Why are some women in competition with their mothers in law?
Why are some Mothers in law in competition with their daughters in law...?
A Man decides to buy a car for his mother and leaves his pregnant wife trekking and taking cabs and she threatens divorce if she does not get her own car...
Mother in law beefs daughter in law for no reason at all and recruits other family members to hate on her...
What is going on? what is the reason for this and how can it stop already?
Who is in this situation either as Mother in law or daughter in law?
It is not the same thing with the menfolk... is it?
Lets gist!
I'm not in the situation and i do not pray for it. It just baffles me how someone who call herself a mother will have issues with her daughter in law who is supposed to be like a daughter to her. My neighbor just lost her baby and none of her in laws called her or came to check on her. It's just so annoying. This neighbor of mine is the kindest woman I have ever met,she has no problem at all. I don't know how someone will want to have issue with her.
ReplyDeleteThat's why the Bible says even a poor man has enemies, you will wonder what's there to hate in a poor man, but it is what it is.
Delete🙄🙄
DeleteHow did you know? Do you have her phone and that of her husband
Delete🙄🙄🙄🙄
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThe in laws no try,dem no dey do enemy reach dead.
DeleteHere to read comments. Piece of advice, if your prospective mother in law doesn't like you, respect yourself and japa. Any other family member can dislike you and you will still thrive in the marriage but mother in law, just flee because they have their way of making your life miserable and if they don't want you, it can only take the 'special grace' of God for them to change their mind.
DeleteMaybe she’s nice to outsiders and mean to her husband’s family. My brother married a useless woman dat we all hate n will definitely treat her fuck up very soon. You want to destroy a peaceful family becos he married you. We will destroy you first, you Lucifer.
DeleteThat's why it's good to have your own money o. Hustle hard and make your money so that people's shit won't hit you hard.
ReplyDeleteI'm not in support of the man getting a car for the mother when the pregnant wife is jumping from one public transport to the other but it would be great if the lady have her resources to afford what she likes and not dependent on the other for her happiness.
You are a wise woman @ fresh fruit
DeleteI have never seen who died during pregnancy because car is not available.
DeleteWhat if the man is not financial okay to afford car at all ,does it mean the woman can't cope?
Well said
DeletePriorities
DeleteWhy would a wife be in a competition with her mother in law?Her husband's mother for Christ sake.
ReplyDeleteWhere were you when she was on his nine months journey?
Where where you for all the sleepless nights and stress?
Where were you when she trained him to become who he is?
He would have easily married his mother na. Abeg rest with all these yen yen yen
DeleteRest abeg. He should marry his mom then. Yadayada
DeleteThe place if a mother is different from that of the wife, they're two parallel line
Deleteanon:15:11
DeleteThat's my opinion ,respect that .
I don't know how you see life.
Life to me is very simple.
Which one is where were you??? So because she birthed him and played her role as a parent means she will encroach in his life forever?? At the end of the day, nobody(wife/mil) should be in any kind of competition. There are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed. I pray God gives every man/woman wisdom on relating with HUMANS peacefully. I have 2 boys and I'm learning what not to be when I also become a MIL. God help us all!
DeleteIf I follow my mama suffer especially if na she singlehandedly raise me. Forget that car, na she I go first buy am for, wife fit dey use drop and uber. E fit give her the next one before I go reason myself. The woman will do worst.
ReplyDeleteIf I married a good man ,I will appreciate his mother more .
ReplyDeleteI don't care whatever he does to his mother so far he treats me right.
👍👍👍
Delete👌👌👌👌👌 Iji ya gbam....
DeleteWomen are their own worst enemies and to think this MIL DIL issues are often petty and totally unnecessary. Now brides get married with a warzone mindset of going to deal with MIL, MILs can't love their DILs like their own daughters. I think the inlaw is the barrier, if we remove it and consider what comes before it mother and daughter, it might be better. I've seen MILs go for omugwo and would practically turn to house help for their daughters but if its DIL, they will be making demands and frustrating her. Family relationships require a lot of wisdom and if you both love the common denominator which is the son/husband, you will find a way of working together to ensure he's happy.
ReplyDeleteBrides should go to their marriages with an open mind not any preconceived bias about MILs, study yours and see what works. MILs should be the type they want their own daughters to have. Give them their space, ignore what you can, correct in love and understand relationships are governed by boundaries so respect the boundaries. Most importantly, the Son/Huband should apply wisdom. Let your mother and your wife understand you love them and the need to respect one another. Don't just always be a mummy's boy and support your mum in her wrong doings because she's your mum and you need to respect her, there are ways to respectfully disagree. Also, don't support your wife when she's wrong maintain a balance and let your wife and mother know you will always support right to avoid manipulation. As unfair as this sounds, I think the major work lays with the wife because a wise woman builds her home
So build the kind of home you want especially when it's not easy, you have to bend and compromise sometimes and sometimes you must be unwavering in your resolve.
The man is the common denominator
DeleteHe should lay the ground rules
Anony 14:24... I love love what you just wrote. I just posted similar up there until I scrolled down to yours. Thank you
DeleteU wrote what should be but the truth is that it usually never is like that. Everyone knows what should be but they don’t do it.
DeleteIt would stop when mothers stop seeing their sons' wives as rivals.
ReplyDeleteThat’s just the truth. My MIL felt everything in the house was bought by her son. Meanwhile I came from a rich home and was earning 600k monthly in an oil firm then so what was all that rubbish about? U come to my house and pick even a tumbler and be shouting about how all ur sons money has gone on glass. Anyway I blame myself. He was from a poor home so they just couldn’t comprehend things. People pls marry someone from ur background so the in laws have common outlooks to life!!
DeleteI don't know why Patience Ozokwor comes to mind. She really acted those wicked mother in-law roles so well 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
ReplyDeleteA man must be able to protect his wife and support her no matter what. It is wicked of a man to show open support for the mum at the detriment of his wife. How can a man buy a car for his mum and leave the pregnant wife suffering and trekking everywhere when he can afford it? He didn't marry a slave nah.
Na wah
Na that no matter what l no gree. Many women go through pregnancy successfully without having a car of their own. If he is honoring his mom by getting a car first, whats wrong with it. Remember a wife can leave. Your mom would give her life for you
DeleteThe wife is a reflection/ extension of her husband. Any man who can afford it but has no qualms seeing his pregnant wife hopping keke has serious issues.
DeleteIf the man cannot afford it, then it's a different matter altogether. This is my opinion o,(courtesy of my husband).
Thank u anon. If u can afford it why watch ur wife hop bus? Why didn’t ur father buy his wife a car??
DeleteIt's not just mother in law it's the entire female members ganging up against the wife over nothing, especially if the wife is well educated and minds her business, every female in the family including, senior spinsters would gang up against any wife that is educated and doing well for herself, it's just some myopic women mentality, that the wife has come to enjoy, so let's make her marriage a living hell for her, even if she is an angel in human body, a low grade,quasi illiterate,low income, less exposed Nigerian woman always see her other fellow woman as a threat to her happiness,even if the other woman is on the same level with her, the hunger and thirst to see the other woman cry in pain beats my imagination, yes I am a woman,yes I am married.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes I agree with you to an extent
DeleteMy dear, you see women, especially African women, we are our worst enemies.
DeleteKai u hit the nail on the head. They always assume the woman came to chop their brothers money. I know a lady that got tired of it, plus the fact they will abuse her for having only girls. One day she packed her girls and left. After that their eyes cleared. That was when they realized she was the one paying rent, fees, feeding in fact everything. Their son was a layabout hiding under his wife’s cover. He just didn’t realize she would one day vex and leave.
DeleteAnon 14:43, you just told the story of my life.
DeleteOmo! If I had known, I wouldn’t have even tried pleasing anyone from day 1.
Long story, I just stay on my lane now..... very peaceful decision
God help the female gender
ReplyDeleteMother inlaw and daughter in-law need to work on there mindset to accommodate each other.
ReplyDeleteMe I no kukuma send them again. When I newly got married, I was calling my mother in law every time, this woman never saved my number, I had to introduce myself every time when I complained to my husband he said she probably doesn’t know how to save numbers on her phone. We both travelled out and this woman had saved his new number sharply. I knew then it was deliberate but I didn’t want to conclude. So I called her with my own number thrice and she feigned ignorance on who was calling her. I just understood and gave myself brain. It’s been 2 years I called her last, when she speaks to her son she never asks of me , so as she pretends I don’t exist I also do the same. I work so it’s not as if I’m idle, matter of fact I earn more than her son. All the love I had for her just evaporated now I face only my mother.
ReplyDeleteOne time!
DeleteAre u me?
DeleteHmmmmm.. but your husband didn't fix the issue at all...
DeleteLazy and weak men
DeleteAvoid confrontation
Na wah o. But your husband did not try at all.
DeleteNo fight. Calm peace. Its better
DeleteThe fault is from your husband
DeleteSame group,the most painful aspect that I will never forget was when I had my last child.she called me for the first time this year because she needs money.
DeleteThat childbirth broke me cos I almost died,I cried for years but now I have learnt to move on.
Yet if you ask them,they can't point one thing you did
The thing is that most Nigerian men don’t know that once they get married, their wife becomes their priority and vice versa, your spouse’s welfare should be ur primary concern, every other thing is secondary.
ReplyDeleteThis doesn’t mean in anyway that u stop loving your parents and siblings and stop taking care of them, God forbid. It just means that when it is time to prioritise and u can only choose one, ur wife must come first, always!
Makes me wonder if some people didn’t do marriage counselling because it is one of those things my counsellor hammered upon. That being said, it is also necessary to marry a good spouse that will not block you from taking care of ur family.
People give the excuse of their mothers carrying them for 9 months and suffering for them as a reason why they will prioritise their mothers over their wives, forgetting that this same woman will suffer to carry several pregnancies for the family and still have to take care of them.
When this trended on Twitter, I asked my husband this question and he was like he would always put us first. His mum also taught him that. I will also teach my kids that.
Sha sha, my mother in law is finally coming to visit today and staying for almost two weeks 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽. We’ve been excitedly waiting. I even set up the extra room to look as homely as possible even though she said she doesn’t mind sleeping in the living room. God forbid!
Enjoy her stay while it last🥰🥰
DeleteSame teaching my mum hammers on. My mum had her fair share of mum in law wahala with my grandma(dad's mum) and promised to do better when she becomes a mother in law. She will always say your immediate family becomes your number one responsibility once you marry.
Delete👌👌👌👌
DeleteWhen my only brother got married , his wife came with cutlass , gun and everything lol. (Just kidding). She already put up a hardened front thinking we would even care about her. Omo after the marriage when she didn’t even hear from us, she invited us tire to her house we didn’t go. Who has that time? Has my mother finished selling her cold drinks that she will be looking for where to go? Mtcheeew . Now at every family function she tries to be friendly but we just put her in her place. I only call her on special occasions like her kid’s birthday. When I travelled and bought clothes for her and the kids she didn’t believe it. What I’m saying is family members should learn to mind the business that pays them.
ReplyDeleteI put it to u that u are the terrible Inlaw. She reached out and invited y’all to her home and you shunned her. She tries to be friendly and y’all put her in her place. God forbid I have in-laws like you. God forbid I treat my sister in law like this. God forbid!!!
DeleteI hope she learns her lesson and stays far away from hateful people like u
Eka it’s like you are mad. Someone that put up a hardened front when she newly got married. Someone that said our last born was too short to be in her bridal train . She was ready to fight and we didn’t rise up to her bait now she’s looking for face. Don’t ever in your misery filled life come for me . Talling about hateful, you that uses hate to chop rice. Idiot .
DeleteWicked Inlaw. God forbid.
Delete@Eka joy ready what anon wrote again. The wife came with the mindset that they will be on her neck - "she already put up a hardened front". This can means (it certainly means) she wasn't friendly and minding her business. You expect the inlaws to do otherwise? The inlaws are good people jare. Some will be up on her case, giving her heat for putting up a hardened front.
DeleteThey are recipocating the attitude she gave. You can't force friendship on people who don't want it. She started off on the wrong foot. Do you expect the anon and her fam to be lovey-dovey with her when it seemed she doesn't want it? Now that she wants it they have moved onto other things. They are busy! We should always give what we want! It's that simple.
We can maintain a friendly relationship with boundaries while we get to know each other. That's what the wife should have done.
Anon, the wife is obviously a bad wife, she's came with war,but she no see anyone to fight,I like the fact that you didnt neglect her children because if her bad attitude
DeleteEka why do you like picking fights? Kindly read what was written before jumping to conclusions. The way you reason sometimes sef de tire person
DeleteThis Nneka crosses the line always. Likes to paint a fake picture of herself. Just read her story and move on, she sounds very nice! The wife said her baby sister was too short to be on her train…who does that? That was way outta line!
DeleteNneka you are full of bile and have not changed at all. Too bad.
She acted based on what she heard about Nigeria mother-in-laws,hoping she would meet such type why she came prepared.
DeleteI wonder how some people exhibit such ill manners to someone they are yet to know.Negative mindset can mess you up.
I support Eka joy here. If she invites you over, you can go atleast once and still keep your distance. You must not be friends. Why must your sister join her train? Is she her friend? If she has a perfect image/dream of how her bridesmaids should look like, why would you and your family members try to spoil it? You people are simply horrible inlaws. Entitled lots
DeleteThank you 00:12. Why should your last born join if she didn't meet the standard that the bride set for her bridal train? It was
Deleteher DAY!
I'm sure that was the bone of contention. Wicked in-laws!. I hope she ignores you all and faces her home.
I sincerely hope the lady ignores you all and stay on her lane.
Delete15:43 🤣😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Your last line ehn 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
DeleteMy own is: Why is it so easy to forgive your brother when you quarrel but his wife's offence must be kept for generations? Even after she has made obvious efforts to make up for her mistakes.
DeleteI agree with Eka here o. You no be better person jor.
Hmmmmm,can i ever repay her? A selfless human that can sacrifice anything,she doesn't have much,but she will never inconvenient you, even if you give her,she will ask over and over if its convenient for u . anytime I have extra,she's the first person that comes to my mind.may God give her long life
ReplyDeleteAmen! Lucky you.
DeleteMy mother_in_law insists that the name she gave our children should be the one on their birth certificate,an educated woman for that matter
ReplyDeleteIf your hubby accepted, then he is a weak man, mummy's boy. My mother inlaw too said we should be calling our daughter the name she gave her, hubby rejected that idea and we called her what we gave her. He told her to call her the name she gave her any time they are together. After then, she didn't try it with our other kids.
DeleteIt's either the man is a Mama's boy or the mother needs the car more than the wife that moment either for her business or for going around because of her heathh issues, because I don't see any reason a man should leave his pregnant wife trekking and jumping public buses and he will go buy a car for the mother first and the wife will still need a car for school runs
ReplyDeleteI met my hubby in one of the single and mingle edition, he's not a bad person, we have our ups and downs, but you see his maale , that woman nah wicked person, we ttc at the moment and she's behind our ordeal , she hates me ehnnnnn, am firing midnight prayer , and before the year runs out my testimony will land , my mum in-law is so dramatic, she behaves as if am going to snatch his child from him.
ReplyDeleteAre you indirectly calling your mil witch? Cos I don't understand the "she is behind our ordeal".
DeleteFrom here I can sense the anger in you, pls dear, tone it down. Cos with this mindset and venom God mughy not even grant your request. Just take a deep breath, exhale and then try again.
Mid you, I'm not saying your mil is innocent of your accusations...no, cos I don't even know you nor her. All I'm saying is that you need to purge yourself of all the anger before you can comfortably communicate with God. Just free your mind ok?
My prayers are with you and may God grant you your heart desires.
Didn't you meet her before marriage? Or you met her and noticed she did not like you but wanted to marry the man by force. Sha take am easy
DeleteIf you knew she was what you described, why go ahead to marry her son? I advice you have a clear mind about her so that God can answer your prayers.
DeleteMy mother in law is a very good woman and she does not give me problems. I also take her as my mother and I'm happy his family accepted me. No bad blood between me and my in-laws and I thank God for that.
ReplyDeleteA man decides to give his mother a car and the wife is fuming? That's misplacement of fumes.
ReplyDeleteThat a man can afford to buy his mother a car means that the man has a car already...your husband's car is your car, abeg.
Your vision is blurred when you see your mother inlaw as a rival, if she understands anything she should have looked beyond "why not buy for your wife first" and see that gesture as a source of bundles of blessings: long life, prosperity, etc.
Your husband gives his car to his pastor, you trekk home and call it seed...his does same to his parents you call it misplacement of priority and fumes...
Continue!
Loud it Basyik for those at the back.
DeleteAll I know is that my mum will NEVER collect that car from her son that has not bought a car for his pregnant wife first! She understands that my brother's wife takes precedence over her and she is not mad about that. As long as he takes care of her to the best of his ability, she's fine.
ReplyDeleteShe had always told us she is not waiting for either of her children to come feed her before she eats and knows that before 10% reaches her (your mother), you must have spend 70-80% on yourself and immediate family.
Speaking of, let me go call all my in laws now wey I remember 🚶🚶
DeleteSome mother inlaws you can never please. Believe me. All through my marriage my mother inlaw loves to visit because she just loves the easy life of abroad. I don't mind because at least she hleps to care for the kids. She loves her son and grandkids but she can't love me. She cooks for them but will never include me. I always overlook giving the excuse that at least she loves my kids. Whenever she's coming to visit any items that my relation gives her to give me she will take it out that her bag is too full do i told my mum to say its for my daughter. She will gladly put the items back. I have recently just decided to stop inviting her as i can't anymore. I love her as the mother of my husband and as an elderly person but i will give her long long space.
ReplyDeleteShe low-key does not like you. Just ignore her and face your family
DeleteI have noticed that in many cases if the son treats his wife better that the Mil was treated by her husband or if she had to struggle as a single mother it leads to some resentment. It's as though if the Mil suffered she expects the Dil to suffer too. Some complain their sons are spending too much money on the wife or doing too much for his wife and even go as far as using underhanded means to destroy the affection he has for his wife.
ReplyDeleteSome Dils are also insecure about the affection and connection her spouse may have with his mother. Some complain about how much money is spent on making the Mil comfortable and happy. And indeed some Dils do go the extra mile to bring disharmony between her husband and his mother.
A bad mother inlaw was once a terrible daughter inlaw. A bad person will never change regardless of the position they occupy. My mother inlaw is nice but she likes to be in charge since her son is the last child. My husband started giving her feedbacks when she refused to understand she will always be a third party. When my husband cautioned her of her excesses, mama had to pack herself jejely. My maturity in dealing with her sometimes worries her. I cannot count the number of times she apologized to me for her rude actions. Those old people sometimes act like little children. I am that silent person that adddresses issues calmly and strategically. The day my mother inlaw tried to do family meeting on my case because of an issue, I immediately said it is convinient for them to judge me since I am the only person in their midst without relative around. I told them if the meeting should continue, i will inform my parents , that the second meeting will hold with their son in my parent's house with all my family members. She could not continue the meeting. She apologized. Since that day till date....No more drama. I have been married for 10 years. Sometimes, i dash her money since her son does not have much. My mother inlaw lies alot that my husband would always verify whatever she says. I have never rubbed it on her face even when caught redhanded lying. She respects me alot.
ReplyDeleteBefore he left home some years back, he was planning to change his mother's car for her retirement. He packs his own car at his parent's when he was at his base. The kids and I were jumping bikes. When he left, I got a car and d next thing he left rent for me. I've seen his sisters famzing his various gfs and he refused to file divorce after threatening, his family said they stand by his decision.
ReplyDeleteMe I helped them by unfollowing and blocking on social media and deleting them on WhatsApp so I don't see rubbish posts.
I mind my biz and kids, now he's trying to talk. Even if we settle Tmrw, you thinki will be cool with his mother and sisters? No na
I hate trouble but once bitten twice shy... I'm not even ready for settlement..... I like d spontaneity of my cooking with my kids... 😂😂😂😂
Thank God for his grace upon you and your children. I giggled at the last sentence.
DeleteLolol at your last sentence...of all things you'll miss.
DeleteGod be with you sis and help you to make a good decision.
Pls if you settle, before you have sex, both of you should go for HIV tests. I have seen a man that abandoned his wife like this , then he came back to his wife and was already infected, he dashed the woman HIV virus and later died. The woman is still alive living on drugs and with the stigma
DeleteI think sometimes why this mother inlaw and daughter in-law thing is an issue is because men have not started seeing things from another perspective 🤔.... No doubt love your mum,but some of them don't know how to balance it with loving their wife. I usually say, whatever you wouldn't have liked your dad doing to your mum while growing up, don't do it to your wife cos she's somebody's else mother too.
ReplyDeleteA lot of men grow defensive saying my mother suffered for me blah blah blah if my wife cannot cope then let her go. And am just wondering..how would you have felt as a child if your dad had invested all his time on his mother to the detriment of your own mum simply becos she was the one that bore him for nine months blah blah blah.
Know that however you treat your wife, you're creating an image in the mind of your children and they might grow up resenting grandma becos they would feel she was the reason their mum was denied dad's total affection 🤔.
Am in support of one caring for his people,but there must be a balance,I pray GOD grants our men wisdom, it's not a easy task handling family affairs.
That your second paragraph is for men who were raised by both parents. If you tell that to a man raised by a single mother, he won't even listen to you cos there was no father in the picture
DeleteAll those men who give the "my mother suffered for me" story as an excuse to mistreat their wives or place their mothers over their wives should please stop it! Your mother suffered for you because that is her responsibility. She begged God to have you. She wasn't forced to give birth to you. In God's wife, you're to become one flesh with your wife, NOT your mother. That doesn't mean you shouldn't honor your mother as it is written in the Bible, however stop giving your mother the place that is meant for your wife.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if men would find it funny if their wives carry their fathers above their husbands the way they do their mothers. Mschew!
You see those mothers with their only son or only daughter, just run away from them
ReplyDeleteSometimes I love that my husband is not in good terms with his mother, he is from a broken home and his parents remarried making the children to suffer in the hands of a step mum. So the kids from the first marriage do not really listen to her. The woman is actually very vindictive and manipulative and lies a lot. The children she had for her second husband, she is showing their wives and husbands fire. One of her daughter from her second marriage is out of husband's house. Muminlaw lied on the man that he wants to use her daughter for rituals and moved her things out. She now cuts the man off from the kids. She moved out of where she lived to a location where the daughter's ex does not know. The son's wife too, anytime she visits is when the son beats his wife, he does it in her presence and she just sits and watch, she hates the lady and always gossips her at any given opportunity.
ReplyDeleteMy own husband gives her space, she visits once in a blue moon and respects herself when she is here cos hubby would never support her wahala.
In my own case, there was no sign that mama and her other children never liked me. Everything was cool when I visited, marriage process went smoothly then boom.... No communication even after I tried reaching out several times to the extent that her son and their brother wet missing when I just gave birth, no one bothered to at least show up to see me and the baby. Thank God we are fine now and I have learnt to stay on my own too
ReplyDeleteIn a Christian marriage, the wife comes first before anyone even his parents
ReplyDeleteA lot of married men do not understand this
Another issue is when the wife comes into the marriage with the attitude of "anybody wey do me nonsense, i go show dem pepper "
As singles, its not enough to pray to have a good partner, pray also to marry into a godly family, e get why.
#peace
😂😂true👌
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