Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
COMPLAINING WIFE
Stella please hide my ID and post in your blog.
Is it right for a married woman to be treated this way or she is just being paranoid and nothing is wrong with her marriage.
Her husband's brother is leaving with she and her husband in their matrimonial home. The husband is the one that goes to market to buy foodstuffs and everything needed in the house, he does not give her money for the house upkeep.
He does not discuss decisions in the house with his wife rather he talks to his brother about any decisions he wants to take. If some repairs need to be done in the house, he only tells his brother that someone will be coming to the house to carry out some repairs and the wife will be put in the dark. She will just be surprised when someone knock and enters her home when her husband is not around and she won't know what the person is coming to do only her husband's brother will know.
She is always put in the dark in her own home. Her husband only discusses his plans with his brothers and family and never involves her.
She is always put in the dark in her own home. Her husband only discusses his plans with his brothers and family and never involves her.
Sometimes a visitor will be coming to the house and she won't be told about it and when the visitor arrives she will be expected to smile and act all nice if not she will be tagged a bad wife.
She cooks and the husband's brother goes to her pot to take food anytime he wants without telling her, even if she is sitting down with him at the same place. She cooks sometimes and the husband's brother might feel he don't want to eat that at that time, he enters her kitchen and cooks whatever he wants to eat without asking her anything.
There was a time the husband asked his brother to help him and do something, do you know the brother went to meet the wife to ask why she is not the one doing that and why she should be around and her husband will ask him to do a work for him.
The wife felt disrespected and reported to the husband, the husband did not see anything wrong in what his brother said and supported him, he said for the wife to report the brother to him means she is a bad person and wants him and his brother to have issues and that she will never succeed. But the wife's intention for reporting to the husband is just for her husband to caution his brother so that he can have a little regard and respect for her knowing fully well that she is even older than his brother by age.
The wife feels like a stranger in her home, she don't have control of how her home is run and her opinion are not even recognized, the husband will rather listen to the opinion of his brother than listen to his wife. Anytime the wife cooks she must serve his brother his own food in the dining, even at that if the brother wants to eat again he will disregard the wife and go straight to her pot and take whatever he wants without telling her. The wife feels disrespected by all these behavior and she is even older than her husband's brother, she is scared to talk so that they won't call her a bad woman that came to cause problem between brothers.
The wife feels like a stranger in her home, she don't have control of how her home is run and her opinion are not even recognized, the husband will rather listen to the opinion of his brother than listen to his wife. Anytime the wife cooks she must serve his brother his own food in the dining, even at that if the brother wants to eat again he will disregard the wife and go straight to her pot and take whatever he wants without telling her. The wife feels disrespected by all these behavior and she is even older than her husband's brother, she is scared to talk so that they won't call her a bad woman that came to cause problem between brothers.
When her husband cooks he dishes out only his own and his brothers own, they will sit together and be eating and the wife will be left to go and sort out her own food.
She is just tired of the whole situation and want to leave the marriage for them. She want to know if this is a normal behavior in other homes or she is just taking it too far.
She is just tired of the whole situation and want to leave the marriage for them. She want to know if this is a normal behavior in other homes or she is just taking it too far.
JESUS CHRIST!!!... why make an issue when there is none? abeg abeg abeg, all the complaints therein are so so petty..Ah ah
Please relax and enjoy your marriage and stop trying to hit the brothers head in conflict..... Try to change your mindset, there is nothing wrong at all...
Your husband already has a mentality that you will give them trouble so he is prepared for war when you haven't even started a battle..
ReplyDeleteMadam, it is what it is.
Ignore, don't be petty, smile and respect your husband and brother.
Do you have a job? Do you go out in the morning and come back in the evening?
You have to much free time on your hands to be seeing everything...
And obviously, you are not bringing in any money to that household.
Repay their "perceived bad behavior" with a good attitude or else you go just use worry and wahala kill yourself.
Good one
DeleteStella if u see nothing wrong! My type won't stay in this shitty marriage. Na wa oo. Even maid dem no dey treat am like this. This is not called marriage. Nd her husband is the problem. Till dat her husband brother go beat am one day. Dey look.
DeleteThe men don't respect women or her
DeleteYou are a womb, private part, cook and nanny to them
That's all
Tufiakwa
Stella there is nothing petty here, that woman is suffering in her own house. Who knows if that guy is his biologic brother or his gay partner.
DeleteA lot is wrong with it. He should have married his brother nau. But was he like this before marriage! If yes, why go ahead and put head?
DeleteThis poster's husband has no regard for his wife and his attitude is what has given the brother the guts to disrespect his wife.
DeleteMadam please get ready to bend over backwards to please them or be termed a bad wife.
Insensitive and unwise men everywhere.
Your husband is the type that would use his brother as his next of kin even after you have 10 kids for him. How did you two meet? He doesn't have any respect for you.
DeleteTolerating people and situations that don't serve one is what I will never understand. Perhaps it's because I'm selfish about anything that concerns my happiness and comfort. Btw, having kids will only make the situation worse. Best wishes.
DeletePls let this poster tell us what made the man to change to this. Poster, ask the woman what she did. She did not tell you the full story. I don't believe a man will treat his wife like this without any reason.
DeleteEven during dating, a man treats his woman with respect and his relatives follow suit, let alone marriage.
This is not how marriage is, the wife is hiding something.
Don't sayoo,I know a family like that.
DeleteExactly... The guy must have exhibited these signs oruir to the marriage.
DeleteAll I have to say is, get busy,
.make your own money.
Live life in your own terms
Don't join issues with anyone
You are too available for them reason why you are treated this way.
Poster pls how are you coping? Me I can't live one month with such a man. Do you have kids or pregnant with your first child? If not, I would advise you leave the marriage. It is a dangerous marriage. Your brother in-law can beat you up and your horseband will see nothing wrong with that. If anything happens to your husband tomorrow, you will regret your life because they will show you shege. That man can never change even if God himself appears and talks to him. Leave before you have HBP or they kill you.
Deletevery strange marriage... Its like the brother is the man's real wife in the house. Or the lady has not said what caused this between her and hubby.. Very very weird situation
DeleteWhat I read here is a woman gathering firewood, fuel, matches and straw to set her home on fire
ReplyDeletewhile she is sleeping and snoring inside same!
Wow!
Proverbs 14:1 A wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands, a foolish woman tears hers down.
Madam, you should take your bible, study it and find out how to build your home.
Spend time praying and studying and you will find and nurture the peace
that Jesus gives.
The GOD I know doesn't support anyone being treated as a nonentity
DeleteProv31 and this are parallel lines
A man shall leave father , mother etc and be joined to the wife
This is MISOGYNY not marriage
This is thrash
Jet Li please preach!!!
DeleteSome kind conclusions and advice you guys give on this blog, I wonder if you try to put yourself in the poster’s situation, hypothetically. It is obvious the man entered the marriage with a mindset about women.
DeleteMadame, free them. Face your side. Let him continue going to the market and doing the cooking. He will get tired. When he does, it is up to you to decide if you will step in. Till then, Don’t force it. In btw, is your mother aware of this happenings? What is her take?
*** you sound like a slave to marriage or u prefer women suffering. Taaaah.. may I not meet your type as a counsellor.
DeleteNa to dey quote Bible passage up and down everytime. Can you even hold an intelligent conversation?
DeleteThis is not how marriage should be, any little thing you twist bible passages to suit your myopic mindset. Poster please, where did you see this man? I know their type, they marry for marrying sake and to reproduce. They meet and start chatting/speaking with you one day and the next day, they start talking about marriage. They do not want to get to know you, your values, your belief or anything about you. So far you have passed their test of naivety and purity🤣, you are wife material to be married under 1 week. They look for wives/baby making machines not friends. Servant/master marriage....sex is robotic. Nne, you are trying
Delete****This person, you will be wicked in life walahi! You should just go and live in a cave.
DeleteI didn't read one of you proffer a solution to counter what **** wrote
DeleteOr even quote a Bible passage to correct or instruct her
***** or whatever you call yourself, must you spew trash? Poster the earlier you start preparing yourself for the worse the better for you. You are not in a marriage but modern day slavery. Run! Stella you can't tolerate such thing in your home, what kind of advise is that?
DeleteYou don’t have the Bible passage that says and 2shall become one??A man will leave his mother,father,and cleave to his wife, e no Dey ur bible,husbands love ur wife no Dey ur bible??? Marriage comes with friendship too,if ur husband treats u like this I doubt u will come here to speak lovingly of him.this one is slavery not marriage. Poster didn’t u date this man??
Delete
DeletePoster.your write up reminded me of a husband, husband doesn't drop money for food he would rather go and buy the food stuff. He loves his sister so much that it's her picture that is on his screen saver. Some pple if only marrying family members was allowed Trust some ppld would have opted for that cos as they r married they still love thier family more than the wife. Infact they will take a bullet for thier siblings than wife. It's not good but what can the righteous do.
Na to be patient and pray. Some men are just babies in marriage
@******, what ate you yarning for goodness??? What of the scripture that says what God has joined together, let no man put asunder???
DeletePlease, try to be sensitive sometimes...
None of you said what the solution is. All I advised the woman is to "study the Bible and pray and find out how to build her home"
DeleteWhat is bad about that?
She has to navigate around this with patience and wisdom and not the firebrand some of you are shooting.
Most times what ladies do here is to bash the man and go without proffering any solution. Bashing is not a solution. The man is not even
here toto read you. Address your fellow woman and go.
A man shll leave his parents and be with his wife and not brother.
DeleteFaulty foundation.
Pray for God intervention. That your husband's brother needs to leave that house so that you can enjoy your marriage. Something is wrong.
Don't be an IDLE woman,get something doing.
madam, your husband is your problem not your brother in law.
ReplyDeleteFor me I don’t think u are petty. I have been through such b4 and it’s annoying. Why marry me just to make me feel out of place in my own house? Truly I think ur brother in law is a big part of the problem. Let him move. As for ur husband I don’t know what to call him. I think he is weak. I don’t think I are making a mountain out of a molehill at all. It’s a problem and it’s annoying. In marriage a couple should take decisions together.
DeleteBoth are the problem.
DeleteWife, Husband and Brother in-law are the problem.
DeleteWife get busy else you will keep looking for relevance where it is not kept.
You want to be respected? Respect yourself first.
Stop trying to be in control of everyone relax a little more.
Your BIL tries to avoid you by cooking by himself to avoid your attitude.
Let him be he won't stay forever. I hope that he leaves your house sooner.
Husband is even suffering because it is obvious that two of you want him to declare his loyalty to either of you. You both have succeeded in confusing him. Husband ought to try to be neutral on this subject.
My brother's wife is one on the table and she is easily slighted by the minutest of things that her husband and in-laws do. Well we have limited visiting them but I have decided to not spend even a night there nor have a meal there. I no be her dog. If you are even talking about age difference we are all older than her by at least 6years and we are working class but she isn't even doing anything. She never even fit manage all the things in the house but she is looking for relevance.
You see this "stone him" crowd, you came here to gather? You will find
ReplyDeleteit plenty.
But before you cast the first stone, let me inform you that you should stone yourself first for being so petty and
disrespectful to someone in your house whom you should treat as a guest. 😁😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
Where and where was she disrespectful?. That brother is no longer a guest at this point please. To answer your question, no a married woman is not supposed to be treated this way.
DeleteYour husband is already in battle with you with your knowledge sef lol. Your husband might have a bad memory or experience where he saw a wife scatter a home , and instead of him to unlearn this and heal from this, he carry am for head like gala.
I wont advice you to leave.
I'll advice you to start looking for a job and money ASAP, so that you can regain your sanity, take some decisions alone, fix some things in the house with your money and get a help to be cooking and serving everyone, make your eye no chook for kitchen. Because believe me, after a long while in this situation ,you'll accuse any loved wife you see of using juju. Forgive my disjointed writing, but I hope you get the message.
@Dee
DeleteYou see exactly what I wrote up there; your solution is to further divide them. Her problem is that she doesn't have "her money" right?
And her Brother in Law is not a guest but the house owner; right?
When people who are seen as sober come here for advice, try to look for solutions to bring the couple together and not to further divide and
separate them.
Anonymous please where did you read your own to see disrespect? All of you supporting such nonsense can not stomach ⅛ in your home. Why did that husband marry her instead of his brother. Nobody will go to my kitchen or pot without my permission, try it and i will empty it on your head.
DeleteSome of you ladies do not know what marriage means at all.
ReplyDeleteOshey Marriage counselor,let me list small,submit to the husband,submit to the inlaws,submit to everyday knacking,never question his decisions,become a doormat,wash his clothes,cook different meals as he demands,flush his poo, wash his boxers,drink anointing oil as you're praying for his progress,continue watching war room,I hope with this few points of mine,we have made your day.
DeleteDon't mind them!!!!
DeleteI beg to differ, this is a huge issue! This is not what a normal marriage looks like at all. I still have Parents and I know folks who are married too. This Posters concerns are very valid.
ReplyDeleteExactly! I don't know why some women here are supporting this kind of marriage.
DeleteSomeone will be invited into her own home without her knowledge, she is not informed of anything going on in the home, the husband buys all that is needed in the he by himself. There is a lack of trust. Dear poster,it is like your husband does not trust you and you have to know why, please speak to your husband. Your brother in law is not the problem. This is not normal at all.
Thank you
DeleteVery valid but unfortunately for her, her husband is the problem, his mentality is skewed.
Delete@Bini
DeleteAnd your solution is?
You see, you ended up dodging proffering any solution. If you are pressed now, you start chanting "divorce,"
Everything is not by gra gra. This woman is intolerant and petty. She can sit her husband down and dialogue about these minor issues.
@Bini, I agree with you. You are right. The husband has no iota of respect for his wife and the husband is so entitled. He should be ashamed of himself for behaving that way in his brother's home.
DeletePS: I am a man. I cannot even conceive the idea of doing this in any of my married brother's houses.
Her concerns are very valid, even though she should use wisdom to handle it, its a red flag for your brother inlaw to have so much access and say in your marriage, he should as well be the wife to his brother.
DeletePoster, should be very careful in how she handles it but you have to stamp your feet in the marriage in a subtle way.
@bv Bini I totally agree with you,her concerns are very valid!!
DeleteShe's not petty abeg,there is a problem....first of all set boundaries and stand by it, 1. tell ur husband his brother should stop going to ur pot for any reason 2. He should NEVER cook anything in ur kitchen simply because he doesn't want to eat what u guys are having, please who does that in another person's house? 3.dish his food when u guys are ready to eat and call him to come and carry his food,if he is not ready to eat let him cover it till he is ready and stand firmly by it and lastly tell ur husband that any visitor that u are not told about before hand will NEVER sleep in ur house no matter who the person is except maybe in a situation where the person is stranded and called without any prior notice
Delete15:42, you dialogue with someone who is open to it or did you purposely just skip that part she brought his attention to some instances. What was his reaction and response towards that dialogue? Na wa ooooo Abi I read another chronicle.
DeleteAnd enchantress's solution is?😳😳
DeletePoster Please have you sat down to discuss with your husband? Why will he do that? Then he has no business getting married if he will treat you like a furniture? Haaa mehn Poster Please sit down and discuss like adult and as a couple...Then lets see how it goes, if it does not work...Do you know anyone your husband respects a lot..Please involve that person to intervene in this matter...
ReplyDeleteHowever check yourself and ensure that you are not the one making your husband finding companionship with your brother...Treat them with love and respect but boundaries must be placed...Take your place as a wife...I pray for wisdom as you go about it...Please don't say it from a place of anger but calmly state what you are not happy with and NO you are not over reacting...All the best...
Stella sometimes just read and pass, what sort of enjoyment?what is there to enjoy in this type of marriage? she's is seriously hurting and you're saying she's petty,poster please marriage is not supposed to be like yours,how did you meet your husband?was your BIL leaving with you guys since you got married? your husband does not regard you at all,can you have a one on one conversation about it? because everything you wrote is totally disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteOkie dokie
DeleteExactly the comment I've been looking for,God bless you
Delete@Anon, exactly your head Dy there 👌
DeleteStella and gaslighting are twins. Poster you are in unhealthy union. Try and start making money for yourself.
DeleteThank you.
DeleteVery very disrespectful.
DeleteVery disrespectful and insensitive. It's all shades of wrong...
DeleteSometimes, keep it moving....
I don't even like my wife to have anything to do with repairs in the house or carrying stuff from the market. This is a good man for goodness sake. In fact, the repairers do not come when there is no man in the house, isn't that how rapes happen?
ReplyDeleteAt should know when an known person is coming to her house.
DeleteWhy does keep her in the dark, imagine just hearing a knock and opening the door to a stranger you don't know is coming to your home, this is a huge security risk abeg. It costs both the husband and brother in law nothing to tell her of their plans especially as it concerns her home
DeleteAt least he should also inform his wife a repairer is coming home,everything about how that man treat's his wife is wrong,see how she's treated like a nobody in her house,I don't like visitors going to my kitchen,I have already seen how things will play out with this poster,I don't understand this kind of marriage,poster I pray your BIL gets to his bustop soon,so he would leave your house.
DeleteU obviously read only dat part. If nothing concern her for repairs. So her husband cnt inform her about d person coming to do works at home???
DeleteMaybe if the husband won knack am. E dey ask e brother for permission. Marriage these days Don dey diluted. Hian
@15:11, you seem to be cherry picking on this chronicle. It is not just about house repairs. If you read it again, you will realize that the wife isn't informed of what's going on in the house as to which handy man is coming to work. She just see a stranger in the home carrying out repairs. Meanwhile, her brother in-law was informed. That's bullshit! The husband has absolutely no respect for her.
Delete@15:49
DeleteWhether cherry picking or tomato picking, that curse word you are using there is not a solution; is it?
All you all are doing is to help her grind pepper and spray on everyone in that house. If her husband is being "disrespectful"
sit down with him in the bedroom and discuss it and not spray mud.
First of all poster, your hubby is the one that gave his family such right to disrespect you and it was enabled by you.
ReplyDeleteWhy start what you cannot finish just because you want to get/stay married?
Very big insult is what I read from the start to finish of this write-up.
I don't know if there's anything you can do at this stage to put things to order in your home.
Maybe, call your hubby and tell him how you feel about his actions towards you or if he wouldn't listen to you, send him a text message.
Your home is your home and there should be boundaries set.
No, you are not overreacting and you are not petty one bit.
The mans understanding of marriage is warped and very broken
DeleteShe obviously started what she can't finish,all this issues is what u supposed to have addressed right from day one
Delete😆🤣😂 What is this?? Abeg abeg,zukwanuike
ReplyDeleteWhy is everything always funny to you?
DeleteThis woman is in pain and all you can do is 😂...it's well with you
Madam Poster, your feeling is valid but you feel like that and is treated that way because you are not busy, you are not making your own money, you are a dependant, you have nothing to show to earn the respect you are demanding. You are his wife, and so what? That is not enough earn you respect in this generation where your fellow women are chairing board meetings, heading governments and presiding over world economy. Madam, stand up and upgrade yourself and see everything fall in place.
DeleteStella, did you just say petty???😳😳😳😳😳.
ReplyDeletePoster, sorry about everything, don't know what to say Sha, you can talk to your husband when he is in a good mood but if he refused to listen please leave. Let him marry his brother. So much disrespect. Why did he marry you then?
She should leave, because of this, this generation na only GOD go help us oo, small thing leave ah. The funniest thing now you go dey your husband house dey take shit and you go stay put while advising someone to leave her husband house because of this small issue. Pls repent nodey scatter marriage anyhow.
DeletePoster, why are you narrating this story as if you're talking about somebody else?
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile, it doesn't seem like you have a close relationship with your husband. Did you guys even date at all?
Oh well, I believe you should have a heart to heart discussing with your husband and don't die in silence
This is worst than baking a furniture in a house.. No companionship and love relationship between both of you. Very dry marriage.. No spice but living in trepidation as if you are a slave..
DeleteHow did you end up married to this type of man? The brother does not work?
Just try and talk with the man.. He is acting on his insecurity.
Stella, from her perspective, everything is wrong. The man and his brother is toxic. Why marry her if you gonna treat her in such a manner. The brother is the third party here and should learn to respect his brothers wife. This is not so because the husband gave him the right to behave anyway he likes. Not all men are ready for marriage, some still thinks its a child's play. Madam, seat him down and pour your mind to him, if he refuses to grow up and repair his marriage, take a walk if that suit you.
ReplyDelete@Sdk, did you read the story very well or you were distracted by something?
ReplyDeleteThis is wrong on all counts the woman is being very disrespected by her husband. He is not married to his brother but his wife.
He and his wife should be the one doing things together. If her husband is not involving her in the running of the home something is very wrong. Was it an arranged marriage.
I actually think she should leave temporarily and have this issue sorted out. Nothing wrong with his brother there but if it's putting the wife at a disadvantage then he should not be there.
Some men think the woman has no say in her home. But it is not correct. This is an abuse. And I dare say if it doesn't change, she should talk to the elders of the family or Pastor for a way forward.. This woman is just there for decoration.
This is not right. Her husband has rights and she too has.
Thank you very much o'jare. Na God go bless you 🙏
DeleteStella there is nothing wrong ké,he should kuku marry the brother now.
ReplyDeleteHa juweluchi this na big problem, some body will not make decisions with her and his brother disrespect her at will, abeg madam when next he wants to do the do tell him to go to his brother.
ReplyDeleteEverything is wrong! What a blatant display of disregard for the wife. Obviously, there’s a hierarchy in that house and the wife’s rank is bottom. I don’t mind going to dish your own food but disregarding her is a no!
ReplyDeleteIts not just about the brother. What about the part where she’s left in the dark about the going ons in her own house? She’s been treated less than a help for God’s sake!
I do not even blame the brother inlaw cos clearly, he’s mirroring his brother’s attitude to his own wife.
Madam, your problem is your husband who treats you less than a wife. He probably sees you as a bedmate and container for his offsprings.
Fix his attitude, you have fixed your problem.
@Perxian
DeleteWow, Perxian don vex...see hierarchy and ranking; that is to say, General, lt. General, Brigadier
Wow!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And the clown brother in law will be looking for "submissive" (their version is slave like) to marry
DeleteNot every adult male is marriage material
I don't blame them it is women who do not know the standards of their maker who created them different but not inferior that I blame!
The thing sef shock me o! Like, I can't believe what I am reading as comments. Someone is married to a man who doesn't treat her as a wife, partner nor even a friend & you expect her to be happy? How? How can u enjoy marriage with someone who doesnt involve you in matters regarding the home you both share? How is this even a marriage? What's the point of marrying her if he's just going to treat her like a statue? Did he marry her just to reproduce & to satisfy society because what is this? Even if he has issues with her, cant he sort it out?
DeletePoster, have u poured your mind to your husband? Have you sat down with him to tell him how u feel with they way you're being treated? If you have & he still doesnt budge, then I suggest you face truth and adjust to the reality that he married for other reasons other than having a life partner so better adjust your expectations accordingly. Start to see him as same: a flatmate/babydaddy/provider. Remove love from the equation & be at rest.
But be honest also, have you offended him before? Have you lost his trust in the past? Or are you one of those women who are too lazy, too laid-back and don't care for anything happening in the home? I know women like this who do not contribute anything & care for nothing. Their husbands tend to give up & handle everything themselves. You need to be honest with yourself and also ask him these questions.
Stella, how can u even say she's being Petty.
ReplyDeletePoster, I was so mad on the wife's behalf while reading this post. That husband does not have an atom of respect for the wife in that marriage.
Jesus Christ!!!!
I don't want to say more than this abeg. But, my God!!!
😂😂😂 me too I follow you vex on her behalf, it's so annoying!!
DeleteThe orientation of your husband is the problem,they were raised to think women has no place and if you give them attention they will misuse it.
ReplyDeleteShe will only have peace if the bil leaves that house and that way, gradually,the man will unlearn me relearn.
Madam nothing/nobody can break the bond between your hubby and his brother..so its either you bear till he moves out or you leave. So choose.
ReplyDeleteI do not think she wants to break the bond. She wants to be treated right and as a wife thst she is. Nothing wrong with that. From the narration, she is not being treated right.
DeleteNobody is trying to break any brotherly bond here. That's how u people keep pushing wicked narratives. A man can love his brother and his wife at the same time. Love & respect is not something that is reserved for just one person.
DeleteDear Poster, please try to ensure this attitude doesn't disturb your peace of mind. Calmly talk to your husband about the issue, prayerful deal with the matter, God solves all problems! Also in as much as it may hurt, keep showing love in your home. Try not to fight anyone or revenge. Your peace first. Ask the Holy Spirit for proper guidance.
ReplyDeletePoster this is all shades of wrong, it's not right, your husband doesn't regard you @all. Then your BIL is silly and sick. He doesn't have regards for you and I don't blame him cos it's as a result of what ur hubby told him or what he has seen your hubby do to you.
ReplyDeleteThis is what happens when you walk into a marriage as part of the acquired property. Get a job or business fast! Occupy your mind with bigger issues and not who dishes food and co. It's too childish and petty abeg. Work on yourself please. There is no issue here at all.
ReplyDeletePoster there is a very big issue here, you are the maid in that house, no companionship, was it like that during courtship?, is he way older than you?, do you have a source of income?, I won't advice you to leave but I'll advise you to get a source of income, get busy and the respect you deserve will come.
ReplyDeleteExactly so! She is just there to perform duties and keep her mouth shut. What a marriage, what a life!
DeleteShe could rake in millions a year, no respect will be coming from that man. Men like that sees women as beneath them. Matter of fact, the moment she gets successful is the exact same moment he will take a second wife. She will then be working to support him and his new wife. He will blame her that she went to work and he needs a wife in the home. Men like that you cannot win with, EVER.
This is totally disrespectful;your husband is your problem here,your inlaw is only stepping on the bridge he built and aided to further disrespect you..
ReplyDeleteHe is already prepared for war even before he married you;so anything you say or do regarding his extended family is automatically an insult or you trying to tear them apart..
From your Chronicle,your husband has no regard,respect or value for you..
If you complain from today till tomorrow;people like your husband wont understand cos he expects you to sit like a furniture in "his" home and take whatever he dishes..
Your husbands mindset is what needs to be changed;then he can see things a bit from your own angle..
Lastly;upgrade yourself,get an income;leave the house and hustle so you wont notice all these disrespect in your absence..
Most spouse dont necessarily respect you as a person;but they will sure respect the money you have..
Get busy,make money;money stops lots of all these nonsense..
And yea;your complaint are valid,just wrong to the oppressor being your husband..
@MARTINS
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍,poster still press your ignore button,and act like you don't notice that his brother.
Delete@Martins, you are so on point. Her husband doesn't regard her at all. And the brother can see that
DeleteMay your well of wisdom never run dry. Ezigbo mmadụ ka ị bụ. 👏👏👏
DeleteBlessed is the womb that gave birth to you.
DeleteIt's either you leave or you tolerate and if you are smart enough to know that your BIL has your husband mumu bottom draw him close that way it will either make your man uncomfortable or make him happy whichever way,I hope you make the right decision.
ReplyDeleteAlso I see nothing wrong in him going to the kitchen to dish his food the kitchen isn't for one person alone.
This onLy happens when strangers get married to each other
ReplyDeleteall this I must marry this year by fire by force, na so e dey end
Thank you.
DeleteAll this very dysfunctional men have no business getting married
DeleteStela please you got it wrong the husband clearly has no regard for her even the bible said "the two shall become one" she is basically a stranger in her own home.
ReplyDeleteSeems that is the mindset your husband has about women o, seat him down and have a calm honest conversation with him about how you feel.
For me there is a big issue in that marriage. How can ur husband not tell you when someone wants to visit or when a repairer is coming ? It is not right.
ReplyDeleteAbeg this is a BIG issue. My dear, IT IS NOT NORMAL AND NOT WHAT MARRIAGE IS. The problem is your Husband. He enables his brother with his attitude and mindset. What to do?
ReplyDeleteAre you working? if not, get something doing. That will reduce the insult small.
2. Talk to your husband. Don't talk harshly oh. Wake up at night and be moody for some days then cry and let his know how you feel about your husband's attitude. Don't bring his brother into it.
3. Do you know an elderly person he respects? Go and seek counselling from them and get them to talk to him based on their opinion.
Finally, pray. Let God arrest your husnand and cleave hus heart to yours...
It is well jare, very painful situation. I have been there and overcome.
Bu the way, don't be afraid to quarrel with oga about it, and then apologize. The elders say, if brother have a meeting and all of them come out of the meeting smiling, they have not told themselves the truth.
LOL
DeleteWake a man up at night- This man described here should be woken up at night for a discussion. Please women need to learn that not all men should be woken up at night for discussions.
Play moody for some days - Some men, including this man, may not look at the woman's face.
Cry - a.ka. false tears. For the man described here? No comments.
Serious issues demand cool headed, tactical and mutual beneficial approach not all these old wives approach.
Poster how long have you been married?
Have you taken time to study your husband beyond the listed faults.
No good thing about your husband?
Did any thing happen between your families during the marriage ceremonies. Did your family appear too greedy or over demanding.
In all your narrative, you did not say what you have done to solve the challenges you listed.
Just find out the cause of your husband behaviour. And face it by finding non-combative and non aggresive ways
Find out what your husband likes about you. Even where there was no courtship, a man eventually likes something about his wife. Is it your cooking, house keeping, cheerfulness, s#x, anything, etc. That is your first key. Find how to use it to open the door.
Playfully ask him the why questions whenever you both are alone at home - why dont you want me to HELP you do ..., take some of these burdens off you, remove the stress off you going to work or the shop and still ......, note while at it, everything should be about him.
From the whys, move to belief in what you can do, I believe I can do... so you can focus on ..., give me a try a trial will convince you... I used to do it for my father....., my entire family before we married.
From that move again etc. Somewhere will shift for you to put your foot hold.
In all these, leave his brother alone. So long as your husband is providing, let him eat or open your pot. He will leave one day or he may grow tired. At least for now, he is not commanding you to go cook for him or do chores for him. He even cooks himself. Some brothers in law dont or even touch house chores.
There are families where the younger brother may actually be the feeder of the house, financier of the family or owner of the husband's business/shop. Hope your husband is not in that case because some families hide it so well the wives never know.
Getting a job may help you remove your attention but it will not necessarily change your husband. But do not go get a job for money to rank with your husband in your matrimonial home.
And it may not be about your incapability. Some men grew up with the experience of a great loss involving decisions made by wives or sisters or aunties. Such experiences scar the memory and character.
From your narrative it appears you do not have children yet. So move fast but calmly and peaceably to know where your marriage is going before the children come.
Best wishes
Stella I disagree with you please. She needs to be respected in her own home. It’s disrespectful of the husband to treat her that way that’s why the brother is also disrespecting her . I’ve had relatives from both sides live with us and there are laid down rules everyone must follow. Once an in-law wouldn’t follow these rules and I became frustrated and kept reporting to hubby but it started to seem like I was nagging so I stopped. When I cook and he’s not ready to eat I dish out his, cover it and put the rest in the fridge, this prevented him from going to my pot. He loved eating in between meals , somehow I didn’t know how to stop him from wasting beverages , I just replaced them when he finishes it, once he finished that biggest tin of milk in one week, so I stopped buying tin and started buying sachets and would share equally for everyone if you finish yours before it’s time to refill you are on your own. A lot of things I did before he left, now he’s calling that he wants to stay with us after nysc, omo the look I gave hubby ehn lol. These relatives can push someone.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteStay where?
DeleteNonsense and ibaje
The disrespect and disregard is loud. Have a heart to heart conversation with your husband and tell him what hurts you. Men should not put their spouses in positions where they can be disrespected by ANYBODY!
ReplyDeleteA chronically stupid man doesn't and cannot that disrespect to his wife is disrespect to him
DeleteHe doesn't see her as part of himself
All these broken destructive men who see marriage as control , oppress and manipulate
Parents bring up men of value with standards not all these ego driven insecure emotionally stunted creatures everywhere
A chronically stupid man doesn't and cannot that disrespect to his wife is disrespect to him.
DeleteHe doesn't see her as part of himself
All these broken destructive men who see marriage as control , oppress and manipulate
Parents bring up men of value with standards not all these ego driven insecure emotionally stunted creatures everywhere
The disrespect and disregard is loud. Have a heart to heart conversation with your husband and tell him what hurts you. Men should not put their spouses in positions where they can be disrespected by ANYBODY!
ReplyDeleteNo amount of conversation can change that man.
Deletelook for job, if you don't have one, always keep yourself busy with your phone when you are at home, laugh at jokes online, don't look at them with their bad behavior nah them go tire
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteKai! What women go through in the name of marriage!!!
Madam please can you answer these questions?
- How did you meet your husband? Hook up, arrangee, or falling in love after friendship?
-. How did you marry your husband? Did you get pregnant and he was left with no choice but to marry you; or he fell in love with you and married you voluntarily?
-. How old is your marriage? Because this appears like a marriage above five years.
-. Are you working? If not, why would repairers and other people always meet you at home?
-. Was your brother in-law already living with your hubby before you got married? This I think may be the real reason. If he was, it will be difficult for him to switch over to you easily. That's why on no account should any woman marry a man living with anybody. Be it parents, siblings or friends. Read Genesis 2:24
Not every man is mature enough to know that wife comes first!
-. Is your brother in-law working? If he is, he'd definitely have more value than you do in that house.
-. Do you still have sex with your husband? Because, 80% of the time, men that misbehave, do so because of sex starvation. Especially when they are decent and don't want to go outside.
-. Did his family endorse his marriage to you? If they didn't, ha! Ogaa o!
-. What is the age difference between your husband and you? He's behaving really childish or you may be the childish one here. Who knows?!
-. Do you have children? If you have been ttcing for long, he may begin to feel you are of no value to him (even though the problem may be from him). How does he treat his children? The same way he does to you (that's if you have)?
-. Do you know how to cook well? Because that you are the woman of the house doesn't mean they should eat nonsense.
-. Do you have good home management skills? Why will your husband always go to the market bikonu? Na wa! Are you a spendthrift?
-. Are you sure that everything you wrote up there is the truth? Because, from your write-up, you are practically a saint!
There are so many questions I'd have liked to ask but for space. Please answer the above questions sincerely and you'd surely find the reason for the treatment you are getting in your home.
But I sense that you exaggerated it. Can it be that bad? Hmmnnn. Except he is under a spell, the treatment may not be as you have put out.
Answer all the above questions and work on yourself in any area highlighted therein. So that you can be doubly sure it's no longer your fault.
Summarily, pray for your home. Dialogue with your husband. Because if you don't tell him, he may not know that what he's doing is wrong. Yes, all you wrote up there is very wrong. No man should treat his wife like that.
Pray your brother in-law out of your home. Though he is not your main problem. Your husband is. So never confront him. Maintain a cordial relationship with him till he leaves.
Take charge of your home on your knees and play your part physically.
Very necessary questions!!
Delete@Jechix,
DeleteWhat some women go through in some marriages.
Your questions will certainly help the Poster IF she work with them for peace.
But not everybody would have a situation to live alone with their partners after marriage.
It is inevitable for some people that in-laws (or even the husband's or wife's "trainee boys/girls") will live with them. Women should learn to accept this fact of life. And it is common with and cultural with some tribes.
Most of the points you made are, however, A grade.
She married into a patriarchal family that has little regard or value placed on women beyond cooking, sexing and having children. I am not going to say he is a misogynist, but she is to him nothing more that being a househelp, vagina and having children, and she can be replaced in an instant. I am not even going to try to explore if he has feelings or even love there, men like those do not love nothing or nobody, they just exist in life, robotic, like an empty shell.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what attracted her to him and why she even chose to marry such a cold person. She can stay in the marriage it is her choice, but she will wither away into nothingness if that behaviour continues. I do not know how to change the mindset of men like that. The brother is not the problem, he is just one aspect of things. It would be best to speak with a mother, sister, aunt or family friend from that family to really get a handle of how your husband was raised and the dynamics of their family. I fear that there is much about these ppl you do not know. I fear you have entered into something deeper than you imagined.
Good luck!
You absolutely encapsulated her marriage in one comment.
DeleteShe probably answers him ‘Sir‘ and behave like a stepford wife around him.
Gosh!
It goes to show that many marriages of the ladies here are in trouble before they start. A lot of you do not understand marriage at all.
ReplyDeletePlease DO NOT GO INTO MARRIAGE WITH THIS IGNORANT MINDSET YOU ALL ARE DISPLAYING HERE. Marriage is not a battlefield
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
If this is what u expect one to sit down and take all in the name of marriage then God forbid this ur mindset!
DeleteDo whatever gives you peace in your house and don't come here thinking what works for you, will work for others,my hubby likes though and strong willed women,I entered his family with I no send una,I was ready for that 'bad wife 'tag, did they bring the war?plenty,butI no send them,now na my house every body wan come vacation.
DeleteKai....SMH.
DeleteMarriage has no manual,if you chose to be a slave,fine. But don't tag others along.
Delete@Ms Tee
DeleteThe Bible; that's the manual for marriage and life. It is based on the principle of that book that
God will judge you and I
This is the kind of family that if that man mistakenly dies tomorrow now,even the brother that stays in your house and knows what goes on there will follow and say it's you that killed him🙄....and before you know umunna don gather to collect all his properties and savings from the wife😥😥.
ReplyDelete@poster I don't want to talk much,from other comments you already know it's not a normal behavior in the home... marriage isn't supposed to be that way. A person should be happy their are married and not living each day in absolute pain or regret.
I just want to tell you to better have something doing as a woman abi is he also against women working?
The man is in a fight mode, i doubt even having a talk with him will yield any results, you need to take a drastic decision like moving out temporarily or involving a third party(persons he looks up to)
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile get something doing, no matter how small.
Anybody that sees nothing wrong with these narrated by the poster is an absolute psychopath!
ReplyDeleteWhat is the grown ass brother doing in that house?!!
In the most unlikely event that it is dire he lives with the couple, why are there no boundaries established?!!
The mistake originated from moving in with the brother still there..I’m appalled by the women in accord that this husband’s behaviour is normal, y’all need therapy & rehabilitation! Why did he marry this lady and not the brother?
Poster, are you sure it’s he’s biological brother and not lover, with you as a scandal concealment??
Do you work? Are you able to go away until this is resolved? Do you have a sister or brother that can live with you?
It’s been ongoing without recourse, hence most likely either too late for a reversal or you must resort to stern tact measures to rectify the situation.
Verily, this is NOT a marriage!
Even my dad's brother that's strict AF has not treated his with soo much disrespect. There's this Igbo adage that says "O bu nwunye eze n'agwa eze otu odi". It's only the king's wife that tells him how he looks.
ReplyDeletePoster, I'm not married yet but I'll advise you to talk to your husband about how you feel. As long as I'm concerned, this is an ill treatment.
Why should your brother in law be living with you? Your husband is wicked for treating you this way. Let your brother in law move out and hustle for his life. I was married to someone like your husband. Stingy to the core and brought in useless family members and friends to live with us as he liked.I was almost sexually harrased by one of his friends. I told him he said maybe I wore something too sexy. I quickly gave my self brain, and left the marriage before I got pregnant. I went ahead to marry a white man. Now I have no stress at all and I am respected. Let him leave your house or die trying.Push him out dead or alive. Nonsense.
ReplyDeleteI grew up in a home where we all went to the kitchen to serve our food. When my sisters come visiting they go to the kitchen to serve their food. My wife has never been angry about it. When her siblings are around they do same thing. Your husband is deliberately disrespecting you. Just ignore them, make your self happy. Possibly go look for a job . You are not petty , read novels, watch movies in the absence of a job. Live like a queen and see them as your subjects
ReplyDeleteToday your comment made me smile,poster he said,live like a queen and see them as your subjects,tuale.
DeleteEven all the guys get it which is saying a lot..
DeleteI can't believe it, Oga is this you for real?😲
DeleteUncle Alex did you type this? Wow
DeleteThis chronicle loud ooo
ReplyDeletePoster, your problem is your hubby not the brother.
Make out time and talk things over with your hubby..
The disrespect is much,,not a good one..
How can you stay in your house as a total stranger, something is wrong somewhere 🤔
I pray God fix it for you 🙏.
I see some comments asking what she brings to the table. So because she brings nothing to the table she should be disrespected? Even if she is at home all day does that mean a husband shouldn't have regard for his wife?
ReplyDeleteThings dey happen sha for this institution called marriage.That is why before saying i do be very sure and do your due diligence well.
Infact didn't you and your husband date? Didn't you both discuss? Cos if you did you would have known his kind o person and know if he is what or who you wanted.
At this point madam its either you bear it or take a walk ( it aint easy) cos this your husband can never change.
You just said it all!
DeleteKeeping you in d dark is annoying. He should atleast let you know what's going on. Even me I dont like been kept in d dark on family issues.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, you cannot win if u fight. Either u leave or you adjust, just two options u have.
My father never let his children sleep overnight over at our married elder ones houses. He says it's invasion of privacy.That brother in law has NO BUSINESS in that house. He has overstayed his welcome. This woman wants her husband and home to herself. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteI will not be disrespected in my home like this.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is a terrible person and please treat him same way he treats you.
If I were you, I would have long left cos there’s nothing in that marriage for me.
The things people go through though.
You married an Igbo man abi?
ReplyDeleteSorry
I didn't want to make this comment sha.
DeleteActually I know the right adjective to qualify both of you,just that stella will'nt post it.in other words i will advise you both to leave tribe here and focus on the focus.
DeleteAfrican men set high standards for who they marry, but our women don't. Y'all just pick whoever picks you. Smh
ReplyDeleteSadly, you are right. Women just want to be married, they marry anyhow men
DeleteTalk to your husband, let him know that you re not comfortable with the way he's treating you before you use your hands to scatter your marriage by listening to online advisers Nowamagbe whose homes might be worse than yours
ReplyDeleteHe's not your enemy but husband for Godsake, couples should learn how to communicate their grievances with each other before inviting a third party.
God bless and intervene in your home.
God bless your home too. True talk. No plenty grammar. Poster you hear so.
DeleteHow can a woman be treated like a stranger in her own home,what kind of marriage is this,and people are saying she is petty!! Is it not better the man marries his brother since they are both cohabiting fine,nonsense!!! Madam u are married but living Single!!! How can a married man be going to the market to buy things himself,he doesn’t give his wife money,he doesn’t talk to her.some people are better unmarried jarey! Is this the marriage they are pressuring single girls to marry,Ur husband is just deliberately disrespecting u In presence of his brother.its either u have a conversation with him,if he doesn’t change u take a walk.
ReplyDeleteThe husband going to the market is the least of the Poster's challenges. Some women here will give a arm and a leg for that. And there is no complaint in the chronicle about the woman not being given money. Or is she to take out the market money if it was given to her?
DeletePlease do not make the matter look worse and encourage her into divorce. E no easy outside as divorcee especially the first 1 - 3 or 5 years.
My own is that you the reporter should mind your own business and leave people's marriage alone please. Face front
ReplyDeleteThis is not marriage
ReplyDeleteLol in my own house?
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeleteSomething must have gone wrong somewhere, was the man like that before marriage? Was it an arranged marriage? I'm just wondering!
Pls tell the wife to look for a job if she is not working. Let her leave the house in the morning and come back in the evening.
Husband's relatives will just be disrespecting her anyhow when they come visiting. I can imagine her pains. Husband and wife are supposed to be friends, chatting and laughing and playing. She is the first person that he should tell things.
Let her ignore them, the brother will leave to start his own family one day, I just pray the husband doesn't bring another person to live with them. When he leaves, I pray her husband treats her right.
See plenty comments because people like to analyze someone else’s life..smh
ReplyDeleteMhen!! this is the highest level of disregard and disrespect for one's wife.
ReplyDeleteThis family needs counseling especially the Man,he needs to learn and unlearn alot things about marriage.
I really feel for this woman honestly because with the kind of mindset this man has there is nothing she can do to please him.
Nag nag nag as if they met along the highway. Rubbish rambling.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like an arranged marriage
ReplyDeleteNo personal relationship with hubby...
Nne chill n let maturity n peace flow in the family