CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 49

“What is a married man looking for in “Badoo”, what are you doing there?”

It was one of those early morning conversations I would rather not have with my wife. Of course, she has traversed the length and breadth of my phone the previous night looking for exactly what I don’t know. She actually read all the conversation on the app before deleting it.

Thankfully, my conversations are always seemingly “innocent”. 

Talk about phone laundry.

“Boredom and survival offshore. Sometimes due to loneliness at sea and the long time away from friends and family, it’s one of the ways of keeping myself busy during my free time”, I would explain. That’s is always the answer I usually give to her. Her reaction is always one of disgust whenever I give such answers.


“What about reading books, talking to me your wife, or just simply watching the TV? So, it is chatting with random women online that kills boredom abi?”. At such times I would have to reassure her that they were just harmless conversations and she has nothing to worry about, or is there?

We had this conversation about three times within a two-year period; and after the third time when she deleted all the social media and dating apps from my phone except Facebook; that I finally did something about it. Besides such apps were becoming counterproductive and more of a nuisance to my life.


I was introduced into the world of online dating in 2007 when he had the “Glo chat”. Then, acquittances were made by using SMS code and the follow-up conversation was via text messaging. It was crazy and quite exciting at that time as it opened up a whole new world to me and it was a way to meet women like never before. From there I graduated to other forms of online dating apps as the years went by.


By the time I got married, I was neck deep into online dating apps. Like the saying goes, old habits die hard. It was not really about the “hook-up” per se, but the thrill of having to make new random friends and the mystery of not knowing who is at the other end of the phone was an interesting feeling.

Over time, I became very good at it and with the help of technology, I could easily unveil people’s real identities and that even helped in “weeding” off certain people. I could easily tell if people were scams and even access their real profile without them knowing. I met lots of interesting women online.


It was one habit I wished I never really formed.

I basically feel that once you start engaging in such third-party online conversations that you won’t be comfortable enough to allow you partner see; you are already cheating. It is only a question of time before the actual event happens.

Even when I meet young single ladies online who said they would never “do” a married man. After a long period of regular online chatting, the feelings will start developing. It’s only a question of time before the inevitable will happen. And if you add the money factor into the scheme of things, as some of us married men have mastered the act of using money in manipulating women, it becomes a different thing altogether.

So, in the words of my wife “there’s nothing like an online friend. It’s either you are sleeping with her or you will eventually do”, Since she didn’t have any evidence to prove it. All she had left was to delete such apps from my phone whenever she sees them.


I had remained free from online dating apps for almost three years until last year when I attempted the SDK’s “Single and Mingle” Covid na bastard...yea, you guessed right. I am one of the useless married men wey nor dey hear word. We had to spoil the show for eligible young men! 

God will surely punish us!

I will surely tell my Stella's singles mingle story in one of my episodes in the future. I actually made some interesting findings which I’m sure you would like to know and also why some young women keep missing it on their single and mingle adventures.

Online dating apps have become one of the leading causes of cheating in marriages today and the women will always be on the losing end.

First, stop fighting your husbands because of online dating apps. He won’t stop until he sees the consequences or something unfortunate happens to him. Men addicted to online dating apps will always find ways to get back on no matter what the wife does. Just pray for him and ensure you understand how to manage and use the “convenience and consequence” paradigms in dealing with the cheating husband. He won’t stop unless he sees what is beyond him.


Secondly, like every third other party involvement, it will always have its effect on your marriage. Apart from the distraction and the temptation of always wanting to meet up with the person on the other end of the phone and possibly “hooking up” and cheating on your partner; the consequential emotional and financial involvement is another issue. It was also taking valuable time I would have spent with my wife and family whenever I am in town.

For the married men, you always feel the need to always want to help a friend in financial need. You have to help pay fees, upkeeps, house rents, not forgetting the urgent “2ks” you may have to regularly send. In cases where such friendship develops into a romantic relationship of sorts; you still have to maintain it.

Imagine in this economy where everyone is struggling, even the “haves”. Online friends will finish your limited resources.

Thirdly, if you are not careful and disciplined, online dating apps can become an addiction; and a very difficult one to break away from. You need to come offshore and see people’s husband “hustling on the online”. We almost demobilized one personnel some months back as he wasn’t getting enough sleep and his BP was getting high. We later found out he was always awake chatting with his online girlfriends.

Like any other addiction, you will never be satisfied. You will always have the need to make new friends online. Always curious to want to meet people. It is a never-ending rat hole. After having two horrible experiences towards the end of 2017, I had to stop. I didn’t bother reinstalling the apps after my wife deleted it. It wasn’t even that I was having any romantic relationship with most of them.

Online dating apps and making friend online isn’t a bad thing. We all know as married people when we start crossing that thin line. We can always do better.

See ya’all next week!

Ciao!

*Hmmmmmm!!!