CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 45

Having children as a married couple or single ,changes ones life forever....

Everything about you, especially the woman will change. Giving birth to children is already a challenging task on its own; but giving birth to a physically or mentally challenged child is a whole new ball game altogether.

A senior colleague of mine got married in his late forties for reasons best known to him to an equally mature woman, in her late thirties. They gave birth to their first child and the boy was blind from birth. It was devastating to us all when we heard the news.

You can imagine the trauma of having to guide your own child from sitting, crawling to walking without sight. They could not even bring themselves to bear another child again as the burden of taking care of one blind child was already too big to bear.

A second colleague of mine came to visit my family some years ago with their children. When I took their male child who wanted to use the rest room to ease himself. I saw the size of his privates and it made me really sad. For a boy of seven years, his privates was just the size of a cigarette stick with a length of less than one inch!

I knew that the parents already have a huge job cut out for them in bringing up the boy because his privates was always going to be an issue for the rest of his life. They will have to put an extra effort to build his self confidence in a society where size can mean a whole lot to a man.

Nobody prays to have a child with a disability, be it innate or from an accident. As if the rigors of taking care of a child is not enough, a disabled child will stretch you to your limits. Some parents had to quit their jobs and career, relocate or even lose their life savings in catering for such child. Others had to contend with a prejudiced society and lack of understanding from people who should be empathic in the first place but will choose to do otherwise while at the same time bringing up the child in a way to build his/her confidence that disability is not inability.

This can be really stressing and draining to any parent…nobody wishes for such life or child.

When we had our third child, I didn’t know there was anything called Colic at that time. When the child would start crying nonstop for a whole day and my wife would do everything within her knowledge but he wouldn’t stop crying, she got confused. For three straight days she didn’t sleep. I was offshore then and I was worried sick.

I did lots of research and asked lots of medical personnel about it before I  discovered there was something called Colic in the first place. Different people came up with different suggestions and treatment method. Google even made it worse when I found out that there was no confirmed known medical cure for it as it is still being studied. It can only be managed till the child grows up.

This incident of colic went on for several months and my wife never got used to it. It was always very traumatic for her when the crises comes. I had to give her all the encouragement possible, especially when I am at work. There was no drug both local or orthodox that she didn’t try.

That event made me realize what lots of parents with disabled children have to go through bringing them up. It is indeed not easy.

In a society like Nigeria where medical and social services are almost nonexistent; having such a child will take a huge toll on such parents especially the low-income earners. May God help such parents.

 
Got to go now, till next week.


Ciao!