Dr Freaks Journal - The 'Shait' Solution To Any Problem

If You Do Anyhow, I Go Pour You 'Shait' (Shit) For body

...I attended one of the best universities in the world, not because it was so rated by "NUC" or "Forbes" or "The World's Top 100 Universities", but because of the series of once-in-a-lifetime experiences garnered over those ten (10) yes, TEN eventful years I spent thereat.

 In other "ajebota schools" (meaning -refined schools), speaking "foneh"  was "sexy", but you know what, in my "UniBen", the reverse was the case! Real women and men "knacked" Pidgin English and "we love am laik that"

There was a tradition in UniBen between 1991 and 2004 and same was jealously and zealously guarded over those years. Whenever the Senate (or the body saddled with the responsibility of fixing examinations timetable) released the examinations timetable, then the real men would increase the tempo of their faffing around, knowing full well that the said timetable was a "mere warning" because UniBen boys and girls would always ask for and get their usual two (2) weeks extension of time. Once this "birth right of ours" received the imprimatur of the Senate, yours truly would hit the lecture theatre and engage in some "TDB" (Till-Day-Break) exercises through the aid of loyal allies including but not limited to kolanuts, Nescafe and so on. 

My favourite spot then was Faculty of Arts, "Faculty" Room A2, due to proximity to "Mama Collins' stand", for some odd reasons. On this fateful day, I think the year was 1995, we were all reading in the lecture theatre under reference and boom, a young man walked in with a bucket in his right hand and face covered with a hooded face mask. The guy walked in the direction of one pretty lady whose father was a Prof at the institution at the material time and before one could mutter Jack Robinson, the hooded one had emptied the contents of the bucket in his right hand on the beautiful one's whole body and he bolted out almost immediately. 

Few seconds after the event had passed, arguments ensued in different circles. It was "shait"; no it was "piss" (meaning -urine); no it was a combination of both. Long and short, the beautiful one had just fixed a new hairdo and had walked in majestically few minutes before the "shait" attack. The poor girl, now swimming inside a potpourri of "shait" and "piss" shamefully left the lecture theatre and never came back.


Since bad news travels around the world and back before good news finishes tying its shoes, expectedly, the news had spread all over UniBen and trust those naughty ones, they had come up with a slogan thus: "If You Do Anyhow, I Go Pour You 'Shait' (Shit) For Faculty."


Back to the present time, in the last one (1) week, some Nigerians (or did I hear you say IPOBians) in diaspora have been pouring "shait" on some persons who are perceived as "anyhow doers" and I have been reading comments both "for" and "against". If you ask me for my candid opinion, I would answer by stating that mine is with mixed feelings. Does anyone possess the right to assault another? Hell no! Does anyone possess the vires to beat or mob another? Hell no!

 Then, may I further ask, when the electorate cast their votes for citizens and give them their mandate to go and represent their interests at various levels of Government, and these representatives fail to represent their interests effectively thereat, how may the electorate keep these representatives to their toes? Did I hear you say the Constitution has laid down the procedures for citizens to follow?

 Beating or mobbing political office holders abroad may be criminal and inhuman and I honestly do not support same because I am a lawyer and I would never support or preach illegality. However, as a concerned and pained citizen of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, I am of the view that these isolated cases of "pouring of shait" may send the right signals to the right quarters and who knows, it may keep all of us, without any exception on our toes, "you do anyhow in Nigeria", they wait for you "in the abroad" and "pour you shait".

There is no alternative to good governance!

It's Kunle.