Hmmm....
NARRATIVE ONE
ADVICE NEEDED
Please I need advice . My boy friend's young sister is a nice girl and we have no issue , I'm older than her with a year and where I need help is that she always waits for me to greet her , like she can never greet me first .... should I stop greeting her or just continue greeting her since it means nothing? ....note she is nice to me even telling her brother to throw a party for me for my birthday...
Please I need advice . My boy friend's young sister is a nice girl and we have no issue , I'm older than her with a year and where I need help is that she always waits for me to greet her , like she can never greet me first .... should I stop greeting her or just continue greeting her since it means nothing? ....note she is nice to me even telling her brother to throw a party for me for my birthday...
If you want to see her real character, stop greeting her and she may even be the one who break up the relationship.... I dont see greeting anyone as a big deal but you already started so stopping will cost you something oh...
Why not modify the way you greet her if it bothers you
Instead of saying 'Good Morning' say 'hi' or 'whats up'
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NARRATIVE TWO
HUSBAND BROUHAHA
Since l got married, my husband has not bought a pin for me.. he says l should be responsible for myself, and he only bring feeding money two times a week.
l recently became a new mum, and he wants me to be contributing to our baby food, clothes and hospital bills, l feel like going back to my parents. Please advice me.
*Why should you feel like going back to your parents house because your hubby says you should be responsible for yourself... It means you have a Job or a hustle...
Is he supposed to be the only bringing in the money for the upkeep of the house?
I dont see anything wrong in what he said, maybe its because most couples abroad operate like this.... I dont have a problem with bringing out money to be responsible for myself or contributing to the things in the home.
Your hubby has not said anything wrong so please dont move to your parents..
Sit down with him and talk about your finances again and who brings what for what.
Poster 2, what did you both discuss and agree before marriage?
ReplyDelete@poster 1, if you want to marriage her brother, then take the greeting as sacrifice you will pay, to leave happily with her..because marriage is sacrifice...
Delete1. Take Stella's advice. @Stella better oil dey your head.
Delete2. Though the upkeep of the house shouldn't be left for the man to cater to alone, it is the responsibility of the man to provide for his family, the woman is there to assist not to contribute equally. That's why the Bible says that a man who cannot provide for his family is worse than an Infidel. He is the head and should rise up to his responsibilities but that does not change the fact that you ought to bring something to the table to support him as his helpmeet. Have a heart to heart conversation with him and work something out.
Poster 1, continue to greet, Poster 2, the disadvantage of forming Miss independent.
DeleteStella this is Africa, our husbands are 100% responsible for us, even when we have our own money.
DeletePoster 2, If he is not giving you, he is obviously giving someone else outside. I hope you didn't marry yourself with your money sha.
🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster two nawa o
He wants you both to share things equally? Please how was your relationship before you got Married.
I will advice you to save for rainy days and also birth the number of children you can comfortably afford.
You can also reduce how much you earn so he won't expect so much from you.
Going through poster 2 narrative just sent chills down my spine.
DeleteI happen to be in a relationship presently with a man like that. We have been dating for 3months now, I have gotten him a gift before...but he has never gifted me or surprised me with something nice.
He has never gotten me airtime or done any sub for me.
I am working and doing well for myself, I can provide this things for myself..but they communicate 'love' when I get them from him.
I have complained and complained, I don't know if this is enough reason to break up as I feel unloved.
He doesn't care or ask about my hair do or even complement my outlook atimes.
It's saddening...
Somehow, I think his philosophy of women is damaged. A friend of mine once overheard him talking badly of woman in a taxi, he later come to tell me about it.
Should I be worried.???
I won't have a problem helping out with some bills, but not as a responsibility...but rather as a voluntary obligation.
Am I being selfish or something???
I didn't grow up to see my mum.paying major bills o, excerpt for minor ones in the absence of my dad or to supplement it.
23:06 you already know the answer. Relationship no be by force o. SEBI you see how expensive things are getting everyday, you better borrow some sense and flee very far away from that akagum before you come here with chronicles. When a woman adds home bills to all the house chores plus her day job, she will look double her age
Delete23:06 you already know the answer. Relationship no be by force o. SEBI you see how expensive things are getting everyday, you better borrow some sense and flee very far away from that akagum before you come here with chronicles. When a woman adds home bills to all the house chores plus her day job, she will look double her age
Delete@Posternumber1,Stick to the usuals o since she's obviously good to you
ReplyDelete@Posternumber2,wetin dey occur? You have to change your mindset and not be solely dependent on him o
Hmm😀
DeletePoster 1,heed Stella advice. What's babee, how far girl😁😁😁
ReplyDeleteWisdom will lead you far...
Poster 2,do you work?
Your husband is stingy from day 1.manage or go back home.
Poster 2, give us the full gist. Tell us how much you make and how much was he contributing until he realized he is the only one in the marriage. Your money is for you and your family but his is for the household abi? Men are wiser now. You get exactly what you bring into the marriage. You want someone's child to die before their time ABI? He doesn't get you gifts and have you ever gotten him any? Has he always been this way abi he changed when he realized how much of a leech you are. I don't support him dropping for only 2 days but some of you can't give yourself the kind of life you feel entitled to from men. Go back to your parents and see if na there soft pass. Abeggi second base joor...
DeleteA woman is to support not lead the care and provision
DeleteA man is a provider and protector
Anything less is rubbish
Poster, communication is important, you both should talk about this, besides I dont really see anything wrong with assisting with bills, Marriage works best as a Partnership not as a one man relationship.
ReplyDeleteNarrative 2
ReplyDeleteSome of you get married without understanding what marriage is.
So feeding your own child is now a crime or sin?
Supposing that husband is no more (please not wishing you that at all)
or loses his job, you won't feed your child.
And what is "being a helper for the man..." mean?
YOu think God is foolish to have made a woman a man's helper?
Even his foolishness is wiser than man's wisdom; the "wisdom" of people like you.
Dear Mr D
DeleteWould the husband in this situation be expected to do 50percent in times of house chores and cater for the kids too?
Mr D you are on point but you missed a part, They are supposed to contribute 50/50 including house chores, cooking, washing, child care,etc. It is a 50/50 partnership indeed.
Delete@Mr. D
DeleteSays your "Pastor" or who?
Please stop attaching % to God's injunctions in the unchangeable Word.
Soon some gullible people will begin to attach percentage to sins like fornication.
A helper helps and that is it. Love never fails. Love gives without finding faults.
if two people love themselves like God loves us, they will not calculate percentage.
Mr.D then do not ask for submission. I cannot submit to 50 50. Both of is are now the head. Arrant bulls***
DeleteMr D if you believe that the biblical meaning of help mate means 50% to 50%.Waoh!that's very fine.This obviously means they have equal right in everything.Both of them are leaders,house chores will be 50 to 50.Infact every of the home affairs will be shared equally.I cant share responsibilities with you equally and you want to give me instructions
DeleteGo read again, she has been taking care of things in her own capacity too.
DeleteShe said he has not bought her a pin since they got married, her husband is STINGY! What kind of nonsense taking care of herself is that? Drops money for food only twice a week ke.
If na me, na to cook for him for only the 2days he drops money for, shebi everyone wants to be selfish.
Narrative one. You started it, correct it now before marriage. Some days pretend like you did not see her and see if she will greet you, if not, start skipping days you greet her.
ReplyDeleteNarrative two, were you forming Miss independent while dating? If not, didn't you notice this trait?
Some women will see the handwriting on the wall while dating but will turn a blind eye and go ahead and marry him. Sit down with him and discuss what you will be responsible for and what he will be responsible for. You don enter am already and a child is involved now, since he doesn't hit you or abuse you emotionally,also, he provides food money twice weekly too, so what is your excuse to leave?
It's not about forming miss independent, it's about communication.
DeleteMarriage don suffer, as with poster 2. While I think understand what you meant but just didn't put it well. You need to communicate more with your husband why you are not in the position to with his expectations at this point. But you can some.
DeleteIt the mentality that it's a man's responsibility to do this and that, that leads a lot we ladies into marriage without the necessary financial readiness. And start depending on the man wholly, then expect to be respected. Manly egos does not condone respect in such arrangements, only a few does. That you even agree to be in any relationship means you are responsible for yourself and partially responsible to the relationship, it does not mean to an equal ratio but a respectable conformity - please read again.
A lot of men can't marry an independent woman, because they can't be financially intimidated nor abused. Reason why they opt for those who depend on them, that way they have a hold on her. I learnt this from my male cousin's while growing up. Majority of the chronicles here attest to this.
The child is yours and his, why put the whole responsibility of taking care of the child on him. Do you even understand the mental or financial or emotional state of your husband like you want him to? Sometimes we send this men to overdrive, it takes nothing to be a partner in the progress of your marriage. If you can't, then marry your spec - those men that need trophy wives.
We complain a lot about our men, but some of the causes of these complaints are as a result of our position in the marriage. To some of our fellow ladies, try do the things your man do in the house for a quarter of the year, you'd realise the lot they put into running that home we so easily criticise. If it were easy ask the women who are the bread winners of their respective homes - that's exactly the same dilemma the most of our nen navigate with our(female) criticism.
I tire for our lot...
I don't even see marriage existing here in the first place.
ReplyDeleteIf you both have parallel finances, if you both
are not one in your finances, you are not one in any way.
For God says that where a person's wealth is, there her heart will be also. Mathew 6:21
So if your wealth is not with your husband, your heart is not with him.
That is why you are quickly disembarking from your marital journey for flimsy excuse; feeding your own baby.
maybe your husband should pay you for any drop of breast milk your baby sucks.
No, please wake up before you scatter your marriage with your own hands
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📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌📌
ReplyDeleteSince ya husband isn't giving you "a pin" since you got "marriage," I say
make I gi you plenty pins. 😝😝😝😝😝
I pity those of you who see husbands as ATM machines instead of companions.
Hahaha @plenty pins
DeleteLol 🤣
DeleteMadam, d pins too plenti na, hanhan.
Poster 2, I feel your pain. Everyone is saying marriage is 50/50, what if the man is no more, etc. I'll like to share my elder sister's story.
DeleteMy Sister married her husband and was very supportive of him, in fact my dad paid 2 years rent upfront for them because he didn't like the accommodation Uncle was living in. It was his way of encouraging them. As my dad always says, there's nothing wrong in starting small but you mustn't stay small.
Well, my people, 20 years later my sister is the one taking full responsibility for her 3 children. She has never opened her mouth to complain all these years until my father pressed her about her inability to sow into his life. My Sister has lived a life of constant sacrifice for her children and cant save because she's always covering up for the husband.
The man uses his salary on other things while my sister is hustling.
My yoruba brother are fond of doing this. Pls discuss with him (don't fight o) because very soon he'll ask u to pay part of the rent and school fees even if your salary isn't much. Leaving you with little or no savings. If you cant come to a reasonable agreement pls don't have another child, focus on your life and baby. I won't advise that u go home.
😂😂😂😂😂
Delete16:58 I agree with you. She should not have another baby if he husband is not that supportive
Delete@15:36
DeleteBut no be she yarn say hubby no dey drop any pin for am? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Please,nobody should crucify me. I know what am saying. l have friends and sisters who are married and their husband takes care of them very well. But in my own case my husband has not bought a pin for me even ordinary pant or handkerchief. After nursing my baby,l will go back to my parents.
Delete@18:12
DeleteNobody is crucifying you. We Nigerians like to laugh because things are so tough all around us.
But you see, going back to your parents, after a few weeks, you will write another chronicle that he
hasn't bothered to know where you are. Mark my words.
@Poster
DeleteIf you've made up your mind what to do, why do you write us for advice? No two marriages are the same. If you look at what you think you see in your friends' marriages, you will scatter yours and end up in regrets.
Why will you go back to your father's house?
DeleteHave you had a discussion with your husband about his attitude or you're just stewing a d dying in silence?
What's your husband's financial capacity? Is he been deliberately miserly or he truly doesn't have and forming hard guy by telling you to take care of yourself and keep to save face?
Learn the art of conflict resolution abi na so you go dey resign from jobs every time your boss or colleagues annoy you?
Poster 2. If you are working, it shouldn't be a problem, you can tell him that you need him to give you gifts sometimes. But sharing of financial obligations shouldn't be a problem if you are both working.
ReplyDeletePoster 1
ReplyDeleteI doubt how much of a nice person she is if she waits for you to greet her first. Is she trying to act superior or what? Stop greeting her and jump straight into the conversation when you see her. Respect is reciprocal. Do not start what you cannot finish.
That was how my elder brother's girlfriend behaved with because she was dating my elder brother and not the younger one so she felt I should be the one greeting her first all the time even though she was six years younger than I was. It took me quite a long time to notice because I am naturally a chatty person. When I finally did I felt stupid because I took so long to notice. We walked past each other two three times after that till she later started greeting but I told her she can just jump into the conversation because I was done abeg.
Poster 2
You are responsible for each other. Especially now that you just gave birth. How you will be contributing to the upkeep now that you are no longer working as a new mum So what if you lose your job or you become broke? You are on your own. Did you force yourself on him? Hope you also share house chores and errands, bath the baby, cook, wash the clothes both yours and the babies, go to the market? if not please be restrategize. Overseas men do all these chores and much more so it is easy for both husband and wife to bring something to the table without feeling spiteful.
Thank you. That poster two horseband, does he share house chores with the wife? Does he take care of the baby too? Does he wash his own clothes and share the washing of baby's clothes too? Does he cook and go to market? He must share all the above too or pay someone to do his own part for him if the wife has to be contributing money for the running of the home.
DeleteWife @ poster two, pls sit him down and discuss with him. Tell him that you people will contribute money and pay someone to wash clothes, sweep and mop the house, go to market and cook, etc. You both will contribute for that too as you cannot do them alone. What nonsense!
I agree with you. I have my own money but you see my husband's money eh, it is also mine 🙄
Delete👍
DeleteI agree with you anonymous 16:09,all chores should be slitted since that is what he wants.
DeleteA woman is a helper not equal partner, you don't expect a helper to bring same percent as yours.
If you what he wants, believe me it will only get worse. Gradually, he will drop all bills for you.
Let him be the head and man of the house.
Poster 1.use idea stop the greeting. Or continue like that forever.
ReplyDelete2.if are working take care of yourself even without him saying it. I know you want to relax and be taken care of.. But do that for yourself.
Postee just like what Stella said..if you can't do with good morning just say hi or sis I greet o..besides this shouldn't be an issue get wat you want because she won't live with you forever.. poster 2 you don't have to run to your parents house if you have any issues with your husband..you need to manage your home yourself and get any side hustles or Jobs so you don't rely too much on your husband support..
ReplyDeleteI think we all should imbibe that yoruba culture of greeting/respecting those we met 'in the house' whether young or old for peace to reign @ poster 1.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 Stella had said it all.poster 2 these are the thing you ought to had discussed before marriage,as is it now its not to late to have a heart to conversation.
ReplyDeletePoster 1 You see what Stella wrote there is the fact and I share same sentiments with her..I don't see greetings as a big deal...Just say hello or Hi...Just take it easy ok don't make things like this as a big deal..
ReplyDeletePoster 2 You need a renewal of mindset - Going back to your parent's mind should not cross your mind here at all...There are category of persons you should never be yoked with - A stingy person, angry person, proud person, jealous or envious person...Are you seeing it now or he has been like this since when you were dating...Both of you can settle it by sitting down to discuss further; don't enter a battle already like you are defeated...I pray for wisdom for you and pray to God to help sort this out... Biko Umu Nwoke stop this ridiculous agidi mentality in marriage abeg...
Poster 1
ReplyDeleteI guess your boyfriends sister is a Yoruba lady(no offense biko) Yorubas in my area believes you have to respect them If u re dating their brother oo not just greetings .u also call them aunty ooo.so continue the greetings u no go pay for am rather you will gain from it.
@poster 2.... Talk about it with hubby in peace n wen his in his best mood.
I believe he has alot he won't ask you to share in the bills.
Some women takes the major bills at home bcos hubby CNT afford ....so If u can please assist n never report to your family cos if future it could blow against you...
I'm poster 1
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice ....
I was brought up to greet people before starting a conversation but I think I need to stop now
Abeeeg stop it with immediate alacrity. She doesn't have simple courtesy in her bone. If you stop now you will forever be her doormat.
DeletePoster 2,
ReplyDeleteI reckon the issue here is the tone in which info is being conveyed and miscommunication too. That you’re financially stable doesn’t mean your hubby should instruct how expenditure is rationed. This is what both of you should discuss & plan as I do with my spouse. Infact, he tries to level up/keep up with me. He knows I’m capable but would never speak to me like that, we plan & budget each month joyfully together with a funded joint account for this cause.
Postpartum is hard and the last thing you need is someone who supposedly is meant to be there for you come across as brash.
Since he doesn’t buy anything for you, return the favor and make sure you treat yourself to retail therapy whenever you can. I really don’t understand how ones partner can’t/won’t gift them as a token of appreciation/love language just because of their financial stability awareness. It should be the other way round!
Initiate the idea of monthly planning/budgeting to run the home, this way both parties know exactly what to chip in. If he refuses then you are not to blame, hence focus solely on your kid and self. I wish you the best.
Poster please follow the suggestion made above. It is lack of financial transparency that leads to frustration, you both should plan monthly. Don't compare your situation to that of your friends, you don't have the full picture. How much does your husband make? Who pays the rent, house feeding etc. Make sure you know you both communicate all these before making any rash decision. All fingers are not equal!
Delete@poster 2,why did your husband got married when he knows he's not going to be responsible.
ReplyDeleteImagine feeding money once a week ,MBA nau!!
I can imagine how you are feeling ooo chie!!
Please it's better you go back to your parents oo
He's not yet ready to be a man of the house
A nursing mother? SMH!!
Poster 2, abi you just met your husband and married him that same day ni? I dont understand. Did you guys date and was he giving you when you were dating or you were telling him to keep it, that you can take care? Na wa oo.
ReplyDeleteSometimes you wonder how these ppl meet. Cause only in an arranged situation with limited exposure to each other would you not know these things about a person.
DeleteIs the baby not yours? See question. Why then is the baby bearing the father's name? You people should not start that trend when men will no longer want to live up to their responsibilities as fathers and head of the house.
ReplyDeleteDoe he bath the baby? Does he feed the baby? Does he run the house chores with her? Why is it that you people always exclude all these while talking about 50/50 formula? Also include sharing the house chores to balance the equation.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 you better start collecting money from him, even the ones you don't need. Otherwise na side chicks go dey enjoy am
Poster 1: salutation is not love and they don't buy Benz with it..if you're fade up greeting her first quit but I will advice you kip greeting her without complain because you don't spoil your good manner all because of someone else bad manner unless you are just pretending 🙄
ReplyDeletePostr 2: if you're well to do or earning well, there's nothing wrong in contributing or helping your husband on some expenses unless you're the type who depends solely on your hubby before you eat or do anything 🙄
How I hate long comment tho🤔
Is marriage not partnership? Why do women like to drown the man with financial responsibilities? Just why?. The home is for both of you and the children yours, why can't you contribute? Anyway, maybe because that's how a home is run in western cultures so I sincerely don't understand the second chronicle.
ReplyDeleteDepends on the culture of the west, not all operate the same. In some cultures the husband would turn over their entire pay cheque for the wife to use to manage the household, do saving and take care of the family's needs. In others it's half and half.
DeleteI am from the west and in my culture I don't know any man who has the means to who would tell his wife she is responsible for herself, or that she needs to contribute to hospital bill or baby food, obviously if money is lacking then anything is possible. If the man has never given her a personal gift all through the marriage then this is deeper than bills and money.
Oga, hope you also cook for yourself, wash your clothes, go to the market and also share in taking care of the kids because we cannot do all that and more and still contribute 50% to the bills. The equation doesn’t add up. I saw you comment earlier and it doesn’t add up. God made man and woman differently but women he added more( argue with your keypad) because we do all the chores and deal with the kids and still contribute to the bills some of us even more.
ReplyDeletePoster take care of yourself for yourself and for your baby for yourself. forget your husband, people will always disappoint you. My dad always says “ na my belle na em I know” in this scenario it means you can only be sure of your own intentions, you can not bank on others intentions for you ✌🏽
Poster 2, your husband is a cave man. So he has never even given you a birthday gift, or Christmas present since you got married? So what is the sweetness in this marriage if he doesn't put you above every other woman and treat you special?
ReplyDeleteI don't know how women enter into these balance sheet relationships like they studying to be an accountant. Everybody have their level of tolerance and I am not going to be keeping a ledger of what my spouse do and what I do and all that BS, profit and loss statement in marriage..lol Address this matter right away. Your husband may have issues with women and this is how it manifest. Imagine being in your home and you can't eat freely or feel at peace using the electricity or water because someone is hovering over your neck saying " Did you pay."
I totally disagree with Mr.D, if it is 50/50 partnership why should he drop feeding money twice a week of seven days? She's carrying majority of the feeding burden and is household chores 50/50 too. The man is no longer the head if everything is 50/50.
ReplyDeleteTo the poster we don't know how much each of you earns or what other responsibility he carries in the house. However there is nothing wrong in contributing to the feeding and clothing of your baby if you can afford it. However, I hope the man also helps out in the household chores otherwise that is being totally unfair. Please both of you should sit down and discuss about these issues when he is in a good mood and in a wise manner. Please don't entertain going to your parents place over this issue. You're newly married and still have a long journey ahead of you. Please be very prayerful all the time . May God bless your child and your home.
Poster 2, you left out a lot of details in your write up. Who earns more between the both of you. Do you buy gifts for your husband abi yours is to take? Is the baby not yours as well? I don't like that he drops money for you 2 times a week but the question is has it always been 2 days a week or he changed when he couldn't understand what you use your money for and so decided to see what your reaction will be to you being responsible for yourself. My dear it's easy to call someone irresponsible but you can't do same for same person.
DeleteWomen are funny. You are a grown adult but somehow the holy book has made you a leech and so you must die one. Some of you can't provide for yourselves talk more of someone else. I believe your husband has realized how entitled you are and has decided to reset your brain. Go back to your family and see which one suites you the most. You think it's easy to be the sole provider? A grown adult will just decide to be a leech for the rest of their lives ..
Poster 1, to me, it's just greeting. I see nothing wrong with greeting people, even if they're younger than me or a lower position than me. If the lady is nice to you, I don't see an issue here. Besides, he's still boyfriend, not fiance. Spend this time getting to know if he's the one for you instead on focusing on greeting from his sister because it wouldn't matter if the relationship didn't end in marriage.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, I don't know what you and your husband agreed before marriage but it seems like your husband want household bills shared 50:50. It's no reason to pack back to your parents' house. I'm guessing you're currently not working and nursing your baby hence your concern. I advise you don't take it personally. Instead, see it as an incentive to look for legitimate sources of income. My advice is maintain that 50:50 even when your income surpasses his because I have noticed that most men who demand for 50:50 behave that way when their income is more than their wives and usually change their tune when the wives' income surpasses theirs. No be competition sha. An adult should be financially capable, especially women. We live in a very uncertain world.
Single ladies, please discuss finances with your significant other. Don't be scared of being seen as materialistic. Make sure you're on the same page. If Poster 2 and her husband had discussed this before marriage, this would not be a concern to her.
Poster 2. I quite understand you very well. Am not married but from many marriages and some things I have read here
ReplyDeletePlease don't give birth to another baby unless you specified to yourself what you can do in the marriage and tell him that you can only support him with it.
Let him know his is the man of the family and that he is responsible for the family
entire upkeeping.
Woman is a supporter to her husband, not a woman sharing equal position with husband.
Those of you that said 50/50 does it mean the man will be head of family 6 months and the woman will head the family the next six months.
If I may ask what is he using his earnings to sponsor.
Is he working for his family or for who?
Madam wisen up now before it will be late
Continue greeting her.
ReplyDeleteAfter the wedding and you have become Mrs (Her brother) you can stop.
Poster 2, I can't imagine how boring your relationship must be with your husband.You are at the stage your husband is meant to be pampering you but he chose to show his mean side. The equation is far from being balanced because I am sure he doesn't help with the house chores either. Love is giving and there is no way a man will truly love and care for you that he won't show it by randomly buying you things...they don't have to be expensive!I pray God continues to empower you because you are in for a long haul...brace up.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 how will going back to your parents solve the issue ? Wont you still be spending on your baby alone? Talk to him that you don't have money or bill him for the bulky things your baby needs.
ReplyDelete