CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 40

During my last hitch at work. We were having a chit-chat at the coffee shack during one of the coffee breaks and the conversation got interesting when one of my colleagues brought up a very interesting topic. He was holding a cup of coffee while taking drags from his cigarette when he muttered, “Charlie nor dey stand again!”

He instantly got all of our attention.

 It is a serious matter. 

“Pumpee” as we casually call him wasn’t feeling happy. “Charlie” is the term we have coined when we want to take about our blokos. The term became popular from our onboard cooks who normally use the term to encourage us to eat certain foods. Whenever they say “this food go make Charlie stand well”, be rest assured that everyone will go for such food whether good or bad.

For us men, having a good erection is always a big deal.

I grew up in Warri in an environment where ones’ s#xual prowess was something we always brag about as men. Everyone wants to tell good tales of how well they “performed” and their womb-shifting abilities. 

Guys went to various lengths in getting s#x enhancement drugs and “man power” to boost their performances. I cannot forget the various Samsu cream tales in a hurry. My point is, we men, take our s#xual performance very serious, and having erectile dysfunction is among one of the worst things that can happen to any man.

But the ironic thing these days is that lots of men are actually struggling with erectile dysfunction. But because of the sensitive nature of the topic, nobody wants to talk about it. Lots of time, people resort to self-help. It is even made worse when we hear stuffs like “small stout and groundnut dey make Charlie stand well” or various forms of combinations and concoction just to improve s#xual performance. We just go ahead to take or try them without asking questions.


Many men are dying in silence due to this issue and cannot speak for the fear of what people will think of them. No man wants to be tagged “instant noddle” due to an issue that may not even be a fault of his. My father used to make some herbal drinks that help boost performance then while I was growing up. I could remember how men sneak into our house in the dead of the night just to request for “that thing”

I also will never forget the awkward feeling I had the first time I went to a pharmacy to buy Viagra. After summoning courage to meet the young female pharmacist, I told her that I needed “Sildenafil” (Baba couldn’t even use the word “Viagra” because of shyness). She even made me feel worse by asking me, how many milligrams?

But that experience actually thought me something and I was asking myself; why all the shyness? If I could comfortably walk in a pharmacy or chemist to buy drugs for headaches and other ailments, what then is the big deal in asking for a s#x enhancement drug? I’m sure you also want to know the answer to that question.

So, back to Pumpee’s issue. We asked him what the problem was. He took his time to explain how the whole thing started after he got home from work. He found out that the “thing” wasn’t responding to instruction and motivation. He has been wondering what could be the problem. He kept struggling with it over time to the point that he starting losing taste for s#x and even feeling less of a man.

It was a sad tale to listen to; and the way he was puffing his cigarette while narrating the whole story even made it all very awkward. But then men will always be men. The round of questioning and probing started. “Have you tried using drugs, have you seen a doctor, did you try other women, are you not sure it’s village people…?” It went on and on. At the end of the day, we all came up with different suggestions. I hope Pumpee is feeling better now. Because “Charlie must stand ooo, or wahala go dey”

I am not a medical practitioner and issues like erectile dysfunction (ED) may result from a whole cocktail of issues or reasons. But I will just share my opinions on the issue.

ED just like any other ailment, can happen to anybody irrespective of their tribe, religion, race and in some cases age. It used to be prevalent in older men but these days; the vices of constant drug abuse or overuse of sex enhancement drugs, porn addiction and excessive masturbation has made it even more common among young men. The one universal fact remains that your sexual performance will wane as you age. Men need to take it easy on themselves.

The kind lifestyles people lead is another issue these days. We eat and drink anything, get obese and expect to still be supermen in bed. We are jokers. I gained 15kg within a space of two years. Naturally my performance dropped. I knew I had to do something about my lifestyle. It’s a struggle that I have to face but the realities stared at me.

Psychology plays a huge role in these things too. There’s the fact that after spending years together with their partner, lots of men lose taste in the wives. Yea, it happens…deny all you want but it happens. It will take a lot of psychological effort and discipline for such men to keep the sexual temple they once had with their wives and one of the first victims of such dry spells is “Charlie”. The onus now lies on the man to always see his wife as s#xually attractive to him.

Another angle to the psychology issue is that sense of inadequacy lots of men feel when they can’t get proper erection. They feel they less of a man. And this can affect the performance in other areas of the life and career. In such cases, they need the support of the women in their lives in navigating through such trying times.

In all these, I encourage men going through such challenges to seek specialist help and speak out because you can never tell who might help you. A simple reassurance from a good friend can even solve the problem without the need to take drugs. In took constant reassurance from me years ago, in encouraging my friend mine who was passing through such issue to get his mojo back.

And one last thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong in taking s#x enhancement drugs, just follow the guidance of a trained practitioner, use it in a proper way and don’t abuse it. When people get headaches or other ailments, they seek help and take drugs. Having an erectile dysfunction shouldn’t be seen as something different. Nor let anybody shame you…you nor kill person.


We go see next week.


Ciao!