CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 47

Pray that a woman should not feed ou!

  I asked my friend how he was coping and he said. “Oboy e nor easy ooo. It’s been one day, one issue. I couldn’t even sleep well last night. Anything I do now, it’s talk. I never knew this side of my wife before now. Oboy pray make woman nor feed you for this life ooo”.

He was my school mate back in the days from Warri. He was among the people that showed me around when I first came to Port Harcourt. Over the years we grew apart due to work and some other reasons until we reconnected earlier this year. We have been hanging out every once in a while.

He was on of the casualties of the Covid-19 pandemic as he lost his job by the end of last year. For someone who has been working in a multinational oil and gas company for the past 10years, he was already used to a certain kind of life style. Being jobless for the last 10 months has really put a lot a strain on his marriage.

His wife has been the one shouldering most of the expenses in the house for the last 6months and has paid the children fees for the last two terms. The wife can comfortably afford to cater for these things as she is a senior manager in her company and earning well off.

I have known his wife, for more than 10years now. She has always been a supportive wife and like the average Urhobo woman, she has been loyal to her husband. She has managed and weathered the storms of marriage with him over the years even with all his excesses.

So, what changed? I kept asking myself while listening to him narrate his ordeals while we “did” a couple of bottles. Though I only heard one side of the story, but at the end of the night, I could make some fair assumptions.

In the case of my friend, he has always been the bossy one and a kind of overlord in the house. He could afford to go out and return whenever he likes and come back home expecting food at his feet. Household chores were never an issue as money  solved that easily. His wife didn’t care because there was money and her needs were met despite the fact that she was working.

he expected that such dynamics will continue after he had been jobless for more than 9months. The wife had had enough and wouldn’t take it any longer.

 The wife told him he needed to start staying at home to support her, he needed to stop coming home late and above all he needed to start pulling his weight in terms of the finances as she was already getting tired.

The wife also felt he was spending the little money he had on his extended family and outsiders. These little things have snowballed into a major family issue and both parties are getting frustrated with the marriage. Because of this, he hardly stays home and the wife won’t stop nagging whenever he is around.

I promised to help him talk to his wife when I return from work. But in the main time, I begged and advised him to take it easy. I know that his wife is a good woman and was probably behaving this way because of stress and pressure.

By the time we bade ourselves good night and left for our various homes, these lines from my friend never left me mind “Pray that a woman should not feed you”


Naturally and by divine order, it is the responsibility of the man to take care of the woman and by extension the home. However, nobody can predict the future, life can take some unexpected turns and events may play out differently. But when a woman begins to take care of the home, it comes with a lot of unintended consequences; Afterall he who plays the piper dictates the tune. 

This is not a situation a lot of men will be comfortable with.

Married men being taken care of by their wives; how do you cope? And for the women, how do you manage such men?

I have not experienced such situation before. I am not in a good position to give a firsthand experience on how to navigate such situations. However, as a proud Urhobo man with balls of steel and a dose of narcissist’s tendencies to go with. It is one situation I pray not to ever find myself.

Even while I was younger and still dating, I hardly collect things or ask for favour from women. I don’t want to hear “after all I did for you, after all my sacrifices”. Besides I don’t want any woman to place curses on me because she feels she has helped or done something for me.

I have never been one to share bills with a woman, talk less of having a woman take care of my home. Matter of fact, I have always seen whatever my wife earns as her own money. Even when she assists me in doing anything, I always pay her back.

Moreover, I feel you have lost some elements of control in the relationship or marriage once a woman starts taking care of you or the family needs. Also, such woman taking care of you will expect some form of loyalty and good behavior from you.

It takes a lot of grace and perseverance for a woman to cater for family needs on a long term and not behave badly sometimes. It takes a lot of courage for such woman to endure and still put up with your excesses as a man while still doing that. When you have such woman as a wife. You need to celebrate her. Such women need encouragement and good behavior on the part of the man.

The sad reality is that lots of women are sitting on this very table today. Some of the men even care less and won’t be bothered.

Some men find themselves in such situation by no fault of theirs or due to the present situation of the country; others who have become lazy overtime and have learnt to take advantages of such hard-working women and made life really difficult for them.

In this modern world we have found ourselves today, the concept of marriage is changing from what the traditional marriage is. In some cases, the women feed the men. It doesn’t make it wrong and lots of people see nothing wrong with it. As long as the couple have found an amicable way to make their marriage work. It’s all fine and good.

As always, I say all marriages to its own. Do what works for you and what makes you happy…whether to feed or be fed, the choice is yours.


We go see next week.

Ciao!