Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
TO QUIT OR NOT
Hello Stella;
Please I need advice from you and Bvs.
I am working in Abuja and my husband is a business man based in Kaduna. I do go home to Kaduna every weekend.
I will be due in few months and his plan for me after giving birth and nursing the baby is to quit the job then he will open a business for me.
His kind of person if you need money from him today ask him like 3 or more days before cos he won’t give you immediately, even if am going to the hospital I use my money and lie that I borrowed it from my Sis, he will now refund me.
Although, When I will deliver I know Is going to be stressful traveling with a baby every weekend.
So I’m just confused if I should quit the job or continue working even after giving birth till he opens a business for me.
Hello Stella;
Please I need advice from you and Bvs.
I am working in Abuja and my husband is a business man based in Kaduna. I do go home to Kaduna every weekend.
I will be due in few months and his plan for me after giving birth and nursing the baby is to quit the job then he will open a business for me.
His kind of person if you need money from him today ask him like 3 or more days before cos he won’t give you immediately, even if am going to the hospital I use my money and lie that I borrowed it from my Sis, he will now refund me.
Although, When I will deliver I know Is going to be stressful traveling with a baby every weekend.
So I’m just confused if I should quit the job or continue working even after giving birth till he opens a business for me.
*Make you see Business with eyes before you quit your Job.....
Is it not possible for your company to transfer you to Kaduna? Have you saved enough? No woman should be financially dependent on a man.
If you have the baby, why don't you postpone travelling for a while and let him be the one visiting you? Travelling with pregnancy every weekend is not risky?
Don't ever joke with anything that pays you in cash. I suggest you read old Chronicles, na this kain tin dey kill women.
ReplyDeleteDo not quit any job o
DeleteEven if his business is great, do not stop building yourself.
NIGERIA of today is not what it used to be
I understand the kind of marriage you are in… you don’t sound like you both are like best of friends, it’s like a boss situation… I mean why are you traveling every weekend with your pregnancy when he been self employed has more time in his hands to do the visiting.. please don’t get me wrong, you can also visit sometimes but don’t put the stress of “ I’m the woman and so the burden of making this marriage work rests more on my shoulders” .. you are the one traveling about every weekend, you are the one to also quit your job, what happens to him doing the full time visiting to your place of work after the baby is born at least till you are strong enough and a business is ready for you to start? Please don’t quit your job till that business is ready because what I’m seeing is not good at all abeg…
DeleteStella is right. When u born. Cnt he be d one visiting??? Or start making arrangements for the business u want to do.
DeleteDON'T QUIT YOUR JOB if you did not see the business first. yes I am shouting.
DeleteI don't really comment so much, but I have to. DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB. That's how i quit my job in 2018 and relocated to Lagos from Abuja to join my husband that does business. I haven't seen work till now and to get money out of him, you would almost beg. Let him come and be visiting you in Abuja instead. Wetin dey hold am
DeletePls my own is,what's the long term plan here? Hw long do u both plan to be married but separated. More kids are going to come and as usual you will be left to do everything on ur own. I dnt think it's good even for yourself or husband. I pray God give u the grace to make a right decision
DeleteLet him open a business for you,if your company cannot transfer you to Kaduna, you already know it is not easy for your husband to part with money.
ReplyDeleteMoney for hand, back for ground
Don't quit your job too, talking from my experience. Just after the maternity leave, just lie to him that your company said you will work for 3months in order to for them recover the leave they give you else they will not pay you your gratuity. After the 3months, just find another excuse... Then stop traveling to see him, let him be the one that will be doing that. If say God showed me that I will passed through when I quit my job,l will never done it
DeleteIf you are business savvy, wait until d business is up or the cash for the biz is in your account. Before your case turns to amamihengeme.
ReplyDeleteMy husband as generous as he is, still find it difficult to give me money. Someone that promised me heaven on Earth if I just stay at home and take good care of our children.
DeleteE don happen ooo,those bvs that said that I am stealing my husband's money cos he refused to abide by his promise, make una come give her genuine advice. Don't quit that job, just start saving the money for business by yourself, survey the kind of business that moves in that locality. When you are bouyant enough to start,then quit and start your business by yourself. Hmmmmm. Men nowadays want to be living "baby boy" kind of life, but will want they wives to be suffer head...mbanu. I reject that kind of life for myself and for my daughter's lives to come. Where person dey work,na him dey chop. I must take what rightfully belongs to me either by calm way or by force way.
DeleteRide on mama don’t dull o
DeleteGod bless you ..naso we go take dey run am dey go.is our right.
DeleteHe’ll never open any business for you. Quit your job at your own peril
ReplyDeleteYou can go on ahead and quit your job if he has evidently come up with something for you so as not to end up being a 'sit at home' wife
ReplyDeletePls don't quit your job,you mustn't come home weekly. You can stay for or two to three weeks before coming home.
ReplyDeleteI am depressed now cos of this mistake. I am just waiting for the day he will lay his hands on me, I will just call my brother that my husband wants to kill me,then jump the story building and die.
Delete17:10😲 please tell me you're joking?
DeleteAbeg no try am o. Please 🙏
Please if it has gotten to the stage of you wanting to jump the story building and die,call your family and this your brother and bare your heart to them,you're terribly depressed and suicidal already,do you have children?who would take care of them if you kill yourself,they will suffer, your family will be hurt,still pray and believe that God will turn things around for your good,speak to your husband about those things that he is doing that is troubling you,if you're tired of the marriage tell your people also,if it's not working it's not working,sorry and I pray things work out for your good.
DeletePlease don't jump and die because of a man. Leave the marriage, it is not a do or die affair
DeleteAnonymous 17:10, please am begging you in the name of God, get help as soon as possible.
DeleteYour husband is not worth you killing yourself over(infact nobody is worth that). Separation and divorce is not the end of your beautiful life.
When you have life you have hope, who says you won't meet a very good man tomorrow that will make you forget all this pain.
First thing is to trust God and separate yourself from what is causing your depression.
God loves you.
Anon 17.10 are you for real? Is any man or woman worth dieing for? You want to kill yourself for nothing? Don't you have loved ones that care for your wellbeing? Unless you have decided to die for nothing. Godforbid that I should have this kind of thinking when marriage is not a do or die affair
DeletePls don't quit your job,you mustn't come home weekly. You can stay for or two to three weeks before coming home.
ReplyDeleteOne thing here is that if you do not quit this job, peace might evaporate from
ReplyDeleteyour home.
The man (if the philandering type,) with find excuses for his schemes;
"that you are not always available for him"
So for your marriage to remain, you will have to quit that job but there has
to be agreements. What I see as the
main problems is that you both are not
open ("naked," sincere) to each other, seeing that lies are already
thriving freely from you about borrowing monies that you did not actually borrow?
How do you ladies do it; I mean marrying someone you are not one (financially)with?
Don't you ladies discuss with your husbands (then fiances) about not hiding or keeping separate financial
accounts from each other?
I for one do not know these struggles at all. Please give Jesus the wheels of your life and home and trust each other. 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
Do you think all these chronicles about money issues between husband and wife, that they did not discuss it during Courtship
DeletePeople change with time( we all pray that God gives us men/women that stand by their words)
So even if they had the discussion before marriage about oneness in fiance and one later change nko
@16:07
DeleteIt still boils down to building a relationship in marriage based on Christ, the fear of God.
If you do not have a relationship with Jesus, you will likely live your life anyhow. I mentioned that
I do not have these struggles. My fiance and I had joint account immediately after I said "yes" to his
proposal and it has remained so after more than a dozen years; how? Following the teachings of Jesus on
being one in marriage. Not heeding to any church dogma but heeding to Jesus and him alone. It takes two to
work it out and we have been on it ever since.
Married but separate, Wow!
ReplyDeleteUna dey try o.
It's not new na. People do it even intercontinental marriage dey happen.
Delete@Sandra
Deletewhat I mean is
Separate finances = separate living
Pure co-habitation.
Even partners in business have joint finances.
Hold your two ears!DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!! The man you described lacks the willingness to meet uour needs.Stop travelling weekly too.
ReplyDeleteAbi? Stop traveling weekly, haba, he is supposed to be the one to come and see you considering your condition. Don't quit your job, business is not easy sef.
DeleteNo quit ur job o.
ReplyDeleteThis life no balance o, the traits wey ur husband possess no be am o. When ur pickin don strong you fit dey travel once a month. Him too fit travel come visit una.
this ur job na private or government? If na better private job or government no quit o.
A word is enough for the wise.
Is the business ready??? and hope he is not the type to lock it up when he is angry with you????
ReplyDeletedo NOT QUIT YOUR JOB, ask for a transfer of you stop visiting for a while
Dear poster pls I beg you,don't quit your job.
ReplyDeleteSame thing happened to my aunty,up to today business she never see. The hubby asked her to quit her banking job,that he doesn't want his wife to be answering yes sir,yes sir up and down.After wedding,she quit.This is 8yrs now,no business.The worse now is that the hubby is not financially strong again. Abeg tell him you'll quit when he sets up the business.In naija,it is not easy for couple sef not to talk of when it is only one person shouldering the responsibility of the family.
Follow Stellz advice bikonu..
ReplyDeleteMadam pls let him do the visiting, quitting ur job now is not a better option, unless u see the business first like stella said.
ReplyDeleteWishing u all the best.
Pls, I beg you in God's name don't quit your job because of a promise that is yet to manifest. It's when you are penniless you will know the man you actually married.
ReplyDeleteHumans are highly unpredictable and the Holy Book says the heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it. If your job gives you joy and fulfillment apart from money, pls keep it and continue making the sacrifice. Not everyone is cut out for business sef.
Pls thank well because a marriage is not supposed to reduce you but to add to you and make you a better version of yourself.
Never underestimate the power of money in a marriage
Base on what anonymous said was there before, mine was I quit my Job to join my husband, my dear DV my eye saw hell, husband started misbehaving he is the only one providing money, insulting at any time, including name calling to the extend of beating me. I dusted myself I went back to school after having my second son, I did a family planning, he was complaining I don't want to have children for him because he saw I made up my mind to up grade myself he insisted I take it out the family planning which I did, mind you I have two sons already, but he said he want a girl, I end up having two more boys again, still no girl, guess what I did not stop my school, today graduated with best result, the same husband that refused to have joint account is calling for joint account, I just laugh. Before we got married we talk about all this, but a long the line he change, the changed brought the real light in me. Don't quit your Job if you did not see business some men are cunning in nature, he will bring you out and live you in T junction with no help. My advice start saving, that was what help me for my school.
DeleteMadam allow oga to rent the shop first, because of regret.
ReplyDeletePoster shine ya eyes ooo. See the business, touch am, feel am, romance am before you quit. Men knows how to lie ooo.
ReplyDeleteYou try sha going from abuja to Kaduna. How many hours does it take?
With pregnancy, very sad, shows the man doent even care so much about her condition. I no sure this marriage go work even when you quit and move better retain your job, person wey no fit give you money to go hospital for his unborn child nah business he go open for you???? Were will you get pampers money abi you will keep lying you borrowed from your sisi??? Shine ya eyes make soap no enter
DeleteABEG POSTER NO QUIT YOUR JOB FOR WHAT EVER REASON O AND YES AM SHOUTING!!!
ReplyDeleteE don happen ooo,those bvs that said that I am stealing my husband's money cos he refused to abide by his promise, make una come give her genuine advice. Don't quit that job, just start saving the money for business by yourself, survey the kind of business that moves in that locality. When you are bouyant enough to start,then quit and start your business by yourself. Hmmmmm.
ReplyDeleteWhen you induce a crisis in your marital home, those shouting don't quit won't be there. No two marital experiences are the same. There are those who asked their wives to quit and they took very good care of their wives, paying them allowances, increasing there allowances when their former colleagues are promoted. Let no one give you the impression that all men are the same, because they have irresponsible husbands,who don't keep to their promises. If you don't quit , it may lead to a crisis. You may have to chose between your marriage and your job. All organisations run by decent , humane and responsible individuals give 3 months maternity leave. Go back home and spend the 3 months with your husband. 90 days is more than enough for him to open the business for you. Be persuasive, add a bits of threats here and there . Tell him it is either the business he promised or you go back to Abuja. Be subtle, you are his wife, you know how best to get what you want. One thing you must not do is tell him flatly "I am not resigning from my job". Even if you eventually choose not to resign, there are better ways of saying so. For those who disgree with my comment, we don't have to have the same views. Our experiences are not the same, we grew up under different environmental influences and we possibly belong to different generations.
ReplyDeleteWell said, business is not even encouraging now, especially if you are just starting, if it begins to affect your marriage then you will have to start the business yourself/ your family.
DeleteYou should also stop telling him you borrow money for little things like antenatal visit or other ones because you are indirectly saying you don't have money or savings from the so call job you are holding on to in Abuja.
Please be smart in your decision making, if your husband does not support your staying back in Abuja with one baby is still okay but when others start the stress will over stress you.
I concur with Alexander's suggestion
DeletePoster better don't quit any job o, I take God beg you. Your one won't open any business for you and also running a business ain't child play o. I am into small chops and still working on getting my govt job too. Business no be beans biko, I have a friend who has been married for 2 yrs now she works in a pure while her husband is in lagos. She still kept her job. Pls don't quit
ReplyDeleteThat statement he will open a business is what put me off, let he will turn to he has opened a business for me before you quit abeg.
ReplyDeleteMen are so funny, after you quit your job he will use emotional blackmail to finish you and before you know it you will become full house wife . The same husband that asked you to quit your job will start bad mouthing you that you are only here to eat food but cannot contribute.
Nicely tell him to open up the business, give the business like 6 months before you quit your job.
Dear poster, recently a lady shared her chronicle plus update on her she quit her job to join her husband business. He reneged on all his promises and she currently pays herself without his knowledge which is a timebomb. In your own case the mere fact your husband is unwilling to make the sacrifice and do the travelling seeing that you are heavily pregnant worries me that you might not see any business. Shine ya eyes be extremely careful and apply wisdom oh. Many have trod this path as you can see from the comments and were disappointed
ReplyDeletePoster be concerned about your health and safety
ReplyDeleteA man without compassion that allows s pregnant woman travel when he can sounds very entitled and selfish
Marriage is BOTH people shoeing commitment