Doctor Freaks Journal - Tom And Jerry Relationship With Granny.

 I saw a hilarious movie -"Monster-in-Law" for the first time exactly 15 years ago during one of my examination breaks and I saw the video jacket yesterday, following which memories of my paternal grandmother flooded my mind.

Caveat Lector:

Please note that this anecdote is not about my mother-in-law, but about my own paternal grandmother. We were like "Viola Fields" and "Charlotte "Charlie" Cantilini" or aptly put, "Tom and Jerry!"


A very long time ago:


Father was the first son and in fact, the only son of his mother and considering the reality of the African setting in which he was born, raised and lived, the responsibility of "taking care" of the mother fell on his shoulders, majorly. History has it that the mother moved in with him and his young wife shortly after their "nascent" marriage and that she spent the greater part of her years thereat. I really do not have any issue with that, after all, he was her only son. Although he had other wonderful brothers from his dad.


My grandma was peculiar in many ways. She had favourites among her grandchildren, whilst she treated some with disdain, and she flaunted it. I belonged to the latter group, expectedly. She didn't like me and many others, for some strange reasons, but guess what, the feeling was mutual. 

I was never comfortable with the obvious inequality and partiality with which she raised and dealt with us, her supposed offspring/direct descendants! The relationship between me and her became frosty over the years and never got any better.


Each time I "misbehaved," my grandmother made it her sole responsibility to magnify and escalate same to my ever-willing to flog dad. Dad was a "cane-monger!" He was an advocate of "spare the rod and spoil the child." This woman would nag until you get flogged. On a very serious note, as a child, I never liked her!


My most memorable encounter with Mama "Viola Fields" was in 1981 (when I was barely 8 years old.) I "allowed" a suspected "witch" (her own blood relation, right under her watch) into the pen house whilst I was busy feeding the birds. Hey! I was just 8. The suspected "witch" had come to visit her and she even led her to the entrance of the particular pen house where I was working and left her there, then the woman progressed. 

At that point, I simply ran towards her and asked her to disinfect her legs inside the disinfectant placed by the entrance before stepping inside the pen house. Guess what, Mama did not utter a word thereafter. Unknown to me, she was seated somewhere spying. 

My dad returned from his trip around 10.00pm. Do you know what? This woman reported me to "her son' and ensured that I got flogged that night for a sin I knew nothing about. I think she won on two other occasions. She reported me to "her son" and "her son" flogged me as usual. Looking back now, my mum neither interfered nor intervened. Tradition hun? How could she have condoned that victimization by "mother and child" like that?


Whilst Mama was scoring cheap points, I was busy strategizing! I came up with unassailable tactics. I identified that which was most precious to her. It was her Bible! She read her "Bibeli Yoruba" daily. Then I decided to "kidnap" her pair of glasses first, and Yoruba Bible later. Her "fans" helped her to search everywhere without success. I was busy having a good laugh and I refused to return any of those two items for like a week. Interestingly, no one suspected me. I repented after a week and returned them. 

At this point, the battle line had been drawn and I had stopped relating with her. Few months later, I elected to play soccer very close to her window and as fate would have it, the wind, oh that sweet wind blew the ball in the direction of grandma's window and broke 3 louvre glasses. Luckily enough for me, no one was watching and I was so glad! I just scored another big point and it was now a "goaless"-draw!


That was how we continued as Tom and Jerry until her passage to glory in March 1983 at the age of 85. To the utter amazement of all, I mourned her death. I actually wept and was down for days. May her soul rest in peace.


The moral of my story is this, even if you must have favourites among your children or grandchildren (which is strongly discouraged) please and please do not make it so obvious. Why breed sibling rivalry in your household? You know what? That will only make some of them rebellious and it may consume you. Yes!

Its Kunle!