CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 46

When a husband cheats and is caught and he begins to beg, there are things the wife should take into consideration.....

“Guy man come out, let’s hang out na”. It was one of my friends, we were having a phone conversation. I looked at my time, it was just 2pm. I felt it was too early to go out at that time of the day.


It was about end of the month and my head was filled with calculations of bills to pay for the month. I needed to clear my head, so I went out to meet him at the hangout spot ....

I met him sitting with one petite young lady. I hailed him “HLO!”.

HLO was a title we gave to him because of his randy ways. Literarily, HLO which means helicopter landing officer; is a person who is responsible for booking, checking-in, dispatching and ensuring that helicopters lands and take-off safely as the case is in offshore operations.

He has been married for more than five years and his cheating ways has always been a very big issue. I had previously been part of the “begging committee” that went to appease his wife on one of those occasions when they had issues after being caught in the act.

Funny enough, his wife is a hothead. Her fiery temper has been taken to the limits because of his cheating ways. On one occasion, she broke their HD curve television which was worth about half a million at that time during one of the fights. 

In another occasion, she abandoned their one-year-old child in the house, put on a bum short and called him to come home from wherever he was to come take care of their child, that she has gone out to also have her own “fun”.

My friend had to call neighbors to help take care of the child and rushed home to meet the crying and feverish child. She didn’t return till the next day. All these and other acts she put on just to make sure that he stops cheating. She has reported him to the church and he has been severally suspended from church activities.

So, when I met him with this young lady, all I could do was smile. Afterall me sef nor be still better person.

Some minutes after 5pm, he said he was leaving. “So quick, fellowship has not even started?” I asked. My friend who used to be the life of the party obviously wants to go home. “O boy, I am now a changed man. I must get home before 6pm. I nor want my wife wahala”, 

He promptly finished his drink and left with the young lady.

He gave me the full gist the next day when I called him to ask what actually happened and why the new change or the present modus operandi; because as far as I am concerned. HLO is still HLO.

He told me that after the last altercation with his wife, both families were called in to help settle the matter and he promised that he has changed his ways and for the sake of peace, he will be coming home early. So, for now, he does all his “business” and returns home before 6pm. I laughed so hard and teased him. Because I know its only a question of time before old habits will return. I wished him the best.

So, I would like to ask, do cheating men change? or do they look for better ways to hide their cheating ways?

My simple answer to this question is “yes, a cheating man can change”. There is a big “but” to this answer.

Firstly, nobody can stop or force a cheating man to change except by himself or God. Not even the fear of STDs, death, losing his wife and family or the scandal that will normally result from it, will stop him. I’m not even going to talk about religion or the fear of God here because even some sanctimonious folks even cheat more.

Whenever I see women fighting their husbands and causing lots of troubles or evening fighting other women because of their husbands. I feel for them. Though I am not saying women shouldn’t hold their husbands accountable; I just saying tackle such men with wisdom and leave the marriage if you think you have done your best to cope. Yes, I said that…some men will never change.

Secondly, women need to realize that cheating for lots of men is an acquired habit. And like most habits, it is very difficult to change. I have been trying to change for the past two years, and it has been a huge struggle. Sometimes, I lose guard but in all I would say I am winning the battle. Bottom-line is, changing from the cheating habit takes time, with the help from God and a strong resolve to remain discipled.

For people like me that have the means, the opportunities and the availability of willing participants. It takes a lot of work to remain faithful, especially for someone who has formed a habit of it.

Thirdly, most men will stop cheating for two reasons. Convenience and Consequence. Others will say they have given their lives to God hence the change. I am not God to know their hearts; so, I would rather stick to the first two reasons.

Lots of men cheat today because they can afford to (convenience) and they know they can get away with it when they are caught (consequence). When you take away any one of these two. Ninety percent of men won’t cheat. These two concepts can be interpreted in so many ways depending on the person involved and with they can afford to lose in terms of convenience and consequence.

A friend of mine who has relocated to the UK has become all lovey-dovey. Baba used to be an “Urhobo demon” back in the days. He knows he will lose his family and business if he dares misbehaves. So, he comes back to Nigeria every once or twice in a year to “collect”.

Some men stopped cheating after having terrible experiences or near-death encounters. Others won’t dare think of cheating on their wives because they know that the consequences will be brutal. For the third category who don’t cheat because of the fear of God; I say kudos to them. However, that is between them and their God and I will also classify that under consequences.

Lastly, women need to realize that many men are not fools or stupid. Lots of them have done some rationalization before they started cheating; and lots of them are already prepared for the consequences and the inconveniences.

Women, whenever you catch your man in the act and he starts begging for forgiveness; as always ask yourself. “What is it this man prepared to lose before he started cheating?” If you can figure out the answer to that question, then you have solved half of the problem. The other half is knowing with to do with that information. That will be a subject for another day’s discussion.

Got to go now, till next week.

Ciao!

Wow, Beautiful writeup my dear Sugar daddy!