Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
LYING FIANCE
Please help me post, I need urgent advice. Thank you.
I used to work in banking until December 2020. I decided to start my own business. Which was/is going well. It doesn’t pay as much as banking paid and it can be stressful, but it is my own thing and I am proud of it. My fiancé and I have been together for about 2 years now. We are planning to get married in January and preparations have already begun.
We had our introduction last week. My fiancé is a millionaire. He is doing really well for himself. He was aware when I stopped working. And he even gave me part of the money I started my business with. He has been supportive.
He is truly the best.
My problem is before our introduction, he told his family that I still work in the bank. None of them know that I am running my own business. I asked him if he isn’t proud of it or if he thinks it is a shameful thing or not good enough for his family. He said I wouldn’t understand and that I should just lie for the main time.
I am not comfortable with the lies because I don’t want it to blow over and become something else tomorrow. I have gone along with it because I thought the lie was only to his family.
Yesterday, he was talking to his medical doctor friend who is engaged to another medical doctor and he lied again that I’m a banker. He has never complained about my business. All he wants is that I take it easy and give myself enough time to rest. He earns enough to take care of our grandchildren if he starts saving. Also, because of how stressful banking was and how I was not having enough time for our relationship, he was even going to ask me to resign and match my salary, but that was before I resigned.
It’s not like my business is actually giving me the money that we need. It’s just that I have something to do and I’m not idle. I plan on expanding soon. As well as starting other side hustles. I’m really not comfortable about him not telling people what I really do, and even if he brushes it aside, I feel like he’s not proud of it.
Please I need some advice. I want to address it for the last time, but I’d like to know if I’m overreacting and should just let it go.
*Chei... My darling!
He probably feels proud referring to you as a Banker.... Wait oh, this Business you are talking about, what kind of business is it? you did not tell us for us to know why he is not referring to you as a business woman so it is safe to assume, he likes you doing your thing but is probably ashamed of this particular business, you can bring it up playfully and discuss with him but dont turn it into an issue..
He is the one lying and not you and will be the one to explain himself out of the lies later.... Maybe after the wedding he will say you resigned to start your own things...... Please don't make a big deal out of this!
Why lie unnecessarily? He's most likely not proud of whatever business you do without mincing words..
ReplyDeleteIs it safe to say, you must lie to have a successful relationship... I don't understand...
DeleteLovelace
Keep lying to cover more lies. I hope he finds another lies when your cover is blown open. He is still burying his head on the ground.
ReplyDeleteYour man is not proud of your business and he prefers that your banking job.
Just tell him you are not comfortable with this constant lies. I wonder who he wants to impress with this lies
Does he plan to marry the banker status?
DeleteWhy the lies?
Not a good path or foundation to start a marriage
I still wonder why he has to lie when you're doing your own business. Obviously, you're not comfortable with the lies and it seems like the only issue you having at the moment.
ReplyDeleteMy take .... Discuss with him lightly, let him know you're reservations and try to understand where he's coming from also. I believe this is not a big deal and can be resolved
When you begin to tell a lie, you have to tell another lie to cover the first one.
ReplyDeleteAnd at some point, they will surface and you have you bury your lies again.
But when you tell the truth, the lies disappear.
Tell your fiance to tell you why he is lying and that you will feel embarrassed to be met in your business premises by any of the people he has introduced you to.
Or if they call you up to open accounts and manage it for them, there
will be certain expectations which you can't meet.
Guess it is the "pride of life," it is not from the father but from the world. 🤷♀️🎤🎤🎤🎤
Please don't make a big deal out of this. He understands his friends and family better than you so take a chill pill. I'm currently dating a millionaire and he is making sure I do not stress myself,he even asked i resign and he will pay me but . I declined.Any promise he made to me must be fulfilled before we officially get married. Patience and wisdom is needed here. E hugs
ReplyDeleteDishonesty is a red flag especially about little things
DeleteSo.if she was unemployed or still a student nko?
1 John 2: 15Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh, the desires of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not from the Father but from the world.…
ReplyDeleteJust like Stella said, poster don't make a big deal out of nothing.
ReplyDeleteIt is something
DeleteDishonesty , false image packaging and not having a mind of his own
Gently ask him, maybe his friends & family would feel you are after his money per day and he doesn’t want to present you that way to them...
ReplyDeleteBut then the lie is uncalled for!
He should actually man up and be honest about what you do to his people, I believe he’ll have his genuine reasons for not been honest, gently ask him the reasons behind his actions...
Is it kayanmata business? Maybe he fancies you as a career woman. I feel he has a status quo he wanna maintain. No fall him hand sha, if I were u, I would try and be ambitious to match his profile. That's me.
ReplyDeleteLike seriously? No fall in hand ontop business matter...My sister do what makes you happy okay,don't change anything because of you are trying to please anybody as long as the business you are doing isn't wrong and it's not harmful then I see nothing wrong trying to build something for yourself...Abeg God give a man that would love me soooooo much and be proud of what I do
DeleteAbegi... Las Las he supports her. Person like me will never fall my man hand so far na correct guy.
DeleteHow about not falling your own hand? Must everything be man man man?
Deleteblackberry i am not surprised...you obviously have no good moral values so such lies will not mean anything to you
Delete1) He loves you
ReplyDelete2) He appreciates that you are hustler and have a hustling spirit
3) He is willing to support you
BUT in all,he isn't proud of that particular business you are doing;but since he loves you,he has to support you and that was why he gave you cash for the Biz..
Will he choose a banking job over the current Biz you are running? YES!
WHY? That is what he thinks befits his status to the public..
Your current Biz looks low for his status hence the lies..
My advice,in all you do;your partner should be your motivation/Hypeman or woman plus your no one(1) fan..
For example,There are days you wake up down to push your hustle;but their words of encouragement keeps you going..
Tell him exactly how you feel,dont shout please;kindly state all facts respectfully..
@MARTINS
Poster please read this comment over and over again...We share same opinion...
DeleteDemand for an explanation ... obviously he isn’t proud of your business but you shouldn’t be a part to it without knowing the reason behind it
DeletePoster you have nothing to worry he's the one lying and not proud of your business. Just like Stella said once you're married he will still be the one go break the news to people that the banking work was draining you and you had to open or start your business so it's nothing to worry about
ReplyDeleteSo what is the next lie he is going to tell you to spill; that you are his sister?
ReplyDeletePlease break the cycle of these lies now.
Hmm this chronicle funny o.
ReplyDeleteHmm just let him be his lies before it becomes something else.
But I hope he has not being telling lies about 'his millionaire ' status or other important thing about his life too.
Anyway maybe he isn't just proud of the line of business you are into hence he is still holding on to your former banker status.
You know how proudly he will say "my woman is a banker." His family members will go "banker ni iyawo David" 🤣🤣
DeleteNigerians!
But honestly poster, do you know the areas of his life he has lied about seeing that lies means nothing to him?
Your para 3 na arrow question o!
DeletePoster please read well.
It probably makes him feel proud to introduce you as a banker to his friends and family, you know Nigerians now.
ReplyDeletePlay along with him but talk to him that you will only cooperate for now, tell him that when you get pregnant he would have to tell them you resigned as a result of stress or if you don't get pregnant on time, he would have tell to them the banking job stress is affecting you and you had to start your own business.
My hubby does this type of lie too. He says it makes people to respect one more 😆
The truth has a funny way of always coming out and ridiculing a liar
DeleteRespect based on false pretences?
Insecurity and fragile ego plus validation seeking behaviour
Respect based on false pre
Hahaha, even you sef are not proud of this ur 'business' sotay u couldn't even mention it. But I understand him, it's easier to just say banking than that yaa "business". At least, his ppl and friends wouldn't see u as a nobody. Even me, am somehow suspicious when someone tells me they are into business unknown.
ReplyDeleteNot necessarily. She may not have mentioned it for anonymity. All kinds of ppl read this blog.
Delete
ReplyDeletePoster, why don't you go back into the professional field, not banking per se but areas like Human Resources, Data management, IT, etc. Get certifications and switch to any of the other ones while managing your business on the side (if possible).
I think this will match his status more. Alternatively you can ask him which lines of business he prefers and he will be proud to associate you with.
All the best..
What kind of advise is this? She should go into a field just to please someone? Una see why una dey suffer for marriage? You do things to please men even when they dont ask you to. Tomorrow when they disrespect you for being a rug, you shout 'men are scum'. The guy is not even asking her to do other things, yet you want her bend herself for him "to match his status".
DeleteMay God help you
You didn't even ask the poster if she's interested in doing either of these. But she should do it for him just for the sole reason of him being proud & matching his status?? Omo are you for real? na wa o
DeleteLilly and anon 16:49 I don't see anything wrong in what courage said. We advise people on this blog all the time to switch careers or add other disciplines to their careers if there are hitches in what they do. The man met her as a professional. Obviously he is not proud of her "business". If she goes back into the professional line, it would do them a lot of good. Anyway, I trust the poster to follow her mind
DeleteHonestly, your BV name is not fitting to you, The courageous thing to do is to tell the truth. Did the poster tell anybody she is looking to start a new career as any of those things you suggested? Why should she have to jump through hopes of fire when he can simply tell the truth? Obviously he likes her enough to be planning a lifetime together with her, so why not accept her completely and not try to make her over. That is real love, when you love someone to the extend that you do not try to make them over, you love them just as they are quirks and all.
DeleteHe has an unhealthy fixation with class and status, and obviously is caught up in the opinions of others. He is living in a prison self-created and unfortunately wants to imprison his fiancee with him. He needs to break free of that mindset, what if he was to lose all him money tomorrow or become severely disabled he would go insane. That kind of unhealthy fixation is why many ppl cannot deal with any adversity in life. He needs to chill and just love up his woman and stand tall and proud with her. That is real courage, when you don't give af what anyone thinks and just live out your happiness however you wish.
20:01, your last paragraph is thought provoking. We don't know the kind of business she does,might be one of these businesses that is looked down on in this part of the world
DeleteLike it's easy to get a job in naija. If it's that easy , why haven't you switched as well? Abi you no like to do better job?
DeleteCourage i agree with you 💯💯. Its not about being a rug or whatever. In marriage you have to keep the attraction going. He met her as a working woman and that probably was part of the attraction. Not that he needs her money but he is attracted to a proffessional type of woman. Now you have quit for some 'business' . Fact is if the business was something to write home about he would be proud of it!.
DeleteAlso let me ask, if you were not marrying a millionaire, would you have quit your job?. Now you are marrying him you quit and probably putting all your bukata on him?. A word is enough for the wise oooo. Matriage is not only about 'love'
Must people know everything about someone? He may have his reasons and with time, will let people in on it. Sometimes, it is best to just keep certain things to yourself because people poke nose a lot and always want to have a say in everything.
ReplyDeletethis is not a good sign o. he has given you a tip of the iceberg that he is dishonest. just prepare for more of this in your marriage. they never change. if its not a deal breaker, continue but ask him the reason for the lies.
ReplyDelete👌👌
DeleteTo be honest to your self, what are the things he has been telling you about himself apart from being a millionaire that you can beat your chest and say it's the truth?he didn't start lying today and he won't stop soon.
DeletePoster, pour your soul out to your man. He sounds like a reasonable one so tell him how you feel about what he is doing. Communicate gently but completely honestly without any aggression, but let him know you are not happy. Get him to talk so you both can reach a compromise on what to tell people.
ReplyDeletePersonally i think it's his ego in play here just like others have mentioned but I dont think you guys should build your home on lies & deceit.
He is insecure
DeleteNot a good sign
Wanting to live up to others expectations UNREASOMABLY
Poster I'm a Lawyer and also a fashion designer. My boyfriend hates it when I tell people I sew,like try to introduce my business to his friends girlfriends. He told me what he can do to make me stop sewing for business. Told him only if I'm become a State counsel. So he is on it, like his life depends on it. Even if his friends don't even ask him,he will tell them I'm a Lawyer. When if I'm asked,I will tell them I'm a fashion designer and it causes problem between us. Just don't put too much importance to it or tell him how you feel
ReplyDeleteNo be small thing
DeleteHaha Nigerians just like title. Doctor. Lawyer. Pharmacist. Banker. Anything that doesn't fit into a neat professional title is seen as inferior. Growing up our parents were obsessed with those titles. Business people are not respected until they blow. Me I respect all persons now oh cos even some doctors/nurses do insurance in this America wey we dey. And every profession is respected.
ReplyDeleteI just taya. Just something they want to raise shoulder pad with even if the title is not bringing better money.
DeleteI nor dey bother to add title to my name.
I noticed a lot of guys like those 'titles' fo their wives just for bragging sake, however outrightly lying about being a banker when you're no longer one doesn't sit well with me.
Or poster are his family members crazy about white collar jobs?
At the end of the day it's just character that matters. Titles do not mean the person is of good character or worth associating with. Every year they nab child pornographers in global nets, and every single time high ranking ppl are on the list, people full of titles and money. Look at the Epsteins, Weinsteins and other men of extreme wealth and they have characters of garbage, I wouldn't even trust them to watch my dog. Look at all the educated thieves who were/are running big business and the government in Naija and right around the world, keeping the average person in a chokehold of poverty while they pretend they are somebody and should be looked up to, again, garbage characters acting like their shit can make a sandwich.
DeleteAnd in the pandemic it was the little ppl who got us through it. The ones who showed up to do the jobs that many look down on, the truck drivers, grocery ppl, hospital staff. Where were the titled ppl when we needed them the most. Every profession is valuable, even the person who collects the garbage and scrub the streets so we can live in a healthy environment.
*do insurance fraud in this America
Delete@Dainty, my dear oh, bragging rights and nothing more. I can understand our parents cos we are their children and pride of their life. But for husband and wife ke? In 2021 and in our generation where the world is now futuristic and where someone can easily find out your lies. Lie for who? Pls own your business with your full chest.
@19, thank you, so much garbage characters at the top. Those pedos just ruined their legacy and family name. Even their kids will not want to be associated with their names. The bible says a good name is better than silver or gold.
Anon 17.56, na true you talk.Yes, even husbands and wives in Nigeria or some of Nigerian origin brag with anything. Its our insecurity as a people. Our people love titles. I no de use am for my name, though hubby does, and I earn am too,I jokingly told my adult kids that if they were in naija, den go they call them "Engr" like car engine. My kids went "eeeew, why would anyone want to be DEFINED by what they do in life.Thank God nobody calls us that". We brag about inane things in Nigeria because of previous generational poverty and newness of college education unlike here where some colleges have been around since 1650. Your husband may not be the one causing this. It could be his family so he wants to marry you before telling them you quit your banking job so they do not stop your marriage and suggest you play along. I think it's his extended family pressure, he may have some stuck up relatives that will look at you as if you were a gold digger when you are not.
DeleteNot comfortable with this his lies atall.He has to stop abeg
ReplyDeleteThis is so funny. Why can't your man be proud of who you are? Why do you want to marry someone that can not show you off as you are? Let's reverse this chronicle, if it was a man that wrote this in, will the same advice be given? If he can lie about this without giving you a valid reason to necessitate this lie, my dear buckle up, more lies are coming.
ReplyDeleteI will never advice anyone to marry a partner that will lie to feel among at the expense of your emotions. I just can't! That man is not supporting your business, he is only buying time. I am almost sure he will try to encourage you to get a professional Job again once you are married.
Above all, all opinions here are tentative. Ask God to direct your part. Ciao.
Are you selling paraga? As in local gin,maybe that's why he's not proud to say it, but me I will boast of my business o
ReplyDeleteIt could be business on selling g alcohol or bear parlour business there is no how he can be proud of such business.
DeleteIf she do travel to dubai to buy goods oga would have been shouting importer and exporter.
He will lie to you. It's only a matter of time. He will spin lies on your head soteeey you go doubt yourself. Someone that is boldfacedly lying to everyone and you hate lies.
ReplyDeleteNne this journey is far. If you don't break the circle with this,you will be in a web of lies.
I honestly do not like the lies, because it is completley unnecessary. When someone finds out now it will look like you are the liar deceiving your intended because you want to get in. Will he stand up and defend you saying he was the mastermind of the lies? Somehow, I do not think so since status and appearances are very important to him or the people he associates with.
ReplyDeleteEven if you are selling dildos or okrika, he should be proud of and stand up to anyone who would put you down. You are an educated person so what is the problem for him. And even with his wealth there are levels to that too. There are still spaces that even him as a millionaire would not be able to enter because he is not the right shade, does not have an elite education or just not rich enough to enter those spaces. Everyone should be humble in life and just live for God and forget about all these earthly pretenses that do not matter and don't count for shit in the long run.
I'm uncomfortable with lies because they breed more lies, and more lies and more lies...it is a never ending cycle.
ReplyDeleteHe is obviously not proud of your profession.
My concern is how many more lies are going to be told and how many lies have been told already?
Like someone said up there, do you know exactly what is true and what is false in your relationship? Have you questioned anything or everything or ste you blinded by love and comfort?
Please see this as a warning sign.
Before I got married to my wife, I told my family and friends that she works with aviation so that nobody will discourage me on marrying an idle woman, I did everything about our wedding both trad and white and told my family it was 50 50. The only found out the truth during omugwo because my wife became tired of the lies
ReplyDelete.
As a man have courage to take decisions and stand by them
DeleteWhat is the rubbish lying about ?
Your man is not proud of your business reason he tell lies to cover up because of his class, family background, his siblings and to also protect you from anyone looking down or insulting you but he is going about it the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteIf he isn't proud of your business line I think he can set up a more befitting business that will suit his class, standard among his friends or family members than telling all the heavy lies just to present you.
Poster you know bankers are respected in this naija even when their paybis peanut, too much suffer head and alot of stress yet people see them as millionaire 😉😀 just be calming down and do not make issues out of it.
You can talk to him about it jokingly to see why he prefer calling you a banker than a business woman. I will also say is possible your man want after the wedding he will announce you no longer work with the bank, you can be mute about it in public allow him to shine so that peace will reign but when alone you both should joke over the issue. Do not go and start fighting him or call him a lair before you scatter everything, do not confront him but do it like a joke or a movie you saw else you will not get the answers you are looking for.
Korofo shine
DeleteThe fact that many people are saying it's not a big deal shows how much we have normalised deceit.
ReplyDeletePoster, just be aware that this is a red flag. If you lay the wrong foundation for your marriage, don't expect to build a solid structure on it.
Poster your man does not like that word "business woman or lady" couple with the caliber of people he has associated with, maybe some of his friends might think he will marry a high rank white collar job lady but here he is with a business woman though resigned as a banker. Who knowns the kind of ladies he has mingled with, so relax your mind it's nothing to worry about.
ReplyDeleteA lifetime of deceit....
DeleteThank you Jet li, well said.
ReplyDelete