Hmmm....
NARRATIVE ONE
SERIAL CHEATER
I caught my husband video sexting with escorts from websites. He chats different girls up on different dating apps. He has done this three times and he will always beg like his life depends on it .
He claims he only chats online but never actually met them in person or had actual s#x with anyone , which I don’t believe ,because if you can do things like this what is actual S#x ?
I’m a good woman and been faithful but I hate him. I feel nothing for him anymore. Just here for my kids because I want them to have a proper family and better life. Though I have a decent job. Marriages hardly heal from infidelity.
*You want your kids to have a proper family how? Anyway you have a decent Job and not dependent on him or anyone else for money so i guess you will know what decision to take at the right time... You are a strong woman!
****************************************************************************
NARRATIVE TWO
THE DREAM
Who can interpret dreams? I have been talking to this guy a few months now and everything went well until we had a small issue that got him angry and he didn't talk to me for weeks.
The issue was that he was stranded and I helped but he felt I didn't help enough.
Now he's trying to resume talks again but I'm not so receptive anymore and just recently I had a dream where an older lady warned me against him. She said, "have nothing to do with XX".. she mentioned his name and last name. I asked, why why but she didn't answer and dream ended.
Please Who is this lady? God? Devil? My future self? My conscience? Should I obey?
Do you believe in your dreams? If yes, then it could be yourself going ahead to warn you ,it could be a warning to avoid something nasty... I really dont know what to say concerning this..
@Posternumber1,are you for real? Why stay in a loveless and not so making sense marriage? A proper family? Nawa o
ReplyDelete@Posternumber2,to be forearmed is to be forewarned and take heed
To be forewarned is to be forearmed dear
DeleteAll join and you just take the one in front to the back @Dear
DeletePoster 2:
DeleteDo you actually need a dream and an interpreter to let you know you are about to go into torture in the name of relationship? Someone you helped, no matter how little, was not appreciative and didn't talk to you for weeks. Imagine how such a person would treat his wife. Abeg... don't even take his calls again. Also it's possible he has another babe he loves and is giving his attention to. Be wise...
Ingratitude is a deal breaker for me and should be for any same person.
Poster 1:
Your Horseband will never change. Whatever decision you take, SDK inlaws dey behind you.
I really don't get it why MOST ladies/women feel the solution to cheating in a marriage is taking a walk! He might be bored, try and spice up your marriage. Most guys get bored after kids, I believe couples should try new things than the monotonous stuffs that we see our folks do. If there is no history of domestic violence, PLS don't walk away. Try and make it work, talk to him, have sexual escapades with him, drill him and find out what excites him about those ladies and introduce it. Try and love him again and forgive him. Walking away or making plans to walk away isn't the solution, trust me. Pay more attention to him and demand same from him... The situation is not hopeless since you are both taking care of your home. Grow with him, stop nursing that idea of leaving PLS. Since you have decided to stay, start hanging out a lot with him after work. Show him more love and trust me, he will stop. PLS try and make it work. Thanks
DeleteAunty Stan.
DeleteIt's not up to the wife 'to make it work'.
A marriage is made up of two people, not 1 man perpetually on heat, fcking anything moveable and the wife treating one std per week and going to night vigil like say na work.
That's what has refused to enter you thick Nigerian men's skull.
You useless lot enter marriage with a truckload of entitlement and shrivelled penises feeling this entitles you to get away with everything.
You have ÑOTHING to offer the marriage apart from boring sex and expect your wives to stay faithfull. Lolll. Clowns.
Do you think your wives are not bored and irritated with you?
Do you think they dont see fine hot men as well.
You will dance upandan spreading STD like saaraka and yet demanding that the women should make it work.
As in, that actually makes sense to you.
It's the women who marry you useless, destiny destroying,he goatish lot I sincerely pity.
Left to me, y'all can go to blazes.
@Stan, if the man was bored would he die if he came up with suggestions to spice up the marriage? Most of you are just plain vapid and lack creativity! Always putting the whole work on the women to do this and that! always behaving like helpless babies waiting to be spoon-fed. Who told you women do not get bored too, after having kids since they get to spend most of the time doing not only wifely duties but also mommy duties and still have to do household runs day in day out constantly living a repetitive life with no new thrills or excitement?
DeleteSo whenever you are bored the next thing is to jump out? Hope you will give the same advice to your kind when the wife cheats. Talking about you do not know why ladies feel leaving is the solution to cheating. that place you wrote "ladies" remove it and put both "men and women" there.
instead focus and ask why you don't understand the reason men who vowed to be married cheat.
Poster it takes two to tango. and you cannot always be strong for two people, you will get drained fast. I am sure he can see the signs that you do not love him anymore. What has he done to wake up those dead feelings? does he care? Before you got to this stage of indifference I am sure you would have done everything both imaginable and unimaginable. Blamed yourself, worked on yourself, even fasted and prayed. Cried to him but all for what?
Please do not kill yourself. He is the head of the house let him lead, let him take responsibility for his actions. He is supposed to love you like Christ loves the church enough to leave his throne to come to this filthy world and humble himself. your husband should have led by example by putting your happiness, peace of mind above his selfish and lustful desires and he failed woefully. A whole head of the home. Someone who makes excuses of being bored can never be sober or feel remorse to reflect on their misdeeds.
Sometimes boredom is part of marriage due to the different stages marriages passes through and if he can not survive that boredom phase as the head phase then he is weak! Let these men take their place as the head not just in title but action-wise. let them lead by examples and probe themselves worthy of being the leader of the home not just financially alone.
Do whatever is best for you and your sanity and your kids as well, poster.
Put yourself first! Whether you leave or not do not ever make excuses for him or try to rationalize why he is cheating. What about those times you did not catch him. Despite how sleek he must have gotten in getting rids of evidences still you caught him thrice!!
Besides there are over 100 million activities you both could have engaged in if boredom was his problem. So dead that idea.
Do not put the weight of turning a cheat into a Saint on your shoulders. That is the easiest way to turn old and haggard fast. Except he decides to change on his own with the help of the holy spiirt. There is nothing you can do. You can't change him.
@ Ammon 18:23 and 18:57... I understand your point, no need to start generalising. Using the
Deleteword "men" is faulty cause it's not all men that cheats on their wives. I think you guys misconstrued my advice. My point is, walking away is NOT the solution. Working on a marriage is the responsibility of both parties. It is important to quickly make it clear at this point that I am not blaming the Poster oh, what he did was plain wrong but it's not enough for the sudden "loss of love"for him. Nobody is perfect.
anon 18:57 not Ammon 18:57, thanks!
DeleteIf cheating was her deal-breaker then it is enough to make her loathe him. That is the bitter truth. if you are a man out there who cheats and you still delude yourself into thinking your wife loves you then the joke is on you. She hates your guts.
You also don't get to decide if cheating is enough to make the love she formerly has in her heart for him to disappear, you are not in her shoe.
The moment a woman finds out her husband is cheating. Overtime, She stops loving him. every single time she catches him, he deadens the few feelings left from the previous shock she was still trying to salvage.
You are shocked, right? That is the bitter truth and a hard pill for your gender to swallow.
Would a man still love his wife the same when she let another man caress her breasts, feel her loins and ravage her nakedness while she moans his name? The way some of you try to minimise the impact of your ways like the woman is not a human being like you is quite hilarious. The graphic image of you both will never leave her memory and when she sights you that is what she sees and she gets disgusted. Whatever disgusts you with time, you end up hating. it is that simple!
The phrase, 'Nobody is perfect has been so abused that most people do not even know its meaning anymore'. That phrases simply highlights the flaws people have ie. impatient, being a spendrift, talkativeness, sluggishness, timidness, etc and not cheating. Cheating is not a flaw. It is a disease!!!
on a lighter note, it is unbelievable hearing a man say, not all men cheat considering most of your gender wear cheating with pride like it is their birthright and you boldly tell everyone who cares to listen that men and cheating are like 5 and 6.
That man will never stop cheating he would only hide his track so she won't suspect him anymore. If the man is not working on the marriage she should not stress herself. she already said she won't leave hasn't she tried enough?yet you are still telling her not loving him is not right. Does he love her, does her respect her? does he respect the sanctity of their union? My own is nobody should guilt-trip her. Simple!
Anon 21:34... Na wa oh... Cut us(men) some slack na! Trying to demonize men generally is wrong. There are still some good guys out there. You making it sound like women don't do worse stuff to men as well. Cheating cut across all gender. I just got to understand what cheating does to some women's psych and it's shocking. I just don't believe the Poster should give up on her husband/marriage really... I am an advocate of peace and round table talks.
DeleteYes, I know there are still some good men out there and I have a few around that is why I refuse the boredom excuse.
DeleteThese are men who take responsibility for their actions.
Men who respects their vows.
Men who avoids the bed of strange women. Who knows cheating devalues a real man. I know they are rare but they exist. If there is a "bad" example then there is the other side too which is "good" Hence I said "most" up there and not all.
I am just tired of seeing women taking the blame for their husband cheating ways.
it is either, 'she has let herself go and gained weight so the man has lost interest meanwhile the same man has a pot-belly.
Or she doesn't do the former things she does anymore so the work die, please how many men still do the former things they did before after marriage?
The focus of this post is the poster's husband and I wonder if we can put him in that category. Someone who cannot obey a simple instruction from God yet they wonder why women cannot obey the submissive command like they are leading by example.
"Love your wife as Christ loves the church and LAID his life for her". This means,
put her first
her feelings
her wants
her desires and not yours
her happiness
her INTEREST
lay your life for her was what God instructed not make her die for you and before her time with High blood pressure, stress, insomnia and migraine as a result of your adulterous ways.
Love your wife but a larger percentage of your kind has not being able to obey that simple instruction from the same God that made them the head. Most wives are the ones obeying that God-ordained instruction and still expected to be submissive at the same time.
Day-in day-out we keep getting Chronicles of cheating husbands. and if God call husbands to step forward those ones too will proudly step forward. Some would even say they cheat but love their wives. So pathetic!!! they mistake 'love' for 'like'.
Do we blame them when they do not even know the meaning of love. Love is not 'self-serving' says the creator of love, God himself but you cheat and say you love your wife how does that cheating profits her, isn't it self-serving? are you not self-serving and greedy? and he also warns about breaking oath with the wife of your youth. but still they won't listen and still try to guilt-trip and put the weight of a happy marriage on their wives neck.
By the way, The ones whom cheating has done damaged to their psyche are those who cut off their husband's penis, poison them slowly or stab them instead of walking away.
Cheating has done nothing to the poster psyche as you can see she is very sane. She is a good and strong woman. Some would be planning on how to cheat back but the only thing she is trying to do is re-channel the love she has for her husband to herself and her kids but still you no wan gree.
like she is not peaceful enough.
Talking about peace and round table talks like that ever gets anywhere with an unrepentant cheat. The only way peace can return to their home is if he focuses on his wife and stop making her miserable by keeping it in his pant.
I am asking you, Stan.
If it was a woman would you give the same advice to the man?
The earlier most of your kind stop allocating sin to gender and understand the golden rule and what it means to love their wives only then would most of them have peace in your homes.
Have a nice day.
Anon 18:23, I hereby declare you my crush for the year.
DeleteSomeone needs to tell these entitled lots that we women also get tired of eating the same boring egusi soup everyday. Some of us just choose to be disciplined.
An ungrateful, appreciative n entitled bf u got. Sorry I called him names
ReplyDeleteMadam, you think say husband faithful before? D earlier ye accept that men n women stray, the better.
Madam stay where you are o, dont go and divorce him and be chasing other people's husband because thats the norm now.
DeleteWinnie that is what those divorcees do. All of them. Yes, cos they are grown adults and have basic sexual needs. Those who won't chase married men for financial and sexual "help" will go for sugar boys at least for the time being to keep mind and body together. Eventually they decide the sugar boys are draining them and opt for people's husbands.
DeleteMadam, divorce is not a stroll in the park o. Check well and be sure it's worth it.
Lol @ Winnie the pooh. As funny as your advice is, it is actually the truth.
DeleteSome women will divorce their husbands because of infidelity, and start chasing other people's husbands and breaking homes. I really don't understand why they do that.
winnie the pooh, those ones are learners Nah
DeleteThe badass ones will stay in the marriage and be cheating too like their husbands. while still married they cheat with other people's husband. married women don't have to be divorced to be a threat to others marriages.
see ehn single women are not the ones cheating the most with these married men. it will shock you to know the married women have taken over.
poster 2
ReplyDeletethat guy seems entitled. you helped to the best of your capability and he stopped talking to you for weeks and now he is back to get more help from you? he is a user? You don't need the dream to tell you he needs to be avoided.
only him,
anger problem
entilement
malice-keeper
user
arrogant and proud.
sometimes you don't need dreams but common sense to get rid of people.
if your dreams are not ones to joke with then block him everywhere. He doesn't even like you to walk away like that and think he can come back into your life whenever he likes. very rude someborri
Except he has gone overboard for you in life then he had no right to be upset!
Thank you Anonymous...Brilliant submission...
DeleteMuahhhh kisses to you Anon 15:12. Poster please read this over and over. Give him a piece of your mind before blocking his ass. Ridiculous Man. That your dream is a warning sign. If you go ahead with this dude and ignore our advise here, then don’t bring any nonsense heartbreak 💔 chronicle here because if you do, I’ll personally take my time me to lali you(abuse you). So respect yourself please.
Deletemine that refused to help when I was stranded nko. Urs is even worse cos u helped and he didn't appreciate. Men are wicked and heartless.
ReplyDeleteHere to read and learn
ReplyDeleteMarriages heal from infidelities. You haven't even caught your husband in the (adulterous) act
ReplyDeleteand you are already taking it overboard. Supposing he never actually had intercourse with these women
(not at all belittling what he did already). But you have to know that you are the one to decide what you
want; forgive him and live in/with peace or leave him and keep sulking (because leaving may not heal the pain
of perceived betrayal).
Shalom.
What did Jesus say about looking at a woman lustfully?? Just to remind you of the words of Jesus.
DeleteBased on your first paragraph
@Engraced
DeleteThanks.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, that he who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
That is to say that; the man committed adultery with the woman "who dresses to seduce;" gat it?
In the case in question; Jesus did not say that any woman who catches her husband committing the actual act of adultery or
committing it by "looking;" (remember that humans do not see the heart) MUST divorce him; did he say that?
So the onus lies with the woman who posted this chronicle to decide what to do; forgive and stay, forgive and walk or
don't forgive, walk and still hurt.
Because, without forgiveness, there is hurt.
**** stop trying to twist your words. Hian!!
Delete@17:11
DeleteDid we read same comments, which words were twisted there?
Why is it so difficult for people to acknowledge God warning them to keep them from evil?
ReplyDeleteIf you've been a follower of Jesus and not defiling your body with this dude, then God is
warning you not to enter into danger.
Again, did you seek God before you embarked on this lifetime journey called "relationship" which
you are seeing from the perspective of marriage? ✋✋✋✋✋✋✋
That's a warning to you....
ReplyDeleteThat is a clear warning @poster 2, stay away....
ReplyDeletePoster 1 you have everything so ignore,live your life to the fullest.........
Poster 1: Thank God u have a job. Don't let your happiness depends on ur husband besides the man have not give sexually transmitted disease. So relax ur mind. The earlier we realize most men are sex addict the better.if u leave ur marriage, do u know if ur next husband will be worst. In my case, am single and trusting God for husband and am working,recently a male corper friend of mine who we both attend d same youth church came visiting and he is an usher. He came to my house and suddenly started sucking my boobs and kissing. I Chase am commot for my house. I just realized most men are sex addict.and I was planning on settling down with d corper.
ReplyDeleteSex addiction is not normal behaviour
DeleteNot every man is possessed with sex addiction
He just started sucking your boobs and kissing? Where did you keep your boobs? You are both complicit abi did he force you? Two of you u are guilty!!
DeleteSame question I was about to throw her way.Were your boobs out or what??how come he started sucking them??nawa o
DeleteI tire o. The boobs were hanging freely on her blouse and he pounced on them and suddenly started sucking them. Iss ok.
DeletePoster 2 - I really feel strongly led to warn you not to collect from or give anything to that man!!
ReplyDeleteIt is very possible he has gone diabolical on you. I.e. anything you give or receive from him can be used as a hold on you. It can take years (and by that time you would have been drained) to leave that man.
I know several people who have experienced this.
The dream is a very serious warning- have NOTHING to do with that man.
Remain prayerful and vigilant and God will protect you 🙏
Poster 2 any relationship that is filled with malice and anger is a No No for me.him not talking to you for weeks is a black flag cos like u said u helped to the best of ur ability if he excepted more from u he should have found a loving way to tell u instead of resorting to malice,take that dream seriously and end the relationship,the best is yet to come.all the best!👍
ReplyDeleteThanks Stella for your platform and BVs for your words of advice and encouragement. I'm poster 2. It feels kinda odd being a poster and not a commenter haha😁
ReplyDelete