GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.. IF YOU ARE NOT CAREFUL, U GO GRADUATE FROM DRUGS TO COCAINE OR IGBO...
ReplyDeleteYou are "abusing drugs" because of your boss?
ReplyDeleteAnd he is "supportive financially" for what?
What are you giving him and why are you still there?
No man is worth the worship you are giving this man and the earlier you get out of there, the better for your
sanity/health and eternal life.
Only Jesus should be worshipped.
Talk to him today. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Stella you see that your red ink, it's not easy doing that, especially in this present economy and being a single parent.
ReplyDeleteI had similar experience (way worse than this sef... long story) in my previous place of work, a top IT firm. I was depressed for years and dreaded going to work.
No one knew what I was going through till paranoia and agitationbset in.
I had to resign after that (about 2 months ago) though the company refused my resignation but I told them I was done.
Poster, please intensify your job search at this period and I pray you get something better soonest. But if you can't cope anymore do leave immediately cos ones mental health should be priority.
Poster pls start submitting your CV in other organizations, start telling people that you need a job, you really need to leave that job ASAP for your sanity
ReplyDeleteResign!!!!!! Say no to workplace bullying! Own your career!!! Own your life!!!
ReplyDeleteAre you having sex with this man and he is giving you money? Pardon, that's what this your story sounds like.
ReplyDeletePlease desist.
I was wondering about that too when she mentioned possessive but supportive financially.
DeleteThe best advice is to resign but if she does that as a single mother how will she & her family survive in today's Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteIf my peace is threatened like this,I will insult the shit out of u and quit..I hate nonsense
ReplyDeleteU may even gets a better job
Gbam!
DeleteHmmn.. I think you should resign from there before you are damaged beyond repair, please.
ReplyDeleteJust start job hunting and telling family and friends to be on the look out for new openings for you. You do not need that place , for your mental health. But do not leave until you get the new job. Plan your exit. It begins with you wanting a new challenge. All the best.
ReplyDeleteDude she’s already popping pills. She’s already damaged. Which one is stay until you find a new job. For how long? She go con carry that toxic baggage from her old job to a new job. Who knows, she probably has anxiety like crazy. Poster you better leave and hustle hard for a new job.
DeleteHmmm please start searching for a new job,at this time of the year people resign from their old jobs for better jobs or relocation,so dust ur cv and start job hunting seriously,Then resign as soon as u get a new job.stop abusing drugs and take it easy on urself.Dont allow urself wallow in sadness cos of this.be in control of ur happiness,I’m sure when he finds out that u don’t send him or give him face anymore he will reduce it,but by then u will have gotten a new job,cheer up poster,e-hugs.
ReplyDeleteShe should just leave and use this period to take a mental health break and find a new job.
DeletePoster do we have the same boss??
ReplyDeleteI need same advice
What has liking him got to do with the facts . " But as a single parent, i cant afford to resign " so why exactly the rants . The choices are very clear, it is either you resign and keep hope alive for a better job or you bear the abuses. Words are just words until we start reading meanings to them. The fact somebody says you are stupid doesn't mean you are. It's always baffling when people allow the words of others erode their happiness and affect them emotionally. Some of us were taught by our parents not to read negative meanings into words , allow the spoken/written words of others determine our state of minds, we were taught to always be in control of our thought process and live by our our own definitions. Those who live by their definitions always have reasons to be happy and joyful. Surrendering yourself, your emotions to the actions and words of others is the greatest human weakness
ReplyDeleteHope you know we are all built and wired differently with different persona and temperaments?? We all can not be tough skinned. Even the strongest of persons can break down at some point, even though not publicly sometimes. We are humans! Respect everyone's difference.
DeleteHmmm, that boss frustrated me when he was transferred to be the boss in our branch simply because i am Igbo, more educated and pregnant. I just got awarded as best staff of the year shortly before he came to our branch and he threatened to spoil my name at the headoffice for no just reason. He would call official meeting in his office with other members of staff without me even in my presence then asked someone to tell me what was said in the meeting. Shouted and embarrassed me before senior and junior colleagues while i was 5months pregnant, i cried so much that my husband kept emphasizing on my bp then. I was admitted to the hospital and this man went to the head office to complain that i wasnt capable of doing the job. I missed antenatal appointments because he wouldnot stand in for me. He announced my delivery date to every one and fought hard for my transfer but the bosses werent having it. They insisted i remained in the branch that they knew my capabilities. My baby was born early because he stopped kicking at 37 weeks and my gynecologist couldnot take the risk, me that ttced. When i informed him of my delivery,
ReplyDeletehe just said and i quote, "madam you're strong". The boss threatened that either i leave or he leaves, guess what? He left the branch. What did i do? Prayers. I reported the man to God and God fought for me. So far you are innocent my dear forget, God would fight for you. Report him.
Wow!
DeleteGod really fought for you 16:41
Poster, pls take your boss' name to God in midnight prayers.
Start today from 12 midnight, write out his name and use Psalms that talks about enemies and God fighting battles for one, mentuon his full names and ask God to fight for you.
Yea but yours is different from poster. Seems poster is in a one man business type of job. It’s best she leaves or continue praying that God will change him. Or better still she should use the mid night prayers for a new job, more pay, a new start and a peaceful job environment. God is properly letting her know this is a warning sign.
DeleteWorked with a boss with similar traits, a narcissist to the core. I resigned exactly 3 months after I resumed work. He was shocked.
ReplyDelete@poster, you better leave. I'm a survivor of a toxic work place and to make matters worse, the workplace is a SCHOOL!
ReplyDeleteParents, children, staff, visitors will hear the terrible words and see you crying like a baby.
If you leave and unfortunately for you she finds out your new workplace, she'll go there and spoil your name.
She'll tell you if you leave, you won't get a better place. I sent CV tire.
I left during the COVID-19 lockdown, with an almost empty bank account and only God as my backup plan.
Interestingly, that period, someone on SDK called and asked for my account details!☺️😋
I got another job! It gives me peace.
Now she's calling old staff back. Told them I don't go back to my vomit 🤮🤢
Please leave the job. You no go starve. Na God create you, HE will not shame you!
That’s so so wrong on all levels. You know you can sue her for going to a new work place to spoil your name. That’s defamation of character. You people should know the law oo hmmm. Very crazy boss. Some of These companies don’t know they need staff members just as much as staff members need them. Thank God you found another job.
DeleteThis was my former boss, a woman.. i just walked away, even without getting another job...it was like i was freed from prison, the peace.. she was always threathning to slap me, in mind i will be saying "just try it, thats when you will know im not normal..
ReplyDeleteImagine telling a grown woman like her she’ll slap her. I don’t know why we do this to each other. It’s so sad. I’m glad you left that job.
DeleteThis is why Nigeria is backward and Buhari fits us cos Nigerians have a bad mentality problem .. bosses at work place behave this way nd we want a better Nigeria smh
DeleteHmmm thus is what am going through. Toxic environment and verbal abuse is the worst that can happen to someone. Losing your self esteem and all is bad. I'm just hanging on by next year I will be free and move on. Trying your best and all you get is opposite. May God come through for your poster
ReplyDeleteCan you just overlook all the insults till you get another job and leave??????
ReplyDeleteOver look the insult?? For how long? She’s been over looking the insult and see how it has fu*ked her up mentally and emotionally. Una dey craze sha. Poster leave now! Take a one to two weeks mental health/self care break before starting a new job. Take a break while looking for a new job. So that way, you’ll be able to perform well in your next job. Your mental sanity come first and never ever allow a man or woman affect you this much ever again! And confront that son of a devil before leaving if you get strength. If not, jejely leave.
DeleteYour boss is a fucking narcissist
ReplyDelete@Poster if you are scared of the time it would take you to get another job, I think you should start looking for another job now and the moment you get one please kindly resign from this your workplace
ReplyDeleteWhich one is resign and do nothing? Won’t you look for another job? Start looking now. When you get another job you can resign in peace. But don’t forget to tell him evrything you wrote up ther.
ReplyDeleteNonsese
Please ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!
ReplyDeleteIs your boss by any chance AA of R***S located on a major road in Ikoyi. I’ve been thru it too. He is going through tough times with wifey #2 and taking it out on his staff.
ReplyDeleteMy sister experienced this and she walked away,I will advise you start planning your exit, like gather small money to do small business while job hunting again
ReplyDeletePoster present him to God in prayers. Stop abusing drugs for your own good. Develop thick skin to his words and prune your self for a better job
ReplyDeleteEven your tired is tired Pele
ReplyDeleteTell it to him
Please don't stop working for him ooo.else u get a replacement
I am a survivor of toxic bosses, I had one that I worked with for one year during which I almost ran mad, I eventually found out that the root of my problems was spiritual (long story) but I promised myself that nobody on this earth will ever intimidate me like that again, affliction arose a second time with one lady boss, to make it worse, I was surrounded by colleagues plotting and planning my downfall on the job physically and spiritually, I resigned and was unemployed for a while, went through hell but came out stronger, in a better job now and made progress in life.
ReplyDeletePoster, resign and take a mental break, then start any hustle you can manage while searching for a new job. God be with you dear.
If you v got some funds to survive please resign now.. if you don't have enough please don't, start job hunting again and stop the drug abuse.. I believe you can make it!
ReplyDelete