STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
COMPLICATED SITUATION
Dear SDK,I don’t know where to start from, I have been married close to 20 yrs now, my anger is not because hubby is talking about getting a new wife, but my anger is that horseband did not bother to establish despite all we have been through together.
We still stay in a family house with three beautiful daughters age 17,13, and 7.Although before we moved into family house some years back, we had some challenges that was why mother in-law said we should move into family house pending when God will do it.
My horse band knows people doing politics, so let me say he is somehow into politics. To the glory of God he was given contracts and he made money, Stella before this money came,we had plans .
I am a teacher in a private school, oga said he will rent an apartment for me to start my own little by little.
Stella money came and the story changed, first he went to the mothers village,got a land for the mother and he started building a house for her.(it was like magic).Next he gave the immediate senior sister 1million to establish herself, Stella I was dumbfounded.
I called him to order, oga this was not our agreement now, he wanted to turn it to fight, I let the sleeping dog to lay down.
Let me cut the story short Stella, the mother was aware of him talking about a new wife,and she said the only advice she has is that I should be the first person that will give birth to a son,. because if her son brings a wife she cannot reject, that I should put myself into her sons condition for the future that her son needs a son for future purpose.
I said ''mama its not the new wife that is my problem but your son should establish me'' Stella do you know what she said? she told me to be saving money by myself (I asked myself how much private school teacher dey earn).
I told horseband himself, oga this time of your life, is it marrying a new wife that is your priority ? he said she is my girlfriend, so if God says we will marry, we will marry.
I told my mom this his statement, she was asking me if I am sure horseband is saying this with ordinary eye, for him to tell me she is his girlfriend.
Stella the story is really long.
This thing is really doing me like film trick. Stella I know how I brought out all my savings when this man had SARS issue.
*WOW this is serious!...Your hubby used his full chest to tell you he has a girlfriend and IF GOD SAYS THEY WILL MARRY;THEY WILL MARRY?
My dear i don't know what to tell you now cos you are living in a family house and can be thrown out if you try to make trouble.
So if he marries the new wife, will he bring her to the family house?
I am short of words to advice with
This is really sad.......Some men dont reason at all when they hold cash
ReplyDeleteGod abeg o. This is sad!
DeleteHe knows what he's doing
DeleteFind a way to collect your own money & discharge
I think his family got him a girlfriend a long time ago because of a male child.
Don't go empty handed. Wisely grab your own money too.
Some men are really wicked!
How will she grab it? She should steal it? It's like you did not read the story with clear eyes
DeleteFind way to collect her own money and discharge??
DeleteWisely grab her own money with what? Nkata (basket)?
Naaaawaooo!
I must comment at every chronicle syndrome must stop!
My dear, your mother's suspicion could be right. Whatever you do, you need to be spiritually alert. Pray "dangerously" and thank me later. Join NSPPD 7am prayer if you can. What God cannot do, does not exist.
DeleteHe is doing it with ordinary house abeg, watch what will happen when the money stops coming! He will go back to lovey dovey..
ReplyDeletePoster are you guys Muslims?
ReplyDeleteAgain, I feel this is your hubby's true character, money just brought it out.
You get to know people's true nature when money enter.
True, just thank God that He has shown you your husband and his mother's true colors. If it's me since I can't get money from him I will be praying for the money to finish, if money finish girlfriend go run then his eyes go clear but things will never be the same again. I pray that God will bless you with your own money so that you can arrange yourself well. Your in-laws are not nice people if not they would have advised your husband to set up a business for you.
DeleteYour married a fucking bastard. Now he made little money and he’s all over the place and planning on marrying a new wife.
ReplyDeleteCursed in-laws you have there.
That’s why I said marriage na scam after 20yrs together this is her reward. I dash una marriage
DeleteHer mother in law is not helping issues,when my mother inlaw was acting funny with me,i sent the bitch to an early grave cos they were acting funny telling me about oath and shit.Dear poster,if you don't have strong spiritual backing,please thread carefully and keep praying to God.
DeleteI would have expected that you as an educated woman would tell your mother in law that having a son is entirely up to your husband since the male produces the chromosome.
DeleteBut it's possible that you sef dont even know.
Whatever the case, when we say that women should always have a plan b, a stream of income and SNOOP, you people will say mosquitoes dey fly for inside fridge.
If you had snipped that time he was spreading the money like confetti you would have known what's up.
Meanwhile that his girlfriend is not a new development, I'm sure she came onboard after the end daughter if not before.
Mai dia start saving seriously. I see no reason to be married to someone who treats someone like shit.
Dear Anon ,16:27 hope you know one day you will be a MIL. May your DIL never call you bitch
DeleteYori i don't wish what i went through in her hands on my enemy,i know i'll grow the courage to send my chronicles soon and you will call her worse name.
DeleteAnd/or also send her to an early grave. Ha! Somethings are best left unsaid in public.
DeleteMy dear. Killing someone is worse than whatever your mil did could have done to you. May your dil also do same for u.
DeleteYoriprincesss if i behave like this motherinlaw then i really wont blame anyone for calling me 'bitch'😒
DeleteNa wa o..Why has he blatantly refused to set you up? Are you sure he's in his right senses and not bewitched?
ReplyDeleteHe's not bewitched anything he's just being his gender. I pray God humbles him
DeleteI wonder sef ooo
DeleteNa clear eye. Why do we always blame other reasons for men’s rubbish???
DeletePoster , take your kids and walk. Your psyche is already damaged just by being in that silly environment. Imagine your what your kids esteem and views on being cheated on will be?
ReplyDeleteWalk to where?
DeleteWhat if she doesn't have any support system? What if she's an orphan +
It's not easy walking away when you have nowhere to walk to? Who will take responsibility for the kids?
The man has not thrown her things away nor is beating her.
Let her call God who has solutions to her problems.
The new wife might end up not bearing a son.
Even if the new wife bears sons, let her stay and take care of her daughters since she does not have a good job or support a d the man is not beating her.
DeleteHer daughters will make her proud. Ngozi Iweala is a woman, Omotola Ekehinde is a woman, Folorunsho Alakija is a woman.
Madam train your girls well, always tell them to not bring shame to you, tell them to look at their family and see how they treated them and you, tell them to prove to their family that girls do great things. Even if the new wife bears ten sons, stay strong for your daughters, don't get HBP or do anything that will make you to be incapable of training them. Don't fight, be prayerful. Stay alive and well for them.
I wish you the best ma'am. Tomorrow, you will look back and thank God.
Stay and do what exactly?
DeleteStay and continue to chop insult and humiliation just to answer mrs?
Poster, strategically plan your exit.
Courage, your advice is deep. You reason like an elderly person. I wish the Poster will heed your advise. Poster, it may tarry but have patience and be prayerful. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.
DeleteStay in that toxic environment and bring up her daughters well?? I laugh. The environment alone is bad for the girls. I beg poster try and get some money and walk. Ur husband and his in laws are useless. Simple!!
DeleteNa wa o... some men sha. You have small money, a new wife is the first thing to cross your mind.
ReplyDeleteThe woman is not completely honest. Her husband is muslim and she knows that he will marry a second wife one day. That is why she was never against him marrying.
DeletePoster need to understand that you can never win an argument with your man when you tell him not to "bless' his blood family.
The moment you start calling him to order, you are trying to turn him against his parent,siblings etc.
Afterall, many women on here would never condone a wife who turns their son, brother against them.
My advise - Stop checkmating him from blessing his family. And start engaging with him positively and you will get the money you want from him.
I know some people will come and run their mouth under my post, but the truth is - this is the ONLY way you can get what you want from him. Think am - You will know I am right.
Anon 18.18, you are very right. That's what the Mama said codedly. Find a way to collect your own. Not by fight but by sense. He is your husband. Think deep on his weak points and press them with good mind. Support with prayers. And save what you get. Leave the Mama. Many men don't listen to their mothers as wives think they do.
DeleteBB, that's no 1 problem in the North may be in Nigeria sef
DeletePoster raise those girls well, pray for God to change his heart towards getting married so that you can start saving. No fight o.
There are some things I can't tolerate, women please establish yourselves in case anything goes wrong along the line, good paying work is hard to come by but if u husband is capable of starting something no matter how small for you my sister try as much as u can to cajole him to start something for you when the going is good,he owes u nothing but if u can get him open a small business for u my sister do it ooo....in this part of the world if u did not born because of husband's low sperm count nobody cares to know why,it's your fault...if u born only girls it's still your fault not the husband so women please establish yourselves in case anything goes south. Right now that ur husband will not answer u ,I just pray u get a better paying job but for now ignore them and put everything in God's hands
ReplyDeletePele o! Let's say the blunt truth: they don't regard you to your daughters as anything.
ReplyDeleteJust settle your mind that he is never going to help you and focus on you and your daughters. They'll make you proud one day.
Stella I follow you do hmmmm
ReplyDeleteThings are happening sha, if his religion permits it that means you knew from start he can marry another wife
As for him establishing you, I don't even have anything to say than to pray really hard before the 'girlfriend' takes over his finances either by crook or...
Hmmm..things dey hapen o.staying in the family house was/is your doom.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I understand how you feel but right now it is only God that can fight this battle for you
ReplyDeleteSee you see battles if your husband eventually marries his girlfriend. The wahala you have now will triple and you may be thrown out if you try to fight this decision. Begin to pray for this plan to scatter and for God to elevate you so great to the shame of your husband, mother-in-law and all those who support his 2nd wife plan.
ReplyDeleteHow men use their hand to bring fire to their house is what I can't understand.
ReplyDeleteDear poster sorry for what you are going through but you need to start planning for your future. Play a fool and get money from that man. You need to be smart... Really really smart. Because the journey ahead is not going to be easy and you have your daughters to train.
That's it. GET THAT MONEY even if you have to be a short term mumu.
DeleteBe praising him for the good things that he has been doing for his family. Even his decision to get a new wife to bear him whatever he is looking for. Just sha get that money out of him and move on.
He will know that you want something and he will eventually budge. Be extra good to him and be praising him for now. Why? That money must drop from his pocket.
Try and avoid fights becz that new wife will make things harder once she comes in.
Secure the money and move on. Don't let you and your daughters suffer worse.
Ma’am, you sound like there haven’t been intimacy in your marriage for a while for your husband to confidently tell you about his girlfriend without any ounce of guilt.
ReplyDeleteHe’s not going to establish you especially now that he plans to take on a new wife/responsibility so you have to be smart now.
Tell him to invest instead..let him help you open a school and get a percentage. Don’t nag him about the girlfriend, stop telling his mom about his ways and commit to taking care of your girls cos they are the only ones that will establish you last last.
I don't always agree with you Perxian, but on this one - you are spot on.
DeletePoster - I am a man, I don't condone what your hubby is doing, but truth is - take this advise!
How will her daughters establish her? Are they her mum ? That’s how you people put undue pressure on kids kmt
Delete@18;58 thank you. Kids in Africa are their 401k/retirement money. Too much pressure on the kids mannn especially in this economy. I’m not saying they shouldn’t help the parents but that unnecessary pressure and entitlement sometimes can be crazy and it’s not fair on the kids.
DeleteThanks for this your comment. We are our parents retirement plan and it is stressful. We pay their heavy rent,medical Bills,send monthly upkeep while raising our own families and being under pressure to have more grand kids for them.
DeleteMeanwhile our parents have refused to support us by agreeing to manage/run a small business to generate additional income, they would rather browse the internet all day. Talking about "why else do people have children".
I’ve taken care of my own mother more than the years she took care of me. And I’ve had enough. I started taking care of her at age 15 I’m now in my 50s . Do the maths . Make no nobody born me again come make me become their mother thank you
DeleteOMG this matter wear skirt ooo,I don't even know what to say 😥... perhaps I might come back to give an advice
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that na girls you born, so they are all in it. Mama follow your horseband because of the goodies she is enjoying.
ReplyDeleteMy dear stop praying to God Almighty to bless him. Channel that prayer to yourself and daughters from now henceforth. Cry unto God to send helpers and defend you
If that girl enter house and born boy, you are a goner. Sorry, it is well with you
Men!Men! Why are they always so heartless and ungrateful.may God direct your path poster,this issue is complicated.
ReplyDeleteHmmm this is sooo sad....okunrin o se gbekele. Madam is your husband muslim?. If he is just calm down and accept it. Get really close to your girls . Pour into them. Build up their self esteem . Dont let them believe that the way your husband is treating you is ok. Tell them that he is wrong . Let them know that they need to pick better when they choose a life partner. Stop asking him to empower you , he wont. Just ask him to pay for your daugjters school fees so at least they have a better chance at life
DeleteOmo I feel sorry and pity for posters..why are men always treating women like this in marriages?
ReplyDeleteOmo last last everyone should hustle for his or herself so when things go south they can all have a place to hold on and stand!poster you have to decide for your peace.. what ever decision you feel will give you once, boldly go for it.
Follow your mother in law's advice.
ReplyDeleteEstablish yourself. Your husband has failed you and there's lityle to nothing you can do about it.
Look out for yourself okwaya?
Water Don pass garri for this matter oooo
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThere is fire on the mountain already, too much fire already, it's up to you to save yourself at this point. Find a way to appeal to him so he can give you money to add.
ReplyDeleteJust know that somehow you are now on your own. He's too far gone for him to tell you to your face that he has a girlfriend. That's serious.
Poster are you a muslim? You sound like one and if you are, before your husband marries another wife,he should obtain your permission and give you whatever you want, so ask for an adequate sum to establish yourself and start plotting your exit strategy. Mind you,the permission isn't a necessary condition in Islam so it depends on how seriously you take the religion. Most hausa/Fulanis will do this but other tribes may not.
ReplyDeleteIf you can save enough money to pay for one room house rent, and manage life with your beautiful daughters without your husband's support, I think it's time for you to leave that family house for him and his mother before they kill you directly or indirectly, because if you continue staying there, waiting for him to support you, my dear you are on a loooong thing, seeing where he channeled his monies, his behaviors towards you and your children and his plans of marring his girlfriend, my dear the man no send you again, better hustle and take care of yourself and your children without hopping or depending on him, he have shown you whom he is, better take your mind off him and his money and take the bull by the horn, if he eventually give you his support, fine but if not, know you that you don't have a husband any more. Some illiterate men that doesn't know they are responsible for the gender of their children. Mchewww Nonsense and buhari ðŸ˜
ReplyDeleteWomen I beg always have a plan b
ReplyDeleteIt's right to build with a man but pls also build yourself up too financially
Dem no dey hear word.
DeleteThat's why most will leave their marriage with only the pant you are wearing.
Build YOURSELF.
The fact that you are married does not mean you lose your identity, personality and perspective.
Use the BRAIN Gos gave you, stop acting like a zombie with the size of brain of your wedding ring.
Have your own money even if you wish to have a joint account.
Network, have friends, people you can call on.
Some of you will marry and all of a sudden single people will start smelling to you.
The only time you remember them is when you want to beg for money.
DAFT lot.
Even after all the talk, you will still see them resigning good paying jobs to jobs to go and sit at home waiting for hubby to buy matches and soap.
Can never be me.
With all these I don't think I can build with any man
Delete@16:15 and 16:59 thank you. I bet you poster won’t listen. Still waiting for husband that doesn’t give a damn. Start saving as much you can poster and just know this marriage might end or may not end. Imagine you accepting a second wife self because you no born male son. Where is your self esteem??? It’s his damn fault because he’s the one with the Y chromosome and not you! Women have xx (men is xy) read more on this and explain to him! Either way, talk to him about your kids and sharing some of that money for their future. They were not asked to be born. So you both must take care of them.
DeleteThis is so sad, after 20 years of servitude, hmmmmm. This life ..someone told me marriage these days is like crossing an express without looking left n right, you fit get luck make motor no jam u, or u fit get small luck na keke or bicycle na him go jam you, or car go just brush you, but some na dangote truck.
ReplyDeleteMy advice is that you don't even try to have more babies,God willing the new wife go born twins girls, just collect loan from your office and make sure they're deducting from your salary, so husband go know say no salary again, and use the money to start something, I hope he's in charge of upkeep of you and the kids sha. All the best ma
Poster DO NOT take any loan. I repeat, do not take any loan! Ridiculous comment!
DeleteOga told poster the new wife to be is the poster's friend. Meaning Oga secretly has been seeing her friend to the extent she was convinced or convinced herself to marry her friend's husband. And the new woman did not see another man to sleep with other then her friend's husband? What's the guarantee the new wife will deliver male children?
ReplyDeletePoster, find a way to gather money, mind your business and face your children. Cases like this betrayal from the so called friend end up boomeranging.
Your girls are seeing and watching. They will make you proud in future.
Best wishes
Well, so sorry to read what I read here. I just cannot cease to think about which "god" will want a
ReplyDeleteman to marry a second wife "if he wants?" Another fact I noted is that there was no financial oneness
in this marriage, so "the two weren't one" in the first instance. That is like "the foundation being destroyed
what can the righteous do?" Psalms 11:3.
So beloved, hard truth is, there are missed opportunities here. Opportunities to build a relationship in Christ
for these 20 years plus that you've known each other. Wealth is deceitful and because that foundation wasn't built,
it wasn't difficult for your husband to succumb to the worship and adoration of money. Anyone whose
foundation isn't in Christ will behave same way. Please I am not talking about "going to Church" but I am talking about
Jesus being the Lord of your life.
What to do now? Begin a journey with Christ and hand this problems over to him. he works out ugly situations "for the good
of those that love him..."
Sweetheart there's nothing new under the sun. Yes he may acting a spell but believe me there's nothing God cannot do. Stop reporting and lamenting and PRAY!!!!!
ReplyDeleteAction is also needed along with prayers! ACTION
DeleteIf u think set u gt juju, I gat Jesus so no shaking. Let's go consult our Juju's
ReplyDeleteYour husband is not jazzed, na clear eyes. You just underestimated him
ReplyDeleteI equally think so too 🤔
DeleteThe clearest eyes ever.
DeleteGbam
DeleteMost times God talks to us through our enemies. Poster follow your mother inlaw advice. Establish yourself no matter how small. A man that has not esterblished you in 20yrs will not establish you with a new wife in view. You have daughters invest all the love and attention you have on them. Stop this pity party of telling his mum and others. Girld your wrappers. It's time to face front. If the second wife comes and birth a son. The battle line will be drawn. Your husband might not even give you or the children a Kobo. Face God like never before. Don't worry your daughters will make you proud tomorrow.
ReplyDeletePoster please start Saving up for rainy days because you are on a very long thing
ReplyDeleteTell it to God in prayer all will be well
ReplyDeleteChai!!!! Women don suffer for men hand in this Africa
ReplyDeleteHe's not under any spell that's how behave when they become rich
ReplyDeleteIt's well with you poster just channel your love and attention to you daughters..may God give you wisdom to face reality..
ReplyDeleteI don't know why Muslim wives fight back when their husbands want to marry new wife! I thought in Islam a man is allowed to marry 4 wives! So why the bitterness,fights,confrontations? You know your husband will definitely marry another so why marry in the first place? My dear poster continue in that marriage ooo. Raise your girls and concentrate on your children. Na girl children dey remember parents for old age. When a boy child marries the wife the girl child runs his home. So my dear just manage and endure. The most constant thing in this life is change. You will never be in this dilemma forever! Stay in your husbands house if he assists you fine collect and face front but if he doesn't give you manage your salary and face front. Problem no dey finish for this life!
ReplyDeleteMadam, she clearly stated she isn't against him marrying another wife. All she wants is for him to establish her!!
DeleteMore money more problems. It is indeed sad that money can truly make someone hard grow colder. I can't even begin to understand the loneliness one must feel living with someone who is not plugged into the connection and seeking their own pleasures.
ReplyDeleteAfter twenties years it's like you were living with a stranger all along. All I can say is wise up. Start stockpiling whatever little you can. Cause everybody has been put ahead of you, and I suspect even this girlfriend is ahead of you with his affection and money, than you his wife. Ask God to show you a way to generate your own income and when the time comes move the hell on. Don't build anything on that family plot. You are going to have to do a side hustle, whether that is baking, sewing, art, tutoring, you gonna have to hustle. If you can secure your own land and put something on it for yourself then do so. I don't think any of these family member respect you as a wife of two decades should be respected. Start cluing up to what is going on around you and you. Still show good face and courtesy to all, still smile and appear happy and clueless, shit, even get sweeter than you have ever been and plan for yourself in quiet. Secure something for yourself and your children cause they already pretty much tell you that you are on your own.
Most saying the man us a Muslim that he's entitled to many wives, yes he us but there ate guidelines in Islam that he has to follow, and he has ti treat the wives equally,no favorism, most good Muslim that married plenty wives always respect their First wife, infact the other wives lives in fear of the first, not this one the poster husband dey do
ReplyDeleteHe desperately wants a son. Some men are shameless
ReplyDeleteMadam please save up and sort yourself out. Please take good care of yourself. Invest your time and love for children. You would surely laugh last. It is well...
ReplyDeletePoster it's not ordinary,sit up.mil knows wassup.
ReplyDeleteShe planned the initial downfall so you people will come to her house so she can perfect her plans.leave Stella blog and go a d tie your wrapper ..
Food wet don enter Bella nor dey easy to vomit.
Hmmm.
DeleteDefinitely her mother in law has her hands fully involved in tge way things are playing out.
But I think poster should avoid fights and beg her husband to release that money to her for the sake of her daughters.
After getting the money checkout of the marriage becz everybody that new wife will meet is about to smell their yansh.
She will be brutal and be their karma. So poster should act faster before the new wife comes on board.
Dicey situation.
ReplyDeleteMay God fix it for you poster.
Madam,cast all your burdens on God,as the case is now,do not expect anything or too much from him.Bringing a new wife into his family house will even add to the issue on ground,instead start getting selfish with yourself,every penny henceforth should go into your pocket,please no amount is too small to save now.Try to talk to your parents and let them in on the situation at hand now,this people will keep your sanity in check incase of any eventuality.Keep been hardworking and always think of yourself before your husband.I know it can be very hurting when someone who is supposed to be supporting is doing otherwise,count it as one of those things and work on how you gonna be fine and stable mentally for yourself and your people.Life is too short to exhaust on a man who thinks about his wife as secondary.Be strong so that you won't go into depression and lose your self worth.It is one of those things,remind yourself that you are strong.You still have a point to prove to your husband.I pray he realises soon enough.Focus all your energy on yourself and your children.Worry less about him,mother in law or his mistress,he will still come around.It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's well
ReplyDelete