Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

Oh My God!!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

LOSING YOURSELF WHILE TRYING TO FIND YOURSELF


The past years wasn't rosy but fair enough, I kept grinding and hustling really hard, but 2021 came at me like a magic and unexpected blessings.

If someone or a prophet had told me around January/March I will be in this present position I would argue and say it is a lie.

Over seeing about 25 workers, plus my side hustle doing wonderfully well.

In the process of finding myself I never knew I was gradually losing myself and it dawned on me that I am the cause of my problem.
I live my life just me, my God, my mom, Dad and my twinnie...never gave anyone space at all, even there are some times I don't even reach out to my brother or parent, I was totally lost.

There was a time I was sick for over 2 weeks and I was indoor self medicating, wow that was the most crazy shit I have ever done not even a call to those who love and care about me...not until my mom just came to my place(mothers have this instinct to know when something is wrong)and saw me in bed helplessly and she cried bitterly ''haaaaa mum I don't want to inconvenience anyone reason I did not tell anyone'' next thing I received was a loud slap because that was always my normal slogan, she said who was supposed to inconvenience her if not her children that was how I landed in the hospital.

While in bed I was looking at my mom and a lot was running through my mind, if something had happen to me, what will she be going through we are just two I and my twinnie, all because I am trying to prove one unnecessary thing...I was back on my feet and I started carrying the 3 of them along in everything I am doing.


Just come with me; I am getting somewhere.


So at that point things weren't going the way I wanted it, like it was so terrible that i had to change the city of my location.so I told myself that I was going to deal with it on my own(which I did)so I shut the door to every one: I did not communicate to a single friend for a whole year; just my immediate family....TRULY NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.


Then it gets interesting without knowing how badly this has affected me,I had no single friend or even a relationship, because I believe no lady can stick to a guy who is broke, so I no even near any girl before one girl go even still dey vex on top the small change wey I dey manage ,so I believe when I gain ground then I can think of going into a relationship:

 I don gain ground finish now I no reason am.

Then I realized I already shut doors to friends, love and relationships.

My mind is so messed up that I can't even keep a single friend ; when they come I shut them out immediately even when I know their love is real and genuine something just tells me it is all fake and I push them away.

Relationships nko? I have tried to get into one but I just don't know how to do that anymore, "come on I was a lover boy and very romantic" these days I am just so scared of commitment because at the end I believe them go still leave.


For instance if I meet a girl now and it gets so sweet and interesting at the beginning for the first two days immediately I will just withdraw and stop communication, even when the lady reaches out I would just lie that I have been busy with work.

I just lose the connection immediately and run back to my shell.

I have tried Stella's singles mingles but it doesn't just work out , I just get tired of it easily.

To those beautiful ladies I met on Stella's singles mingle, I am really very sorry it didn't work out, I'm scared and my mind is messed up because anything love  days cringe me.


Has God been faithful? Yes tremendously... 

I'm doing fine for myself, living in the most expensive place in this city, within 5 months my life has encountered a massive turn around.


Am I happy?
No I am not
I wake up every day feeling this emptiness in me, I am lonely and its so boring, just work and home.

Sometimes I want that love and affection but i no longer have it in me to give, so how am I going to get it when I don't have it?


No wonder my director came to my office and said ''Mr you need to see a therapist''.


I LOST MYSELF WHEN I WAS TRYING TO FIND MYSELF!!!

Bv Bigbanty

* Dear Big Banty.

Thank you for opening up, the healing and finding love will begin from this post. You have been in my inbox for so long and i already suspected something like this after the last time (Remember?) cos you always had an excuse not to want love...

Now that you have realized what the problem is, the healing will begin.

Have you tried reconnecting with old friends?

Please contact me for his email address if you are interested in being friends with Big banty, he will reveal his location to you and whatever else you need to know.

I also apologise on his behalf to anyone he met through Stellas singles mingles and he withdrew into his shell. Please do not contact me for his contact if you are not open minded or if you are complex and toxic.