Dr Freak's Journal - FEAR

Fear is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as "an unpleasant emotion or thought that you have when you are frightened or worried by something dangerous, painful, or bad that is happening or might happen".

In Psychology, "FEAR" is described as "False Evidence Appearing Real".

Caveat Lector:

Please note that this is a mere work of Art. It is not in any manner linked to "metaphysics" and or "spirituality". I don't play in those spaces. Just follow with an open mind and enjoy the flow. "I no get juju oh."



2000:


I was in my first year/200 Level (Law) at the time under reference. It was customary for me and my siblings to travel to the village every other week to help out in the house and keep mum (a lonely widow) company. 

Guess what? She appreciated every bit of those short visits, and I can still feel it in my "soul".


I forgot to add that both parents trusted their children more than anyone else when it comes to driving, although occasionally, they bent the rules in the face of stark reality, and or dire necessity. By implication, each and everyone of us at one time or the other doubled as a "child", and a "chauffeur" in the house.

 Interestingly, there is a belief (rebuttable one though) that when it comes to ranking in respect of our individual driving prowess, our order of birth in the family plays a determinant role. Who am I, (the last born) to engage anyone in a needless argument anyways? I leave it at that.


Back to the real meat of this short story, Mum was to make a trip down to the "Garden City" and I was to steer the wheel, so I had to leave Benin for the village a day earlier, since we were to set out as early as 4.30am. I left Benin quite late and I travelled in a commercial bus. By the time I got to the State capital, it was already 7.30pm and if you are familiar with that part of the country, you will appreciate the fact that I still had about two major towns to cross before mine, after the State capital. 

I was in luck, as I was able to make it to the first before 9.00pm. From the first town to mine was about 16-18 kilometres and all things being equal, about ten-minute drive due to the deplorable state of the road at the time. 

I waited endlessly at the motor park and when it became apparent that no vehicle was heading to my destination that night, I decided to take my destiny into my hands. I was not as "faithful" as Esther who is credited with the quote "...if I perish; I perish..."; but I was more "fateful" (note the pun).

Alas I decided to trek! 

You can now see why I will never trek to Abuja for any politician. The time was now 9.30pm and I was bent on tasting my mum's soup that night! The journey started like a joke. Then, I was in the world, I bought 6 sticks of B&H (don't ask me questions, "I hate nonsense" Lol) and I took the first step then I remembered "Johnnie Walker". 

That journey of a "thousand miles" for me, started with that single step. Few minutes into the journey, I dashed my right foot against a "stubborn" stone and I remembered one of the superstitious beliefs with which I was raised. 'It portends good luck'! 

I lit the first stick and started strolling as if the entire road was an extension of my inheritance. For the first 30 minutes, I was just "cruising" and having a swell time in that forest until memories, thoughts and images of my secondary school started flashing through my mind and for the first time, I was tempted to tremble!

 Meanwhile, I remembered that they said the smoke and the smell of cigarettes wades away spirits. Oje Marina! Images of "èşùkú" (gnomes) and "egbére" (the gnomes that go about with a mat) and "iwin" (ghosts). 

Please note that my English translation does not pretend to be accurate as these concepts are sui generis and do not have equivalents in English language.

 Rumours were rife that the hill at the back of my school played host to some of the aforementioned creatures in "our time". I never saw any, not as if I ever craved seeing one though. Guess what, courage came and I continued until almost 30 minutes after which I sighted the first vehicle. I did not even bother to flag down the car because the occupants would have entertained strange thoughts too. Only "celestial" elements treaded that portion of the "terrestrial" space alone at that time of the day.

Lo and behold, it took me one hour to reach the border town between the first town before mine and mine. The moment I arrived at the middle of the journey, I breathe a sigh of relief! 

Welcome to civilisation. The entire village was asleep but at least one or two houses were lit, but goats and dogs bestrode the dingy streets. That was typical of most of the streets in my State then anyway. I continued my journey until I reached my destination at few minutes past 12.00midnight. 

The interesting part of the story is that 30 minutes into the journey, I had already transmuted into "half-spirit"-"half-man" and fear had vanished from me completely.


I lied to my mum. I told her our bus broke down on the road and it took the mechanic forever to arrive and fix the car. I still tasted her soup that night and we gisted till 1.30am. By 4.00am, I was up and by 4.30am, we were on the road to the Garden City.

Did I sleep throughout that journey? Nah, nah, nah!


If you ask me today, will I embark on that trip again? I would have loved to answer in the affirmative, but the feet are not as strong today, the cares and needs, wants and demands of this world have compelled The Man to give in to fear. What of herdsmen? Fela sang "I wan buy car. I wan build house. I wan marry. Mama dey for house... so Army man go whip your yansh you no go talk. Policeman go slap your face you go dey look like Dundee. Rhodesia dey do their own, we dey yab for nothing."


Have you not noticed that you fear nothing when you have nothing? Before the advent of Fashola, people used to live (practically) under the bridges in Lagos and the last thing on the minds of those dudes must have been fear.


Have you ever asked yourself these questions: "what is fear?"; "what are my fears?"; "at what point did I start nursing these fears?"; "are my fears real?"; "how may I conquer my fears?" I ask myself these questions everyday of my life. So I ask again, "what are your fears?" Conquer your fears!


FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

It's Kunle