Hmmm....
NARRATIVE ONE
TRAUMATIZED
How I can move on from infidelity from a cheating spouse? Like I can't seem to forget the fact that the marriage vows have been broken and the pain is still there even though he has apologized.
There is this form of resentment that just can't go away.
I need help....
*What's all this big big English? If he has apologized and changed, why not forgive him and move on? Doesn't God forgive you when you sin? Does he send you reminders or tell you he cant forget your sin?
Please forgive him and move on!!!
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NARRATIVE TWO
BROKEN HEARTED
I'm so broken, I hardly sleep or eat and whenever I sleep I wake up crying and scared. My boyfriend of 2+ years just left me and blocked me everywhere with no explanation. Guys please pray for me I'm drained, exhausted and feel like ending it all.
I dont know what to do!
*Can you not go and visit him to find out what happened? Or maybe he has moved on with someone else or quietly gotten married? Maybe you were the side piece but did not know?
Don't kill yourself because of a man oh, it is not worth the troubles at all...Get busy and build yourself and you can get any man you want....
You should even be happy he has ghosted you like this because any man who does this is very wicked at heart and not good to hang out with.. Don't wait to settle things with him, move on...
Move on from infidelity? You get used to it coz its gonna happen again n again despite the apology. Dude is gonna up his coding skills and you wont find out unless he slips up. Either you brace up n mind your biz or move out, two options.
ReplyDeleteI'm in agreement with you. But te lesser expectations we start having about our husbands in our marriages the better. Not everyone can manage being cheated on.
DeleteBut understanding that there's a greater propensity for our men to cheat in our marriages, eliminates the situation this poster found herself.
Why don't you establish a more friendly communication channel with him about, without begrudging his lack of self discipline and sexual contentment.
Focus more on the relationship and not your cheating husband. Does my husband cheat? I do even want to know, as long as he practices safe sex. There are more important to worry my head over, and since I've not experienced sexual infections all is well.
If that's your deal breaker, kindly excuse your whole self from that marriage instead of being embittered. Bitterness is not something you should add into your marital recipe.
Poster 2: he didn’t just move on. He moved on a long time ago but you refused to read the writing on the wall. I was once in ur shoes. Pick up a hobby. I signed up for gym classes when it happened to me. I got physically and mental fit and that erased all him nasty memories from my head.
DeleteIf you want to heal from the hurt just forgive him wholeheartedly and forget it. If you finding it difficult to do so, then take a walk out of the marriage for the main time.
ReplyDeleteMy sister let him go, it is not easy I know but find it in your heart to let this guy go.
Don't leave your marriage or your marital home. Stay there and heal.
DeleteI understand what you are going through. I discovered my husband was cheating few months into our marriage and I wanted to leave. I hated him so much for hurting me that bad since I have been both faithful to him even before we got married. Like I never cheated on him even though we were in different states during the relationship and men were on my case. So imagine my hurt when just few months into marriage I found out he was cheating.
Cheating has always been my deal breaker and I leave once my partner cheats. But being married, I realised that marriage is not relationship that you just walk out of easily. My husband like yours too apologised but emotionally, I checked out of the marriage. My family prayed and they asked me to pray too, but I was like, na by prayer. Reluctantly, I started praying, asking God to heal my home and to build my home.
My husband changed, but at first I was reluctant to believe him. Anyway, God took away the pain and restored my home.
I forgave him, I don't remember the incident with pain anymore. But the truth is, I still find it hard to trust my husband up til now. Like I can't vouch for his fidelity.I have never brought the issue up since the day I calmly confronted him and I will not advice you do too.
Cry and nurse your broken heart. Take all the time you need to heal and ask God to give you the strength to forgive him and heal your home. Keep praying every day and make up your mind to forgive him. At least, now you know who you married. Will he change and not do that again? I can't say, some do, most don't. But don't go out of your way to check if he's cheating for your peace of mind unless it is so glaring then you can decide on what is best for you.
But I will advise you stay put in your marriage and work through the pain since he has apologised. With time, the pain will slowly fade away. But please make up your to forgive him and ask God to help you.
You mean she should stay and heal in a place that caused the trauma? 😂😂😂
DeleteNigerians
You have no options that’s why you still stayed back in your matraquage. Your husband didn’t change, he upped his cheating skills.
Una Dey try sha. Imagine praying for the one who cheated in you 😂😂😂
Welldone
I feel like that’s how my wife sees me after I cheated.she has probably forgiven me but she hasn’t forgotten.Sometimes that resentment comes though she tries to hide it and worst part is she doesn’t trust me anymore.Don’t cheat if you cherish your marriage and If u must, pls don’t be caught.No matter how rich you are,if you cheat,it will never be the same again.
ReplyDeleteYeah.
DeleteI'm like that too.
Once a man cheats, that's it.
No single trust ever again.
I wont nag o, or bring it up again but the disgust,irritation and revulsion I will feel just mere looking at you should tell you that what is left is just the shell, nothing else.
It will be as if you are excrement before me.
Some of take trust very deeply.
It's will,but with time,don't expect it to just happen immediately.. it's will take time of putting more effort to your marriage, time to heal, time to learn love you again, time to see if u have changed and u have to keep trying to show u are a change man.... it's takes time..can I afford that time?
DeleteHope this is not my husband cos this just describes me. I pray for that resentment to leave me but it’s still there. May God help me. Tho I wonder if the tables were turned would the man forgive or let go of the resentment??
DeleteAnonymous 15:04, give your iwfe time to rebuild the trust she had for you. It's not easy. Memories are hard to erase. That's doesn't mean she had not forgotten. It's the human mind. And it means she really loved you. Love her to forgetting the past. Just give her time. As long as you don't give her any reason to doubt you. All the best.
DeletePoster one with time you will definitely heal.
ReplyDeleteInfidelity everywhere
ReplyDeleteBut why is everyone assuming the cheat is a man? Everybody using 'he' when the poster did not specify.
Delete@poster 1.
ReplyDeleteTwo options.. Leave him or stay.
If you have decided to stay, forgive him and focus on other things. Forgiveness will even help you to heal properly.
No need holding grudges, move past it.
If you know you can't do that... Leave.
Poster 2...time makes it all get better.
Please fast and pray (with him) if you are believers in Jesus. If not, it is time to
ReplyDeleteask Jesus to rule in your lives and in this marriage.
For the Word of God say;
"How can a young person keep his way pure? By giving heed to your Word." Psalms 119:9
If you depend on your own strength, it will fail you (and him).
Peace.
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
@Posternumber1,let it go and give him another chance now
ReplyDelete@Posternumber2,move the heck on with cos he's not worth it rara
Poster 1, Not everyone gets over infidelity and for others it takes a long time for broken trust to be mended.
ReplyDeleteYou may need to do a trial separation to sort out your feelings and to see if you are more at peace and happier away from your spouse. It is hard to heal in the same place where the hurr took place. Take some time away and sort out your emotions. You will know what to do after.
Narrative one....
ReplyDeleteYou referred to him as a cheating spouse. Is he still cheating or he has stopped cheating?
Under what circumstances did you catch him cheat on you?
I just want to say that for your marriage to work, it lies in your hands.
If he is a serial cheat and he still continues, then you can take a walk for your own peace of mind and happiness.
Narrative two....
You just dodged a bullet. Move on with your life
How does her marriage working lies on her hands alone?
DeleteSo it doesn’t concern the man, just hers?
Una don start 😂😂😂😂
How does her marriage working lies on her hands alone?
DeleteSo it doesn’t concern the man, just hers?
Una don start 😂😂😂😂
How does her marriage working lies on her hands alone?
DeleteSo it doesn’t concern the man, just hers?
Una don start 😂😂😂😂
Chai family unit has really been rubbished too much. Those vows made cannot hold again. Only a man who has conscience and fear of God Almighty can stay being faithful.
ReplyDeleteMadam ît is painful, forgive but don't forget because he might do it again and this way codedly. Once dabor you continue to dabor. Infidelity dey sweet men oo. Deal with him because of the hurt. Let him pay for his stupidity. Foolish men that cannot respect their wives and vows.
Poster two cry all you want and just know you will be in a better place. Look yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve better. Upp your game. Go out, look lively. Enjoy yourself. Think of the evils he did to you and just know he is useless to you.
Sorry oo. Get up from that bed and keep moving
U want to end it all because of a man? U no get sense !I am empathetic as I have also been through a lot but never say u want to end it all cos a man blocked u or end a relationship! When u were born , was he born alongside with u? It’s painful I know but don’t say u wan to end it all! And poster one , pls try and let it go, d devil is putting the infidelity in your head as a constant reminder , so that u can resent your husband , pray to totally forgive and forget
ReplyDeleteAnon when ur heart is broken u will want to end it. My friend drank bleach cos her boyfriend of 4 years left her. She survived. Now when we meet we look back and she laughs at herself. She’s married with children and says so I would never have had all this. Now she counsels young ladies through such. She says at that time it feels like the end of the world and u can do anything.
DeleteMy ex drank kerosine when I ended it and I had to undo the breakup just for her sanity.pls don’t judge how people react to breakup o if you’re not in their shoes or have the same level emotional strength as they do.Iv seen people jump to their death cos someone broke up with them.don’t play yourself pls
DeleteWow @anon 17:11.. so are you guys still together? Are you not being emotionally blackmailed ?
DeleteLike someone said adultery is a sin against God not to you. Must you stay married? What if marriage didn’t exist? You people should not put too much importance on it . It’s not that serious. Your happiness is key
ReplyDeleteMarriage has many tentacles. It’s not so easy to leave.
DeleteFornication is a sin against God. Adultery is a sin against both God and your spouse.
DeletePoster Two e-hugs, sorry you will heal with time, move out and fill yourselves with activities that makes you happy with time you'll be happy he left way
ReplyDelete@poster 2, it is difficult to understand these things but it happens. And it's easier to accommodate heartbreak at this time, than in marriage. Although both can be managed well. When you value your self worth and brought forth those values in your relationships, it takes a partner who lacks selfworth and not ready to break it. The available guys these days want to play around with the normals but marry value. Always appraise your relationship status with the thoroughness it needs, at every bump. That way you don't get shocked by unnecessary surprise.
ReplyDeleteBoth Posters, allow yourself to heal, all the negative feelings will pass eventually.
ReplyDeletePoster one,I am in the exact same situation as you. Only that mine is still cheating now with a single mother. I have realised I can't heal being around him,I have decided to leave him as he isn't even remorseful. I know I can only be happy if I am away from him.
ReplyDeleteMine cheated and had a child with someone. The resentment I feel enh no be here. He is remorseful but I can’t forgive him.
Deleteposter 2 there is more to this life than that your ex you just have to see it...
ReplyDeleteposter 2 there is more to this life than that your ex you just have to see it...
ReplyDeletePoster one: please take it one day at a time, ask God to help you forgive, but moving forward love with your head not your heart, drop him from the high pedestal you placed him before and concentrate on yourself and kids if you have any.
ReplyDeletePoster two: Don't beat yourself up, take the lessons learnt from the relationship and bounce. It won't be easy o.
If you are without doubt sure your wife resents you , move out of your house and allow her hear. Stop sermonizing. If at the end she can't stop resenting you , please move on with your life. The problem is women go into marriages with high expectations and they want perfections. How do imperfect humans expect others to be perfect. There will always be mistakes and temptations . Life is about making mistakes, learning from our mistakes and that of others. If you cannot truly forgive those who have shown remorse, apologized and begged for forgiveness, you are dead to world and you are not fit to be among the living
ReplyDeleteThis must be a man.
DeleteFunny thing about men like you is if your wife cheats on you, you can't forgive.
DeleteInstead of resenting him, go file for divorce and move on with your life. Marriage is not meant for everybody. He has begged and apologized, he can't kill himself to please you. Please go, just go before your resentment push you to poison him and your children or you kill him when he is sleeping
ReplyDeletePoster 1 - this happened to me. And yes I am a man.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't just happen once...it happened thrice with same person (the guy she did it with) within a one year period.
IT was difficult to move on from her cheating. Yes...she was the cheating one. Most people on here just expect you to forgive easily.
It takes time. At the time...I wanted to cheat multiple times with multiple women and believe me I have the capacity and the looks, sexual capability and the deep pocket
But I chose not to. I had a goal. A goal to build generational wealth and Dynasty and one of the criteria for this is to have a stable marriage (you may not understand if you don't understand the dream).
Anyways...I made her block the guys number. I practically bought another house in another city and moved away with the family. And she offered to write an agreement she won't be in touch with the guy again. This was one of my conditions for continuing in the marriage.
It took five years before I got over it. This is only half the story...but we are cool now and both in this marriage for the goal that we have set before us.
ALEXANDER I hope you have read this. I feel sorry for the friends that follow your advice, woman-hater
DeleteWow! Your wife is a fortunate woman. I pray she is worth the second chance.
DeleteHello little girl, he is entitled to his views. You don't need a woman who cheated on you 3 times with the same guy to build a generational wealth. It is just a display of weakness. Changing his wife's phone and relocating will not stop a cheating wife. I have been around for too long to know this. I don't hate women,but I can't live with a woman who resents me. A resentful woman can easily kill. I have never cheated in my life, when my colleagues were falsifying their age in the civil I didn't. My father raised me to be honest and that's who I am
DeleteThanks Alexander. Fuck the generational wealth! What if you don’t live to enjoy the generational wealth? Cheating is bad, however it is more deadly when a woman is cheating because they inject so much emotion in the affair.
DeleteI could never even eat the food my touches if she cheated on me. WTF!
Both posters, take Stella’s advice. I have nothing to add.
ReplyDeletePoster one, give yourself more time, you will heal. Dont rush yourself. I know how you feel, take an e-hug.
ReplyDeletePoster two, go for thanksgiving, and move on. That man is wicked, like Stella said, you dodged a bullet.
Its well oh
ReplyDeleteForgetting infidelity is not easy sha, God help you poster 1🙏🏽🙏🏽
The two chronicle poster
ReplyDeleteAll I can tell u is move on,that first poster should forgive heran since he has apologies to you abeg..
Aunty two years relationship,,no one own ur happiness except you, be careful with ur health ..move on fast and give thanks to God
It is very dangerous to love anyone too much. Never place your heart so much on anything or anyone. They can be taken away like a flash. Have a heart that is flexible to accept that human beings are not angels. To the first poster, forgive your spouse for your own sake. Do it for God and you. The one that suffers so much from unforgiveness is usually the victims. If you truly want to heal, forgive him. The second poster, the dude already moved on. I want to you to understand that the heart gives us what we have planted in it. Now is the time to get rid of the past and believe what happened is just part of your journey. Do not hold on to the promises he made and how much it hurts to know he left you. That is life. Sometimes love stories do not have a happy ending. Do not try to blame yourself for falling in love. Love is a beautiful thing. Be renewed. Set your heart free from any hatred so that your true love will see how beautiful your heart is. Do not curse him, avoid doing it. Pray and watch how strong you will be. The truth is that nothing lasts forever. Thank God the dude is not dead. The pain that comes with losing a lover to death is unimaginable. Be grateful.
ReplyDeleteWe have all kinda adjusted to cheating, imagine if table is turned, Men won't forgive infact that's the end of the marriage. It is well!!!
ReplyDeletePoster1 since he has apologize please forgive him and move on, I believe you both answered for better for worse so this is face one of the worst.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 : Its either you move on and focus on building ur life,or u leave the cheating bastard since ur heart cant handle the infidelity,for ur own sanity sake,cos in my own experience and many I've seen,once a man tastes outside a marriage, its either by special grace of God that he stops,or he just gets smarter with it so he doesn't get caught.
ReplyDeleteMyself ,the moment I discovered a side chicken in my marriage,that he was sending money to,yet I was pitying him when he said "no money",and being a good housewife..Though he apologised,and all,I borrowed myself sense, rather than dying of BP, and started working on my image and taking my career to the highest level..Im so hot right now,the man sef dey fear,and codedly reminds me to wear wedding band when im going out.
Infidelity can be heart wrenching indeed. I just pray GOD heals your heart 🙏
ReplyDeletePoster 1 of you cannot forgive your husband and let thigs go away just leave the marriage
ReplyDeletePoster 2 cos of am you want yo end your life. Life is too dwet ignore