CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 38

There is a trend that is becoming a normal these days. 

Young ladies are no longer enthusiastic about getting married. This is bringing about a new category of married men and side chick relationships. The type I like to call “relationships of convenience”.

Remember the young lady I told you guys I met at the airport some weeks? We chatted for about three hours before our flight was called. During the course of our conversation, I asked her about getting married. Her response was quite similar to the kind of response you get from young women these days.

She said “I’m not thinking of getting married yet, I want to get my own investments and set-up myself before I think of marriage”, . 

The funny thing is that she is already working in one of the biggest multinational companies in the country; she is earning in six figures. When I probed further, I found out she wasn’t even in any relationship. She is not a religious person either so it not about her “sinning”

She has had her fair share of relationships and decided that she has had enough and want to focus on her life. She also stated that the kind of men coming her way are not serious people. They are either players, gold-diggers or people below her standards; and she doesn’t want to date down.

She was a very intelligent lady that could match my conversation and carries herself well. Listening to her talk got me really asking myself. Where are the good men?

The thing about marriage is that the man should be the leader and the head no matter the level of the woman. These days, there are lots of high achieving women. For marriages to such women to work, the men will need to do better. They need to possibly earn better, think better, behave better and should be able to manage such women at that capacity in other for the marriage to stand the chance of surviving. Lots of marriages are failing today because men are still trying to manage women with their parochial mindsets.

So, back to the issue of “relationship of convenience”

In my bad old days, I dated some of such women as a married man. That was when I started noticing this trend. They were involved in such relationship not because they wanted to get married, or they needed my money or they wanted me to sponsor their lifestyles. But then, I still have to spend on them but not that kind of “send me urgent 5k” women.

For the purpose of the narration, I would talk about three of them. One was a banker, the other works for an insurance firm while the last one was a software developer who mostly work remotely. They all have their comfortable apartments, could pay their bills and feel they don’t need any unnecessary complications of their lives in the name of marriage .....

While the relationships lasted, it was convenient for us. They never bothered me and neither did I. They knew I was married and respected that. We only met when it was convenient for both parties. And by virtue of my kind of work, communication was easy when I am away for work. Whenever I’m home, they don’t call except I do. I helped whenever I could.

As a woman, you would always need a man in your life. It could be for company, for pleasure, for companionship or someone to always talk to and share your burdens with. You can deceive yourself for so long that you don’t need a man. At some point, biology, psychology and body physiology will kick in. This is what get some of them into relationships with married men.



But why married men you may ask? Why not get a single man? Why destroy another woman’s marriage and happiness not to talk of the fact that it is morally wrong?

The simple answer is “convenience”. I have had this discussion with lots of such young women and I can speak from personal experience. Using the words of one of them, though not verbatim…

“A married man will not call you at 11pm in the night asking you where you are. He will not call you out of the blues telling you to come to his place like you are jobless, he respects you and your wishes; no time for unnecessary dramas and finally they are more mature and treat women better”

I’m not doing this write-up to justify the randy cheating married men or the young women indulging in such acts. I’m just trying to point out that such things are happening these days and it’s becoming rampant. You probably know one or two persons involved in such acts as you read.

I got the scare of my life when one told me she wanted to have a baby for me. That I shouldn’t bother about taking care of the baby or taking responsibility for it. Baba took off for his life. The Urhobo man in me would rather take her as a second wife rather than have a child out of wedlock. And that would mean me cutting down the days of my life.

A large part of this problem is the men. I have more than five younger colleagues who are way above thirty and earning well, who are not even thinking about getting married. They just want to live their lives and have fun. Lots of them are not even emotionally ready to keep a woman at home. How can such men handle the breeds of women we have these days?

This is my two cents on this issue.

The modern society has created an imbalance which will become obvious as the years go by. Talk about Isaiah 4:1. We have emphasized on women empowerment for so long that we forgot about the men. These days, we find young women leaving schools and you will see them learning trades and other skills just to meet up and support their future husbands. Are the men doing likewise? I will leave you to answer that.

Now more than ever, we need reorientation of the men. To be better husbands and better fathers. Women are doing more these days trying to push boundaries and become better wives who will be partners with their husbands. We the men need to do better. I also need to do better...

On other hand, the women will also need to be willing to render support and assist. Some of the so-called married men who look good and seem better at treating women were the products of time and patients of other women. Many women these days don’t want to sacrifice for any man. They all want already made men. So, who will do the work?

 'till next week.


Ciao!